Ill Repute

Note: I'm actually getting started on this chapter before moving on to the last of the four connected stories that I've been doing… I haven't been ready to write that one, yet, but there is another multi-chaptered Axel/Roxas story headed this way pretty soon. It's Roxas-centric, and the first chapter is well underway. It should be up by the end of the week, with luck. Hopefully on the 6th, and for a purpose.

"Two halves are equal, a cross between two evils. It's not an enviable lot. But if you listen, you'll learn to hear the difference between the halfs and the half nots." –The Dresden Dolls, "Half-Jack"

Chapter Four: Only Words

Roxas was only awkward around Sora for the first few days while he was trying to make sense of Sora's presence in his life. Sora, on the other hand, was very tentative around Roxas and spoke very little. It was after the awkwardness fell away that Roxas found out that Sora was emphatically not a quiet, tentative person. In fact, Sora was a happy, cheerful person that was always looking out for people and making sure that they were okay. And it was when he realized what Sora was really like that he knew why he would have gone far out of the way to ensure that Sora never had to endure the pain that he obviously had. It was within those days that they started going to school together. Sora would run off to his classes, and Roxas would go to his. A new norm was established, and they each made new friends.

It was a long month of chaos concerning the twin brothers and their case before things were finally cooling off. Roxas never saw a hint of Axel's rage during that month, and the redhead was probably the second most supportive person around Roxas, bested only by Sora who was the only one who begin to comprehend Roxas. Maybe it was that he and Sora were twins, and two halves of one another. He didn't know about psychic twins or anything like that, just that Sora made him feel better when he was around. Complete. It didn't matter that Roxas couldn't remember anything, Sora accepted him and told him stories and showed him pictures and read him letters and did everything to be there for Roxas. And at nights, he would return to the room and he and Axel would talk for a long time before falling asleep.

The first time Roxas encountered the rage again was on the way back from school after that month had passed. Axel had had a bad day with school, including a near miss with a fight during the lunch hour and a returned chemistry lab write-up with a miserable 52 written over the top in angry red pen. His temper was short to begin with, and he was already teetering over the edge by the time they met up after school. He waited for Roxas, and as soon as the blond caught up with him, he turned and stormed toward "home" without a word. Roxas didn't have to wait for his twin, because Sora was staying late for some blitzball thing with one of his own friends, Riku… He didn't want to take the fifteen minute walk home in silence.

"Axel?" He inquired softly to his roommate's back.

Silence.

"Axel?" He prodded again, catching up to and walking in stride with him. Or, as close to in stride as he could, because he always had to take one and a half steps for one of Axel's.

"What do you want?" Axel grumped, glowering at the cars that passed them.

"I want to talk."

"About what?"

"Today? How you're doing? The recipe for kimchii? Anything."

"I don't feel like talking."

That was a surprise to Roxas. Axel always talked; always wanted to talk. "You always feel like talking." He told him.

"Well, I don't feel like talking right now."

Roxas only stared. "Axel…"

Axel then turned and grabbed the blond's shoulders and slammed him into a nearby concrete wall, eyes flashing and dangerous. "I told you I didn't want to talk." He growled furiously.

Roxas could only stare at him. "Was today that bad?"

Axel let out a long growl and slammed him back into the wall, and this time Roxas's head hit a sharp edge of a brick and felt the rock cut into his scalp.

"Ow!" He cried. "That hurt, you jackass! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Axel only glared at him again. "I don't want to talk." He hissed and Roxas suddenly didn't know what had happened, but his lip was split wide open and bleeding everywhere.

Roxas was angry by this point and he forcefully shrugged Axel's hands off his shoulder, balled up a fist, and punched him square in the nose. Axel let out a long howl before leaping back in, nose beginning to bleed, and hitting and kicking Roxas, who was fighting back just as fiercely.

Then, very suddenly, a rough grip on Roxas's collar grabbed him and lifted him up clear off the ground. He looked up furiously to stare straight into the eyes of a tall man with a huge scar on his cheek and an eye patch over his right eye. Roxas was shaken quite violently, and he noted that Cid was doing the same with Axel.

"Yeh idiots." Cid told them, giving Axel another firm shake. The redhead glared at him. "Ah told yeh to take yer damn medicine this mornin'." He directed this toward Axel as he put him down. Axel seemed to be coming down out of his rage, but wasn't so apologetic as he had been the first time. His day had still been miserable, and he couldn't bring himself to be as cheerful as he normally could be.

"Sorry." He muttered, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"I thought you'd be a bit happier to see me, Axel." The other man told him, setting Roxas down on the ground. He looked to be years older than either Roxas or Axel, but it eventually came out that he was really no more than a year older than Axel.

"Yeah, I guess I am, Xiggy." The oldest teen scowled at him, then looked at Roxas.

"So you're his roommate, huh?" Roxas assumed that Cid had told him.

"Yeah, I am." He was still sore about the fight, and was trying to wipe the blood from his lip. He noticed with mild satisfaction that Axel hadn't escaped unscathed, and his left eye was swelling suspiciously.

"You all are lucky I came to visit from school today. Cid would've knocked your heads together if I weren't here."

Axel scowled, and as the two older men walked off, he followed silently. Roxas hesitated a moment, then caught up to Axel. Neither of them spoke until they reached the house again and Axel turned to look at Roxas.

"Hey… Look, I'm sorry. I know you've gone through a lot, and that probably--" Roxas cut him off with a raised hand.

"Shut up. It's not that big of a deal." He sighed. "I'm sorry your day was so bad. I wanted to make you feel better."

"Oh." Roxas could tell he felt like a fool.

"It happens, right?" Roxas stepped toward the door, then looked back at Axel. "It happens. Don't worry. Let's get inside."

Axel followed him solemnly, kicking his shoes off at the door and heading with Roxas toward the television room.

Later that night, when the two were in bed, Axel was stilling feeling miserable over the day, and the fight that had really only made it worse.

"Roxas?" Axel whispered over the darkness toward his roommate.

"Mm?" Roxas was halfway between sleeping and being awake.

"I'm really sorry about today."

"Dun be." Roxas slurred in his exhaustion. His lip was slightly swollen and still quite sore. There were also a few knots on his head and his chest was feeling very sore from where Axel had been hitting him.

There was silence for a moment while Axel pondered if he could really accept that sort of acceptance from Roxas. Then there was the rustling of sheets and blankets, and then Axel was sitting on Roxas's bed carefully, hoping not to sit on him. The blond was awake in a moment, and staring at Axel.

"What are you doing on my bed?" He asked in a quietly rushed voice.

"You weren't listening… I want to make sure you know I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it." Sky blue eyes met the emerald green of hills and then softened. "Axel, you don't have to apologize every time you get like that."

"No, but I do have to apologize for busting your lip and giving you a few bruises."

Roxas tore away his gaze. "I've had worse done before."

Axel reached over and turned his friend's face to look at him. "And it wasn't okay then. It's not okay now."

Roxas tried to look down again. Axel shook his head and turned his head so he was looking at him again.

"Argh!" Roxas cried, flailing and managing to get Axel off of him. "Axel, don't even worry about it. I'm not moving out."

Something foreign flitted over Axel's face, and Roxas didn't know how to identify it until Axel stared at him with the emotion written all over it. "I know you're not. I'm not worried about that."

Roxas hesitated. "Then what is it?"

"You."

"What?"

Axel was visibly struggling with something. He ran a hand through his impossible mane of hair, then clenched and unclenched his hand.

"What is—" Roxas was quite suddenly cut off by a finger pressed over his mouth.

"Please, don't say anything, otherwise I won't be able to."

When Roxas opened his mouth to ask what Axel was trying to do, he only shook his head. "I want to ask your permission."

"For what?" Roxas was exasperated. What was Axel getting at, anyway?

Axel was sitting cross-legged on the bed, while Roxas was sitting up straight and with his legs out. Axel crawled over Roxas to reach his ear, cupped his hand around it like a child telling a secret, and whispered into his ear:

"Will you let me kiss you?"

Roxas didn't scream or pull away, or even shove his friend away, only stared at him. "What?"

Axel sat with his knees to his chest. "Please don't make me repeat it…" He whispered softly.

Roxas was faced with quite a dilemma in that moment. He could pretend he'd never heard Axel calling his name and roll over and go back to sleep, or he could tell Axel to go the hell away and request to move out the next morning… Or he could let him kiss him and go back to sleep, or rationally do… something. He stared at the redhead, who was staring with great interest at the comforter on Roxas's bed.

"Axel…" Was all he could manage. He didn't know what to do at all. The idea of shoving away his best friend was unimaginable, and he didn't want to idly give into one of Axel's whims with no feeling in it. Especially since it was the first kiss he'd ever remember. There was something in the way that Roxas whispered Axel's name that told him that even if he did do it, it wouldn't be as idle and meaningless as he was afraid it would be.

His friend didn't seem eager to wait for him to decide, and took his silence as a sign of rejection. "I, uh… Guess that got fucked up, huh?" Axel mumbled, unfolding himself and heading for his own bed. Roxas caught his skinny wrist and stared at him, blue eyes bright in the darkness.

"No." He told him firmly. Maybe Roxas wasn't sure about a lot of things, but he was sure that he didn't want Axel leaving him there to ponder on that question all night long. Not by himself, at least. He looked at him intently, giving his wrist a small tug. "No."

So Axel sat back down on the bed, unsure what to expect. He really didn't want to stay by Roxas if he was going to just talk about things and explain that… that he just couldn't. He really had never had any proof that Roxas would accept such a suggestion, but Axel was an honest person and couldn't hold something like that in from someone. "I'm sorry, Roxas." He mumbled.

Roxas watched him for a long, silent moment, then crawled out from under his blankets. "Don't be." He murmured, steeling himself to find out what he wanted to know. He crawled over to Axel and stared at eyes for a moment before awkwardly setting his swollen lips on Axel's.

Immediately, Roxas knew the answer to his question. The kiss, however unexpected and confused, was not cold. It was like a sudden jolt of sensation through his lips and his mouth, and Christ, Axel knew what he was doing. Roxas hadn't expected to like the twisted mixture of kissing Axel and the cut on his lip that stung with the heat from the two of them. It wasn't empty, it was something more and more and every instant brought something new and more to Roxas. He fell away from the kiss an eternity after, gasping for breath and more. The older teen fell, desperation in his eyes, begging Roxas to not let him know if it was pity on him. He wouldn't want to know, his green eyes told Roxas, and Roxas's blue eyes told him that it wasn't at all. He didn't know what it was, but it wasn't pity, and it wasn't spiteful. They lay together, grabbing for air to fill their lungs before turning and staring silently at one another.

Neither wanted, nor could have if they really had wanted, to break the silence that was isolating them from the rest of the world. Neither knew what to say, nor what was going to happen next, nor even how they were going to deal with this come morning. They just wanted to lie together and fuck the tomorrows that would come to them; they couldn't worry about them right then. Axel could have asked him for permission again, but he didn't, simply leaned over and reignited Roxas's senses merely by brushing over his lips again.

Roxas saw his lips moving, and they were saying 'thank you', but Roxas wasn't sure if Axel was speaking or only mouthing them.

And he, Roxas, couldn't have known that this feeling was even possible if Axel hadn't asked such a simple question. He would have never even contemplated it, but Axel had and he was, and Roxas's mind was spinning and swirling away at it. It was consuming his thoughts and everything about him, and he understood what it was and what it wasn't.

He knew. He just didn't know how to put it into words.

End Chapter Four