A/N: The REAL accounts. Of a FAKE band.

xThis Is Drive Shaftx

(Outside Tour Bus)

Patrick and Charlie are sitting on a curb a few blocks from the high school.

"I don't know if they did it," Charlie says. "All I know is that Liam's really into that kinky stuff, and Murdoc…. Well, Murdoc…. I just don't know. You guys were there, weren't you?"

The camera crew doesn't answer. Charlie turns to Patrick, who is playing with a stick.

"Pat, what are you doing?" Charlie asks.

"I found this stick," Patrick answers.

"That's a pretty weird looking stick," Charlie says. "Can I look at it?"

Charlie examines the stick, twirling it around. He suddenly stops.

"Pat, this is a bone."

"What?"

"Where did you get this?"

"Well, it was right on the ground…"

Charlie holds the bone in front of the camera.

"We've got to get out of this place."

(Inside Concert Hall)

Murdoc stumbles past a group of people carrying amps. She is still quite bruised, and she has a bottle of Tylenol in her hand. She takes a swig.

"Non-drowsy, my ass," she says, chucking the now empty bottle.

Jeremy walks up to her.

"What the hell happened last night?" he cries.

"What do you think?"

"I don't know what to think!" he says. "All I know is that you and Liam left, and twenty minutes later the cops showed up!"

"Mmm… Well, that's it in a nutshell," Murdoc says. "Dean!" she calls, completely ignoring Jeremy.

Murdoc hugs Dean, who is holding a bouquet of flowers.

"What are these for?" Murdoc asks.

"Oh, thought they'd make you feel better," he answers. "That's quite a shiner you've got."

He takes a pair of purple sunglasses out of his pocket and puts them on Murdoc. As they joke and laugh, Jeremy stands there wearing a look of absolute hatred.

"Oh, Jeremy, this is Dean," Murdoc says. "He got me and Liam out of that pickle last night."

"Uh huh," Jeremy says.

"Dean, I meant to ask you about that. How did-"

Patrick runs up to them.

"Murdoc, Ted wants you on the bus."

(On the bus)

"Here's the plan," Murdoc said, standing in front of a chart. "Me and Dean came up with it last night."

Drive Shaft, Ted, Jeremy, Greg and Dean are sitting in a circle in the tour bus. Jeremy shoots Dean an evil look.

"We're going to have Liam performing with the band on stage, and Greg is going to be backstage with a mic. Now, if Liam happens to fall asleep, Greg can just start singing for him."

Charlie raises his hand.

"Yes, Charlie?"

"Won't the audience know that he's asleep?"

"I was getting to that. You see, we're going to have Liam tied up by the wrists, so that if he does fall asleep, we can make it look like he's awake."

"So I'm going to be a puppet?" Liam asks.

"Yes, exactly."

Liam gulps.

(Concert Hall, half an hour to Showtime)

The band is playing the dress rehearsal, and Jeremy is watching from backstage.

"Hmph. He thinks he can just take over everything…"

Jeremy is watching Murdoc and Dean talking animatedly across the stage.

"I mean, who is this Dean? And where did he come from? I don't like him."

He bites his fingernails as he stares at the two. Murdoc spots him and waves, beckoning him over. Jeremy freezes, and then bolts out the emergency exit. The band finishes their song.

"I think we're going to pull this off!" Liam yells. The rest of the band cheers. They take a break, and Liam walks backstage.

"Liam, wait!" Murdoc calls.

Liam walks over to her. He's smiling, and he's actually acting quite friendly. It might be the effect of finally performing after such a long time. Or maybe it's all an act.

"Liam, I feel really bad about yesterday," she says.

"Murdoc, I don't care anymore. I'm really trying to forget it as fast as I can."

"But, I wanted to give you something anyway," she says, opening the box at her feet.

"You didn't have to, really…"

Murdoc pulls out a black rabbit. Liam stares at it with sheer childish delight.

"I thought you'd like him," Murdoc says, handing the rabbit to Liam.

"What's its name?" Liam asks.

"I didn't name it," Murdoc says. "But… I did think of something."

"What?"

"The One and Only Billy Shears."

Liam smiles.

"Yeah, I think Billy's good."

(Drive Shaft's performance)

The performance goes better than expected, since Liam didn't fall asleep until the middle of the last song. The audience didn't even notice that Liam's voice went up an octave, or that his arms were flapping like crazy, or that his mouth wasn't even open.

(Tour Bus, Later)

"That went great!" Charlie cheered as they boarded the bus. "Murdoc, you're a genius!"

Murdoc laughs nervously, carrying Billy Shears in her arms.

"Why… We need to celebrate!" he cried. "Meat Loaf!"

"Uh huh?" Meat Loaf says from behind the newspaper he's reading.

"Start the bus! We're going exploring!"

A/N: …..Yeah. The next chapter is going to be flipping funny, when Charlie finds a nice little sushi nook to celebrate.