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Bruce
It had all seemed so much easier when Dick was twelve. I'd tell the boy what we were doing that night or that weekend and Dick would smile, make a bad joke and go along with whatever the plan was. He was a good solider; professional, intelligent, self-directed and the best in the world at what we did, second only to, well, me.
Yes, of course, I knew the boy would grow up, want to set off on his own, make his own decisions and try new things but this—Christ. I admit I wasn't exactly what you'd call thrilled, but it wasn't like I objected to the boy taking a lover per se, young for that though he may be, but this lover…he could do so much better. Barbara Gordon—he'd had a crush on her since he was a kid, why couldn't he have hooked up with her, for God's sake? Donna Troy, there was another young woman who'd be acceptable. Maybe one of the girls in his class at school would have attracted him. Yes, there would be complications keeping his identity secret, but it wasn't anything we couldn't have handled. I juggle that almost daily with the ladies I see. It's not like it's an impossibility.
The problem, the real problem is three fold.
First of all, and most obvious, is that Roy Harper is an ex junkie. He says he's clean and Dick claims it's true but—Jesus—have you ever heard of an addict quitting and staying clean? The recovery rates for heroin and methadone addiction is between 16-20 and who needs that? Sure, fine, I know he and Dick have been friends since they were twelve, but sometimes you have to weigh your pluses and minus' and this is a pretty big minus in my book; especially when you consider what's at stake. Aside from the boys themselves being at risk physically and emotionally it's not as if they live in a vacuum; the Titans are involved, me, Alfred, Oliver and by extension, the JLA. That's a lot of ripples from one strung out stoner. Frankly, I don't consider Harper to be worth it.
And let's not even get into whether or not Harper is over that bout of syph I've heard about. Okay, I took Dick aside and he assured me, but I'm still concerned. About the best I can say for this is that it's something that can be cured—at least it's not HIV. At least not yet, anyway. And yes, I asked; because they're 'monogamous'—Dick's word, they don't bother with condoms after Roy tested clean last month. Jesus.
Secondly, I have no real desire to adopt another kid. I know, I know—I'm not adopting him and GA is his official guardian of record but when was the last time they even saw each other? The kid is living in my house, eating my food and sleeping with my ward. I'm not thrilled and as the time is slipping by, I'm less and less enthralled. What's next? Am I expected to foot his bill through college, assuming he even goes? And where does that leave Dick? He'll be forced into deciding between staying with Roy or going to a good school next year. Sure, there are good schools here in Gotham, but he knows as well as I do that there's more to going away to college than just the classes—he'll have to make a decision between the independence of being on his own or staying here while Roy does Christ knows what. McDonald's, maybe? Could the two of them get a place together? Sure they could, and let's get a mental picture of that—it would be a disaster. Ollie, naturally, has simply checked out of this one and dumped it on me. No wonder Roy was looking for a real home.
Next, thirdly, look—the kids are seventeen and as Alfred rightly pointed out, what's the shelf life for your average teen romance? I rest my case. And then what happens? Dick is leader of the Titans; how is this going to affect his team? Okay, sure, I know he's professional and won't allow personal feelings to get in the way of his job but if you can show me one teenager able to disconnect from a broken romance and bounce back without repercussions I'd like to meet him. And Harper? He'll become a problem when this breaks down. I guarantee it. I further predict that Dick will be the one to jump off of this train wreck and Roy will have problems with that as well. He'll melt down; he'll refuse to take a break up as final and he will not go gentle into that goodnight.
And none of this is taking into the possible fallout from the press if a gay relationship between Titans gets out. These kids are held up as role models—I know there's nothing wrong with gay but not everyone sees it that way now, do they? They'll be pummeled by the press and everything they do with be overshadowed by this, the Titans will take a large hit and Dick may well be forced to abdicate the leadership until this blows over and that will hit him hard. I don't think he has any idea just how violent the reactions could be to this. Ridiculous, of course, but a fact they'll have to deal with and it will be unpleasant. Homophobia is ugly and they're both wearing blinkers—as soon as they lose those, they're in for a very rude awakening. I have serious doubts that either one of them is interested publicly leading the charge for Gay Pride.
And I'm not factoring in how this is impacting Batman and Robin, let alone day-to-day life at the Manor. Alfred has extra work and worry with another teenager under the roof and I can't walk into my own gym without wondering if I should knock first. Christ, you'd think the Jacuzzi was installed solely as an outlet for their hormones, though Alfred's comment of 'At least they're clean' may not be completely out of line. Hell, it's nice he sees some humor in this mess.
I'm almost glad Dick disabled the intercom up to his room. I used to keep it opened as a security backup but after that one weekend, I was just as happy to let them take their chances. Trying to work with that going on for hours—I defy anyone to concentrate. All right, I know what love making sounds like, but for the love of God…what the hell were they doing for four hours? Please.
And Roy as a permanent houseguest is—trying at best. I know Ollie isn't what anyone would call refined, but—couldn't he have taught the boy about the advantages of using silverware and napkins? His response when I said something, as the kid was eating fries with his bare hands and wiping the grease on his jeans? "It's easier." Easier? Dick's reaction? He muttered 'Philistine' laughed. Great. The only good which came out of that was that from then on Roy made an effort to use utensils so I guess Dick must have said something.
Then there was the day I happened upon them after dinner in the study. Evidently Roy was worried about some test in school but had passed thanks to Dick's tutoring. Dick had one arm around Roy's waist, the other on his cheek like they were in some cheap romance, kissing him and telling him how proud he was, how he may have gone over a few answers with Roy, but he was the one who'd taken the test. My God, you'd have thought Dick was a proud parent from the look on his face. And Roy? He was practically blushing and acting as if he'd just won his first merit badge. Do I have to paint a picture describing how this scene dissolved on my grandfather's chesterfield couch? Roy slid down to sit there facing Dick and smiled up as he pulled him around and opened my boy's fly, nuzzling there as Dick caressed Roy's hair with one hand and held onto the sofa arm to ground himself with the other, his eyes closed and mouth slightly opened as Roy went to work. Even Alfred made a passing and unhappy remark about the need to recondition the leather as 'something appears to have been spilled on it'.
This is getting old fast and Dick knows better than this. When I tried to talk to him about the need for him and Roy to have more consideration for the other people in the house he had the grace to be embarrassed, told me that he was sorry and they'd make more of an effort to keep it behind closed doors. All right, to their credit, after that things did become less awkward, but still. I frankly resent having to tip toe around my own home. I keep telling myself that this is bound to burn out, but I'm starting to count the minutes and they're stretching out a lot longer than I thought they would.
Alfred made a comment to me last night that I've had trouble getting out of my mind. I was preparing to go out alone for a routine patrol when he came in as he usually does, making sure I have everything I need. I asked where the boys were and was told they had 'retired for the evening to study'. Well, even though it was only nine-thirty, I let it go since it happens to be finals week, despite the fact that Joker is making threats again. I've always insisted that schoolwork comes first and, to be fair, both of the kids are working hard in their classes. Nine-thirty?
"You look like you've lost your best friend, Master Bruce." He handed me the cowl and cape. "My goodness, you know perfectly well he's working peacefully upstairs."
That was all he said and he was even smiling as he said it but it stayed with me and I kept going over it as I drove around the city. I'm not Dick's best friend and while I may have been for a while after his parents were killed, when he was younger and in desperate need of security and grounding but I don't think it's true any longer. He's older, of course, and even more independent than he was a couple of years ago. He's been Robin for almost ten years, he's lead the Titans for six years and the simple fact is that he's not a dependent child anymore. Young, yes, but his childhood ended too long ago and that's shaped him and made him the young man he is now.
I was watching the two of them eating dinner this evening and something else struck me—I don't know how I missed it to be honest and I'm disconcerted that I did. The two of them; they're young men in every sense of the word. Their shoulders are becoming broad; Dick is starting what looks like what may well become a heavy growth of beard. Their muscles are hardened and aren't the shape and form of youth anymore. They're men. Their voices are lower and when they laugh it's men's laughter, not childish giggling.
If I were to forbid them to see one another they would probably be upset but then would make other arrangements and continue with their relationship anyway. The time when Dick would obey simply because I told him to is long gone.
He seems to need, well okay, he seems to want Roy more than he does either Alfred or me and while I guess I should have expected that, it's still something of a jolt. I keep thinking back to when he was little, when he used to run into my room every weekend morning, starting a pillow fight or a tickle contest—I can still hear the shrieks and laughing as he'd slide all over the bed trying to get the upper hand then run downstairs as soon as he smelled the bacon frying, supervising and insisting it be crispy. He got me skiing again and all of a sudden the pool was in daily use. He's still supposed to be paying me back for ruining the side lawn with the quads when he and Roy (Roy!) ruined it after spending an entire afternoon doing spins and drag racing after a rain storm when they were about fifteen. Were they lovers then?
It doesn't surprise me that Dick is the dominant partner between the two of them. It's like I told him the other day; he's smarter than Harper is, more mature and simply has his life more together. Maybe he needs to be needed, which is what Alfred suggested last week; it certainly seems a reasonably explanation of what's happened. I need him, but it's certainly not the same…
It's not as if I don't understand the reason or him becoming involved with another member of the hero community—it makes sense, really but—Harper? I wonder when this started, the romantic side of things for them. Friends since they were adolescents, but when did it change? And why Roy? Why not Donna or one of the other two boys, Wally or Garth? Well, Garth, all right, the physical differences alone would have been enough to stop that before anything could begin with the boy's limitations on land and Wally is simply too scattered for Dick. Donna? I think maybe the two of them are too similar now that I really look at it. They could be twins, really, they're so alike and I guess I can understand how it would prevent them from developing anything physical or romantic but Harper?
The obvious thing is to just sit Dick down and ask him where he sees this going.
Fine. Tomorrow I'll do that. I'll make sure he goes out on patrol with me and we'll have this conversation and he'll damn well answer me.
6/22/06
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