A couple of weeks later…
Olivia was lying in bed just staring at the wall and resting her head on Mark's chest. Mark's arm was around her in a comforting embrace and he was just staring up at the ceiling. Both still in denial and not willing to talk about it.
Olivia lightly rubbed on his chest "Honey?"
"Yea?" Mark whispered knowing what she was going to ask for. Sex. She was using it as an escape since she didn't want to discuss what happened. They have been having sex ever since she came from the hospital because she wanted a release. He tried to talk to about it but she just wouldn't so he decided to let her be in denial for a while if it eased her pain a little.
She moved closer to him and hugged him tighter "Make love to me" she whispered holding him close.
Mark nodded a little knowing both needed to escape the wound they each had. The wound of losing a child. The wounds both were still not ready to let heal.
He pulled her closer and lightly met his lips with hers. Both feeling a small release being close to each other.
They made love and Olivia fell asleep in his arms like every night. Mark just holding her and watching her sleep. She was slowly torturing herself. She went to work dispute that they gave her time off. She was getting addicted to sex. He wanted to save her and help her but she refused to let him in. She refused to talk about it.
Olivia woke up around 8 to her alarm buzzing. Mark's strong arms around her and holding her while he slept. She slowly untangled his arms from her waist and got out of bed. She knew she was using him for sex since she came home and she knew she wasn't being fair by not letting him in to what was eating her alive slowly. It was her fault their child was gone.
Mark heard moving around so he woke up. Olivia was putting on her badge "Sweetheart you don't need to go in"
"Yes I do" She answered still her back turned to him.
"You need to rest," He said watching her pull on her holster.
"No"
"Olivia don't do this to yourself"
"I'm doing my job that's all" She said finally turning around to face him.
"We need to talk about this"
"No we don't" She gave him a kiss "I have to go, I'll see you later"
Mark just nodded "I love you, be careful"
She nodded and left the room and went out of the house. The twins were spending the night at Kristen's house and James and Jenny were at school already. Zane was at his lawyers making funeral plans for his mother. Mark offered to go with him but he refused.
Mark stared up at the ceiling and after a while got up to go to work. He put on his holster and put his badge inside of his blazer. He let his tie hang around his neck and went out of the already empty house.
It was already 11 in the morning and Olivia just kept working. Elliot looked at her and knew she pushed people away when she felt guilty or was hurting emotionally.
"Liv why didn't you stay home?"
"Someone needs to look at your ugly mug" She teased as she wrote down notes.
"You should be resting" Elliot said quietly "Did you and Mark talk?"
"Sure" She answered as she got up and went to her locker. Elliot got up as well and followed her knowing she was lying.
"Olivia you can't hide from this"
"I'm not hiding from anything. Lets go finish this case," She said as she walked away from him. Elliot said nothing and followed her out of the squad room to interview their witness.
Mark was in the FBI gym and running on the treadmill extremely fast. Wearing his FBI issued t-shirt and FBI sweats. He was already dripping with sweat and kept going with music blasting in the background.
George walked in wearing his suit and sat down by the bench behind Mark. He watched Mark for a while and grabbed the remote control for the stereo. He got up and turned off his treadmill.
Mark stopped and just rested his head on the bar and breathed hard.
George turned off the music and put the remote on the bench. "You are going to kill yourself"
"No...I'm not" Mark said breathing hard as he got off the treadmill and grabbed a towel.
"You were going extremely fast"
"If I wanted to kill myself, I would have used a gun, much faster" Mark teased smirking as he wiped his face and sat down on the bench. He grabbed his water bottle and squirted it in his mouth.
George sat down by him "You want to talk?"
"About what? Sports? Cartoons? Girls?"
"You know what"
Mark said nothing and got up and went to the showers in part of the gym.
"You need to talk" George called after him.
Mark took off his sweaty shirt and leaned on the doorway. "Stop shrinking me. I'm getting sick of it"
"Have you ever thought that were friends and I just want to talk and not always shrink you?"
"Hell no" Mark teased smirking and closed the door and went in the shower.
George just smiled and leaned by the door. "You cant always be in denial"
"I'm not" Mark called over the water.
"Then talk to me"
"I'm tired, just leave me alone"
"What name would you have given her?" George called back. He heard the water stop.
"Don't do this"
"I need to"
"If I tell you, will you leave me alone?"
"Yes"
Mark grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He came out of the shower and opened the door to the shower room and peeked his head out "Lilly, after my mom"
George just nodded. "How are you and Olivia?"
"I thought you were going to leave me alone"
"You know me better then that"
Mark just smiled "I don't know" He admitted as he leaned on the door "Were always there for each other no matter what happens but she has been shutting me out lately"
George leaned on the doorway "How?"
"She is in complete denial and refuses to talk about it" Mark shrugged a little "I don't know, hopefully she can get over it soon"
"You need to talk so both of you can get over it"
"I'm not in denial"
"Yes you are"
"No I'm not"
"Yes you are"
"You're a stubborn son of bitch you know that right?" Mark teased shaking his head.
George smiled and nodded "So are you"
"I know" Mark said smirking "I need to shower and get some work done, thanks though"
"Anytime" George said with a small nod and walked away and went out of the gym. Mark went back to the showers and took off his towel and just stood under the shower and let the water hit him in the face. She was shutting him out which never happened before. Even in the beginning of their relationship that never happened.
FlashbackOlivia went in her apartment not wanting to believe that this perp was getting to her. She stood there for a while and just starred at her sink. After a while she convinced herself that Richard White was not going to come after her.
She put music on and started doing the dishes that she left that morning. She blasted the music and sang the words. Her back turned to her front door.
Mark could hear the music being blasted and kept knocking on the door. He knew there was no way she heard him. He tried the doorknob and it was unlocked. He normally never came in without her permission but he came to surprise her.
He walked in and saw her singing on the top of her lungs and washing the dishes. Not noticing that he was right behind her. He smiled and walked up behind her and playfully touched her hips.
Olivia felt someone touching her and without thinking the cop in her took over and elbowed the person behind her in the face.
Mark quickly grabbed his nose as it started bleeding "Fuck!"
Olivia turned around and saw her boyfriend bleeding from the nose. She quickly turned off the music and walked over to him "Mark baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to"
"What the hell did I do? Jeez you have some muscle on you" Mark mumbled tilting his head back and holding his nose.
Olivia quickly grabbed a towel and wiped the blood off "I'm sorry honey, c'mon sit down" she took his hand and led him to her couch. Mark sat down and held the towel to his nose "Put your head back" She instructed gently putting his head on her headrest.
"What the hell was that Olivia?"
"You scared me, I didn't know it was you, and how did you get in?" She asked stroking his hair feeling extremely bad she hit him.
"Your door was unlocked," Mark answered wiping his face as the blood stopped flowing "I knocked but you didn't hear me so I figured it was ok to come in. I'm sorry I scared you"
Olivia nodded and got up to lock the door figuring out that she was so stressed that she totally forgot to lock her door. "You want some ice?"
"Only for my ego." Mark teased smirking.
Olivia smiled and took out an ice pack and walked back to him. "I'm really sorry, if I knew it was you I wouldn't have hit you"
"Its ok, this is what happens when I try to surprise my cop girlfriend"
Olivia grinned and gently put the ice on his already bruised nose. "How come you wanted to surprise me? You could have just called"
"Well that ruins the element of a surprise doesn't it? I have reservations to a very fancy French restaurant if you're interested"
"Oh" Olivia's smile faded "I don't feel like going out tonight, I'm sorry"
Mark's smile faded as well "It's ok" he could tell the worried look she had in her eyes. He took the ice off his nose and held her hand "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, just…just a case, no big deal"
"You want to talk about it?" he asked lightly stroking her hair.
"No, lets just watch a movie or something" She suggested with a small smile. Mark nodded not wanting to push her to talk.
After a while they were lying on her couch watching a movie. Olivia was lying in front of him and his arm was around her stomach and holding her.
The movie finally ended around eleven at night.
"Good movie" Mark said sitting up. He looked at his watch and noticed that it was late "Maybe I should go so you can sleep"
Olivia sat up as
well not feeling so safe without him especially with a case like
Richard White "Its not like I'm going to sleep anyway" She mumbled more to herself.
"Why?"
"This damn case"
"Talk to me" Mark pleaded taking her hand and looking at her.
"This guy…his name is Richard White, he sort has it out for me" She answered quietly.
"Are you scared of him?"
"No…I" She started and knew that she didn't need to be cop like in front him "I…I told Elliot and the guys he doesn't scare me but…" She stopped mid sentence not sure how to say it.
"He scares you?"
"Yea…he sort of freaks me out," She answered quietly.
Mark slowly took her in a hug "Nothing is going to happen, I swear, I'm not letting this guy come anywhere near you. If I have to I'll sit in my car the whole night and watch your building"
Olivia just smiled and rested her head on his shoulder "Mark?"
"Yea honey?"
She stopped hugging him and just looked at him "I don't want this to sound too forward but I was wondering if you want, and only if you want, if you could sleep here tonight"
"Sure, but I get the couch" Mark said smirking. Olivia smiled and gave him a kiss. "Hey! Watch the nose, jeez"
Olivia laughed and hugged him "Thank you" she whispered. Mark smiled and nodded and just held her.
End Flashback
Mark got home around 1 in the morning after closing a huge case. The whole house was dark he knew everyone was already sleeping. He went to the twin's room and smiled seeing Mike's pillow on the ground and Matt's hand was hanging over the bed.
He put Mike's pillow under his head and kissed him on the head. He put Matt's hand on the bed and covered him more with the blanket and kissed him on the head and left their room.
He went to Jenny's room and kissed her on the head. He finally went to James's room where James and Zane were sharing the room. He kissed both of them on the head and went downstairs to his own room.
He came in and Olivia was awake and reading a file. She looked up as he came in "Hey your finally home"
"Our suspect gave us more trouble then we thought" Mark explained as he took off his holster and badge and put it in the drawer.
"Its ok, I was just reviewing a witness statement" Olivia said as she closed the file and put it on her nightstand. "How was your day?"
"Somewhat stressful but ok" He answered as he took off his pants and threw them to the side and started unbuttoning his shirt.
Olivia got out of bed and went over to him "I think I have something that might relax you," she said with a seductive smile as she ran her hands under his shirt.
Mark looked at her and knew he had to be the one to stop it. She was drowning and he needed to be the one to save her. "I'm not in the mood tonight"
"Since when is Mark Anderson not in the mood for sex" She teased playfully running her hand down to his boxers.
"Stop" He pulled her hand away "This needs to stop"
"What needs to stop?" She asked kissing his cheek and smiling "This?" She traced over his muscles under his already open shirt "This?" She ran her hand down his boxers and stroked him. "Maybe that?"
Mark let out a gasp and quickly pulled her hand out and took both of her hands in his "Your addiction to sex needs to stop"
"I don't have an addiction to sex," She said defensively as she pulled her hands away from him and took a step back. "How dare you say something like that to me?"
"It needs to stop, you're hurting yourself and I can't stand by and just watch it anymore." He said taking her hand.
She pulled it away "Don't touch me"
"Olivia please just listen to me, I want to help you…"
"I don't need help," She yelled angrily.
"Don't yell, the kids are sleeping" Mark said calmly "This needs to stop right now, you're addicted to sex and…" Her hand across his face cut off his sentence as his face got swung to the side.
Olivia was shocked she slapped her husband. She slowly moved away and looked at the red mark slowly starting to appear on his cheek.
Mark looked at her and involuntarily his hands made a fist. He took a step back before he did something he would regret. He looked at his hand and it already formed a fist and know was shaking. He took another step back from her.
"I'm sorry" Olivia whispered looking at her own hand shaking. She stepped back also and now both looking at each other on the other side of their room. Olivia in her pajamas and Mark still in boxers and an open dress shirt. "I didn't mean to honey, I'm really sorry," She whispered as tears burned in her eyes.
"What would you have named her?" Mark whispered as he hand resisted the fist and it stopped shaking.
Olivia shook her head "I don't want to talk about that"
"You have to"
"No"
"We can't pretend it never happened," He whispered stepping closer to her.
Her hand was still shaking. Shaking with fear. Fear of herself "Mark don't, I don't want to hurt you."
He took her shaking hand and held it in between both of his "It's going to be ok"
"I don't want to talk about it"
"We have to" He whispered slowly hugging her. "You want to know what I would have named her?" He gave her a kiss on the head as she hugged him.
"No. Don't tell me, I feel guilty enough" Olivia choked out through tears.
"Hey look at me," He whispered lifting up her face from his chest. "None of this is your fault"
"Yes it is"
"No its not, don't say that." He hugged her again and let her sob on his chest. He slowly brought her over to their bed and sat her down. "You know Mike and Matt drew allover one of my ties with your lipstick the other day when you were at work"
Olivia smiled a little loving that he was always able to make her smile "Really? What did they draw?"
"I'm not sure, I think they were going for abstract art" Mark answered smirking kissing her on the head.
"Mark?"
"Yea honey?"
"What would you have named her?"
Mark smiled a little glad she was starting to open up and able to talk about it "Lilly, after my mom"
"Lilly, I like that name" She whispered wiping her eyes as she stopped hugging him. "I want another baby"
"What?" Mark asked raising an eyebrow. "Now?"
"Yea"
"Look sweetheart I know your sad about what happened but don't your think your rushing just a little bit. I mean you need time to get back to normal"
"Are you saying I'm not normal?"
Mark smiled a little "I have been saying that since the day I met you"
Olivia smiled a little and rolled her eyes "I'm serious Mark, I want another baby"
"How do you know it's going to be a girl?"
"I just do"
"You're thinking irrationally, why don't you sleep on this idea first"
"I have been sleeping on this idea for weeks" She got off the bed and paced around the room. "I thought you wanted a baby girl also, but if you don't want another kid then forget it"
"Sweetie I would love another kid you know that, I'm just worried about you nothing else" Mark said getting up and going over to her "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"Yes" Olivia whispered. Mark nodded and took off his dress shirt "What are you doing?"
Mark took her and pulled her closer. He gently put her on the bed and laid down on top of her.
"Mark what are you doing?" Olivia whispered looking up at him.
"Ssshhh, I'm making a baby," He whispered smiling and started kissing her. Olivia grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.