Darth Vader woke up after five hours of sound, restful sleep. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept so much after... after becoming what he was.
Reaching out with the Force, he verified the child was gone once more.
He opened the pod and exited it, heading directly for the now empty chair in his office.
The blanket was there, thrown aside, one of the corners hanging from the armrest, and the cuddly toy on the centre of the seat.
The corners of Vader's lips twisted upward, knowing the boy had left it behind deliberately, again. He found the gesture oddly reassuring.
The Dark Lord took it and looked at it for a very long time. It was a really grotesque cross between a teddy bear and a frog. It had tiny towelling 'membranes' in between the four fingers of its hands and feet, an exaggeratedly wide mouth, pointed ears and a funny tuft of make-believe hair between them. The top it wore was dark-coloured, and the sleeves were a little bit frayed.
It was obvious the toy had been with the child for quite some time, judging from how worn it was.
Would this be his favourite toy?
The thought felt comforting somehow.
"Well, Froggy Bear. I guess it is just you and me now."
Froggy Bear?
Deciding not to dwell on his weird mental slip, the Sith Lord put away the toy and the blanket and left his quarters, feeling lighter inside for some reason.
It was a very strange day on the bridge of the Executor.
Vader seemed uncharacteristically impatient. As if wanting to be somewhere else. He walked the deck up and down, sometimes coming down to supervise his subordinates' work.
Most lieutenants, when hearing Vader's breathing behind their backs, got so rattled they made the silliest mistakes. But instead of Force-choking them, Vader simply waited for them to correct their mistake and continued checking on their progress. A couple times, he even took the time to explain to two junior officers a faster way of testing their computers' systems, through a bypass in their programming.
Once satisfied with his inspection, feeling his men were on the verge of a heart attack, Vader crossed his hands behind his back and returned to his usual position, looking out of the windows.
It was curious, he had never noticed the amusing side of fear.
The Dark Lord was so engrossed with his report that the child had to awaken him to his presence by tapping his forearm.
Vader nodded without looking, and finished writing the sentence he was working on. Then, he turned off his computer.
When he turned his head to look at the boy, he frowned. The child was distinctly pale. Even more so than the night before.
"Are you...?" he began to ask, but was shocked into silence when, with no previous warning, the boy climbed into his lap and cuddled there.
Vader threw his hands up and stared down at the startling sight in disbelief.
His first impulse was standing up and putting the boy on the floor again. Who in Sith hell did that boy think he was? Cuddling up to him in so proprietorial a manner! But something held him back. Maybe it was the deep weariness coming out of the small body in waves. Maybe it was the instant concern it evoked in him. Maybe it was that elusive something that bound child and Sith Lord together. Something beyond Darkness and Light, that had enabled them to find an impossible balance.
Instinctively, Vader brought one hand down and looked for the pulse on the child's neck. It was a bit slow, but otherwise, normal.
Dawning on him all of a sudden, he rolled up one of the boy's sleeves. The little arm was maybe a bit thin, but otherwise, he seemed well nourished.
"Do you eat properly, child? Do you find enough food to...?"
The boy smiled up at him tiredly, so Vader didn't bother to finish the question. Still, it didn't deter him.
"Listen, you must be reasonable. This situation cannot go on," he began. "It is time to go home, with your family. They will take good care of you. You wanted to live an adventure, and you did. Now you have to..."
The boy looked away, obviously not wanting to hear that.
"...before it is too late, for the two of us."
Something in Vader's voice made the child turn his head and look up at him again. His features softened.
"There could be great danger involved if... someone found out about you. About you and me..." he trailed off, staring into the distance. "I fear I wouldn't be able to protect you." He braved the sweet eyes, feeling for the first time they would be his undoing.
The boy reached out and took one of the big gloved hands between both of his.
Vader looked down at the tiny hands holding his own, and something inside him told him what that gesture meant.
I will protect you.
Vader smiled sadly beneath his mask. He reached out with his free hand and moved the uneven short fringe aside, revealing the pale forehead. The gesture felt as natural as breathing.
'I don't even have flesh and blood hands to touch you. I am nothing but a murderer and a henchman, burning in his own hatred and greed. In his thirst for power.'
The child smiled as he had never smiled at him before, and kissed the back of his hand.
A strange weakness befell the Dark Lord. His free hand moved again and stroked the smooth, open face all over, finally giving in to the temptation of touching the dimple on the boy's chin.
"Did you know that dimples on the chin are dominant hereditary features? That means that either your father or your mother also had one," he went off at a tangent, needing the distraction to get his control back.
The caring smile never left the boy's lips as he curled up to Vader's warmth, staying away from his chestplate instinctively, and closed his eyes.
The Sith Lord bit his lower lip, swept away by a feeling he had never experienced before. Following it blindly, he grabbed his cape and covered the child with it.
The weight of the boy's body on his flesh and blood thighs felt overwhelming. He couldn't remember the last time he had someone in his lap. He knew it had been his wife, but he couldn't remember when.
"Look at me," he suddenly said.
The child's eyes opened and fixed on him, steadfast, calm.
"One," Vader plunged ahead, "you could be getting sick. You can't keep on hiding from everyone but me, even if I cannot stop you from doing it if you want to. You could get seriously ill." He made a pause for effect. "Two, think about your relatives, your teachers and monitors. All the people who care about you. It has been over a week already. An intelligent boy like you should be more sensitive than that."
The child clasped his hand tighter between his own, as if knowing where all this was actually heading.
Vader reached down and framed one pale cheek, angling it so the boy was looking straight up at him.
"And three. The longer you stay with me, the more likely it is that someone might find out about you. Your safety could be compromised at any moment." He pressed his palm hard against the soft cheek and nodded. "Yes, I know. I know you also feel this... connection between us. Maybe it is what made you follow me aboard?"
The soft smile never left the full lips.
"I have been meditating on it, and although my every attempt has been fruitless, I can admit that this connection is just as strong for me." He looked up, searching for the right words. "I do not know why the Force decreed for us to meet. It is not logical, or wise. In the kind of life I lead, there is no place for children. You belong with your family, not in a Star Destroyer. This is a battle ship, not a safe place for a child. Any child. You understand?"
One look at the boy confirmed he did understand.
"I do not know why are we feeling like this, but it has got to stop. Before our attachment becomes unbreakable. Your presence is disturbing me greatly, and it could cost me my life." His voice hardened. "I am a Sith Lord. By definition, emotional attachments, compassion and softness are not a part of our lives. We left that behind and embraced different morals and ambitions. This is my destiny, and you cannot, you must not, interfere with it."
As he talked, the smile abandoned the boy's lips. An infinite sadness, and even a hint of disappointment, appeared in his eyes. The Light around him brushed Vader's aura tentatively, enticingly.
Vader smiled at the childlike, naive attempt.
"You cannot change what I am. I made the decision years ago, and there is no turning back for me." He drew back his hand from in between the child's, and petted his head comfortingly. "Think about all this before going to sleep. There is much more at stake here than your stubborn desire to be with me. You must learn to let go." A part of Vader winced at his last words when he remembered who used to say them.
'Yes, I did learn to let go. The hard way, but I did.' He let out a nasty smile. 'You would be proud of me now, you little green bastard.'
The child's eyes didn't move away from his mask for a very long time. He was deadly serious, but there was a certain softness about him too as he studied the inexpressive durasteel mask.
At last, letting out a small sigh, he curled up even more and pressed up to Vader's body, tucking his head below the Dark Lord's stomach. He put his arms across his chest and relaxed fully. His eyes closed.
Vader struggled to hold back the shudder that the child's needful cuddling elicited.
It took a while for the boy to fall asleep, and when he did, Vader just couldn't bring himself to let go.
He was immersed in a sea of confusion, as the gentle feelings the child inspired, swept him away.
He was living a contradiction. He was a Sith Lord experiencing a true caring for someone. It couldn't be and he knew it. He knew what he had to do to save himself. Then, he looked at the boy, and he couldn't do it.
There was something stronger than their very lives binding them together. Something beyond the bond between Force sensitives. Beyond spiritual. Beyond real.
But what?
'Ani, I'm pregnant.'
'That's wonderful. This is a happy moment. The happiest moment of my life.'
Vader closed his eyes against the words and the images in his mind.
'I lost it all in the blink of an eye. I failed. Now, I have to live with the choices I made,' he reminded himself for the second time in three days.
Live for what?
'To rule.'
Rule what?
'The galaxy.'
What for?
'To bring true peace and order to it. To make of it what it always should have been.'
And kill anyone who disagrees with your vision of 'peace' and 'order'?
Vader hissed. He had to leave here.
He rose to his feet very carefully with the boy in his arms, turned about and deposited him softly on his chair.
The child didn't wake up. He curled up even more when a little tremor shook his body.
Vader opened the drawer through the Force and levitated the blanket and the cuddly toy up to his hands. He tucked the boy and placed the toy beside him. Then, he moved back.
Something felt wrong there. Being huddled in that small space seemed uncomfortable. Any bed would be better than a leather seat, where the child couldn't even stretch out completely. Sleeping like this had to be harmful to his bones and muscles.
Vader's resolution strengthened. The boy would leave, whether he wanted it or not. There would be no more putting off.
The Sith Lord woke up with a definite feeling of foreboding. A dark cloud covered his thoughts, and it got heavier the more the day progressed.
Finally, in the late evening, Captain Kyle approached him. Something inside Vader went cold.
"Milord, the Emperor commands you to contact him immediately."
Vader nodded curtly, dismissing his officer. He looked out of the windows a little longer, bracing himself for what he knew awaited him.
Vader went down on one knee, as the holographic image wavered and came to life.
"Yes, my master." His mouth was dry, and an undeniable feeling of unease settled in his soul.
"Lord Vader," the chilling voice resounded all over the chamber, "Intelligence has detected some suspicious movements in the closest circle of the Governor of Kolmenor. He could be conspiring against the Empire."
"Understood, master." A soul-deep weariness overtook the Dark Lord. Another fool who had underestimated the Empire had his days numbered. And, as thousands of times before, he was appointed to be the executioner. Never mind if the man was guilty or not. Palpatine clearly considered him a threat to be wiped out. Any intelligent being with an independent will was a menace to his master.
He had eliminated many of those lately, and he had forced himself into believing that it was necessary, to protect the Empire and dissuade future enemies, but recently, he had found it wasn't enough.
He needed a reason to kill. A reason stronger than those that had worked before.
Palpatine made an uncharacteristic pause.
"Good, my friend. Contact me upon your return from your mission."
"I will, master." Vader didn't look up until the image disappeared. He looked around the empty room.
'My mission,' he sneered. 'As if there was something noble in the assassination of an unsuspecting nobody, who will never have the option to defend himself.'
Why do you do this? Why are you acting against your own sense of justice, even against your principles?
Principles? He had never questioned them before. Why now?
And why every time he thought about killing, a pair of light-coloured, caring eyes flashed in his mind?
Vader was sitting in his leather chair, staring at the cuddly toy, as if it held the answer to all his questions. Wondering how would he be able to brave the gentle eyes of its owner, after...
His eyes closed the moment he felt the boy walking in his office. He couldn't look at him. Not yet.
The Dark Lord felt the touch of the tiny hand on top of his own like fire. The little fingers sought to intertwine with his own.
Something made Vader look up at last, guarding his deepest core from the child's instinctive inquisitiveness.
The boy's face was drawn and he had rings under his eyes. His condition was worsening in leaps and bounds. Still, his sweet face glowed as he looked at him, despite the worry that was clearly visible in his features.
'He knows. Somehow, he knows,' Vader realized.
When the boy made the weak attempt to climb up into his lap, Vader didn't fight. Quite the contrary, he helped him up and settled him snugly against him.
"Listen to me," he began, in a startlingly raspy voice, "I have a mission to carry out, and won't be back until the day after tomorrow. That means you will be on your own tomorrow night."
The tired eyes met his and the plea in them hit the Sith Lord's mind like a physical blow.
'Don't go!'
Vader ignored it and went on.
"After that, I will take you to a shuttle and return you home, wherever it is. You can throw a silent tantrum if you want, but this is it. Force knows I have been patient, but it's over, child."
Again, as it happened the second night when he threatened him with taking him to sickbay, stark terror appeared in the boy's face.
'Why are you so afraid of leaving my quarters?' Vader wondered in awe. 'No one would hurt you. I would have the decks cleared so no one would see you. What's the reason behind so much fear?'
The light eyes turned to his again, and the words appeared in his mind once more, sounding even more desperate than before.
'Don't go!'
"Stop that!" Vader commanded. "It is my duty, and I will not neglect it just because you do not want me to go." 'Even if you don't like what I have been ordered to do.'
The boy jumped from Vader's lap to the floor and started pacing the room back and forth, twisting his hands in obvious anguish.
'You look like a grown up when you do that,' Vader mused. 'Do not want to grow up too fast, little one. Life is nothing but pain. Hold on to your cuddly toys for as long as you can, even if it's only an illusion.' His eyes turned involuntarily to the toy on the console.
A dull thud made him start. The child had collapsed and lay face down on the floor.
Vader sprang to his feet and knelt down beside the still body. He turned it over and into his arms. The boy was semi-conscious. He strained to open his eyes unsuccessfully.
'In the name of... what is happening to you?' Vader cried out in his mind. 'It is as if... as if every time I took a life or agreed to... I was killing you too!' it struck the Sith Lord in a moment of blinding insight. 'As if every time I yield to the Darkness in me, I was... I was destroying a part of you!'
Vader stood with the weakened child in his arms, heading hurriedly for his chair and sitting there. He watched the still form earnestly.
'Our attachment is unbreakable already,' he realized. 'I allowed this to go on for too long, and it is too late for us.'
A tiny hand reached up shakily.
'And you allowed it to happen. You welcomed it!' Vader drew back in shock. 'WHY?'
Trembling fingers roamed the black mask, and Vader felt them stroking his face almost fearfully, as if expecting to be rejected.
Hissing, the Dark Lord pressed the small hand to his face intensely, wishing to imprint those tiny fingertips on his scars.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked softly. "There has to be a reason. Even for a four year old."
The child licked his dry lips and managed to open his eyes. He let out a little smile. Vader sat him up on his lap. Some colour returned to his cheeks, and some strength too, as it became evident when he was capable of remaining sitting without any support.
"Can you break the link between us from your end?" Vader suggested. "There must be a way to spare you."
Outrage appeared on the boy's face, as if Vader had asked him to commit the worst crime.
"All right. Then I will try to sever it from my end," the Dark Lord decided. "This situation is preposterous."
The child shook his head dejectedly and looked down.
Vader cupped the boy's chin in his hand and raised it. The moment he faced the infinite sadness in those breathtaking eyes, he forgot what he wanted to say. What was with those eyes that had such power over him? Why they seemed to speak in a language only he could understand? Why he felt so comfortable in the child's presence? Why it seemed so natural, so right for them to be together?
Vader blinked, as if coming out of a trance, and found himself stroking one pale cheek with the backs of his fingers.
"I wish you were mine," he muttered to himself. "I wish..." he sighed. "We are two lost souls, living something that cannot be. Something that's bound to end tragically, and there is nothing we can do to stop it. You know that, don't you?"
Tears filled the child's eyes, but he quickly held them back. A poignant smile illuminated his features, and turning his head slightly, he kissed the caressing fingers. He took a deep breath and straightened up resolutely, squaring his shoulders.
Vader smiled.
"You're a stubborn, recalcitrant, uncooperative, obstinate pest. Maybe that is why I like you so much."
The boy returned the smile unashamedly.
Vader dropped his hand, feeling emotionally drained all of a sudden.
The child reached out and placed his palm on the Sith Lord's heart.
'Listen to it.'
Warmth spread all over Vader's chest, and he felt as if his heart had stopped beating for a moment. Then, it resumed its steady thumping.
Grabbing the blanket, Vader tucked the boy, and deciding to show off a little, he levitated the toy up to his hands. A big smile of wonder was the Dark Lord's reward.
The big gloved hand reached out and ruffled the light hair fondly.
"I will see you in two days, little one. Take care of yourself in the meantime."
Vader was feeling dizzy when he entered his pod, and was glad to get rid of the mask and the helmet. It wasn't a rare occurrence. Occasionally, he felt a strange pressure in his skull and being free of them usually relieved it. But not this time.
Maybe the ozone concentration in the chamber was too high. It had been hell the first few weeks of being in the suit, but he had no choice if he wanted to live. He needed to breathe the cleanest, most purified air, for his badly damaged lungs to make the smallest effort possible.
He made some adjustments until the feeling of dizziness passed.
He wished the heavy feeling in his chest could be relieved just as easily.
Kolmenor.
After seven hours in the shuttle, Vader was glad to walk out of it. He had never been on this planet before, and the Sith Lord had to admit it was one of the most beautiful places he had ever visited. It was exuberant, bursting with life. The tallest trees he had ever seen raised majestically, shining under the sunlight of the rapidly setting sun. The calming sound of a myriad fountains and flowing water could be heard everywhere.
But he wasn't here to bask in the sun and wonder at the classical, elegant architecture of the buildings.
He was here to kill.
He walked from the landing platform framed by perfectly pruned bushes and through a small maze of hedges, to his destination. A square ten-storey building surrounded by a garden.
On his way, he had studied the young governor's habits. The building was mostly empty at this time, except for the few members of the government who worked late hours, and the droid cleaning service. The governor was usually amongst the last to leave.
He used the Force to bypass the average security system, and the doors opened soundlessly before him.
His steps were long and steady, almost noiseless, as he covered the first three levels and reached the double doors at the end of the corridor. When he was directly in front of them, he faltered. He could feel the man's presence inside. There was warmth behind those doors. Charisma and goodness.
And he would be the one to extinguish that light.
Not knowing why, he opened the doors manually instead of using the Force.
Right in front of him there was a wooden table, functional but elegant; and sitting at it, a handsome young man in his early thirties but looking younger looked up from the text he was reading to the unannounced visitor. His eyes opened wide.
"Lord Vader!" he exclaimed, rising to his feet and walking around his table, reaching out to the Dark Lord.
Vader ignored the proffered hand and headed for the massive windows covering the left wall of the room. The view was impressive. Most of the capital was visible from there. Little lights were coming to life as darkness began to fall. His acute hearing picked up the chirping of the birds in the garden outside.
It had been years since he had been moved by the beauty of nature.
Snapping out of his reverie, Vader was drawn to the reflection of the governor in the glass windows. He was around 185 centimetres tall, light-haired and light-eyed. Well built. His hair was maybe longer than usual for a politician, but impeccably cut, except for a stray lock of hair on his forehead that gave him a youthful look.
"To what do I owe the honour of your visit?" the reflection asked.
"You brought the attention of the Empire," Vader explained concisely.
"Indeed?" the expressive eyebrows arched. "How so?"
"You have been in contact with... certain elements the Emperor doesn't approve of."
"I see," a faraway look appeared in the light eyes, as the governor walked up to Vader and joined him in his unconscious contemplation of the lush garden. There was a short pause. "Sometimes, when I have a tough decision to make that I know will be unpopular, I like to spend some time looking out of the windows. It helps me to relax. And I know that, in the long run, people will realize that such a decision was for the best."
"Peoples are like children, and as such must be treated," Vader said. "If they don't like our decisions, they must be forced to accept them, whether they like them or not. They are too limited to see the greater scheme of things."
"Do not underestimate them," replied a gentle voice. "True, they only seem to care about the subjects that concern them directly, but they also see the bigger picture. They care about others, they want the best for the galaxy. They want to be respected and treated as what they are. Independent beings with a conscience. With opinions and feelings. But I guess we only see what we want to see."
Vader remained silent.
"Look at this garden," the young man invited. "It grows free and exuberant. Hundreds of different types of plants, flowers, bushes and trees, all mixed together, sharing the same space in peace and harmony. But if you look closely, you will see that an invisible hand has been putting some subtle order for all these plants not to grow on the others' space, and end up getting in each other's way. This is the way I conceive a politician's role... and true Democracy."
"Democracy is overestimated. It is a system as fallible and imperfect as any other. If not more."
"Any system is likely to fail if ruled by incompetent or corrupt people. People who became so full of themselves that they stopped worrying about what was really important, and lost perspective on things. That's what happened to the Old Republic. It self-destroyed."
The Dark Lord's heart skipped a beat when he realized he actually agreed with those words. And what was worse, he was beginning to like that verbose young man with strong opinions and an almost irresistible charm.
"But what we have now is not an Empire," the voice turned deep and serious. "It is a dictatorship, and more and more systems are beginning to open their eyes. Soon, there will be no stopping it."
"Stopping what?" Vader asked with pretended nonchalance.
"You know what," the young man admitted openly. "Peoples' freedom cannot be hindered for too long, before they rise to demand it."
"You realize of course, that you are speaking of treason," Vader hissed coldly.
"That depends on one's point of view. The megalomaniac whims of one man can hardly be considered a valid system, especially when all the legal and rightful opposition is being thoroughly exterminated."
Something inside Vader twisted at the sound of those words. Is that what this system had come down to?
He knew the answer before the question fully formed in his mind.
How many thousands of people he had eliminated, following his master's orders? Maybe those people had been rebellious or dangerous to Palpatine's vision at first, but when had those calculated murders given way to the methodical extermination of any dissident voice, of anyone who dared to express their mere disagreement?
And why only now had he become aware of it?
"Life is a constant change. That is a universal truth. And one day, this system based on oppression and fear will die, along with those who supported it, and all for what? At the cost of millions of innocent lives, who only wanted freedom to make their own mistakes, to love, to laugh, to cry, to exist in peace." The young man sighed and turned about, heading for his table and looking down at it. "And as an intelligent, capable and free being, it is my duty to do everything in my power to stop this, before it takes any more lives."
Vader walked up behind him.
"Even if it's too late to save my own."
Vader's breathing hitched and a chilling feeling of dread enveloped his soul.
It was time. The hour of Darkness.
"I respect you."
Vader's own words came as a shock to him.
A bitter smile appeared in the good-looking features.
"I know. And believe it or not, even if you're nothing more than a henchman at the service of your master, I respect you too. And I hope that one day, you will open your eyes to the truth. That day, my death will not have been in vain. No one's death will have been in vain."
Vader's right hand settled on the back of the young man's neck. A heartbeat later, a loud crack broke the quiet of the scene.
The Sith Lord took the slowly slipping body in his arms and let it drop gently to the carpeted floor.
It was then that Vader saw the small two-dimensional picture the young governor had been clutching tightly in his hands. He bent down and took it from the lifeless fingers.
It was a picture of the governor and his family. His wife was a beautiful woman. Petite, but of a really stunning beauty. Dark-haired and dark-eyed, her wavy long hair fell down her shoulders and beyond, down her back. Between the two of them, they were holding an adorable little girl, no more than seven years old. Her dark hair was tied back in two long pigtails, and her expressive mouth smiled happily. She had one arm wrapped around each of her parents. Her dead eyes clearly showed that she was blind.
The picture fell from Vader's suddenly trembling fingers, as the mental image of the little boy's face appeared before his eyes.
The Dark Lord looked down at his right hand, and watched it turn into a claw.
Those fingers, that had caressed that sweet, beautiful face, and ruffled that soft hair, were the same fingers that had just taken a life. An innocent life.
How would he be able to touch that purity again?
His eyes turned to the dead young man on the floor, and a sudden image of the dashing man he had been once flashed in his mind's eye. Then, he looked back at the picture.
And he knew.
He had just killed himself. And them. All over again.
Padme. His unborn child.
A tornado of feelings more powerful than anything he had experienced before, rose from the core of his being and took over his mind, until he thought he was going insane. The pressure in his skull became unbearable. He thought his brain was going to explode.
And he wished it would.
He was a criminal. A mass murderer. Nothing more. The lowest being who had ever existed.
Vader grabbed the sides of his head and sank to his knees beside the man he had murdered.
The most horrifying scream echoed through every corner of the building.
TO BE CONTINUED...