Ill Repute

Note: This story has about three or four more chapters left in it. It will only last as long as the song does in stanzas… but before anyone gets too upset, it does look at this point in time like there will be… a sequel. I've been agonizing over whether or not to make a sequel or simply add more chapters. But this story itself is meant to go one particular way, and the sequel wouldn't quite follow. In fact, all along, this story just seems to have been leading to another story. It will follow along with another song… but I'm pretty sure the sequel will actually follow along two or three songs, and will likely be longer than Ill Repute. The only song I know that I will be using for sure is "The Bleeding Heart Show" by The New Pornographers, and the other songs will also be by them as well. So, don't be sad when I say this story is over. I will immediately begin the sequel when this one is finished.

"And when I let him in I feel the stitches getting sicker. I try to wash him out but like they say: the blood is thicker. I see my mother in my face but only when I travel. I run as fast as I can run. But Jack comes tumbling after..." –The Dresden Dolls, "Half-Jack"

Chapter Five: Closer

Roxas was the first to wake the next morning and it was in the fuzzy haze of his thoughts that it hit him that he was lying in bed with his roommate. Wearing nothing more than his boxers. Upon quick examination, it was discovered that Axel was wearing no more or less than he was. And they weren't merely lying together, but tangled within one another, a horseshoe puzzle of arms and legs. Roxas tried to recall why this had happened while he gingerly tore himself from the other teen.

"Fuck." The word hit the air with the force of a bomb being dropped. It wasn't to mean that he regretted, per se, but merely that he had no way of knowing how to deal with it now. The cruel light of day had a way of showing the bitter side of things hidden by the passionate night. He dressed quickly and left Axel sleeping on his bed. He wasn't hungry, and even if he were, he didn't even know how to look at anyone straight with this change of the status quo. Instead, he went and did the only place he knew to. His movements were stiff as he walked straight down the hall to one particular room and began hammering on the door with his fist. There was no answer. He began hammering away again, this time eliciting groans from within the room, the creaking of a mattress, and footsteps.

"Whaddya want?" Demyx yawned in his face.

"Sora. I need to talk to Sora. Can I see Sora?" Roxas stumbled over the words. "…Now?" He added as an afterthought.

Demyx opened the door, yawned again, and dragged his feet all the way back to his bed with all the grace and thought of a zombie. "Sora… It's… your brother." He managed before dropping on his bed, pulling the covers over himself, and going back to sleep.

Sora moaned and pulled the covers over his head.

Roxas kneeled by the bed and shook his brother lightly. "Sora?"

"Nngh. Goway."

"Sora, I need… I need your help." Roxas didn't yell at his brother to wake him up, but found that conversationally talking to him would wake him easier than anything else. However, the urging in his voice sent a shiver of worry running through Sora, and he sat up immediately, wide awake and worried.

"What's wrong?" His blue eyes were searching Roxas's for answers. Roxas looked away, almost embarrassed that his twin could look in his eyes and know. "Roxas."

The blond took Sora's hand and tugged him toward the door. "Outside." Sora grumbled, but followed, taking a moment to adjust his sleeping pants, as they had twisted during the night.

In the hallway, Sora turned to Roxas. "Now, what's wrong?"

Roxas hadn't known it would be so hard to just spit out those few words. It was tough, and he was stumbling miserably over them. "I… Or, I mean… Fuck." He was tugging insistently on his own blond locks, willing them to come up with answers for Sora; a way to explain why he'd woken him up at six am on a Saturday for help. "AxelaskedmeiffhecouldkissmelastnightandIdidn'tanswerbutIkissedhimandnowIdon'tknowwhattodo."

Sora took a moment to comprehend what Roxas had said, and whether it was because it was only a jumbled run-on word, or because he honestly didn't know what to say wasn't clear. "Okay." He swallowed and sunk down with his back to the wall. Roxas sat opposite him. "Well?"

"Well, what?" Roxas had no idea what Sora was getting at.

Sora sighed impatiently. "Well, what did it feel like? Was it like kissing a cold fish or something? Do you want to move out?"

Roxas stared for a moment, deliberating. "…No…" He whispered softly.

Sora pulled his knees up to his chest and looked up at the ceiling. "Then how did it make you feel?"

Roxas hadn't really thought of it like that. "Really nice." He puzzled, then added. "Warm. It was like… like…" Roxas didn't have words for whatever it was.

"Going home." Sora provided with a smile. "Or what home would have been like if it weren't for…" His smile faded. He didn't need to finish. Roxas understood. If it weren't for Dad. If it weren't for the pain and the fear. He didn't need memories to know what Sora meant. Sometimes he wished that he had his memories and Sora didn't, Sora was so haunted by them. But, then again, it was that feeling and wish that was the reason that he didn't have any memories to start with.

"Yeah. Just like that."

Sora's eyes were still shadowed and sad. He looked back down from the ceiling. "Roxas…" There was something he thought Roxas should know. "You know Riku, right?"

Roxas nodded, recalling the silver-haired boy just a year older than Sora and he were. He had always gone to the school they were at then, but had known Sora for as long as either of them could remember. He and Sora were the closest of close, and Roxas sometimes felt excluded by the memories they shared that he couldn't even come close to recalling. "Yeah. I know Riku." It wasn't that Riku was a bad person. It was just that Roxas was very jealous of how close he could be with his twin.

Sora looked uncomfortable. "He's not just… a friend." He whispered, and his voice was cracking. "We've been… together… for a while. That's when things started getting really…" Sora's whole body was shaking violently. "Really bad for you."

"But why?"

Sora's eyes were crystal clear. "You wanted to take it all on yourself. You… didn't want anything to happen to me… And I'm sorry. You should have had the chance to be happy. You gave up everything so I could be."

"Well, are you?"

Sora only nodded. His eyes told the rest of the story. Yes, he was happy. He would have given everything to stay with Riku. He was happy. And that was enough for Roxas to accept everything that had happened. "The night… you… disappeared…" His face was crimson. "Was… the night I… and Riku… we…"

"Oh." Roxas whispered faintly. "Were you okay…? After I left, I mean."

Sora nodded miserably. "Yeah. I was. You weren't." He crawled across the hallway and sat next to his twin. "Roxas… if you're happy with Axel, I want you to go do whatever it is you have to do to make sure you stay happy. You never were before." Bright blue met bright blue. "You smiled, but they weren't real smiles. I can't tell you happy I am to see you really smile again, Roxas."

The two hugged one another tightly. "What am I going to do about everyone else?" Roxas whispered to his brother.

"Fuck everyone else. If you're happy with him, be happy with him and don't think about anyone else. They don't matter, anyway." Roxas was extremely surprised to hear such strong language out of Sora, of all people, but shook off his surprise and accepted it as Sora merely being passionate.

"…Alright." He whispered.

"You woke me up at an ungodly hour to ask me if it was okay?" Sora teased, pushing his brother lightly on the shoulder.

"Well I could have told you over breakfast. I didn't know if that would be okay, though." He pushed back.

Sora gave Roxas another playful shove. "No, maybe not. You might have been too embarrassed." Sora jumped and pulled Roxas up with him, pushing him toward his own room. "Now just go back in there and go back to sleep. And don't worry about what's going to happen later on. It's going to work out, I swear." He padded toward his own room, and left Roxas standing silently in the hallway. A moment after Sora had already gone back into his room, Roxas headed down to his, stripped back down to his boxers and climbed back into bed.

Axel was a warm and welcoming bedmate, as he opened his arms and held Roxas in a tight, warm embrace. "Mm…" Roxas felt a rustling of breath in his hair and curled up a bit into the warm arms and chest. Maybe Sora was right. Maybe things were going to be alright after all. He breathed in the smell of his own bed, and the strange way it mingled with Axel's smell to make a comforting mix of both. An equilibrium of them. He leaned into the smell, trying to take in as much of it as he could before Axel's scent took precedence and overpowered the smell of Roxas's bed.

It was almost ten by the time the two of them woke simultaneously (or, rather, Axel woke up awkwardly and woke Roxas with him) and dressed silently. It was only when Axel started for the door without speaking to Roxas that the blond seized his wrist.

"You aren't going to talk to me?" He whispered, worried that maybe it was just a trick the moonlight had played on the two of them.

Axel turned slowly, trying desperately not to show his relief that Roxas had broken the taboo of speaking first. "I wasn't sure you were okay."

"I'd have kicked your ass out of my bed if I weren't."

"Oh. But I…" Axel couldn't seem to find words. He was just so… self-conscious about everything.

"Hush." Roxas told him, awkwardly giving the tall redhead a quick kiss. "Let's go get some breakfast." He started toward the door first then, leaving Axel to stare blankly after the blond before a grin spread over his face.

"I bet I could beat you down there." He laughed and darted through the door first. Roxas laughed and started after him, but then stopped short at the top of the stairs, laughing as Axel tumbled down the stairs, landing at the bottom in an undignified lump.

"Are you okay?" Roxas called tentatively.

"Yeah… I won, though!" Axel picked himself up and cringed, tapping on his swollen nose lightly. "You did a number on me yesterday."

Roxas only raised his eyebrows as he walked past. "You did the same to me." He responded airily. "Besides, you hit me first."

"I did not. You provoked me. That's as bad."

"Whatever." Roxas rolled his eyes and stepped into the kitchen, rubbing his bruised chest. "You pounded me pretty bad, though."

"Hey, don't worry, Roxas. I'll pound you even better another time."

He winked. Roxas felt his face burn under the stares of what had to be every other boy in the house. The sound of a fork dropping against a plate echoed through the room, and Axel burst into nervous giggles, dragging Roxas into the cooking area.

"I hate you." Roxas hissed, trying to ignore the stares that were burning into his back.

Axel waved his hand and laughed. "Yeah, yeah." He dragged out a pot and poured some milk into it before setting it on the stove for oatmeal. It was a long moment before the others giggled a little and went back to their breakfast and Roxas dared to turn around. Sora was staring at him, still open-mouthed.

Roxas rolled his eyes and waved his hand, shaking his head. I'll explain later. He mouthed.

On the plus side, however, now Roxas was saved the experience of explaining to everyone the way things had just become. Everyone now already assumed it, so it was just easier to continue on with life with Axel.

Who was, at that moment, leaning in the refrigerator. "Hey, Roxas," He called over his shoulder. "You like sausages, right?"

Roxas could only stare at him in horror.

End Chapter Five