A/N: I'll take you down the only road I've ever been on.

xThis Is Drive Shaftx

(Still in Ohio)

"Now, you can drive, right?" Murdoc asks as she and Liam walk toward the bus.

"Honestly, Murdoc. I'm not that stupid to volunteer to be a bus driver when I don't even know how to drive," Liam answers. Murdoc glances at him, not exactly convinced. They board the bus, and Liam lets Murdoc sit on the bench and just stares at the driver's seat.

"Well?" Murdoc asks. "Go on, sit. You do know what you're doing, don't you?"

"Of course," Liam says and laughs nervously. "It's just that, you know, in England the cars are, you know, reverse."

"Well, the wheel's still in front, isn't it? Go on, start the bus."

Liam sits down and looks at the wheel.

(Streets)

"So, we are on our way to…some radio station," Charlie tells the camera crew as he, Sinjin, Patrick, and Jeremy and Dean walk down the street. Bill is walking a few feet behind them.

"Yeah, Liam can't come with us because he's having driving lessons," Sinjin says, laughing.

"Can Murdoc drive?" Charlie asks Dean.

"Yeah, yeah she is, she, um, she just isn't allowed to."

"Why not?"

(On bus)

Liam is driving the bus and everything seems to be going alright.

"Well, this is going better than I expected," Liam says, grinning.

Murdoc is staring straight ahead.

"There's a power line in the middle of the road," she mutters in a hollow voice.

Liam squints at the road.

"Oh, yeah, I guess there is. Is that good?"

"Go for it," Murdoc says in the same voice.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Liam starts to drive over the power line and Murdoc raises her arms in triumph.

"Nothing happened," Liam says. Murdoc shrugs. Liam keeps driving, and they hear a loud continuous noise.

"What is that?" Liam asks.

Murdoc turns around, even though this wouldn't help her see what was happening outside the bus at all.

"I think… I think we're dragging the power line."

"What?"

The noise continues.

"The power line. We're dragging it," Murdoc says.

"We're dragging it?" Liam says. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know."

"You're the one that told me to run over it!"

The noise stops.

"See?" Murdoc says. "Problem solved."

Liam glances at her in bewilderment but continues driving. Murdoc sighs in impatience.

"The damn traffic light's not working…"

(Radio station)

A heavyset man is in a small hallway, greeting the band and shaking their hands.

"Well, welcome, guys, welcome. I'm Rabbit Rick, thanks for coming," he says to everyone.

Various murmurs of "no problem" and the like follow. Dean, Jeremy, and Bill are at the end of the line, and Jeremy has a look on his face like he just realized there's really no point in his being there. He leaves, making a big production of passing everyone in the very cramped hall. Rick notices Dean, leaning against the wall and looking very tired.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" he asks.

"Huh?" Dean says, a little startled at being addressed this way.He takesa quick glance at Bill, who is already unzipping his fanny pack (ha ha, fanny pack) and taking out his notepad.

"You look familiar… What's your name?"

"Dean."

"Oh my gosh! You're Dean!"

"Yeah, I just said that…"

Everyone looks at Dean curiously.

"Aren't you from that show? The Mur-something?"

"The Murdoc Show?"

"Yeah, that's it! I knew I recognized you! Jules! Jules, come over here!"

(Back on bus)

"Well, this is going smoothly," Murdoc says. Liam is sitting behind the wheel with the darkest of looks on his face.

"You're going a little fast," Murdoc says. Liam doesn't respond, and he goes faster.

"Will you knock it off?" she snaps. "Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. I just get a little… well, weird when it comes to driving." She laughs. "Wouldn't it be funny if we were going really fast? I mean, with the flag on the side and everything. People would see this British Blur driving around…"

"We're Drive Shaft," Liam says.

"What?"

"We're Drive Shaft."

"Yeah, I know," Murdoc says, giving Liam a weird look. "Oh, I can't wait for Meat Loaf to come back, I can go back to this bus as an oasis…"

"Drive Shaft."

"Yeah."

They drive in silence.

(At radio station)

"So, what have you been doing since then?" Rick asks Dean on air. They're all cramped in the small studio, and Patrick, Sinjin, and Charlie are just sitting behind Dean looking confused.

"Uh, I've been traveling… Working on some projects…" Dean says.

"I thought you killed yourself," Jules says. There's a pause.

(Somewhere outside)

Jeremy is walking the streets of… some city in Ohio and spots a chap stick on the floor. He seems enlightened. Behind him across the street is a man wearing a ski mask running with a bag. Two police officers are chasing him. The man pulls a gun out of his jacket and a woman screams: all of this is ignored by Jeremy, who is engrossed in this random Chap Stick on the ground, most likely previously used. One of the officers daringly tackles the armed man, and a shot is fired. Jeremy bends to pick up the chap stick, and the bullet goes right through where his head would've been. The same woman screams again, and an old man runs out of a nearby shop.

"Are you alright, kid?" The man asks. Not waiting for an answer, he says, "You could've been killed!"

Jeremy looks at his chap stick and back at the man, confused and having no idea what just happened.

"Look!" The man says, pointing to a sign that was a few feet from where Jeremy was. Jeremy looks in it, and there is a bullet stuck in the metal sign. The seriousness of the situation dawns on him, and he once again examines the Chap Stick. "That chap stick saved your life!" the man exclaims.

(Back on bus)

"Are we supposed to be picking them up?" Liam asks.

"Well, yes, as the bus driver, you pick up the members of the band," Murdoc answers.

"Is that… Jeremy?" Liam asks.

Murdoc peers out the window.

"Yeah, it is… What the hell is he doing?"

They stop and Jeremy is walking down the street, holding the chap stick at arms length with his palm up. Liam honks the horn, and Jeremy boards the bus.

"Jeremy, what on earth are you doing?" Murdoc asked.

"This chap stick saved my life!" Jeremy cries.

"What?"

"It's a long story but, I was walking and there was this guy with a gun and I bent down to pick up the chap stick and it saved my life!"

Murdoc and Liam stare at him blankly.

"Yeah, you're going to have to run that by us again," Liam says.

Jeremy goes through the bead curtain, saying, "I owe my life to this chap stick!"

Liam starts the bus again.

"Okay…" Murdoc says, then claps her hands. "Music!"

(A Few Minutes Later…)

Murdoc and Liam are singing.("Deuce" by Kiss)

"Baby, if you're feeling good!"

"Baby, if you're feeling nice!"

"You know your man is workin' hard!" They both did some weird head movement. "He's worth our deuce!"

(Back at radio station)

"It's no problem, thanks for having me…" Dean says outside the studio.

"It was great, great… Yeah, and what's the name of your album again?" Rick asks Sinjin, Patrick, and Charlie, who have all fallen asleep.

"Sniff The Mitten," Dean answers as Charlie yawns.

"Great, great… Hey, could you sign this? My niece, she's a big fan." Rick asks, taking out a book.

"Oh, sure…" Dean says, a little awkwardly.

"And this…" Rick pulls out a picture of himself.

"Okay…"

"And if we could just have a picture…" Rick says, pulling out a pair of bunny ears. Dean stares at the ears. "Please? It's… for my sister." Dean raises an eyebrow. "She's got cancer. She's dying."

"Oh, alright…"

Dean puts on the ears and sighs. He wears a blank expression when posing for the picture, but when Rick's arm falls from around his shoulder to… elsewhere, Dean's expression changes significantly.

"Hey!"

"Oh, this is going to be the best Christmas card yet!" Rick squeals and runs off. A storage closet door a few feet away shakes a little, then is broken down and a man that looks a lot like Rick but with bigger front teeth comes out. He's in his underwear and he looks malnourished.

"Stop that man!" he yells. "He's an imposter!"

Dean watches as the Rick in his underwear runs after pervert Rick, and is chased by several security guards. Adjusting his hat, Dean turns to the camera and says, "And that is precisely why I don't work for radio anymore."

Liam honking the horn outside on the bus can be heard from in the studio.

(A few hours later)

Dean and Sinjin are playing Stratego and Charlie and Patrick are watching. Jeremy is staring at his chap stick in awe. Murdoc comes in from the front of the bus.

"Whatcha doin?" she asks.

"Dean and Sinjin are playing Stratego," Charlie says.

"It's like Napoleon against the French!" Patrick exclaims.

Sinjin and Dean exchange glances but remain silent. Patrick takes out the Drive Shaft dolls and starts playing with them.

"You know what, Sinjin?" Jeremy says. "I don't think I've seen you play with your doll."

"Well, I'm not nine," Sinjin says.

"Checkmate," Dean says. Sinjin eyes the board and looks back at Dean.

"Do you even know how to play the game?" he asks.

"No idea," Dean answers, unscrewing the cap on his water bottle as he walks off to abandon the game. He walked through the beaded curtain, taking over the next Liam shift.

"But these dolls look like you guys," Jeremy says, ignoring Dean's ignorant interruption. "Isn't that kinda cool?"

"It's more reason for it to steal my soul," Sinjin sighs.

Jeremy laughs. "You're kidding, right?"

Sinjin glares at him. "No."

The theme to "Psycho" plays. Bill stands up, no doubt to stalk Dean some more and take notes on that pad of his. Murdoc is standing by the curtain and winks at Sinjin, who stands up and takes his doll from Patrick.

"Hey Bill, think fast!" he calls, throwing the doll at Bill. Bill turns around while Murdoc sticks her foot out. Bill catches the doll awkwardly and trips over Murdoc's foot, sending him flying through the curtain backwards. Murdoc and Sinjin's triumphant laughter are cut short by the bus' sudden swerve and the objects falling off the walls. There's a loud crashing noise as the bus comes to a stop. The lights in the bus flicker on and off as everyone gets up, and the horn won't stop blaring. Patrick, who has been sitting on the couch and playing with the dolls, hasn't acknowledged that anything has happened. Jeremy, on the other hand…

"What the hell just happened!" he yells.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

"I think we crashed into something!" Murdoc yelled back.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Sinjin jeers.

"What did you do?" Jeremy yells at Charlie, who looks thoroughly confused.

"Me? I didn't-" Charlie stutters, but is cut off short by Jeremy lunging at him.

"-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

Everyone is yelling but no one can be heard over the horn. Dean tears open the curtain and stumbles in. He falls on Murdoc and, with a mad glint in his eye, growls "What did you do?"

He tugs on the curtain so hard that the whole thing falls. Murdoc gasps at what she sees. There is a giant hole in the windshield, and there are traces of blood on the edges. Liam seems to have passed out on the steering wheel, but no one seems to be doing anything about it.

"What are we going to do?" she asks fearfully.

"We've got to get out of here," Sinjin says.

"Are you crazy?" Dean says. "Liam's passed out again, and I think you killed Bill!"

For some unknown reason, Patrick giggles, and mutters, "Kill Bill." Sinjin starts to chuckle. Dean has a weird expression on his faceas he looks about the bus.

"You think this is funny?" he says. "Have you seen the windshield? For God's sake, I think we drove into an Office Max!"

A plump teenager wearing a red vest and large glasses boards the bus.

"You guys need anything?" he asks.

Everyone stares at him.

"Uh, no thanks, we're just looking," Jeremy says.

"M'kay," the teen says, walking away. Everyone just stands around in silence. Well, the horn is still blaring.

"I… I think Bill's dead," Dean says. Everyone stands in mournful silence. Murdoc suddenly coughs and moves Dean out of the camera's view.

"He's just kidding, everybody, Bill's not dead," she says, laughing nervously. "It's all a big joke…" she says, as she walks over to Liam, finally lifting his head off the wheel. She drops it, realizing that there's blood oozing from Liam's mouth.

"Yeah, no one's dead…" Jeremy's voice says from off camera.

"Turn the camera off!"

A/N: It took me a long time to write this. Not really, but I sure have been doing my fair share of procrastinating. …I think I know what'll happen next chapter, but you can be damn sure Meat Loaf's coming back! And Bill is and/or isn't dead, that's for sure!