A/N: REAL acounts. Of a FAKE band.
xThis Is Drive Shaftx
(Tour Bus, Somewhere in Massachusetts)
Jeremy is playing Candy Land with Liam, who takes very long pauses before moving his tiny blue character along the rainbow colored board. Charlie and Sinjin are playing video games. Patrick is fully engrossed with fiddling and poking a block of cheese at the bar.
"Jin, what does that mean?" Charlie asks.
"It means you've already been there."
"I thought that color meant I was already there."
"No, the beige color means you were already there. The khaki color means where you are right now."
They continue to play, and there is only the sound of the rattling of the controllers and various yells in the game.
"Voila!" Patrick cries suddenly.
"What, Pat?" Jeremy asks.
"It is done!" Patrick says dramatically, waving the cheese block around, which has taken on a considerably different shape.
"Oh, don't tell me it's-" Charlie begins, but stops when Liam slowly droops and falls asleep on the game.
"Cheesus!" Patrick cries with relish. He places the block next to Liam's head. Sure enough, it's a perfect replica of the biblical figure…. made of cheese.
"What…What is he doing?" Jeremy asks Patrick.
"He's tying his sandals," Patrick answers proudly.
The small figure is sitting on a small stool, and he is tying shoelaces, which, for some reason, are attached to his flip flops.
"Um…wow," Jeremy says.
"Yeah, Pat's got a degree in art," Charlie explains, hoisting his brother up and trying to lift him to the couch.
"You do?"
"Yep."
"Well….why are you here?"
"I like hitting things," Pat shrugs. "Charlie, let me do that."
Patrick sweeps Liam up easily and lays him on the couch effortlessly. Charlie glares at him enviously.
"Where's Murdoc today?" he asks, not taking his eyes off Pat, who is completely oblivious to Charlie's stare.
"Oh, she couldn't make it today," Jeremy says. "Something about a meeting, or something like that."
(A Few Hours Earlier)
Murdoc is standing in an office, hovering over a phone. Someone is on speakerphone.
"-so the bank isn't going to let you going to take out another loan, and you need at least 35 hundred to finish this, not counting editing and all that mucky muck."
"Last time I checked, it was your job to keep all the finances in check, Mr. Executive Producer…" Murdoc snaps at the machine.
"Well, you caught me at a bad time…"
"You told me you had the money!"
"Well, I did."
"And?"
"I…. spent it?"
"On what?"
"Well…."
"Oh, not another weird porn film, Indie…"
"No…"
"Then what?"
There was a pause.
"Okay, it was a porno, but I…" Indie hastily explains.
"I don't want to hear it," Murdoc sighs. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"Find someone to produce your film."
"How?"
"Beats me. But I believe in you, you've got connections."
"If I had connections, you'd be dead by now."
"What about Gotham?"
"Gotham won't trust me with anything since I tried helping her choking grandmother. Honestly, how was I supposed to know she had emphysema?"
(Outside Plymouth North High, MA)
"Okay," Charlie says, putting a cell phone in her pocket. "I just talked to Murdoc. She said that this was a good place to start. She did mention something about if anyone asks us about socks, to change the subject, or run away. You have any idea what she's talking about?"
"Nope," Jeremy answers, than thinks a little. "I'm Canadian."
"Really?" Charlie asks.
"Yeah."
"Well…. Where in Canada?"
"Someplace really cold."
"Yeah, we're British. We're from someplace really rainy."
"Hey, guys, look," Sinjin calls.
He points at a sign over the High School. The sign reads: TODAY, PUPPET SHOW. Underneath that, in slightly smaller letters, is: LAME SHIT.
Charlie laughs.
"Looks like someone's getting sued."
Everyone laughs.
(In Murdoc's Office)
Murdoc is talking on the phone, once again, on speakerphone.
"Hello?" an old woman's feeble voice answers.
"Yes, Ms. Merrin. It's Murdoc Darkness. I used to work for you."
"Ah, the Satanist. I remember you."
Murdoc rolls her eyes.
"I was wondering if you were interested in-"
"You sound funny."
"I do? Never mind, Ms. Merrin-"
"Are you in a well?"
"What?"
"You sound like you're in a well."
"No, I'm not in a well, I'm on-"
"Are you sure you're not in a well?"
There was a significant pause.
"Yes, I am in a well, Ms. Merrin. But luckily, there's a phone down here."
(Inside school auditorium)
Drive Shaft is sitting behind a table, watching the puppet show. Jeremy and the camera crew go backstage, where they see a scruffy looking teen in a tie pacing around.
"Uh, do you know when, uh, Lame Shit is playing?" he asks the teen.
"Oh, don't tell me they screwed the sign up again!" the teen exclaims. He looks up at the camera crew. "Who are you?"
"We're filming a documentary, and we're looking for a lead singer for a band," Jeremy explains.
"Well, you've come to the right place," the teen says in a professional manner, extending his hand. "I'm Killian Stone, and I'm Lane Shift's manager."
"Lane Shift? What do they play?" Jeremy asks, shaking the kid's hand.
"Cover band, mostly," Killian answers. "Mostly Drive Shaft."
"I see," Jeremy says. "Well, when do they come on?"
"Right after the puppet show."
They hear scattered applause and cheers from the audience.
"Which should be in about five minutes."
"Well, we'll be watching. And…. Don't tell them we're here, okay? We don't want to throw anyone's performance off."
"Gotcha," Killian winks and walks off. The minute he's out of sight, Jeremy sprints back to the table the band's sitting at.
"It's a cover band!" he says. "Of you guys! And their name's Lane Shift, by the way."
Killian goes on stage and announces that Lane Shift will be out shortly. Many people start to leave.
"I'm just going to assume the sign wasn't just a misprint," Sinjin says, watching a group of laughing teenagers point and joke at Killian.
"I just hope they don't suck," Charlie says. "I hate it when cover bands suck."
"I… didn't tell them you guys were here," Jeremy says. "Is that bad?"
"Yes!" Patrick and Sinjin say in unison.
"Honestly, Jeremy, when bands know there are important people in the audience, they perform better," Charlie says.
"Well…Maybe they'll be great without knowing. Maybe they're even better when they don't know," Jeremy says.
"This is going to be-" Charlie begins, but is cut off by Killian, who is testing the microphone while the band sets up behind him.
"Ladies and gentlemen…"
"You suck!" someone from the group yells.
"Shove it, Rooney," Killian snaps, losing his professional manner. He coughs and gets it back again. "I give you… Lane Shift!"
The band starts playing, and they look like your typical garage high school band. Well, except for their lead singer, who looks just like Liam….. If Liam weighed 500 pounds. Charlie glances at his brother, and sighs with relief when he sees that he has fallen asleep again. He watches Liam sleeping, but then looks up at the band with rapt attention. This is because the singer has started singing, and he is actually pretty good. Very good. Possibly too good. He's great, and he sounds just like Liam. The band finishes their song ("Oliver's Army"), and Charlie stands up along with Sinjin, Jeremy, and Patrick to clap and cheer.
(Later, in tour bus)
"You were great, Greg, you really were."
The band has brought Greg, the lead singer from Lane Shift, and is hanging out on the bus. Sinjin is telling the story of his eyes and Patrick is waving his cheese block around and gloating. Charlie is in the bathroom and Liam is sprawled out on the couch, once again asleep.
"This is great, you guys," Greg says. "But… why do you need a new lead singer?"
Liam rolls off the couch, still asleep.
"Well…" Jeremy starts, and Charlie, coming out of the bathroom, finishes the sentence.
"We don't need a new singer. We just need…. a backup singer!" he says.
Greg looks from Jeremy to Charlie, both wearing broad grins on their faces and uneasy looks in their eyes.
"Okay, what's wrong with Liam?" he asks.
"Nothing," Liam yawns, getting up and rubbing his back. He freezes when he sees Greg. "Who….Who are you?"
Greg opens his mouth to respond, but Charlie cuts him off.
"Liam, this is Greg. He, well, he can sing really great, and we decided-"
"Oh, no bloody way!" Liam shouts. "There is no way HE'S singing MY songs. If you think you can replace me with this elephant, you've got another thing coming!"
Jeremy and Sinjin grimace at these words. Patrick lets out an over exaggerated gasp and flings his arms about. Greg just looks down into his lap and sighs.
"WHAT?" Charlie hisses, stepping closer to Liam. "Your music? YOUR music? Last time I checked, I wrote everything. Last time I checked, we play all the instruments and do all the real work, and you just stand around and look pretty!"
Charlie and Liam exchange the look of Death. Charlie looks somewhat relieved that he finally got that off his chest, and Liam glances from Charlie to Patrick and Sinjin, with a look of fear on his face.
"What's going on?"
Murdoc is in the doorway, staring at everyone with a confused look on her face. She spots Greg, and cocks and eyebrow at Jeremy. Liam grunts and walks past Charlie, shoving him aside in the process, and grabs Murdoc's sleeve and rips her outside.
"Liam, what the hell-?" she says when the bus door shuts behind them.
"Did you see that fat bastard they're trying to replace me with?" he hissed.
"I know, Liam, this is all my fault. I f I hadn't left…"
"Too right, it's all your fault. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be like this!" He takes a cigarette out of his pocket.
"Say that again, you ponce," Murdoc says.
Liam looks up. Murdoc has her fists up.
"Oh, Murdoc, come off it."
"Heck no," she answers, hopping from foot to foot. "I know you boys play dirty."
"What?"
"Your brother bit me!"
"He did?" Liam asks, so sincerely that Murdoc stops jumping.
"Yeah," she pouts.
"Where?"
"Right here," Murdoc says, pointing to her cheek.
"Oh, poor you…" Liam says, walking closer to Murdoc. Suddenly, he bites her face.
"You too?" Murdoc cries, massaging her face.
"Well, Charlie learned from the best," Liam grins.
Expecting Murdoc to whine about her face longer, he is completely caught off guard when Murdoc hand shoots out and punches him in the mouth. His lip busted, he jumps at Murdoc and they start really fighting. Liam wrestles her to the ground and, once again, the camera does not follow them to the ground, but continues filming the side of the bus.
(To ensure the reality of a film, it is the documentarian's job to not interfere with the subjects on film)
The sounds of the two are rather graphic.
After ten minutes,a cop car drives past, stops, and two policemen and a camera crew comes out.
The cops are yelling things, but it isn't audible because the two camera crews are talking to each other.
"Hey, Chad, I didn't know you were working on Cops!"
"Yeah, yeah, me and Brendan are doing great," the sound guy waves. "And…What is this, an Indie?"
"Doc. So, how's the wife?"
(Police station)
Murdoc and Liam are both handcuffed and sitting on different ends of a bench. Liam's lip is swollen and the bruise on his forehead has spread to cover his eye and cheek. Murdoc's cheeks are covered with scratches and she has a black eye coming on.
"Well, well, well," a man comes in and sits down. He resembles a hobbit, from his curly blonde hair to his large green eyes, and would probably play the role perfectly if he weren't over six feet tall. Liam looks at him sulkily, and Murdoc doesn't even look up.
"Geez, Murdoc. Indie told me you were desperate, but this desperate?" the man says, flipping through a file.
Murdoc looks up, and her remaining eye widens in surprise.
"Dean?" she says.
Liam looks up at her, than Dean.
"You know him?" he asks.
"We used to work together," Dean says.
"We thought you died," Murdoc says disbelievingly.
Dean looks at her for a moment.
"Well… that's not important now. What is important is that Liam here is facing a rape charge."
"WHAT?" Murdoc and Liam exclaim in unison.
"Listen, maybe that's not what it was, I'm not going to ask questions," Dean explains. "But, the point is, they found you on the ground, and Liam had his pants down, and you were pretty beaten up…"
Murdoc gapes at Dean. Liam looks down at his pants, which are ripped and dirty. Any buttons that were there are missing, and the zipper has been ripped off. Evidently, someone tried fixing this problem by putting duct tape on it.
"When the hell did that happen? Did I pass out again?" he cries angrily.
"You were unconscious when they brought you in."
"Well, that whore broke my pants!" he yells. Murdoc glares at him. "If anyone was raped, it was me!" he continues.
"Well, it's Murdoc's decision to press charges," Dean explains. "If nothing happened, I'll just pay the bail and this'll just go down as a little scuffle."
Murdoc looks at Liam, and looks at the door behind him. Charlie is waving behind the small glass square.
"Fine," she says. "On one account. Liam, you have to apologize."
"I'm so-"
"Not to me," Murdoc cuts him off. "To your brother. And to Greg."
Liam sighs.
"Fine."
A/N: ….This chapter could've gone in nine zillion different directions, and I chose the one where they end up getting arrested. This chapter is really flipping long too. Anyhoo, next chappie, the band performs for the first time since Liam's accident. Will their back-up lead singer plan work?