Notes: Okay, after a short bout of a loss of confidence, I'm back with this chapter about two weeks late! Sorry I slipped in my schedule, but I hope you enjoy!

Waiting for Rainbows
Chapter 10: Though they're broken, my worn-out emotions are moved

It was both a curse and a blessing that Hinata worked through that entire weekend. It gave him something to keep his mind off of the issue with Kuzuryu, which was good, if somewhat ineffective; the typical quietness of Kibougaoka granted him far too much down time, and not enough dusty old case files to organize for distraction. On the other hand, working both weekend shifts kept him in a stationary spot the entire time. If Kuzuryu had chosen to seek out Hinata for whatever reason, he would have had an incredibly easy time of it.

It wasn't that Hinata had come to hate Kuzuryu, of course; honestly, it would have been so much easier if he had. But he was hurt. He felt like he had been played with. He still categorized his feelings for Kuzuryu as "love," but even so, he couldn't stand the idea of facing him again while the pain was so raw.

But he didn't have to. Kuzuryu didn't so much as send a text message, let alone drop by the koban.

As anxious as Hinata was about the idea of confronting Kuzuryu again, the radio silence was even worse.

Making sense of his own feelings wasn't the problem; it took him a couple days to work through the pain, sure, but by the end of Saturday he had done enough introspective analysis to at least have an idea of where he stood. Did it really make that much of a difference to Hinata if Kuzuryu were trying to bring him into the clan? He determined that it didn't really, at least not on the surface. He had known all along that getting involved with the yakuza was risky, and Hinata had fallen for him anyway.

The question was with Kuzuryu. Had he thought nothing of Hinata besides a potential recruit? If that were the case, it threw a wrench into his decision to confess. It meant that Hinata had completely misread whatever interest Kuzuryu had in him, and the fact that the yakuza heir wasn't reaching out to clarify the situation wasn't very reassuring.

Hinata wanted to think that he was making incorrect assumptions and Kuzuryu had never been considering recruiting him in the first place. That night he had called him out could have simply been to express gratitude as he had claimed, and tracking him down the next day could have genuinely just been about repaying the tab. Maybe all the times they had hung out really had just been that. Maybe the panic in Kuzuryu's expression when Hinata thought he pieced the puzzle together was realization that Hinata was making a grave mistake.

But it all just made too much sense if the underlying motive of coercing Hinata into the clan was added into the equation. Maybe it wasn't all that it was about—Hinata hoped it wasn't—but discounting the possibility completely seemed too foolhardy to consider.

Hinata really wished that he had someone to talk to about the issue, but of his friends, Kirigiri was the only one who actually knew about Kuzuryu's involvement with the yakuza. He actually seriously considered confiding in her on Sunday, and got as far as pulling out his cell phone to call her over. She was technically on-call in case he needed backup, and knowing her, she was probably spending her "day off" helping the Kitazawa station anyway.

But "wanting romantic advice" seemed like a spectacularly bad reason for requesting backup.

He put his phone back away and sighed, laying his head down on the desk in front of him. There was no reason to get her involved in the Kuzuryu clan stuff, anyway. At this point, it would only endanger her already-volatile position to be made aware of exactly how deep her subordinate's involvement with the yakuza could become. That wouldn't be fair to her.

...But, no, it wasn't fair to keep her in the dark either, was it? His stomach churned with guilt as he thought of all the times he had kept quiet about what he knew about Kuzuryu, leaving her to figure everything out for herself. He had known that he should be more forthright with her, but he hadn't. He trusted Kirigiri, but he had spent a month taking that trust for granted and keeping secrets. He had kept so much from her about Kuzuryu from the very start, even when he knew that it was to his detriment.

It just... didn't feel right to still keep Kirigiri out of the loop. He wanted to give her some insight into what was going on, and perhaps she could offer some advice in return. But he had to do it in a way that would allow her an out, a way to waive her of liability if anyone ever questioned her integrity as an officer of the law.

So that Monday, he waited for Kirigiri to come back from her lunch break. She returned at about half past two, and he let his gaze follow her as she walked across the office towards the back. He couldn't help but feel a bit hesitant, wondering if it was really the best time or place to broach the subject. It would probably be better to flag her down after hours when they weren't at the koban... but that felt like he was looking for an excuse to procrastinate. Wasn't that what he was trying to avoid?

Just before she disappeared into the back, he threw all caution to the wind and finally managed to get the words out.

"Wait, Sempai."

She paused, then turned to look back at him, steely gaze questioning. "Yes?"

Hinata looked her up and down nervously, taking in her street clothes. "You're still off-duty, right?"

Kirigiri arched an eyebrow. "Yes... I was just about to get changed and come back, though."

"Can you put that on hold for a moment? You still have a while before you're due back from break, anyway."

She didn't answer immediately, tapping a finger against her cheek in thought. "Is there a reason you don't want me in uniform just yet?"

Hinata pulled his mouth into a thin line; she had cut to the true meaning behind his words immediately, didn't she? Not that he had expected anything less from her. "I want to talk to you about something in a... personal capacity, if that's all right."

She tilted her head slightly as she studied him, an odd look on her face. They didn't often talk openly about personal issues, so Hinata supposed it made sense she'd have that reaction, but he wondered if there was more to her expression than just that. "I take it that this is something that you want kept in confidence from the rest of the force."

"If you could, yeah."

"So you're removing that obligation by cornering me while I'm off-duty. Interesting." Kirigiri walked over and sat down in the visitor's chair, a smirk playing at the corners of her mouth. "I must point out that you are still on the clock, though."

Hinata gave a dry laugh and casually propped his elbows against the desk. "I mean, this is stuff I already know about whether I'm on duty or not. I figure it doesn't make much of a difference at this point."

"I suppose that's fair enough." Kirigiri sat back in the chair, folding her arms across her chest. "All right, then. I assume this has to do with Kuzuryu-kun?"

Hinata fisted his hands against the surface of the desk. "I guess that's pretty obvious, huh?"

"Well, yes," she replied, her tone level. "You've been acting strangely lately, too. Did something happen?"

Hinata hummed thoughtfully and let his gaze wander toward the koban entrance as he considered how to answer. Yes, something had happened. A lot of somethings had happened. The most pressing one at the moment, though... Well, from what he could see through the windows of the koban, there didn't seem to be anyone in the general area, so it was probably safe enough to ask directly. "What do you think are the chances that Kuzuryu wants to get me to join his family's clan?"

"I'd say those chances are quite high."

"What?!" Hinata's elbows slipped off the desk as he turned to look back at Kirigiri. That confirmation was shocking enough, but the way that she had responded so quickly...! "Since when have you known? How did you know?!"

"Hold on." Kirigiri held up a gloved hand to silence him. "I'll answer those questions in time, but first I have something to ask you. Are you considering joining the Kuzuryu Clan?"

"No," Hinata replied immediately.

"Are you sure?"

"It's never even crossed my mind."

"Hmm." She tapped a finger against her chin thoughtfully. "Good. That's reassuring for several reasons."

Hinata cocked an eyebrow. "What other reason could there be besides me not turning into a criminal?"

She gave a small smile. "Now, I can tell you how I knew," she said, clearly intent on setting her own pace for the discussion, "but first, I'd like to know how you knew. Why would you think that Kuzuryu-kun is trying to recruit you?"

"Why? Well..." Hinata thought back for the umpteenth time to the night those few days before, when he had finally pieced together what he had really wanted, only to figure out that it had all been a ruse, and grimaced. "Simply put, I fit the profile of the kind of people he tries to recruit."

"I see. Well, I wasn't involved in the conversations you've had with him, so I can't say whether you do fit that profile or not," Kirigiri said. "However, I don't think it's completely accurate to say that that's the only reason he would want to recruit you."

Hinata stared at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Let's put it a different way." She tapped a finger against her cheek thoughtfully. "Hinata-kun, you enjoy his company, correct?"

It went quite a bit deeper than that, but... "Yeah, of course I do."

"So for the sake of argument," Kirigiri began, "let's say that whatever friction is occurring between the two of you right now wasn't present, and your relationship were in the best possible state. What would be the greatest hurdle remaining between the two of you?"

Hinata furrowed his brows. "The greatest hurdle...?"

"The biggest reason why it's difficult for the two of you to interact as others your age would, in other words."

It took Hinata only a moment to realize what Kirigiri was driving at, though he wasn't sure where she was headed. "That would be the fact that he's yakuza and I'm a cop," he answered. He had been determined to not let that get in the way of how he truly felt, of course... but if his revelations had taught him anything, it was that he had vastly underestimated how disruptive that difference in social standing could be.

"Right." Kirigiri paused, glanced at the koban entrance, and arched an eyebrow before turning back to Hinata. "Honestly, it would be an issue even if you were just an ordinary citizen instead of a police officer. Involvement with the yakuza is risky at best for anyone."

Hinata huffed out a short sigh, leaning against the desk. "This is something I've been aware of the whole time, though."

Kirigiri hummed in thought, tilting her head to the side. "Yes, but there seems to be an aspect of this dynamic that you're missing. Hinata-kun, wouldn't you want to remove that hurdle between the two of you, if you could?" She offered a wry grin. "I certainly don't think it's feasible for him to leave the criminal underground, at least not without significant risk of harm, but if he could, would you want him to?"

"Leave the criminal underground?" Hinata blinked at her, shocked by the idea.

"It would remove the social barrier separating you two, wouldn't it?"

Hinata drew his brows together as he considered the idea. He had never really thought about it—Kuzuryu had been born into the family, and it was clearly important to him, so even if leaving the yakuza were an easy task, he had never associated such a thing with Kuzuryu. But hypothetically, if Kuzuryu could leave the yakuza... not only would it be much easier for them to be together, it would also mean that Kuzuryu would be free from its dangers. "Yes," he said finally, without a hint of uncertainty. "If it were something he wanted, then of course I'd want it, too."

"That's what I thought." Kirigiri gave a small smile with just a hint of triumph. "So let's turn that thinking around. If Kuzuryu were to wish for that hurdle to be eliminated, how would he go about it?"

How? Kuzuryu was a high-ranking member of a yakuza family. If the two of them wanted to have similar social standing, and leaving the yakuza wasn't an option, that would only leave...

Hinata felt his face flare up.

"I see you've figured it out."

He tried to speak, but nothing came out, his mouth flapping uselessly. "That's your reasoning?" he finally croaked out.

"Is it not logical?" Kirigiri cocked an eyebrow at him.

"I—" Hinata looked away, covering the lower half of his face with a hand. Was that really all it was? "But— when he first approached me..."

"I imagine it was simply with the intention to get you to join the family, yes." Kirigiri peered at him meaningfully. "But once he found out your occupation, shouldn't that have been enough to get him to back off? Why would he then continue to associate with you?"

Hinata didn't know what to say. It all made too much sense, when she put it that way. After Kuzuryu had found out he was a cop— he had been angry. Furious. He had learned that a candidate for recruitment was a lost cause, and that should have been the end of it. At worst, Hinata should have been eliminated, and at best he would have never been contacted again.

But Kuzuryu had approached him. The very next day.

He stared down at the surface of the desk, his vision swimming as his emotions whirled into a frenzy anew. So Kuzuryu had wanted to spend time with Hinata, not because of anything to do with the clan, but just because he enjoyed being with him?

"However, you shouldn't be taking my word for it," Kirigiri said suddenly, cutting Hinata from his thoughts. He looked up, and she jerked a thumb towards the koban door. "You should speak to Kuzuryu-kun about this yourself."

Hinata stared blankly at her for a moment before understanding began to slowly dawn on him. He looked to the door, eyes widening, and he felt the color drain from his face. "Wait, then you mean..."

Sure enough, the door creaked open, and Kuzuryu stepped into view, looking rather flustered. "Shit," he muttered. "Um... well, hi, I guess."

Kirigiri gave a small, self-satisfied smile. "I think we're done with our conversation. I'll go get changed back into my uniform, then." She stood from her seat and turned towards the back of the station before pausing. "It's a bit early, but why don't you go make your afternoon rounds now, Hinata-kun? Just give me a few minutes."

"What? Uh..." Hinata looked from Kuzuryu to Kirigiri, and then back again. The yakuza flushed and looked away, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. "Uh... sure. I guess that's fine."

Kirigiri disappeared into the changing room, and suddenly the two men were alone in the office, an uncomfortable silence settling between them. Hinata wasn't really sure what to do. He found himself rising to his feet and walking slowly towards Kuzuryu, as if drawn by some sort of magnetism, but he stopped well outside Kuzuryu's personal bubble and shifted his weight between his feet awkwardly.

He had never really decided what he wanted to say to Kuzuryu when they met again, and he especially hadn't had time to fully contemplate Kirigiri's assessment of the situation. It was somewhat comforting, though, that the yakuza seemed to be at just as much of a loss.

After what seemed like an eternity, Kirigiri returned, barely sparing them a glance as she took Hinata's previous spot at the desk. "You may go now," she said, arching an eyebrow at the pile of decade-old files Hinata had been distracting himself with.

"Uh, right..." Hinata glanced sidelong at Kuzuryu, who huffed and headed towards the door. He followed after him, grabbing his overcoat and pulling it on in silence.

"But before you go..."

Hinata paused with his hand on the doorknob and turned back towards Kirigiri.

She leveled a serious stare at him. "I expect you to turn in your badge before joining the yakuza."

Hinata tried to grin, but it felt like it was half a grimace. "I'm pretty sure that at least one of those things isn't happening."

The awkward silence persisted for a while between them as they walked. Hinata only dared a cursory glance at Kuzuryu once they were about a block away from the koban; the shorter man still looked flustered and was resolutely avoiding looking in his direction. Even so, he remained in step at Hinata's side, his breath coming in puffs of mist.

Hinata faced forward again, wondering exactly what he was expected to do. Kuzuryu had been the one to seek him out, so would that mean he had something to say? Should Hinata wait for him to talk, or should he take the initiative and speak up first himself?

After walking two more blocks without a single word exchanged between them, Hinata decided it would be up to him to break the silence. "So... how much of that did you hear, exactly?"

Kuzuryu shrugged, his face burying into the scarf wrapped about his neck. "I heard... enough."

"Ah." That was about as vague of a response as Hinata could imagine, but somehow he didn't feel the need to push for clarification.

They fell quiet for a few more moments, until Kuzuryu spoke up again.

"Hinata, look, I—" He cut himself off and scratched his head, visibly frustrated. "I mean, well. If I were to say that I hadn't wanted to recruit you into the gang... well, that would be a lie."

Hinata couldn't help the way that his heart sank a bit upon hearing those words. "Oh. I see." He had suspected as much, of course, but hearing it out loud just made it an undeniable truth.

Kuzuryu huffed out a heavy sigh. "But that doesn't mean... shit, how do I explain it..."

Hinata stayed quiet and watched him out of the corner of his eye, patiently waiting for the yakuza to sort out his thoughts.

"Okay, so... guess I'll start from the beginning," Kuzuryu grumbled, staring down at the sidewalk. "I didn't really remember you, you know? When I woke up the day after we first met." He laughed hollowly. "I got really trashed. But even though I didn't really remember you that much, you still sort of left an impression on me."

Hinata frowned, his brows drawing together as he processed those words. "Meaning... what?"

"Well, that's the thing." Kuzuryu scratched the back of his head again, looking a little unsure. "So much of my work nowadays is centered around... well, there's some all sorts of shit going on, but the simplest way to say it is that I've gotta strengthen the clan, and a big part of that is recruiting members loyal to me."

"And you thought I could be that."

"I mean, yeah, that's typically the reason someone catches my attention." Kuzuryu gave a wry grin. "But for all I knew, it could have been something else, like gratitude toward you for helping me. So I talked it over with Peko and when she couldn't remember enough about you to give me a clear idea, I decided I had to call you out and size you up."

Hinata took a deep breath. "And that's when you rented out the whole second floor of Kagayaki."

"Was probably a bit overkill in retrospect, but in case it turned to business, I had to be careful." Kuzuryu waved the subject off dismissively. "Whatever, anyway, it was obviously kind of a disaster, but meeting with you then was still enough to decide that I was right. You'd make a fucking great addition to the clan."

That genuinely surprised Hinata. "I— what?" He stared down at the blond incredulously. "I'd what?"

"You heard me." Kuzuryu shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. "You're smart. Too often we bring people in for their brawn, not for their brains. But you've got that, too. Just by seeing the way you hold yourself, it's obvious you can at least defend yourself."

Hinata grit his teeth, considering the words. "And that's what makes me a suitable addition to the clan?"

"Just that wasn't enough to convince me a hundred percent," Kuzuryu clarified. "But shit, you were promising enough that I was absolutely pissed to learn you were a fucking cop of all things."

"That was pretty clear from your reaction." Hinata tilted his head to the side, thinking. "So it wasn't just the fact that you had flagged down law enforcement that had you so angry."

"Shit, I'm not scared of cops."

"Uh-huh."

Kuzuryu sighed. "Fine, it was a little alarming, but nothing I couldn't have dealt with if I wanted to."

Hinata was silent for a moment. "But knowing that wasn't enough to discourage you from pursuing me anyway."

Kuzuryu gave a wry laugh. "It should have been, huh? But when I came to talk to you the next day, just to make sure... just, shit. You're not meant to be a cop, Hinata."

"That's not your decision to make."

"Sure, but I'm still speaking the truth." Kuzuryu peered sidelong up at Hinata before continuing. "So if you ever do decide to quit and join the clan instead, just let me know."

"Kuzuryu." Hinata's tone was stern as he glared down at his feet. "That's not going to happen."

"...Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean..."

Hinata looked back up at Kuzuryu, somewhat surprised to be hearing an apology.

The yakuza's cheeks were growing red. "Don't get the wrong idea, all right? If you want to join, that's great, but that's not— I don't—" He screwed his eyes closed and burrowed further into his scarf. "That's not important anymore, all right? I mean, it's important, but what I'm saying is... you know?"

"Uh, no, I seriously don't have any idea what you're saying." Hinata blinked at Kuzuryu in confusion.

Kuzuryu all but growled as he grabbed his head with both hands in exasperation. "Fuck me, do I really have to spell it out, you dumbass?! It's like... Kirigiri was right, okay?!"

"She was..." Hinata trailed off as he made the connection and he felt his own cheeks warming up again. "Oh. Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Fucking shit." The yakuza turned away, but Hinata could still see the way his ears grew pink at the tips. It was... completely endearing, and Hinata felt his chest swell with a warmth that had been missing for the previous few days.

"So..." Hinata cleared his throat awkwardly. "So we're... I mean, you aren't trying to just..."

"Of course it's not just about the clan." Kuzuryu turned to glower up at him, though the effect was lessened somewhat by the blush coloring his nose and cheeks. "I just... like spending time with you. I guess."

It felt like Hinata had been taken captive by that golden gaze trained on him, and he had to make a conscious effort to keep breathing. "Well," he said, and the next words fell off his lips easily, as if it was the most natural progression of the conversation possible, "then will you go out with me, Kuzuryu?"

...Oh. He hadn't even realized that was what he was going to say. Hinata felt his heart clench in anticipation and he fought back the urge to panic or backpedal.

Kuzuryu's reaction, however, was to cock an eyebrow curiously. "I'm out with you right now, aren't I?"

"I— what? Wait, no, I—" Hinata floundered a bit, thrown off by the lackluster response. "Wait, I didn't mean, like..."

Slowly, as if a fog was lifting, Kuzuryu's eyes widened. "Hold on, what? Did you just—"

"I—!" Hinata stepped in front of Kuzuryu, stopping the shorter man in his tracks. "Kuzuryu, I—" He wasn't thinking clearly, he couldn't think, not when He struggled to form words and finally the best clarification he could manage was, "I— yeah, I was asking you— that."

There was a beat of silence between them. Kuzuryu's eyes were wide as saucers, and Hinata felt increasingly like digging himself a hole and crawling into it.

That feeling only escalated when Kuzuryu began to laugh.

"Wh— sorry," Hinata muttered, his cheeks burning. "I, well..."

"Seriously? What in the world was that?!"

Hinata buried his face in his hands; he had thought he was prepared to accept whatever outcome, but he hadn't expected such utter humiliation. "Sorry, can we just forget— just, we can pretend this never—"

"What the fuck were you thinking, asking me out like you were commenting on the weather? How would I have thought that's what you meant?"

Hinata furrowed his brows in confusion, and he lowered his hands, peering at Kuzuryu cautiously. "Wait, are you saying it was my tone that's the problem?"

"I mean, you just said it so easily," Kuzuryu affirmed. "Like it was the most obvious thing in the world."

"I mean..." Hinata felt a bit lighter; for what it was worth, Kuzuryu wasn't reacting with anything resembling disgust. "Being with you does feel like the most natural thing in the world."

"And now you're breaking out the mushy shit, great." Kuzuryu raised a hand to his face to partially obscure it, and used his other hand to grab Hinata by the necktie. He pulled him close, and peered up at Hinata, golden eyes boring into green. "I wouldn't have thought you had it in you, to be honest. Here I was thinking I'd have to be the one to bring it up eventually."

It was Hinata's turn to let his eyes widen in shock. "Wait, did you just say what I think you said?"

"And what the fuck do you think I said?"

"I mean, it sure sounded like you—"

Hinata was abruptly cut off when there was a swift jerk at his neck and the unmistakable pressure of lips against his own.

Kuzuryu's lips.

Objectively speaking, it wasn't a terribly great kiss; their lips were chapped from the cold, their noses bumped together, and it was over before Hinata really had the chance to process what was happening. It had been little more than an insistent press of lips to prove a point. But as they parted and Hinata came to accept that yes, that really just happened, he felt awash with sheer, intoxicating joy, and he found himself unable to think of anything besides Kuzuryu, and everything he had ever done with Kuzuryu, and everything Kuzuryu had ever said to him, and in that moment, he couldn't imagine anything he would have wanted more.

"There," Kuzuryu said with finality as he let go of Hinata's tie. He seemed to be trying to act aloof about the situation, but his deepening flush ruined the illusion. "I went ahead and finished what we started at my place. That enough of an answer for you?"

Hinata couldn't help but laugh in response, and after belatedly sparing just half a second to confirm there was no one in the area who would see, he wrapped his arms around Kuzuryu and pulled him close, wishing he would never have to let him go.

-"Will you go out with me?" "Okay, where are we going?"

-LOL. Is that the answer you got?

-It's the answer I got from YOU. I remembered just now.

-Oh. Well, I was fifteen.

-Most fifteen-year-olds would realize what it meant...

-Okay, then what response did you get from a twenty-four-year-old?

-Twenty-five.

-Hinata-kun, you're into cougars?!

-No! I'm not that much younger! How do you even know that word?!

-I heard it from Souda-kun, I think. So what was the response?

-...It was similar to yours.

-Maybe you should consider changing your verbiage.

-The question is part of common vernacular. I don't understand why I should need to clarify my intent each time.

-And once your intent was clarified?

-It was a yes.

-*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'ヽ( ﾟvﾟ)ﾉ;:*:;;:*:;CONGRATULATIONS;:*:;;:*:;ヽ(ﾟvﾟ)/'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

-holy shit

-I'm happy for you, Hinata-kun.

-I kind of gathered. Thanks.

-You should introduce me sometime.

-Uh.

-Or would it be weird for your ex-girlfriend to meet your current girlfriend?

-I, well. I mean, you're not just my ex-girlfriend, you're my best friend, so that wouldn't be weird, but it's just... um. Well, one of these days, I guess.

-You'll be much happier with her than you were with me, I think.

-Oh come on, what am I supposed to say to that?!

-Say that you will. Promise that you will, or I'll get mad.

-I was happy with you.

-That doesn't make the comparative "happier" any less valid. Or should I use the superlative "happiest"?

-...Comparative is fine for now. I promise, then.

-Good. I should get back to work on my project now, there's some sort of bug with the collision engine that's causing clipping on one of the level maps, even though it works fine everywhere else. Isn't that weird?

-I have no idea what any of that means but you should be getting to sleep, not doing whatever that is!

-It's fine. You should go to sleep, too. Goodnight, and congrats again, Hinata-kun!

-Thanks. Goodnight, Nanami.

Notes: And that's the end of this first story arc! It would also be the end of the once-a-week posting schedule I failed at... but I have a couple more chapters I want to post before the end of December, so I'll have to see what I can manage!

PS: this has nothing to do with anything, but if you haven't watched Yuri! On Ice, I highly recommend it!