Chapter Thirty-One
Patient, Kaede sat rigidly in her place on the hardened wooden floor, old and solemn features lit by the cascading light of the dim flames fluttering in the square Irori before her as a single brown eye fixed onto the woman positioned across from her spot with both worry and firm attentiveness altogether. Night had now already colored the sky outside a melancholy black, with the still lingering foggy haze blocking the pearly rays of the moon and only further obscuring the atmosphere, causing the cold late hour to appear much darker than usual and compelling any sensible being to remain inside the safety of their warm huts.
Holding her sister's gaze for another moment in silence, Kikyo evaluated the obvious discomfort and confusion which charged the space between them.
She could definitely estimate what was crossing through Kaede's head right now...
What sort of doubt and uncertainty plaguing her thoughts after witnessing something so unthinkable such as her elder sister conversing so intimately with a full-fledged youkai of Sesshomaru's power and rank, after bringing Rin into her home and preparing this meal for the child, as well as this casual appearance that she was now presenting herself with, all without attaching even a semblance of an explanation on the matter;
Without even paying her own flesh and blood a single visit in order to properly explain the vastly shifted situation since that one night in which she inquired of Naraku, all those months ago.
Taking all of this into consideration, Kikyo merely inhaled sharply, constructing the best way for the following words to exit her mouth;
"It sure has been a while since we last spoke to each other, has it not?"
Kaede blinked to the casual and surprisingly light remark, dark brows maintaining their deep, confused scowl, still.
"...Yes." She answered hesitantly, yet just as firmly.
Kikyo's fair features held their unreadable appearance as deep mahogany eyes fixed on her younger sister with unspoken heaviness, the information and emotions she had accumulated until this point as if about to effortlessly surrender themselves through them.
Before that could happen, however, the priestess steadied her own mind, lifting her chin up with a single quiet certainty, a fact that she could not oppose or deny any longer;
Kaede deserved a decent explanation.
The full, unfiltered scale of the events which transpired.
The truth.
"Shortly after arriving at Mt. Hakurei in my endless pursuit of the Shikon Jewel shards... my path was crossed with Sesshomaru, Inuyasha's full-fledged youkai older brother." Kikyo finally began, her calm gaze lowering to the slumbering Rin by her side as she observed the steady rise and fall of her chest for a moment, "Before I even noticed, I had found myself in the midst of a rather unexpected occurrence... an arrogant protector that was out of both time and means to protect, and a tender life that was about to be taken away as a result."
Kaede's expression met with surprise as her single eye followed after Kikyo's line of vision.
And she only kept her silence.
"After I had successfully eliminated the threat, neither of us paid any unique attention to the other and we had simply parted our ways, however, that changed once Rin accidentally located my concealed whereabouts while searching for food later that night." Kikyo continued, raising one delicate hand up and gently moving a strand of wild dark hair from the child's face, "Sesshomaru then followed the information he had acquired and soon came to find me."
Stilled, Kaede blinked as her gaze shifted back to her elder sister.
"He managed to break through your strong barrier?" She asked, her throaty voice carrying avid disbelief.
Keen eyes found the old woman once more in response.
"Sesshomaru is a youkai of both great power and skill." Kikyo stately confirmed.
Silence fell between both women for a long moment before the priestess continued, with only the sounds of Rin's shallow breathing and the occasional crackling of low fire spreading through the confined air of their once combined homestead.
"Was he dangerous?" Kaede's inquiry shortly broke through the quiet.
And Kikyo simply released an amused breath, lips curving up slightly to the almost fond memory.
"No, he was not." She replied, setting her gaze down to the soft flames, "As opposed to how he attempted to present himself before me, his true and obvious intention was simply to gather information on Naraku."
Hearing that, Kaede's mouth parted open.
"Naraku, you say?!" She echoed, swallowing harshly, "Then, he is intending to slay him, as well?"
Kikyo nodded once, maintaining her stare on the stable source of heat before her.
"Initially, keeping Rin safe along with that knowledge was the sole sense I found behind staying with him, however..." The more she let out, the heavier the words felt, and her explanation came into an unplanned stop, causing the priestess to inhale sharply in response to the strong sensations which suddenly and inevitably sourced deep within her once more.
No matter how many times she reeled the realization through her own mind, it did not become any easier to digest... and especially not when she was aware of Kaede being the next target to share it with.
But, even so... the priestess knew there was no turning back now.
Taking a few more moments to compose herself, Kikyo eventually swallowed her pride and lifted her gaze once again to the old woman sitting across from where she was, easing her shoulders with silent defeat to the concept in its full glory, now;
"...I was truly a blind fool, on all accounts." She admitted, her breath dragging far after the words left her lips.
And the unmatchable, rare honest look which reflected in her deep brown orbs was enough for Kaede to lean backwards in pure shock, her single eye going wide to the unspoken meaning behind her sister's declaration.
"Kikyo onee-sama..." She nearly whispered, drops of sweat running down her temple, "D-Do you truly mean what you are saying...? And regarding a full-fledged youkai, at that...?"
A tired smile decorated Kikyo's face to her fairly expected reaction.
"I'm afraid so, Kaede." She said, steady voice hinted with dark amusement, fully aware of the absurdity behind it.
The old woman sunk into complete and utter silence to the feelings of sheer puzzlement which conquered her at that moment, firm and surprised gaze locked on her seemingly unfazed elder sister and emanating hushed and tensed worry to her most recent revelation.
And yet, somehow, she couldn't help but notice there was a certain undeniable change in the waves of her spiritual aura, the harsh and aggressive energy which once plagued her being after her resurrection was now completely gone, replaced by a calm flow of her life force instead, the way she carried herself and the flickering light caught in her expressive eyes were all almost as if...
"This casual appearance of mine, as well." Kikyo's words soon pulled her from her thoughts once she noticed the direction in which she was staring, sending one palm to slowly smooth the cream-colored bakama covering the burgundy kosode wrapping her legs.
Kaede merely proceeded with her observation, hardening her own expression while deciding to remain quiet, for now.
"I suppose you could say it serves as a reminder of how careless I was, and of how wrong my calculations were regarding Naraku's level of threat to myself."
Picking up on the priestess' subtle hint, the old woman's frown deepened.
"I-It can't be..." She answered.
But Kikyo simply breathed deeply, welcoming another hint of a sad smile to her fair features.
"I was nearly killed by him." She confirmed, watching her closely, "It was Sesshomaru who reached me in time to save me, even after I had entirely disregarded his previous warnings on the matter."
Keade's mouth formed a thin line to the unbelievable information.
"For a full-fledged youkai of his kind to prove so heroic..." She soon voiced her skepticism while lowering her focus to the dying fire, stirring the embers in it a bit in order to keep their shared source of heat active, "He had even attacked both Kagome and Inuyasha long ago in his petty pursuit of Inuyasha's sword, I remember."
Hearing that, Kikyo pursed her lips and lifted her chin.
"Yes, he does possess a tenacious attachment to materialistic gains." She sighed, delicate fingers rising to tuck a strand of long and silky dark hair behind her ear, "However..."
Kaede's stern gaze left her task for a moment as she curiously lifted it back to her elder sister, patiently waiting to hear the end of that sentence.
"...The more I thought of it, the more I found his petty obsession to be not that far different than my own."
The words were left to hover in the air between them, making the old woman gradually cease her doings as she quietly placed her metallic stakes back on the wooden floor using a smooth motion, next to where she was sitting. Then, she formally brought both of her hands to rest in her lap, straightening her frame.
"Staying by his side... has brought you to this realization?" She tested, eyeing her closely.
Kikyo drew in a deep breath.
"Among many others." She replied, eyes dropping to the now livelier flames in front of her, "It seems that my thinking was flawed in many ways, Kaede... especially regarding what I thought that I wished for myself."
Kaede stared at the woman in silence, noting the unique way in which the flickering light of the fire danced across her skin and hair, caught in her mahogany orbs and exposing a certain depth to them that even she had never witnessed before in her life.
"What do you mean, Kikyo onee-sama?" She asked, blinking to the captivating sight.
And Kikyo simply shifted in her seat, swallowing harshly and soon releasing a silent, heavy exhale.
"Sesshomaru had managed to read into me far better than I had believed anyone else ever could..." She said, straightening her posture with quiet, slight embarrassment to the memory still, "And he had assisted me in realizing that eliminating Naraku was hardly where my personal, selfish want ended regarding this second chance in life that I've been given."
Processing her explanation, Kaede's mouth parted open with sheer disbelief.
"But... how would something like that even be possible...?!" Old features overcame with high alert the more she weighted the inevitable meaning behind an ordeal of the sort potentially being successful.
Kikyo, however, maintained her calm composure before her.
"I do not know." She answered simply, and yet, the odd statement released out loud somehow felt more right to her than ever, despite its sheer lack of fundamental proof to support its course of actions, whatever those may be.
Kaede's single eye opened wide with surprise to her elder sister's nonchalant words as she watched her shift her gaze down to the sleeping Rin once again, long strands of her unbound hair falling gracefully over her shoulder along with the downward movement of her head.
"You must think of me as nothing short of mad right now..." The priestess acknowledged through an amused breath, resting her attention on the child's peaceful expression, "However, believe me when I say that I had already gotten ahead of you there."
Kaede cowered into herself with uneasiness, form more rigid than ever before.
"Do you truly intend to go against your already written fate, Kikyo onee-sama?" She further expressed her worries.
And hearing that, Kikyo paused for a moment.
"Fate, huh..." She repeated tiredly, closing her eyes while recalling the distant concept, one that she was forced to completely detach herself from due to Naraku's influence proving it corrupted beyond repair, a trap that she was blindly following and one that only a certain inu daiyoukai managed to save her from, "Perhaps it is not as divine of a providence as we once thought."
That's right.
Even with all of the countless unanswered questions that arise from all that she shared with her younger sister until now, even with the impracticality of it all looming behind her like a heavy screen of black smoke and even when she, herself would much rather know every detail and carefully plan ahead like she always preferred...
Somehow, Kikyo felt safe with this particular final decision.
"Rin doesn't think about that at all! Rin just enjoys what she currently has!"
Opening her eyes once again, the priestess smiled as the child's positive words floated through her thoughts, like a playful and warm giggle lighting up a cold and dark room in her mind, somehow presenting her with the support she required in order to believe that no matter what happened, she would be just fine.
A way of thinking that she once condemned as nothing but useless and even silly no matter the occasion... now appeared far more relevant in her eyes than ever before, and under an entirely new light as well, shedding truth on what she truly required to do in the meantime;
Take a step back, move out of the way, and let the pieces of the puzzle all fall into their rightful place instead of forcing them into where she believed they needed to belong.
Speechless, Kaede took a moment to swallow all of this new information in, sighing deeply in order to try and relieve herself from perhaps a portion of the stress.
But the more she observed her elder sister's being, the way her expression displayed educated acceptance to the full depth of the subject and all that it carried with it, appearing so peaceful and tender, was the more she was certain of her secret theory from before, causing her to ease her shoulders with a certain silent deduction that she never thought would ever cross her mind.
Kikyo was now relying on another being's strength for the first time in her life, unsure of where exactly that path would lead her... and yet, her pride was not tainted by it in the slightest, nor was her mind deterred by the uncertainty of the situation; so out of her own comfort zone, so free from the prejudice which firmly illustrated her way of thinking, an unknown place that she never dared to step foot in even after her resurrection, was now easily accessed by her.
'Does someone like Inuyasha's elder brother, Sesshomaru, truly possess what Kikyo onee-sama was so severely lacking in order to expand her worldview this way?' The old woman couldn't help but wonder, watching her in silence for another moment.
But Kaede also knew there was no questioning the vast and evident difference between the woman who she knew throughout her childhood, to the one who approached her that one single night shortly after her resurrection, and finally to the person sitting across from her, right now.
There was no mistaking it;
The malice in her elder sister's heart has somehow finally subsided, and was now replaced by a sense of balance and trust, instead.
"To allow him to influence you in such an effective manner..." Kaede eventually spoke, earning Kikyo's attention once more, "You truly love this youkai, don't you?"
And as if carelessly inviting the memory to her head, Kikyo was suddenly struck by the sight of keen and passionate golden eyes, followed by a certain set of unruly actions which sparked far too much emotion for her to handle at this particular moment.
Stilled by her momentary shock to the blunt inquiry and her traitorous notions, Kikyo blinked, sensing the deceptive hotness quickly rising to her cheeks as she simply lifted a single hand, balling it into a gentle fist and nonchalantly clearing her throat.
Then, she only straightened herself back up with perfect poise, practiced unreadable mahogany gaze meeting with her sister's dark brown one while successfully concealing both her mind and her feelings.
"Well, he has a certain way of forcing his most arrogant opinions." She steadily countered.
Expecting a following inevitable inquiry relating to the subject, however, Kikyo hardened her own expression, preparing herself to answer on what all of this meant exactly regarding her relationship with a certain half-demon, as well as how she planned on acting as a result.
But Kaede simply kept her solemn quiet, observing her being for another few moments in which neither of them said anything, her eventual words ending up far different than any of Kikyo's wildest predictions.
"You wished to change Inuyasha and heal his heart... and yet it seems as if you, yourself, had been changed instead, Kikyo onee-sama." She concluded.
Kikyo's eyebrows slightly lowered, forming a hint of a confused frown as she wordlessly contemplated the unforeseen and ironic statement for the longest time.
And suddenly sensing that this was more than enough for one night, the priestess shifted in her spot and elegantly rose to her feet, silently passing by her still seated younger sister and slowly stepping towards the door that would lead her out of the wooden hut.
Kaede watched as Kikyo armed herself with both her bow and arrow quiver, yet just as she directed one hand up to grab and move the thin bamboo curtain away, the woman suddenly halted her actions, and she only maintained her gaze aimed forward while raising her chin up slightly, inhaling the cold night air deeply before the next words left her mouth.
"About making you occasionally care for Onigumo in my absence, all those years ago..." The old woman heard her say, noticing her grip on the dried weaved blind tightening, "I am sorry, Kaede."
Kaede's expression crossed with surprise to the apology, and she only smiled kindly.
"Do not let that bother you, Kikyo onee-sama."
Hearing that, Kikyo resumed her movement and stepped outside, leaving both her sister and the sleeping Rin behind her, the sounds of her straw sandals grazing against the stone gravel steadily becoming distant the more she continued on her mysterious walk to an unknown destination.
With her gaze lingering on the now empty wooden door frame for another moment, Kaede soon released a deep breath and turned back to the soundly slumbering child in front of her, studying her small form in silence.
Then, she simply lowered her vision down onto the strangled embers of the fire.
"Never should the dead and the living exist at the same time for it only brings misery, and yet..." She whispered to herself, using her metallic stakes to once again breathe life into the flames.
"S-Sesshomaru-sama... P-Please wait...!" Jaken begged desperately through a heavy breath, barely heaving himself behind his casually striding master, "The crystal of youki has been unresponsive for the last several hours... p-perhaps we could take a short break...?"
Stopping in his tracks, Sesshomaru kept his stern attention forward.
Then, he merely turned his head back over his left shoulder, cold golden gaze boring into his tired vassal.
"Are your eyes just empty sockets, Jaken?" The daiyoukai hissed down at him, his expression and voice unnervingly calm.
The imp-demon jumped out of his own skin, stiffening to the harsh, rhetorical question.
Unfortunately for him, he already knew and recgonized that look far too well for his own good.
Grimacing, Jaken lowered his hesitated attention down to the crystal clasped firmly in his green clawed hand, gradually opening his fingers to reveal that the stone's shine was now slightly reduced, indicating of Naraku's heart being at somewhat of a close proximity, wherever that may be.
"Oh!" He called loudly, his mouth gaping open to the surprising realization and his yellow eyes bugging out of their skull, "Y-You're right Sesshomaru-sama! Ha ha! How indeed very careless of this Jaken –"
"Silence." Sesshomaru cut into his loud chatter, turning his head once again to the dark distance of the night, "We shall proceed as long as that thing keeps losing its energy."
Delivering his final command, he simply resumed his movement, long strides efficiently covering the narrow space of the rocky side of the mountain they were both currently exploring and calmly entering higher and deeper into the foggy territory of the grand land form.
Jaken, however, merely sighed deeply behind him, soon picking himself up and obediently catching up to his master.
'Sesshomaru-sama's mood always turns so foul whenever that undead miko isn't around...' He thought as quietly as possible, narrowing his eyes and further hunching into himself, 'Why on earth did he agree to let her stay the night along with Rin in that human village, then...?'
The icy wind soon brushed through their area, swaying through Sesshomaru's long silver hair and pristine garbs, as well as freezing the imp-demon enough for him to sneeze loudly in response, wrapping his small arms around himself.
His master, however, was completely unfazed by the harsh weather.
'This reading...' Sesshomaru noted, lifting his chin up slightly as he attempted to decipher the exact source of the distant and strange new energy, yet with little success, 'It is hardly the vermin... and yet...'
But his mind had other plans as it eventually and inevitably drifted to a certain human miko, wondering if she, as well, was sensing this faint pulse of quiet energy.
And as if to add fuel to his mental fire, the sight of her expression right before their planned departure soon displayed before him, the limited softness of her features as she asked him to stay, the look of an honest wish in her deep mahogany eyes regarding his existence, all of it striking into him far too efficiently for his own liking and quickening his heartbeat below his layered armor.
That woman should have already realized by now, that his place is most certainly not and shall never be among humans.
Inhaling sharply in an attempt to clear his own thoughts, Sesshomaru's frown deepened into a scowl.
The way Kikyo had managed to dominate his musings in this thorough manner and particularly in her absence, was beginning to make him question his own strength of mind.
There was no reason for himself to still be this occupied with her presence, especially when they had agreed to meet again at first sign of dawn.
There was no need for these lingering feelings which were aimlessly and relentlessly swirling in his thoughts, displaying more and more of her sights, her scents, the sound of her voice and the sensation of her touch to him as if to deliberately torment him.
Was he truly that pitifully attached to her existence?
'Nonsense.' He vehemently denied, swallowing harshly to the mere consideration of the concept;
He will not allow himself to be this affected by the temporary distance between them.
It was beyond preposterous...
And most certainly dangerous, as well.
Steeling his secret resolve, Sesshomaru cleared his throat, golden gaze narrowing as he wordlessly continued on his way, chin lifted with pride and posture straightened with perfect poise, striding casually into the cold thickness of the harsh weather before him.
Now surrounded by the refreshing coldness of the autumn night, Kikyo stepped further away from Kaede's home and through the outskirts of the old village, lost in her deep thoughts as she attempted to process the full magnitude of the exchange she recently shared with her sister.
"You wished to change Inuyasha and heal his heart... and yet it seems as if you, yourself, had been changed instead, Kikyo onee-sama."
Swallowing harshly to Kaede's deduction, the priestess lifted her eyes up to the endless sky, noticing that the suffocating haze which ruled so persistently before was now significantly reduced, allowing the moon to shine its restricted light through it, almost as if acting as her private guide in this mental journey she was currently partaking in.
'Was I truly in need of such healing?' She bore the frightening thought, deciding to simply continue on her way and test the events one by one as they replayed in her head, the tranquil silence inviting her to properly delve into her musings.
There was something about home, she noted, about the familiarity in the four walls of her old hut and venturing through these old paths of soil which she once knew so well in her time as keeper of the Shikon Jewel and protector of this village, that almost as if sent her back to that place, reeled her conscious to simpler days, and yet also assisted her in now seeing the full scale of her current progress as a result, presenting her with a broader perspective of how different she was, as well as how far she had come since then.
And looking at it all from an objective standpoint like that, she had to wonder...
Did she even truly prefer these restricted settings, anymore?
The more Kikyo proceeded to walk in her unknown, silent wandering, the more the gravel replaced with sand under her straw-covered feet, the soft wind from the open, vast rice fields now surrounding her from every direction, flowing through her long, free hair and prompting her to inhale its soothing qualities deeply.
Sending her free hand up, the priestess smoothed her hair back into place, calm gaze traveling far through the darkened horizon, eventually meeting with the inevitable ambiguity of the fog which lightly danced on top of the completely stilled water surface.
These lands were so quiet now, so peaceful and safe without the constant threat of various youkai seeking out the Jewel's powers even at a late hour such as this, with the subdued moonlight above barely even piercing down through the clouds to grant the grounds with basic protective light...
An entirely different reality, almost.
Sand soon turned to soft grass beneath her soles, and the scenery gradually filled with trees and lush bushes, sounds of harmless animals chattering through the night echoing all around her the further Kikyo calmly entered their territory, the high moisture of the atmosphere causing drops of dew to gather on top of wide leaves and eventually fall to the ground, amassing into tiny, arbitrary puddles.
Stepping behind the nearest tree, however, Kikyo came into a sudden stop once she reached the small and familiar clearing, mahogany eyes blinking with quiet surprise as she examined the grand object before her.
And she simply released an amused breath to the sight of the old Goshinboku tree standing tall and proudly before her in all of its sacred glory, still rooted in its place as stubbornly as ever.
'Without even noticing, my legs sneakily carried me here, huh.'
Maintaining her position, Kikyo took a moment to admire the high symbol of the land, then, she resumed her movement and stepped into the open clearing of the forest, placing her feet carefully between the high and thick roots surrounding the tree, eventually stopping at a respectful distance from its presence.
A sight that she saw last on the brink of her own death, right after sealing Inuyasha for fifty years.
'Inuyasha...' Kikyo mused to herself, exhaling quietly.
The aftermath of his release from the binding spell by Kagome somehow still lingered strongly in the area, latched onto the specific place which he occupied and absorbed well into the plants and earth, the wood and air.
Adamant and unyielding... just like he is.
Inhaling deeply, Kikyo titled her head slightly as her vision focused on that particular bare spot in the trunk, soon raising one fair palm to touch its smooth surface, tracing its boundaries with a gentle and slow movement of her hand, from the very top of the wound to its bottom.
With that, the priestess released her heavy breath, drawing her hand back to once again rest at her side.
She still did not possess all of the necessary answers on what all of this meant regarding her relationship with the half-demon... but Kikyo knew there was no avoiding the fact that the next person whom she now required to speak to, was him.
Before she could dwell on that notion for long, however, a familiar urgent summoning suddenly tore her from her deep musings, causing her to lift her head and immediately focus her senses to somewhere not that distant from her current location. Eyes narrowing and gaze turning sharp, she hasitly straightened her posture and turned on her heel, stepping into the center of the clearing, assessing the sensation with firm alert;
The same abstract calling she had noticed this morning, sourcing from a place which she now could definitely recognize.
With no time to waste, Kikyo raised her free hand upwards, closer to her chest, performing the hand seal and inviting her trusty Shinidamachu to her location, the silvery serpent-like youkai shortly gliding through the air and quickly engulfing her feet, carrying her away from the middle of the enchanted forest and onto her next destination;
The cave of Midoriko, the ancient priestess who originally created the Shikon Jewel.
A/N:
Regarding Kaede's character and the way she behaved after Kikyo's resurrection, my personal analysis is that Kaede found it extremely hard to come to terms with the fact that Kikyo, her beloved and seemingly-perfect elder sister whom she admired so much, was now walking before her as (what she believed to be, at least) an unholy shell of her sister's former self, which she saw as cursed and an insult to her memory, doomed to a life of suffering for as long as she roamed the earth. Naturally, from Kaede's perspective, the only solution would've been to indeed end Kikyo's suffering, and I do think it was a decision formed from nothing but love and care for who she was a person.
However, Kaede in herself is also a flawed character for exactly this reason. She had always been very invariably set in her beliefs ever since she was young, an even worse stone-cold realist than Kikyo, which is now even amplified due to her old age and position. And yet, there is no doubt in my mind that had Kaede properly witnessed Kikyo's ability to change; even the growth that Kikyo displayed only through the later parts of the series when it was already too late - she would have definitely opened her mind a little and re-evaluated her perspective on her sister's existence, while perhaps even getting to know her better in the process, beyond the mask of perfection.