Notes: Merry Christmas! Here's a chapter that originally I had planned to be posted in February... ahahaha rip me.

This is super unbetaed af. Also, there's an important note about updates at the end!

Waiting for Rainbows
Chapter 19: And it began working again, slowly but surely

"Oh, by the way..." Koizumi dug into her bag and extracted a small piece of paper, which she placed face-down on the table, sliding it past the last remnants of edamame towards Hinata. "As part of my apology, you can have this."

Hinata flipped the paper over and frowned down at the spattering of pastel colors. "What's this for? I'm not really—"

"Well yeah, it would be kind of creepy if you were interested in that sort of thing," Koizumi said, waving her hand dismissively. "But I got that coupon from one of the places I shot for my article, and, well, I don't have anyone so I'm not going to get any use out of it. You should go and take your girlfriend for Valentine's. I'm sure she'll love it."

"Uhh..." Hinata stared down at the coupon, scratching his head in utter bewilderment. Where to begin? He was itching to argue against the "creepy" assertion, but that was probably the least of his worries. "Um, Koizumi, I seriously don't have a girlfriend so..."

"Uh-huh, sure." She rolled her eyes as she slid out of the booth, placing a couple thousand-yen notes on the table on her way. "For a guy, you're really bad at lying."

"Hey, what's that supposed to—"

"It's fine. I don't mind if you want to regift it, but I really do need to get going now. Bye, Hinata!"

Hinata gaped after the redhead as she left the pub, sliding the door closed behind her, then turned his attention back to the coupon. What was he supposed to do with it? Koizumi had said she was fine with him regifting it, but who would he give it to? Most of his friends were single, so it wasn't like they would get use out of it, either. So if all else failed...

Well, color scheme aside, it did seem like something Kuzuryu might enjoy.

"Why the hell did you think this was a good idea, Hinata?!"

Of course, he wouldn't admit to liking it even if he did.

During the month leading up to Valentine's Day, Hinata was constantly debating with himself over what should be done with the coupon. He had spoken with a few of his dormmates, but they were all single—"Do you think we'd still be living here if we weren't?" seemed to be the resounding mantra. He had also played with the idea of offering it to Owari, but it was an all-you-can-eat coupon and he didn't want to be responsible for putting the place out of business.

Before he knew it, three weeks had gone by and Hinata still hadn't considered on his own Valentine's plans with Kuzuryu.

Which was how, on the Saturday before Valentine's Day, they ended up being the only seemingly-unoccupied males in a dessert buffet filled with high school girls.

"Look, if you want me to apologize, I will," Hinata whispered—and he did have to admit that he felt a bit uncomfortable surrounded by pink decorations and frilly doilies. "But you wouldn't think you're as disappointed as you claim, going by what's on your plate."

Kuzuryu flushed and grabbed a menu, slamming it upright on the table between them to obscure his veritable pile of pastries. "Don't look at my plate!"

"Right, right." Hinata ducked down to hide his fond smile. "Just don't get a stomach ache, all right?"

"Fuck you!" Kuzuryu hissed. "We're getting out of here as soon as possible!"

"Don't try to rush," Hinata said softly. "The coupon got us an hour and a half here. We have time."

"The employees are giggling at us, Hinata!"

Hinata didn't doubt that—he had chosen the branch store located furthest from his work area, but even if he wasn't specifically recognizable as a local police officer, that didn't prevent the stares they had gotten as soon as they entered the store. Shrugging, Hinata took a bite of the single devil's food cake he had chosen for himself.

Ohh. That was actually really good.

He peeked at Kuzuryu surreptitiously, amused to see his boyfriend eating his cakes while still pouting like the entire world had done him wrong. He almost looked like one of the hamsters at Tanaka's shop, and that by itself was enough to make the dessert buffet worth it.

Unable to take it any longer, Hinata grabbed the menu and pulled it away.

"Hey, I said don't look!"

Ignoring Kuzuryu's protests, he instead placed the menu on the outer edge of their booth—a somewhat pathetic attempt to obscure their table from the rest of the shop, but an attempt nonetheless. Hinata leaned over and grinned at Kuzuryu conspiratorially. "You're really cute, you know."

Kuzuryu turned so red, Hinata might have thought he was choking on a piece of cake. "Don't— you fucker— how dare you—!"

"I'm still not allowed to say that?"

"No! Of course not!" Kuzuryu huffed indignantly, which only served to make him look more adorable. "You'll never be allowed to say that, because it's not true!"

"Hmm." Hinata reached over and stroked a finger along Kuzuryu's cheek, pausing at the corner of his mouth to brush away a cake crumb. "All right then."

Kuzuryu frowned further. "If you're trying to look suave or some shit it's really not working here. Try again somewhere that doesn't look like a baby girl's playpen."

Hinata laughed lightly. "I wasn't trying anything, I just felt like it. Hey, can I have a bite of that?" he asked, pointing at a cream puff on Kuzuryu's plate.

"No way! You have your own!"

Hinata glanced at the few bites' worth of cake left on his plate, sighed, then stood up. "I'm going to go get some more for myself then. Do you want something to drink while I'm up?"

"Anything but milk."

Hinata chuckled. "All right, juice it is." He walked back over to the buffet, picked out just two more pastries for himself (no matter what Kuzuryu said, Hinata suspected he'd need to help him clear off his plate in the end), then headed to the counter to order two glasses of melon juice.

The girl filling the order kept glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, and Hinata tried to ignore it; Kuzuryu did have a point when he said that they were attracting an uncomfortable amount of attention there, but since it wasn't an area either of them frequented, the chances of meeting these people again were slim. It was nothing to think too deeply about.

When the girl brought the glasses of juice over, he thanked her and turned to return to the table.

"Um, excuse me..."

Hinata stopped, turning back to her. "Yes?"

"Um..." She fiddled with the hem of her uniform apron before continuing. "Well... I'm sorry, it's a little forward of me to ask, but that friend of yours that you're here with... are the two of you, you know... together?"

Hinata gaped at her, unsure of how to respond. Should he confirm that she was correct? What sort of answer would Kuzuryu want to give? It wouldn't be fair of him to make that decision all on his own, would it?

"Um, it's not a problem or anything!" the girl added quickly, apparently misreading Hinata's expression. "Actually, it... makes me kind of happy that our store might be seen as a place where all sorts of couples can be comfortable together." She smiled, a bashful blush dusting her cheeks. "I know the other girls have been giggling, but I just wanted you to know that it's not out of malice. I imagine it can be tough, but everyone here is rooting for you!" Visibly flustered by her own deviation from the customer service norms, she bowed her head. "So please enjoy the rest of your stay here!"

Hinata honestly didn't know what to say. It was... strange. It was clear that her heart was in the right place, and he appreciated it in that sense, but at the same time she was a stranger, making the words feel a bit hollow. She had no way of knowing that the perceived issues with their relationship extended beyond the state of LGBT rights in Japan.

If she did know that he was a cop dating a yakuza, would she still be as supportive?

"Uh, thanks," he finally managed, forcing a smile. "And thanks for the drinks. I'll be heading back now."

She responded cheerfully, but Hinata tuned it out, focused on making his way back to Kuzuryu as soon as possible. Once he was back in the booth, he let out a breath that he hadn't even known he was holding.

Kuzuryu raised an eyebrow at him, leaning casually on an arm—seemingly trying to look cool instead of cute, but it was dampened by the sight of him nibbling on a pastel-pink macaron. "What got you so freaked out?" he asked.

Hinata laughed. "I'm not freaked out, really, it's just..." He glanced around the store. "We really are out of place in here, huh?"

"That's what I've been saying!" Kuzuryu popped the rest of the macaron in his mouth and swallowed before continuing. "So let's hurry and finish eating so we can get back to my place or something."

"Ah... or a hotel?"

Kuzuryu's hand stilled for the briefest of moments as he pulled his glass towards himself, but he masked the reaction with a nonchalant hum. "Did you plan for a hotel?"

"I mean, no commitment or anything, but I did call ahead for a room if you want to..."

Kuzuryu shrugged. "Yeah, fine with me. And that would be the place to try seducing me again."

Hinata spluttered into his melon juice. "I said I wasn't—!"

Laughing, Kuzuryu speared a piece of shortcake on his plate. "Sure, whatever you say. Now let's finish up and escape this pastel hellhole."

As soon as they entered the hotel room, Hinata made a beeline for the bed, groaning as he flopped face-down onto the covers. He had consumed far too much sugar in far too short of a time, and he felt disgusting.

"So do you want to get room service for dinner or something?"

"How can you be thinking of eating more after we had to split all those sweets on your plate?!"

"Dumbass, of course I don't mean now." Hinata turned his head to watch Kuzuryu place the room service menu back on the desk and sit next to him on the bed, grinning suggestively. "I think we'll have to work up an appetite first, yeah?"

Hinata wondered if it would be too much of a turn-off to mention that he was liable to throw up on Kuzuryu if they got started right away. "Give me some time to digest first," he said instead.

Kuzuryu laughed and stood up again, walking over to the chair where he had dropped his shoulder bag. "Sure, that's fine. I guess now's as good a time as any to give you my Valentine's gift, then."

"You got me a gift?" Curiosity piqued, Hinata pushed himself up and followed after his boyfriend. "Please don't tell me it's chocolate."

"Nope." He turned around and pushed a brown package into Hinata's hands, his grinning visage framed by the late-afternoon light streaming through the window. "Here. Happy Valentine's Day, Hinata."

Hinata stared down at the package; it was wrapped in a paper bag adorned with a bookstore logo. He recognized the logo. He recognized the package, and if he remembered correctly, Kuzuryu had said it contained...

He glanced up at Kuzuryu again, shooting him an unamused frown.

"Just open it," Kuzuryu urged, thinly-veiled mirth coloring his voice.

Sighing, Hinata pulled up the tape keeping the bag closed and reached in to pull out the shrinkwrapped book— a single book, clearly several hundred pages long—

Hinata's breath caught when he extracted the book just enough to read the title, adorning the cover in the bold, enthusiastic text typical of academic drillbooks: Self-Study Guide for the Bar Exam Qualification Test: Updated for 2017!

He stared, unblinking, struggling to process what he was seeing.

There were several things Hinata had to say about the book he held in his hands. None of them, he suspected, were what Kuzuryu was hoping to hear.

He took a deep breath. "This isn't what you said you bought," he said finally, deciding to focus first on the lesser crime of his boyfriend telling an overall harmless lie.

Kuzuryu's grin widened. "I don't think I ever told you what I bought, did I? I only said what the guys wanted me to buy."

"Oh... right." Hinata couldn't possibly remember the exact specifics of a casual conversation from a month prior, but he took Kuzuryu at his word. Under normal circumstances he might have quipped back in response to his boyfriend's bit of playful misdirection. Unfortunately, his sharp wit was becoming lost behind the thick, hazy fog descending upon his mind.

Kuzuryu seemed to notice, as his smirk melted into a puzzled frown. "Hinata?"

"Why..." Hinata gripped the book tightly in his hands and stared down at it, his mind feeling simultaneously like immobile mush and whirlwind of panic. His palms were definitely starting to sweat, and his fingertips began to tremble. "Why are you giving me this?"

"Why not?" Kuzuryu tapped the book cover, indicating the title. "Apparently there's this qualifying exam for bar candidates who haven't gone to law school."

Hinata struggled to maneuver his tongue around his dry mouth. "I'm aware."

"So why haven't you—"

"I can't."

Kuzuryu blinked up at him, his brows furrowing. "What do you mean, you can't? Of course you—"

"I said I can't. It's never going to happen."

"But it can! Look, you have this opportunity available to you, so there's no reason not to take it, is there?! If it's about finances, if you need to take supplementary classes or something, I can sponsor you. Shit, I want to support—"

"That's— no, I," Hinata managed to gasp out before firmly shutting his mouth, his breathing too ragged and thoughts too jumbled to trust himself to speak coherently. He shook his head and simply stared down at the book. The sweat from his palms had completely soaked through the paper bag still covering the lower half of the book and was turning the shrinkwrap slick and wet, threatening to slip out of his trembling fingers.

Peering up at Hinata, the creases between his brows deepening, Kuzuryu finally reached out and gently took the book from his boyfriend's hands.

"Wait," he said, stopping Hinata before he could even finish sighing in relief. "I'm not taking this back. It's yours, and I'm not letting you leave it with me. I just want you to pull yourself together."

Hinata took a deep, shuddering breath and looked to the side, running a hand through his hair. If possible, he didn't want to have anything more to do with that book at all.

"You don't have to read it," Kuzuryu said as he wrapped the book up in the bag. "You don't even have to look at it. But you're taking this book home with you. No arguments."

Hinata's heart felt like it was racing a mile a minute at the base of his throat. "I'll... I'll probably just throw it in the trash, then."

After placing the package on the chair, Kuzuryu turned slightly to give him a sideways look of skepticism. "You go ahead and do that, if you want. But I don't think you will."

Hinata gulped.

Sighing, Kuzuryu turned back to him and stepped close, placing a comforting hand on Hinata's wrist. "Look, I wasn't trying to spook you. I wouldn't have given it to you yet if I thought you'd react like this, but now that it's out there, I don't want you running away from it."

Hinata licked his lips nervously, but shifted his hand so that he could twine Kuzuryu's fingers with his own. He squeezed gently before asking again, "Why did you give that to me?"

Kuzuryu paused, clasping their free hands together as well, and stepped close enough that their chests brushed against each other with every breath shared between them. He gazed up at Hinata firmly, his golden eyes burning orange with sunset and determination and love. "I want you to be a lawyer."

Hinata almost dropped his hands, instinctively stepping back as if to distance himself from a threat, but Kuzuryu held firm, quickly closing the gap again. "That's— I thought you didn't care what my job is as long as I do it well."

"That kind of requires being in a line of work that you would do well."

Despite his best efforts to stay calm, Hinata's breath hitched, frustrated by the implication of Kuzuryu's words. "I can't possibly make a good lawyer if I couldn't even go to law school."

"Bullshit. Why the hell would that qualifying exam even exist, then?"

"I've already given up on this, Kuzuryu."

Hinata's thunderous heartbeat had turned into a deafening rush in in ears, his vision falling out of focus. But somehow, even through the fog of panic, Kuzuryu's voice managed to cut through with clarity, his eyes sharp and unmistakable, as if Hinata's entire being was desperately, hungrily honing in on that connection. "No you haven't."

Feeling cornered, the backs of his eyes beginning to prickle, Hinata finally blurted out, "Why does this matter so much to you?!"

Kuzuryu didn't respond at first, but his gaze remained firmly set on Hinata's. "You said that you want me to get what I want out of life. You'd have to be a real dumbass to think I wouldn't want the same for you."

Hinata knew that the color had all but drained from his face. "But Kuzuryu, I don't—"

"You do." His eyes hadn't lost that fierce luster. "Hinata, you want to be a lawyer."

I want to be a lawyer.

The thought was absolutely terrifying, and was one that hadn't bubbled to the surface in ages—not in the present tense. It had long been buried under the stifling weight of mediocrity and tedium and reality, surely crushed beyond revival.

How could Kuzuryu be so sure that any semblance of life remained in that ambition, hidden in those deepest catacombs?

There wasn't. There couldn't be. He was long past mourning the loss of that possibility, so there was no way—

"Hey." Kuzuryu reached up to gently cup Hinata's cheek. "I don't know why you seem to hate hearing me say that, but I'm not just gonna keep secrets about that kinda shit. We're in a relationship. You were truthful about what you hoped I'd be able to do, and I'm gonna do the same."

Reluctantly, Hinata nodded. "Yeah, but... Sorry, I just don't—"

Kuzuryu moved his hand in front of Hinata's lips to silence him. "Don't." He kept a stern look for a moment before letting his expression soften, shaking his head lightly with his eyes cast downward. "Look, I never wanted to ruin our night or anything. So for now... let's just forget about mob bosses and lawyers." He looked up again and smirked. "Right now, in this room, the only roles that matter are that you're my lover, and I'm yours."

Warm relief flooded every crevice of Hinata's being as he wrapped his arms heavily around Kuzuryu's shoulders. That was a role that he was willing to fill. It was one he could fill.

It was the only role that he knew, for sure, that he didn't want to give up on.

Hinata definitely couldn't afford to regularly spend the night with Kuzuryu when he was meant to be at work the next day. It wasn't needing to wake up at four or five in the morning, by itself, that was an issue. But convincing himself to leave Kuzuryu's side when there still wasn't even the barest hint of sun in the sky was nigh impossible.

Even worse, it made the early morning air that much chillier by comparison.

Hinata sighed as he made the five-minute trek to the train station, watching as his breath misted and disappeared in front of him.

As he crossed a footbridge, he paused briefly, stopping to gaze down at the river below. With the stars and moon obscured by clouds and light pollution, the water was dark and murky, barely any source of light to reflect off its surface.

The book laid heavy at the bottom of Hinata's messenger bag. It would be so, so easy to just toss it over, letting it sink into the jet-black water where he would never have to see it again.

Hinata closed his eyes, exhaled deeply, and flipped the bag open to grab the book.

Before he could even arc his arm over his head, though, he stopped.

"I don't want to be a koban officer forever."

Hinata pulled his mouth into a thin line as his own words echoed in his ears. It was true that he didn't want to be an officer forever. It was true, but that was why—

"Whatever reasons you may have, they would not be enough to hold you back if becoming a detective were truly what you wanted."

That was why—

"Hinata, you want to be a lawyer."

His hand trembled. No, that one wasn't true. It had been once, but not anymore. He couldn't possibly want it, not when he had already made peace with the fact that it wouldn't happen.

But what did that leave for him, then?

Reluctantly, he looked at the book in his hand—obscured by the brown paper, but the knowledge of what was hidden inside was still enough to hurt.

It really would be easiest to throw it into the river.

"Dumbass. If you're gonna do that, at least dispose of it properly instead of littering!"

Hinata huffed a laugh despite himself; that wasn't a recollection like the others, purely his own imagination, but he really could picture Kuzuryu saying exactly that.

He shoved the book back into his bag and continued his way to the station.

He supposed it wouldn't hurt anything to bury it out of sight in his dorm room instead.

Notes: Twenty-ish chapters in and I finally mention Gundham by name lol

Also it's almost the end of 2018 and this universe is still stuck in early 2017...

Okay, so as for the update schedule... I'm moving to Japan in March for my new job, so for now updates are on hold! I want to focus these next few months not only on the whole preparing-to-move-overseas thing, but also on researching and planning out the entire rest of this fic. At the very least, I want to get through the resources that have been banned in Japan due to pressure from the real-life yakuza, hahaha...

I might be able to post a side story or two in the meantime, and I will probably sneak in some time to write other fics, but the main story of Waiting for Rainbows is entirely on research mode for the next few months! Updates should hopefully resume by April or May.

If you want to keep up with me in the meantime, you'll find me on twitter at WFRainbows, or more often at Umekopyon!

See you in the spring!