A/N: The REAL accounts. Of a FAKE band.

xThis Is Drive Shaftx

(On the bus)

Meat Loaf and the guy from the bank are sitting at the front of the bus. Meat Loaf is driving and banker is just sitting on the same seat Charlie was sitting in before. The banker is just looking dead ahead, and Meat Loaf keeps giving him weird glances.

"So…" Meat Loaf says nervously. "Bob, right?"

"Bill," the banker replies.

"Bill. Right."

In seconds, Meat Loaf is drenched with sweat.

(At Rehearsal)

The band is on a stage and they're not really doing anything, just standing around and occasionally playing a few chords or something. Murdoc is watching them from the audience, and Jeremy and Dean are playing with the lights and other equipment. Bill is sitting on a chair all the way by the exit and is wearing head phones.

"Hello, hello, hello…"

"Testing, test, test, test… This is mike number one, this is mike number one, isn't this a lot of fun?"

"Get off, you two…"

Charlie is strumming his guitar at the edge of the stage. He keeps looking up at Murdoc and winking as he plays a song. Murdoc is watching him while wearing large dark sunglasses. She seems really entranced.

"Hey, Murdoc," he says. "Do you know how to play an instrument?"

Murdoc is still sitting there, acting as if she didn't hear him.

"Murdoc? Murdoc!"

Murdoc jerks up and yawns.

"Murdoc, come over here."

Murdoc gets up and stumbles over to where Charlie's sitting. Everyone else has stopped fooling around and is watching them.

"Can you play?" Charlie asks, meaning the guitar.

"Just a little," Murdoc yawns. "Guitar's not really my thing, though. I haven't the fingers."

At this, she wiggled her small clumsy fingers to prove her point.

"But you can play something, right?"

"Eh, just a few songs."

"What, like 'The Wheels on the Bus', something like that?" Charlie begins playing a few chords.

"No," Murdoc says icily. "And I'm not one of those pricks that can only play the beginning to bloody Smoke on the Water either."

"Ooh, touchy," Liam smirks, walking over to them. "Go ahead, baby brother, give her the guitar."

Murdoc gets a little embarrassed as she realizes everyone's watching, but takes the guitar and fiddles with it a little. She then plays the beginning to Heart's "Crazy for You"(awesome song) and everyone watches her in surprise.

"Can you sing?" Liam asks after a moment of stunned silence.

"Gather round, boys, gather round!" Ted calls as he walks toward them. "Here it is!"

He waves around a wrapped object. No one's in a real hurry to walk over to him.

"Come on, lads! 'Sniff the Mitten' has finally arrived! Come on, Liam!"

At this point, Ted is right in front of them, so he starts taking off the wrapping.

"Ta da!" he says, revealing a dark grey CD case. "What do you think?"

"Is this the test pressing?" Sinjin asks.

"No, this is it, this is it, alright," Ted says.

"This is 'Sniff the Mitten' by Drive Shaft?" Liam asks, taking the CD and looking at it, even though there's not much to look at.

"That's 'Sniff the Mitten', that's the jacket cover. It's going to be going out across the country in every store."

"This is the compromise we made?" Liam asked. "This is the compromise you made?"

"Yes."

"Is it going to say anything here, or here along the spine?" Sinjin asks, the CD now in his hands.

"It's not going to say anything?" Liam asks.

"No, it's not going to say anything."

"It's going to be like this, all grey?" Charlie asks.

"No, it's going to be that simple, beautiful, classic!" Ted says.

"Well, at first glance it looks black and kinda looks like leather," Murdoc says, looking at the CD from all angles. Jeremy and Dean nod and murmur in agreement behind her.

"You can see yourself in it… Both sides," Dean says.

"So it doesn't say Drive Shaft at all?" Murdoc asks.

"Uh, I think it does, but the lettering is also in a dark shade of gray," Ted replied grimly.

"I think I see it!" Patrick said, holding the case really close to his face.

"I feel really bad about this…" Liam says. "I think, like you've, like rationalizing this whole thing into something you did on purpose. I think we're stuck with a very, very stupid and a very dismal looking album. This is depressing."

"Liam!" Charlie hisses.

"I frankly think that this is the turning point, okay? I think, I think this is...we're on our way now."

"I agree," Charlie says.

"It's time, time to kick some arse!" Ted says.

(Outside bus)

"What do you mean, you don't feel comfortable?" Murdoc says into Dean's cell phone. "Well, he's not going to be here very long… No, Marv- Meat Loaf, you're a great driver…"

Dean and Jeremy are standing outside the bus and watching Murdoc. She hangs up and sighs.

"Well?" Dean asks.

"Meat Loaf's going to take the next couple of days off," she says.

"He is? Why?"

"Oh my gosh! He's got cancer in the testies!" Jeremy squeals, holding his hands over his mouth in…suppressed laughter.

"He doesn't have cancer, you idiot," Dean snaps, but looks at Murdoc questioningly.

"He's fine," Murdoc says. "He just says he doesn't feel comfortable under the…circumstances."

(Inside Bus)

Patrick is playing with the Drive Shaft dolls and Cheesus. Charlie is watching a movie. Patrick and Sinjin are standing behind the bar, and are eyeing Bill suspiciously. Bill is on the couch and watching Patrick.

"Oh, Cheesus, you are the most powerful!" Patrick says in a high pitched voice, holding the Sinjin doll and making him doing a weird dance.

"Well, yes, I know," he says in a deep Cheesus voice.

"We should give you a sacrifice!" the cool sounding Liam says. "We should give you a sacrifice!"

Holding the Charlie doll, he says in a completely childish whine, "Take me!"

Patrick starts banging the Charlie doll on the table.

"What do you think he wants?" Sinjin whispers to Liam when they see Bill start taking notes feverishly at Patrick sacrificial display.

"I don't know, but why is he here? Isn't he supposed to be watching the others?"

(Outside Bus in parking lot)

Jeremy, Murdoc, and Dean are surrounding a car. Jeremy is smashing the windows, Murdoc is stealing the hubcaps and license plates, and Dean seems to be beating up what might be the owner of the vehicle, a very ugly prostitute looking woman. Or very pretty man.

(Inside Bus)

"Um, what are you doing?" Charlie asks. Bill is standing in front of the television and is fiddling with the DVD player. "Wayne and Garth were just about to see Aerosmith."

"Young man," Bill snaps, "do you have a proof of purchase for this merchandise?"

"Um, no," Charlie says awkwardly.

Murdoc and the other two board the bus. Charlie quickly gets away from Bob and sits on the couch.

Murdoc looks at them all grimly and says, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"

Various shouts of "Good!" and "Bad!" fill the bus. Evidently, the camera crew also wants their opinion heard.

"Do you want us to say bad so it will benefit your joke?" Cozy asks.

"Dang, you caught on," Murdoc says. "The truth is, there is no good news." Turning to the camera, she says, "But I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."

"But… You don't have a car. Or…even drive," Dean says.

"Well, that singles me out," Murdoc says. "Because what I was going to say before is that Meat Loaf is taking a few days off, and we need one of us to drive the bus for a few days. Do any of you know how to drive a bus?"

Everyone is silent. Jeremy opens his mouth to say something, but is cut off by Liam.

"I'll do it."

Charlie looks at his brother apprehensively. "I don't think that's a good idea…"

"Nonsense," Liam says, standing up. "It's just like driving a really big car, right?"

With that, he walks over to the front and leaves everyone still sitting down. All of a sudden there's a loud honk, and everyone jumps. Well, it's not really a honk. More like a beep.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

"Wow, that's really loud!" Liam calls from the front and beeps some more.

A/N: Well, that was this chapter. Next one, Liam and his lack of real driving etiquette takes the bus for a spin.