A/N: The REAL accounts. Of a FAKE band.
xThis Is Drive Shaftx
(Plymouth, MA)
Everyone is on the bus, and Charlie is standing behind the driver's seat, his face dangerously close to Meat Loaf's.
"Charlie, could you back up a tat? I'm trying to drive."
"Sorry, I'm just looking for a good place to stop."
The bus has so far passed six night clubs, three pubs, one Chuckee Cheese, and a buffet for senior citizens.
"Well, it's dangerous to stand in a moving vehicle," Meat Loaf says. "Don't you know that?"
"Yeah, but what's the worst that can happen? It's not like I'm going to fly through the windshield."
"Well, I'm a big follower of superstitions, so just sit and stay put."
Charlie sits down on a bench by the door. Murdoc walks through the bead door.
"Charlie, are we almost there? I… Since when do we have those beads here?"
"Do you like them?" Meat Loaf asks. "I thought they were a nice touch."
"Oh, they're quite nice. You put them up?"
"Yeah, I thought they'd set the mood in the bus. I read an article about-"
"HERE!"
The bus stops abruptly, and Murdoc is thrown into the dashboard.
"Nice move, Charlie," she says, rubbing her shoulder, which bumped against the windshield.
"We're here," Charlie says, opening the bus door. Murdoc follows him off the bus, and they look around. They're by the docks, and there is really nothing there except a few boats and a mammoth of a man walking past with fishing gear.
"Charlie, there's nothing here."
Charlie points to a shack with a neon sign over it. The sign says "SUSHI NOOK".
"Sushi Nook?" Murdoc says uncertainly. The sign explodes.
"It's perfect!"
(Inside Sushi Nook)
The Sushi Nook is a little sushi buffet and inside it looks quite presentable. Charlie, Patrick, Sinjin, Meat Loaf, Murdoc, Dean, Jeremy, and Greg are all seated at a large table. Everyone except for Jeremy and Dean are helping themselves to a giant bowl of sushi.
"Want some, Jer?" Murdoc asks.
"No, thanks," Jeremy says. "I don't like sushi."
"Neither do I," Dean says. "My people don't eat sushi."
"I'm sure people in Minnesota eat sushi, Dean," Murdoc says. "Besides, you have to eat something."
"I think I saw an ice cream machine when we came in," Dean says. "How bout it, Jer?"
Jeremy looks at Dean, and at everyone else. He sighs when he realizes no one is paying attention to him.
"Yeah, fine."
They walk past all the empty tables and come across the ice cream machine. Four little Asian children are all trying to reach up to the lever. Jeremy and Dean, both the tall and very considerate men they are, step over the children and hog the ice cream.
"Hey! No fair!" the children squeal.
"YOU WAIT YOUR TURN!" Jeremy and Dean yell at the same time. The children start throwing sprinkles at them. Dean and Jeremy run out, shielding their faces with their jackets. Before they leave, Jeremy goes back and throws a bowl of cherries at them.
"Attention!" a woman on a small stage says. "I just wanted to remind you that tonight is karaoke night! If anyone wants to get their groove on, come on up!"
"Oh, I can't believe Liam is missing this!" Charlie says. "He loves karaoke!"
(On tour bus)
Liam is sleeping on the couch. Behind him, Valencia is vacuuming, wearing headphones and humming.
(On pier)
Jeremy and Dean are walking around the docks, eating their ice cream in silence.
"Do you think they noticed we left?" Jeremy asks.
(In Sushi Nook)
Murdoc and Charlie are singing karaoke.
"Like a bat out of Hell I'll be gone when the morning comes!" they sing together.
(On pier)
"Jeremy, I get the feeling you don't like me."
Jeremy turns away and walks down a dock.
"I don't know where you could've gotten that idea," he says.
Dean watches him walk away. On the back of Jeremy's jacket, someone wrote with white out: DEAN MUST DIE! Dean sighs and follows Jeremy.
"Now, I can't fathom why you wanting to kill me popped into my head," he says. "But I'm just saying that if you've got something against me, just say it."
Jeremy stops walking.
"What, you want to fight?" he asks.
"What?"
"I said, do you want to fight?" Jeremy saying, raising his fists. "Did I stutter?"
Dean stares in disbelief. He laughs, and shakes his head.
"I'm not going to fight you."
"Why not?" Jeremy taunts. "Scared?"
"No, I'm not. I just don't want to fight you."
"Everyone else is fighting," Jeremy says, lowering his fists.
"Yeah, and look what happened to them! No, I'm not going to fight you."
"Fine," Jeremy says, and starts to walk away.
"Damn Canadian," Dean mutters.
Jeremy turns around and kicks Dean in the face.
(In Sushi Nook)
Meat Loaf and Charlie are singing on stage.
"Ain't no doubt about it! Baby got to go out and shout it! Ain't no doubt about it! We were doubly blessed!"
"'Cause we were barely seventeen, and we were barely dressed!" Meat Loaf sings.
(On pier)
Jeremy and Dean are wrestling on the dock and, for once, the camera is following their every move.
"You bastard! Think you can just come out of nowhere and take over!"
Dean is pinned down, and Jeremy is throttling him.
"Think everyone'll like you and you'll be oh so helpful…"
He picks Dean up by the neck, and then slams him back down.
"And thinks that Murdoc will like you, which she does, and take her away and control everything!"
Dean manages to get an arm free and smacks Jeremy off.
"What?" he coughs, massaging his neck.
"You're trying to take Murdoc away!" Jeremy cries.
"Is that what this is about? Listen, I'm not trying to take Murdoc anywhere! I'm…I'm engaged!"
"You… You are?"
"Yeah! And to a guy, of all people!"
"Wha… What?"
"Oh, it's a long story," Dean sighs. "I'm not gay, but… Oh, hell, I need a smoke."
(On bus)
Liam wakes up, startled. He scratches his head, yawns, and slowly stumbles to the bathroom. The sound of him turning the taps and the shower starting fills the bus. Valencia comes down from downstairs, carrying her vacuum and still wearing her headphones. Humming, she takes her things and leaves the bus. Liam continues to shower, then suddenly the sound of several thuds and one loud wet smack is heard.
(In Sushi Nook)
Sinjin stumbles and falls, throwing up all over the place. Behind him, Charlie, Murdoc, and Meat Loaf do the same. Patrick comes out of the men's room, looks around, and let's out a high pitched yell. He runs outside.
(On pier)
Jeremy and Dean are laying side by side, looking at the stars and smoking.
"You're pretty good," Dean sighs.
Jeremy let's out a long trail of smoke.
"You too."
"Guys! Guys!" Patrick yells as he approaches them.
"What, Pat?" Jeremy calls.
"Inside…the place…they're-" Patrick throws up. He stumbles a bit, then attempts to start running. He slips on his own puddle of vomit.
"Uh, we'll come to you!"
"Patrick, what's wrong?" Dean asked, some seven feet from Pat.
"Everyone's sick," Patrick mutters.
"Like you?" Jeremy asks.
Patrick retches and burps.
"Yeah."
Jeremy and Dean stare at Patrick, looks of disgust and confusion on their faces.
"You want us to go… in there?"
Patrick nods.
"I guess so…" Dean says uncertainly, and starts walking toward the Nook.
(In Sushi Nook)
Dean and Jeremy walk into the Nook, and everyone's throwing up. "Time Warp" is playing on the karaoke machine.
"Someone call an ambulance!" Jeremy says.
"Forget an ambulance," Dean says, stepping out of the way of the karaoke woman, spewing like a fountain. "Call a priest!"
"It's astounding…" the radio is playing.
"What the hell are we supposed to do?" Jeremy cries.
The ice cream kids run out from behind the ice cream kids and onto the stage. Dean looks at the stage with an enlightened look on his face.
"I remember doing the Time Warp…"
"Well? Any ideas?"
Dean runs to the stage.
"The Time Warp! We have to do the Time Warp!"
"The what?" Jeremy asks.
"The Time Warp! Haven't you seen Rocky Horror Picture Show?"
"Yes, I have, but what is the Time Warp going to do to help?"
"It's going to cure everyone!"
Jeremy looks at Dean suspiciously.
"That wasn't just an ordinary cigarette you were smoking, was it?"
Dean smiles.
"You almost snapped my neck in half, Jer."
"Fair enough," Jeremy says. "So, what's your plan?"
"Just listen to the song!"
"It's just a jump to the left…"
Dean jumps to the left, Jeremy does the same.
"And then a step to the riiiiiight!"
Dean and Jeremy step to the right.
"Put your hands on your hips…"
"This is stupid…" Jeremy mutters.
"And bring your knees in tiiiiight!"
"But it's the pelvic thrust! That really drives you insayayayayane!"
Everyone stops throwing up and watches Jeremy, Dean, and the children (who are now dressed in an odd wardrobe) all dance. Murdoc starts to dance, too. Everyone else joins in.
(Two Hours Later)
The gang all say their goodbyes to Greg and everyone else in the Sushi Nook. They all start walking towards the bus, singing to "I'm Just A Bill". Meat Loaf walks ahead of them, and opens the bus door (which is odd, since this is the same sort of bus as a public transportation bus, and therefore must be opened from the inside if the door is shut), and water starts to spill out.
"What the-?"
Everyone climbs the steps carefully. Everyone except for Patrick, who attempts to jump from the first step to the third, slips, and falls on Sinjin. Inside the bus, Murdoc, Charlie, Jeremy and Dean all slosh through the inch deep water.
"Why's all this water here?" Murdoc asks.
"Dunno," Charlie says.
Sinjin and Patrick walk through the beads. Patrick; positively spiffing. Sinjin is clutching his face in pain.
"Maybe a ghost did it," Patrick says.
"Don't be stupid, Pat," Charlie says. "We don't have ghosts."
A low moan comes from somewhere in the bus.
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Jeremy says.
"Wait…" Charlie looks around the bus anxiously. "Where's Liam?"
Another moan.
"It's the ghost!"
"It's Liam!"
"The ghost has Liam!"
"No, it's Liam!" Sinjin says angrily. "And he's probably in the bathroom!"
Everyone runs to the bathroom door.
"Wait!" Charlie says. "If he's in the bathroom, and there's water all over the place, he must've been in the shower. And if he was in the shower…"
Everyone stares at him.
"And?"
"Well, he'd be naked, wouldn't he?"
Everyone mutters at this.
"So, who's going in?" Jeremy asks.
"Why don't you go, Charlie?" Murdoc asks.
Charlie cringes. "There's no way I'm going in there."
"Neither am I," Sinjin says.
"Ew!" Patrick cries, running to the couch, his hands over his eyes so he runs right into the table.
"You should do it, Murdoc," Charlie says. "After all, you are the only girl…"
"Dean should do it!" Jeremy cuts in. "After all, he is gay."
"Dean, you're gay?" Murdoc says.
"No! It's just… Make Jeremy do it!"
"I'm not going in! Go do it, Dean, you're going to see a lot of naked dudes in the direction you're going!"
"WHAT? Dean, what the hell aren't you telling me?"
The three argue for a few minutes.
"When were you going to tell me this, Dean?"
"When were you going to tell everyone about the money?"
"When'd you get your lip pierced, Pat?"
Patrick gives Jeremy a true, surprised look, and feels his lip.
"Good Gandalf, when DID I get this?"
"Oh, forget it," Murdoc snaps, and walks to the bathroom, pulls the door open, and shuts it behind her.
(ACG: I'M CONFUSED! A/N: I just don't know anymore. Next chapter, the gang heads to Vermont, and Dean introduces someone.)