A/N:
I apologize for the late update! I was heavily busy, and unfortunately still am, but I decided to take a little break and write this new installment, anyway ;)
Chapter Twenty-One
"Even the slightest bit of hidden truth would sabotage any attempt of accomplishing the resurrection you so seek to achieve, Sesshomaru."
Totosai's instruction still rang fresh in his mind as Sesshomaru remained in stillness, standing before the silent priestess. Gold locked with deep mahogany brown as she took a moment to process his sudden and unexpected demand, and he could tell her keen gaze was already studying his form for further information which his words didn't already surrender to her.
And as much as he realized at that moment how unnecessarily uncomfortable this entire situation was, a certain understanding still acted as a solid ground for support beneath his feet, solidifying his decision in his mind and assisting him in relaxing himself under Kikyo's quiet investigation;
His perception of this priestess in front of him, was still incomplete.
And for this reason, he now knew it was nothing short of a naïve mistake on his part to try shortcutting his way around the same information that he was lacking about her, if he ever wished to follow with his desire of testing her beliefs and granting her with a proper, stable existence.
Totosai's words were as clear as crystal, now;
A full resurrection of the body along with the soul, meant that he needed a full understanding of the person in order to properly master the technique.
"Very well." Kikyo's sudden and calm agreement pulled him back from his thinking as he kept his stare on her.
And neither moved for another moment, the cold wind which entirely contrasted the warm sun that day had to offer rummaged through the high tops of the tress above their heads as their steady melody stretched to purvey between the trees and all the way into the darkest depths of the lush forest. With the moon now obscured behind a thin and even layer of clouds, only the light of the distant fire behind the priestess acted as a beckon of flames for them to follow as they both began stepping back in its direction.
Sesshomaru's golden eyes fixed on Kikyo's back as he strode slightly after his companion, observing as the light from the fire granted her entire being with a bright silhouette, the straight-cut endings of her long and unbound dark strands carried by the soft wind and wafting rhythmically behind her with every poised step she took forward, occasionally moving her hair enough for him to catch a glimpse of her composed profile, lit by the cascading rays of the current source of heat.
He had noted before that this woman was indeed striking for a human, but somehow and without himself even noticing, at that moment, Sesshomaru found that he must admit to himself at least, of her quite possibly being the most striking female he had ever seen in his life.
Stopping before the entrance of the camp area, Kikyo turned halfway in his direction, meeting his gaze and causing his heart to skip a single beat.
"Rin is asleep." She notified simply through an unreadable expression, her eyes quickly lowering to the imp-demon tailing behind his master in a hushed request for maintaining the peace, especially considering Inuyasha's existence was about to be the topic of their upcoming discussion.
Jaken tensed his shoulders while narrowing his eyes up at the woman, then, he only begrudgingly nodded with understanding. The realization of what Sesshomaru would do to him if he even dared to utter one word about his most recent and unbelievable piece of knowledge before her caused every single hair still present on his body to stand up, resulting in the imp-demon obediently agreeing with no further objection on the matter.
Kikyo turned back around, continuing on her way to sit herself on the same rock which her bow and arrow quiver leaned against, in front of the steady flames.
"Where would you like me to start?" She asked, placing one hand on the harsh surface next to her for support with the other resting safely in her lap, on top of her red hakama trousers.
Sesshomaru singled out a wide rock positioned across from where she was, his intense gaze never leaving her being for even a moment as he positioned himself on top of it with a smooth motion, his posture straight and regal.
Then, he breathed deeply.
"Your first meeting." He said, his jaw involuntary clenching to his tone of voice ending up more like an impatient demand than a clam inquiry as he intended.
Kikyo lowered her head, mahogany eyes finding the blazing and enchanting light of the flames as she closed her eyes, freeing the chained memories she fought so hard to imprison and keep away from occupying her thoughts to finally resurface and spread through her conscious.
And to him, her spiritual aura at that moment seemed like a closed rose slowly unfolding its petals to the nurture of the comforting sun, aiding the daiyoukai with a quiet perspective of how truly repressed her emotions were before him through all of this time.
"Inuyasha heard of the Shikon Jewel and came to seek its power like many youkai have tried before him." She began her story, opening her eyes, "However, unlike the others, he wished to use it for a different purpose."
With this, she raised her head back up, interlocking her steady gaze with Sesshomaru's stern one.
"Inuyasha wished to become a full-fledged youkai, in order to grant himself with enough power to survive in this world."
Keeping his silence, Sesshomaru only observed her, his full attention fixed on the woman sitting in front of him.
"As the keeper of the Shikon Jewel, our paths inevitably crossed, and time after time, I had managed to foil each and every single one of his attempts to even reach near the sacred stone." Kikyo joined her hands together in her lap, and Sesshomaru noticed the slight slump in the woman's shoulders, "In time, however, we have also come to know more and more about each other, and we have eventually discovered unexpected common grounds for us to relate in our respective journeys."
The daiyoukai let out a shallow breath as he only lifted his chin slightly to her words.
And Kikyo wore a soft smile on her face.
"Seeing that Inuyasha was a half-youkai, never having a clear place in this world, I have found him to be very much like myself; a woman who is neither a human or a youkai, forever bound to her duty of protecting the Shikon Jewel and never truly able to belong among the common people."
Dissatisfaction ripped through Sesshomaru's calm façade at the way her lips carried his cursed half-brother's name, how she suddenly looked so genuine and vulnerable before him, a visible, unmistakable sight that she had never permitted herself to display, masked behind layers and layers of protective walls and iron composure, something that could be achieved only when this woman was speaking and thinking of him.
His core filled with unspoken disgust coated with rage, a burning feeling that was like the strongest and most efficient poison eating at his insides, a virulent attack of both his mind and body alike.
But he will not be so cowardly and pathetic to stop here, no.
There was a point to all of this, and he required her to keep going for that purpose.
"One day, I had offered Inuyasha to try and use the Jewel in order to ask for humanity, instead." She continued, closing her eyes once more and lifting one hand to tuck a single long strand of silky hair behind her ear, "I wanted us both to live together in this world, and I assumed that if Inuyasha could place a wish like that upon the Jewel instead of becoming a full youkai, it would be pure enough to purge it from its darkness, causing it to finally disappear from this world and freeing me to live as a normal woman."
Hearing this unexpected part, the daiyoukai straightened in his seat, sharp eyebrows forming a studying frown to her words.
"Inuyasha had expressed his will to become human?" His need of clarification proved stronger than he had anticipated, and his lips formed a straight line at the unnecessary quickness in which the inquiry left his mouth.
Kikyo's gaze met with his in response to his sudden question.
"Inuyasha wished to live by my side, as I wished to live by his." She answered simply.
Lowering his head, Sesshomaru kept his sharp gaze on her being, his expression once again turning unreadable.
"On the morning of our promise to finally make the wish upon the Shikon Jewel, however, our plans were sabotaged by Naraku, as I have already told you before." She added.
Sesshomaru sat in stillness for a moment.
"You have said that Naraku took the form of him before you while doing the opposite with Inuyasha, fooling you both into thinking you were betrayed by the other." He confirmed.
Kikyo nodded once to his words.
Then, she let out a deep breath, her mahogany eyes once again finding the soothing dance of the flames in front of her.
"Consumed by my strong feelings of betrayal, I have foolishly believed his trick." She exhaled, sadness and regret clear in her features, "Then, I used the very last bit of power in me to seek out his existence in order to avenge my own state... however..."
He watched her shake her head in quiet and bitter amusement.
"I could only bring myself to perform the sealing spell on him before dying from my wounds."
Keeping his keen gaze on her, Sesshomaru placed his arm on top of his bent knee, his long, silver hair flying according to the cold breeze's wishes as he took a long moment to study the woman sitting before him.
And noticing his silence, Kikyo eventually opened her eyes and lifted her head to once again join with his gaze, neither of them sparing another word.
She had to admit it to herself; Sesshomaru was taking this a lot better than she had expected him to.
What truly surprised her, though, was how strong her own desire of sharing this with him proved to be, and how undeniably relieved she now felt at the notion of him knowing about it.
Searching his features, Kikyo focused on the way his golden eyes reflected the light from the flames, reminding her of the first night they had shared together in his camp, and how truly demonic he seemed to her under the same circumstances, how monstrous and otherworldly, nothing more than a plain beast in the guise of a human.
Now and after everything they had been through, however, the priestess noticed that although Sesshomaru's youkai nature was still very evident in his impressive exterior, the parts of him which she had gradually learned about shone so much brighter before her, making him appear a lot easier on her eyes, approachable, even.
'Is this really not just the result of that theory which is currently taking effect, causing me to witness him in a deceptive familiar light?' She pondered, inhaling the coldness in the air.
But as much as she still desperately attempted to grasp onto that piece of logical thinking, Kikyo soon gave up entirely and fully surrendered herself to the concept of sharing a bond with the daiyoukai sitting in front of her. The idea in itself was indeed still an odd one to her, but the priestess was now ready to give it a chance, at least, instead of so easily dismissing it like before;
To trust it.
'What exactly is going through his mind right now... after finally hearing about it?' She mused, observing his calm expression in silence. So far, Sesshomaru had surprisingly endured it well, especially considering the mere mention of Inuyasha's name sparked that much disgust in him, previously.
Noticing her quiet staring, Sesshomaru could tell the priestess was awaiting him to voice out his thoughts on the matter.
However, he allowed himself another moment to settle and arrange his thoughts, carefully going over each and every part of her story in his head, applying his analysis and forming his opinions.
The wood crackled under the heat of the flames between them both, sending sparks into the chilly air as neither Sesshomaru or Kikyo said anything. And the far noise of crickets and various animals concealed in the further depths of the greenery soon reached their location, filling their atmosphere and causing the two-headed dragon to crack one eye open and listen to the sounds of their lifeforms, leisurely examining the severity of their threat and eventually going back into deep slumber. Jaken himself had desperately attempted to follow after the conversation, but even he eventually lost to his exhaustion caused by spending the last few hours searching for Naraku's heart with the crystal, and was now already sound asleep against a large rock as well, leaving them both to their private exchange.
Eventually, Sesshomaru lifted his head slightly, letting out a quiet breath.
"For the likes of yourself, to be so consumed by your emotions to prevent you from detecting Naraku in Inuyasha's guise..." He began, watching her closely as he spoke firmly, "I, Sesshomaru, find that highly unlikely."
Maintaining his gaze, Kikyo refrained from answering for another moment.
"Under desperate circumstances, people may act in a foolish manner." She reminded him, repeating her words from earlier that day.
"Some people, but not you, miko." Sesshomaru countered almost immediately, "Inuyasha is likely to fall for a measly trap like that, you, on the other hand, are not."
Swallowing harshly to his words, Kikyo's eyebrows furrowed in silence.
And her hands balled into tight fists as her gaze fell to them, recalling her conversation with Rin by the river, mahogany eyes glancing to the side and inevitably setting on the child's sleeping form.
"No soul can be mistaken for another, because no soul is the same."
Composing herself, the priestess forced her mind clear from the momentary confusion that once again found its way to overcome her thinking, letting out a deep breath and eventually raising her gaze once again to meet with the daiyoukai's.
"You think too highly of me, Sesshomaru." She dismissed in an attempt to calm herself in the process as well, "I was a fool, pulled along by my devastation and hurt, letting my undisciplined thoughts run wild and allowing them to influence both my logic and my actions."
He narrowed his eyes at her.
"You truly are blind to certain aspects, miko, however, this is not one of them." He boldly insisted.
Sesshomaru's displeasure with her was clear, yet he resolved to refrain from further voicing his opinion on the subject, and he only quietly watched her for another moment in which none of them spoke.
Confused, Kikyo awaited him to further explain what he meant, however, she only met with the sight of hidden change in the look in his eyes, alerting her of the daiyoukai's unexpected decision to leave it at that, focusing his mind on another issue entirely. She tilted her head slightly to the side, unable to uncover the reason for him suddenly deciding to back away from the subject, yet she found the current situation better than potentially arguing over something that is incredibly subjective, at any rate.
And she simply waited for him to follow with his own newfound interest that evidently sparked within him.
Silence ruled the air between them, with just the sounds of their companion's low breathing combined with the stunted heat of the fire as it ate through the already darkened wood echoing against their environment, breaking through its stillness.
Then, Kikyo watched Sesshomaru shift in his seat, slightly lifting his chin before her.
"Those traitorous human emotions are what you so strongly crave and believe in?" He tested.
Hearing this, the priestess let out an amused breath, allowing her features to soften and her lips to curve up into a genuine smile.
"To feel them at the right time and with the right person... is what I wish for." She answered with no trace of dishonesty behind her words.
Sesshomaru observed as she held his gaze, her expression showing him the rare glimpse of happiness that she barely allowed herself to convey in her features, omitting another beat from the steady rhythm of his rebellious heart. He swallowed harshly, eventually noticing her emotions switching into the same familiar sadness and longing he knew too well as she lowered her attention to the fire, her mind as if sinking deep into a certain far memory.
"To allow them to envelop me one last time without the heavy guilt of abandoning my duty to weight down the sensation, without worry or shame to restrict me... is what I selfishly crave and believe is the most important."
Processing her words, Sesshomaru weighted the feelings transmitted by her features, and only the need to wipe that look clear from her face was left stronger than anything else he was experiencing in that moment, successfully conquering his thinking.
"The same emotions which you speak so fondly of were what set the basis for Naraku's trap, indirectly assisting you in finding your untimely death." He determined coldly, his voice low, "And yet, you still claim those are not a weakness?"
Kikyo simply chuckled lightly at his words, surprising him.
"To feel something like the love that both Inuyasha and I shared, is a sensation that is worth any downfall that could have followed to it." She replied, bringing her eyes back to meet with his, not a trace of sadness apparent in them as she shot him with a look of quiet confidence, "I do not regret the time that Inuyasha and I had spent together, and I never shall."
Lowering his head, his expression crossed with avid contempt.
"Love, huh." The daiyoukai countered, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
Taken aback by his unexpected response, Kikyo narrowed her eyes at him.
"Yes, I believe that is what I just said." She calmly answered, defusing his obvious attempt of mockery.
But her aura spoke volumes before him, and he could tell the priestess was slightly angry by the way her smooth waves were now occasionally disturbed by intermittent spikes of uneven concentrated spiritual energy.
And he chose to add nothing further.
Noticing the unspoken intensity communicated from his golden eyes, the priestess eased up her shoulders and let out a soft breath as a certain new wonder soon found its way into her thinking;
Why was Sesshomaru so invested in this subject, all of a sudden? For him to so open-mindedly step out of his comfort zone like this... although she did not object to sharing this information with him at all, Kikyo still could not help but ponder over the avid contrast between his behavior earlier and his unforeseen curiosity, now.
"What made you change your mind and inquire about this subject, Sesshomaru?" She investigated.
With this, her keen eyes caught the hint of surprise flash behind his pools of gold, followed by a slight stiffness of the shoulders.
His expression, however, still remained undisturbed before her.
"I have decided that no relevant matters should be kept a secret anymore, that is all." He stately answered.
"And yet, you've hidden the fact that Tenseiga was unsettled enough to call upon its swordsmith." Kikyo countered through a calm expression.
Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes at her and kept silence, soon understanding that his father's old friend apparently had a certain unexpected stop prior to him reaching his location.
'That old bastard...' He clenched his jaw.
"Sesshomaru." Kikyo said, grabbing his attention as his name carried by a dragged breath, mahogany eyes fixed on him, "Is the disturbance of Tenseiga something that I should be aware of?"
He held her gaze in silence, his expression staying impassive before her as the distanced roaming of thunder spread through the sky above, alerting them both of a slowly approaching storm to their current location, a stubborn residue of winter that still persisted on ruling the sky.
And at that moment, the daiyoukai felt his heart beat irregularly to the sight of her sitting in front of him so patiently like that, the low light from the strangled flames dancing across her face and exposing a genuine, wordless desire for him to share this unspoken issue with her, to reach a proper understanding, a yearning that is both genuine and free from any deceptive thoughts or motives, directed at him and not towards anyone else, this time.
Much to his annoyance, Sesshomaru noticed that throughout the entire conversation, the healing blade at his hip hasn't shown an ounce of its usual rebellious behavior which it displayed so effortlessly before, proving that his calculations were left incorrect.
Something was still missing.
And judging by this exchange and what this woman had told him, a certain information about the priestess that she, herself, was not yet even aware of.
Sesshomaru only released a deep, silent breath, ridding his mind from the temptation which attempted to overcome his rationality.
"That is something which is only relevant to I, Sesshomaru." He replied simply, yet his words felt as heavy as iron.
Kikyo lifted her head slightly at his final answer, the low thunder rumbling closer through the vast sky above them and the thin layer of clouds which gently concealed the moon now replaced by dark masses of concentrated weather, ready to release its turmoil upon the earth.
"I see." She steadily confirmed, her expression returning to its unreadable qualities, "I shall respect your decision, then."
A/N:
This chapter is a bit short, I know. However, I wanted to dedicate an entire one to their first conversation on this topic.
I can tell you that we're finally approaching the meat of the story, now ;)
I'm always interested to hear your opinions and theories, so please continue sharing them with me! Thank you for your kind support.