Redemption

"Who will speak for this lost son?"

It was as I had feared. Coming here, to the judgement, incomplete, unjustified -- throws the gauntlet of challenge down before the gods, so to speak, as they have no way to weigh my heart, judge my soul, or measure my life. I bow my head, accepting the inevitable, damning silence, as it is Lord Anubis, the god I claim as my own patron and follow most closely, and the only one who could possibly speak for me, who asks the question. According to ma'at, Anubis will not be permitted to speak for me as that would unbalance his impartiality as one of those critical to the judgement process.

Lord Wepwawet guided me safely through many trials to bring me here, the grand Halls of Ma'ati for the weighing of the heart -- the formal judgement by the gods of how I had lived my life. But his duty to me is now complete. Despite the manner of my death, and the incomplete and imperfect way I manifest now, I have been treated exactly as one who had simply died. However, the defects in my being worry me. I felt the stirrings of hope when Lord Anubis greeted me after I defeated Bakura, but that faint comfort has fled. There is no way he will be permitted to go against ma'at to speak for me now. I am doomed.

"I will."

I turn his head to see who is willing to speak on my behalf. Golden-hued, cat-like eyes capture my gaze.

"Lord Maahes, I never -- I never served you," I admit, recognizing the god -- known by one of his names as 'the Truth Before Ma'at'.

The lion-headed god nods sharply, once.

"I know. I am still willing to stand by your side and speak on your behalf."

"Why?" As the word slips out, honestly wrung from my deepest being, I regret it. Here is one willing to speak for me, in this judgement where, by the manner of my death, I have sacrificed my right to speak for myself. I left no carefully prepared body with the proper rituals and spells in place to prevent my heart from speaking against me. Not that that will be a concern, given how I died. I sacrificed my heart, therefore, I have no heart to be weighed. I forced a pre-judgement merging of ba and ka, though I am not yet justified and able to become akh. I caused my own death and abandoned my sacred duty to guard the pharaoh. That anyone is willing to speak for me -- is a miracle. Now, I want two, for I want to understand the reason.

"Seeking understanding is not a sin," Maahes tells me. "And, with leave, I will explain to you why I am willing to speak for you."

Anubis nods, permitting the slight delay.

"There are many reasons it is in accord with ma'at that I speak for you. First, most importantly, is your innocence. You did what you did, you fractured your being, not for evil purposes, not for personal gain, not for any selfish impulse, but for the purest reason of all -- to protect the pharaoh. That is one of my duties too, so of course I would be aware of your actions on the pharaoh's behalf."

I start at that. I know it to be true; Maahes is the protector of the pharaoh in battle. Seen in that light, perhaps my actions...

"Yes. Though you have not overtly served me, you have always been a receptive vessel for me, to channel those protective impulses through."

I stare, shocked by my own unknowing complicity with a god to protect my king.

"Of course, in ma'at, such liberties as I took with you, must be balanced in kind. Thus, I assisted you in your continuous battle with the evil of the Millennium Ring, keeping your ba pure of it, and helping you to seal your power from its grasp. And I would guard you, unseen, during those times you became vulnerable whenever you used magic. The fact that the final enemy you faced in life was a monstrous snake-demon is a parallel I cannot ignore either, as battling Apep is my duty aboard the sacred barque each night." The lion-headed god looks up, forcing me to meet his gaze. "There is another, more personal reason, as well. I suppose, given certain circumstances around you, it is not surprising that you have forgotten it."

"I am... This is..." I stammer out.

"We will have time to talk later, I am certain." Why does it seem the lion-headed god's fierce eyes regard me kindly?

I almost smile at the easy arrogance of the god, which reminds me suddenly of the nearly indolent assurance with which lions seem to do everything. That leonine head turns sharply at my unvoiced thought, I am certain, but Lord Maahes smiles. Though the smile bares the lethal fangs of a lion, I know, somehow, that I am to take comfort in it.

"So, you will still speak for him, Maahes?" Anubis asks, invoking the scales of judgement between his hands. Maahes nods. "Well then, present his heart."

My eyes drop again, and the faint hope I felt while Maahes was speaking shrivels and dies again. I lack that, having given my heart up to save my king...

The touch upon my chest is gentle. Startled, I look up into those golden lion eyes once more. This time, the gaze shining there holds the soft glow of the sun lighting the horizon.

"Having touched it so many times while you yet lived, how could I fail to see it when it is right before me now?" Lord Maahes asks me softly. "Your physical heart, while still important, is not what Anubis asks to weigh."

I know that, but I had sacrificed my yb, the center of my being, my spiritual heart, to merge my ba and ka into one and become Dark Magician! How could I possess that still? Suddenly I recall another light touch resting upon my chest. I look over Lord Maahes' shoulder to stare into the eyes of my patron god, Lord Anubis. I recall he is also called "the Friend of the Dead". Could it be that when his hand rested there before, he returned my heart to me? I can't tell for sure, but it seems as if Anubis nods, very slightly, and only once.

Maahes slowly draws back his hand, cupping a soft flame in the shape of a heart. He smiles down at it kindly as he turns and places it upon one tray of the scale Anubis holds. At the same time, the winged goddess of truth, order and right action, Lady Ma'at herself, places the feather of judgement on the opposite tray.

Time seems to stop, if indeed it flows at all, here in the Halls of Ma'ati, as the god and goddess draw back their hands. The scale remains completely still, as my heart is in perfect balance with ma'at.

Lady Ma'at smiles at Maahes, the signal for each to remove from the scale what had been placed there, as Thoth dutiful records the result. Maahes returns to my side, returning my heart to where it belongs with the same gentle touch he had used to lift it free.

"And now, the real challenge begins," Lord Maahes tells me conversationally.

"Challenge?"

"What to do with you. As you are now, after what you did, you really aren't suited for the Field of the Blessed. Though, you have earned it. See? They go off to confer about you." Maahes points to where the gods of the judgement, Ma'at, Anubis and Thoth; along with the god of the dead, Osiris, his wife Isis, the goddess of magic, and his son Horus, patron of the living pharaoh, gather.

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Author's notes --

I've never done this before. But, I've never posted a story where I had no idea what the readers thought about it either. Should I bother with continuing this? Or, should I just take it down, write it off as a bad attempt, and focus on a different story?

No love for my poor, self-sacrificing, wonderful Mahaad!

: - (

Next Chapter teaser – should there be a next chapter at all?

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email or message me if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get.