A/N: The REAL accounts. Of a FAKE band.
xThis Is Drive Shaftx
(In motel room)
Liam, Charlie, and Sinjin are off for beer. Murdoc, Jeremy, and Patrick are watching TV. Dean tumbles out of the bathroom, followed by Oen, who has to lean against the wall to stand straight. They are both laughing.
"Hey, Pat," Dean says. "We were just wondering… Have you ever trashed a room?"
"No," Pat says. "I have too much respect for the people that clean it."
Everyone stares at Pat.
"Right…" Dean says. "But would you ever want to?"
"I don't know."
Oen pulls something out of his pocket.
"I think I've got something that'll change your mind."
(At store down road)
Liam, Charlie, and Sinjin are walking toward the cash register. Charlie and Sinjin are carrying cases or beer, and Liam is rubbing his temples.
"Liam, what's wrong?" Charlie asks.
"Nothing," Liam says. "Just have a headache."
"Think it's because of the shampoo bottle thing?"
"Maybe," Liam says. "But…it's like a headache in my eyes or something."
"Yeah, I've been there," Sinjin says.
They get on line. Around the register there is candy bars, gum, batteries, and, for some reason, light bulbs. Liam looks at the light bulbs and his eyes widen.
"Deodorant light bulbs? Awesome!"
He takes one of the light bulbs and starts waving it around at the other customers.
"Look, deodorant light bulbs! Isn't that cool? I wonder what white would be. Maybe vanilla. I bet blue's blueberry. Red could be rose, or something. Honestly, the nut jobs that invent these things."
The old man he's showing the light bulb too is giving him a very evil glare. Liam sniffs the light bulb.
"Funny, I don't smell anything."
He opens the package a little and sniffs deeply and loudly. Charlie spots what he's doing and stops him.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"Deodorant light bulbs, baby brother!" Liam yells in excitement, flinging his arms around and making a woman who just walked grab her daughter and run out of the store.
"What?" Charlie wrenches the package from Liam's hand. "Liam… This says DECORATIVE light bulbs."
(Back in motel)
Oen and Dean are both sitting on the bed smoking. They are both leaning on each other, laughing hysterically. Patrick has a bag of FunYuns and keeps hitting a lamp with it, causing FunYuns to go everywhere. Jeremy and Murdoc are watching them when Jeremy whispers something to Murdoc. They both go into the bathroom.
"Yes?" Murdoc asks Jeremy once they're in the small and cramped bathroom.
"Are you going to do this?" Jeremy asks.
"Do what?"
"Get high and trash a motel room just for the fun of it?"
"Well, I've done it before, Jay. But I'm going to trash it with a band. Sure, it's a band too cheap to afford an actual hotel room and who's too lame to get one for free, but..."
"Do you really want to say that?" Jeremy says, looking at the camera.
"Eh, I'll edit it out later."
"I thought you said you weren't going to edit. I thought you said you wanted this to be as close to reality as possible."
"Well, that ship has sailed, hasn't it?" Murdoc says. She sighs and holds on to a metal towel rack attached to the wall. "Jeremy, I have the opportunity to trash shit with a rock band! There is no way I'm missing this!"
She pulls the rack off, which surprisingly took no real effort at all.
"Gandalf, that was easy," she says.
A loud creaking noise comes from the wall. To Murdoc and Jeremy's horror, it falls into the next room. A group of drunken Japanese tourists are running around, screaming, and throwing up. Murdoc and Jeremy both run out the bathroom door and lock it behind them.
(1 Hour Later…)
Liam, Sinjin, and Charlie are walking toward the motel.
"Oh, what the…" Charlie says, seeing the dark figures running around outside the door to the room. The three of them start running toward the room when they realize smoke is coming out of the windows and something inside is on fire.
The group of tourists scatter when they approach.
"Guys!" Charlie yells through the door. "Are you alright?"
"No!" comes Murdoc's voice through the door. "The door's locked, kick it down!"
Charlie attempts to kick the door down, but before his foot even touches the door, Patrick goes flying through the window. Murdoc climbs out after him.
"Hey!" Liam yells.
Charlie turns around. A Japanese tourist has taken the beer and is now running away with it. Charlie tries to chase him, but the tourist jumps into the air and flies off into the night.
(A Few Hours Later)
Murdoc, Dean, Jeremy, and Drive Shaft are all sitting in the woods on the side of the highway. They are all sitting around a small fire, and everyone is drinking except for Dean, who is just staring at the flames.
"I never…I never knew FunYun bags were so flammable," Dean says in a distant voice. Liam puts his arm around Dean and tries to cheer him up.
"I never knew lamps could make things go on fire," Patrick says, also in a distant voice. He looks at Murdoc and Sinjin, who are on either side of him, and waits to be embraced. When this doesn't happen, he zips up his jacket and sighs loudly.
Murdoc takes a sip from her beer and stands up.
"To Oen," she says, and empties the rest of her bottle over the fire. Everyone else except Charlie does the same. Charlie, who managed to save the one case of beer, stares at the bottle in his hands. He sighs loudly.
"Bloody Japs," he mutters before paying tribute to Oen as well.
(Two Days Later)
Everyone is getting back on the bus, getting ready for their next stop, Ohio. Charlie and Patrick have just finished putting the last of Liam's suitcases (which were completely unharmed despite the fact that the room was in ruins and Oen had helped with the torching of everything when he was running around in flames) and are boarding the bus. Inside the bus, the phone by the bar rings. Murdoc picks it up.
"Drive Shaft's bus phone," she says.
"Hey, Murdoc," Dean's voice says.
"Dean? Where the hell are you?"
"I'm flying, remember? There is no way I'm going to be in a bus with you guys for twenty four hours."
"You alright, Dean?"
"Yeah," Dean says. "Just peachy. I got something from the bank today. I think you might like it."
"Dean, I've already seen the Hamtaro checks."
"No, not that… I'll see you in Columbus, Murdoc. I've got something you might like."
(In Phone Booth)
Dean hangs up phone. He jumps when he sees the camera crew, and the booth rattles.
"What are you guys doing here?" he asks.
"We're flying too," Kenny's voice says. "We don't have to leave till tomorrow."
"Won't Murdoc want you on the bus?"
"Already taken care of," Kenny says. "We've got Brint doing it."
"Brint?"
"The intern."
(On bus)
The camera has obviously been set on the floor, since only feet are visible. There is the sound of dice rolling and Liam's shoes move.
"Yahtzee!" he cries.
(In Car)
Dean is parking his car in front of a bank. When he sees the camera crew behind him, he jumps, and his car hits the one in front of it.
"What the hell are you doing?" he yells.
"Gee, you're jumpy," Cozy, the sound guy, says.
"How could you not know we were in the car with you?"
"I was…distracted."
"Yeah, about that. Dean, your singing voice sounds like the slaughtering of a thousand animals," Kenny says. Dean glares at him. "And I just thought you should know this about yourself."
Dean gets out of the car. The crew follows him.
"Whatcha doin'?" Cozy asks.
"Going to the bank," Dean says.
"Why?"
"That's my business."
"Oh."
Cozy seems to be in deep thought. Dean is finishing a cigarette. Cozy raises his hand and waves it across Dean's face.
"You will tell me why you are at the bank," he says.
Dean stares at him for a minute. He looks at his cigarette, then sticks it in Cozy's arm. Cozy makes a weird squealing noise and clutches his arm as Dean walks away.
(Back on Bus)
The camera is still on the floor, and the feet of Murdoc, Charlie, and Liam are visible. Murdoc appears to be wearing only one sock, Charlie is barefoot, and Liam is wearing no socks nor, by the looks of it, pants. Everyone is taunting Liam.
"C'mon, Liam. You folded, you know what that means," Murdoc said.
"Yeah, Liam," Sinjin says. "C'mon, it was your idea to play strip poker."
Liam sighs. A pair of briefs drops on the floor. Everyone cheers.
"Liam, what did you have here, anyway?" Murdoc says. "Whoa. Liam…you could've won."
"What?" Liam says.
"Your hand… What did you think these were?"
"Um…"
"We need to get your eyes checked, Liam," Charlie says.
"I can see fine," Liam says. His feet move uneasily. "It's cold," he whines.
(A/N: Confused? I know I am. Stay tuned for next chapter, where Dean brings a surprise from the bank, and Liam gets an eye exam.)