A/N: "In the beginning, there was rock. Then somebody invented the wheel, and everything began to roll."
xThis Is Drive Shaftx
(Myrtle Beach, SC. Two hours to Showtime)
"Where the hell is Patrick?" Liam is yelling as he walks around with his water bottle.
"Did you see him when we were unloading?" Murdoc asks.
"I don't remember," Liam whines. "I just figured he had already gotten a ride here or something. Charlie, have you seen Patrick?"
"Patrick's not here yet?"
"Oh, shit, he's not here. Does anyone know where Pat could be?"
"No one ever knows where Patrick goes," Sinjin says. "Remember last time we couldn't find him?" Liam and Charlie chuckle.
"Why? What happened last time?" Murdoc asks. Sinjin whispers something in her ear. "He got his WHAT pierced?"
"And remember that? Pat never showed up for that show, so we had to get someone to replace him," Charlie says.
"But we won't have to this time, right?" Liam says uncertainly. "I mean, he's still got time. And who are we going to replace him with?"
They all look at Dean, who's standing by the amps and twirling a drumstick gracefully in his hand as he talks to Donald.
(On bus)
"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Braceface rips her arm from the grasp of the hand and scuttles over to Jeremy.
"Wha happened?" says the owner of the hand groggily.
"Patrick?" Jeremy asks. "What are you doing here?"
"I always sleep in here before a gig," Patrick says.
"Before a gig? Pat, everyone left," Jeremy says.
"What? Damn," Patrick crawls over to the door and tries to pull it open only to realize it's jammed. "It's stuck."
"Yeah, that moron locked us in," Braceface says and nods toward Jeremy.
"Hey, don't blame me for this. You two are the ones that wanted me to bring you here. You didn't even care, I could be some psychopath that lures teenage girls into tour buses and-" Patrick suddenly sprays Jeremy in the eyes with pepper spray. "AHHHHH!" Jeremy squeals, rolling on the floor for a few minutes and slowly stopping. He finally gets up."Pat, what did you do that for?"
(Myrtle Beach, Hour and a half to Showtime)
"Is this a good idea?" Dean asks as he sits behind the drums. "I mean, I don't even know any of the songs."
"That's okay, neither does Patrick," Charlie says. "Where's Liam?"
(Liam's Dressing Room)
Liam is hunched over the food table. Donald is sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine.
"What is this?" he asks Donald, holding up a cup.
"It's yogurt," Donald says. An assistant walks in.
"Hey, what's your name?" Liam asks the assistant.
"Uh, Faerie in Combat Boots."
"Well, Fairy… Do you mind if I call you Fairy?"
"Actually…"
"Do you see this? This is yogurt," Liam says, ignoring Faerie in Combat Boots and holding up the yogurt container. "This is yogurt with fruit on the bottom. Blueberry. I asked for pineapple."
"Well, you see-"
"No, I won't stand for this. You're new, so I'll let you go. But all this-" he points at the yogurts. "-has got to go." He starts picking up individual yogurt containers, carefully peels off the foil cover, and then smashes it on the floor. He does this for a minute straight, and the room is absolutely silent. Liam finally finishes and makes a big show of wiping the nonexistent sweat off his brow and croaks, "Clean this up." Faerie in Combat Boots leaves, and Liam hops onto the couch.
"What'd you do that for?" Donald asks.
"Oh, I just like screwing with the assistants."
Sinjin enters the room and slips on the yogurt.
(Back In Bus)
"It was a hypothetical scenario. God," Jeremy snaps as he holds a mini milk carton against his eye, which we'll assume Whatshername carried with her, because she just seems the type to carry around her daily source of calcium around. "Why did you have pepper spray with you anyway?"
"I like seasoning my food," Patrick says. Jeremy stares at Patrick.
"It smells really bad," Braceface says.
"Yeah," Jeremy replies, still staring at Patrick.
"How are we going to breathe?" Whatshername asks in a scared tone.
"Never fear," Pat says as he takes three straws out of his pocket.
(Myrtle Beach, 45 minutes till Showtime)
Sinjin is being carried into an ambulance as Charlie and Liam approach Murdoc. They both approach her from different directions and corner her.
"Amazing, don't you think?" Charlie says. "I mean, really. A puddle of yogurt breaks a guy's wrist. And his playing hand, too."
"Yeah, I have no idea how that yogurt got there," Liam says quickly, then glances at his hand, where something is written on his palm. "I mean, oh no. Now we don't have a guitar player," he says in a tone an unskilled child would say his lines in a school play. He slaps his hands on his face and puts on a shocked expression, getting ink all over his cheeks. "What are we going to do?"
"I don't know," Charlie says in the same loud, obnoxious tone. "Hey, Murdoc, don't you play the guitar?"
"Forget it," Murdoc says, walking away and lighting a cigarette.
"Oh, come on, Murdoc. We've heard you play," Charlie says.
"I'm not a guitar player, I just know a few songs here and there," she says.
"What are you talking about? Hey, I know talent when I see it…"
Murdoc snorted. "I bet you do."
"And I know you've got a gift. Now, can you please do this one show with us?"
"Am I really your only option?"
"You kind of are," Liam says.
"Please?" Charlie asks. He and Liam both give their pouty faces, making them both look hilariously ugly.
"Fine," Murdoc sighs.
"Yes!" Charlie cheers.
"But I don't know any of your songs," she says. "And I don't read notes."
Liam and Charlie both exchange glances. "Well, today's your lucky day," Charlie says in that creepy raspy tone he gets.
(Back in Bus)
Patrick, Braceface, and Whatshername all have straws in their mouths. Jeremy is sitting in the corner and glaring at them, drinking his milk.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"We're trying to save our air," Patrick says. Jeremy shakes his head and takes out a cigarette.
"You're not going to light that, are you?" Braceface asks.
"Why?"
"Because if you do, you'll put carbon dioxide in the air, and we won't be able to breathe."
"I'm counting on it."
"Hey, give me one of those," Patrick says.
"Not you too," Braceface says. "Don't you understand that smoking depletes your system of oxygen? And that isn't good."
"Ooh, we have a dentist on board!" Patrick says. "And it's okay, we'll just smoke over here," he says, finding a secret door none of them noticed on the floor and pulling it open, revealing about a 2'x2' hole and a great view of the pavement. Everyone stares at Patrick.
(Myrtle Beach, 30 minutes till Showtime)
"What is this?" a baffled Murdoc asks. She's in what looks a lot like a big closet with Charlie and Liam and is holding a guitar. The guitar looks normal, but the amp in front of her has a screen on it. A nerdy looking man comes in.
"This is Jhonen," Charlie says, and Jhonen immediately starts typing on a keyboard that was lying on top of the amp. "He does all our stage effect stuff."
Jhonen mutters a greeting and says, "I've been working on this for a while now, it's called Guitar Lad."
"Guitar Lad? What the hell is a Guitar Lad?" Murdoc asks.
"Well, it's like a little helper when you play guitar. You see, I've programmed all of the Drive Shaft songs in here, so you can play the notes that appear on the screen in time to the music."
"You lost me."
A Scooby Doo type montage of Murdoc learning to play Guitar Lad plays, with Murdoc learning to play, Charlie and Liam having a go at it, Murdoc playing while Liam sings, Murdoc playing while Jhonen sings, a basketful of bras being thrown as Murdoc and Charlie rock out in unison, Murdoc, Charlie, Jhonen, and Liam, running in and out of a hallway of doors…
Murdoc holds the guitar over her head and has a large boot on top of Charlie's chest as he lies on the ground.
"I think she's ready," Jhonen says.
(Back In Bus)
Jeremy pokes his head out of the hole.
"I think there's enough room for you to get out," he says to the girls. "Now, when you get out, I need you to get help so we can get out of here."
Both girls nod and Patrick and Jeremy help them get out through the hole. They hear the girls crawl from under the bus and run off. Jeremy takes out a lighter and lights his cigarette.
"They're not coming back," he said.
Patrick takes out a six-pack from behind one of the suitcases. "Nope."
(Myrtle Beach: Two Minutes From Showtime and counting)
"You ready?" Liam asks Murdoc.
"I AM the Guitar Lad!" Murdoc says.
"Thatta girl," Liam smiles. "What about you, Dean?"
A group of fan girls are crowded around Dean and are cheering on his effortless drum twirling skillz. "I could get used to this," he smirks. Everyone looks up as the M.C.'s voice comes over the speaker and they all pick up their instruments and get ready.
"This next band is cooler than spider tattoos!" the M.C. says.
"Ooh, whoopee," Murdoc chuckles.
"Coming from Britain, and with a few minor temporary changes, I give you… Drive Shaft!"
Murdoc and Dean rock on stage with the band and the crowd cheers. At one point a shower of bras, underwear, and someone's pants is thrown and lands all over the drums, but Dean keeps playing. During the guitar solo, Liam grabs the pants and throws them at Charlie, and Murdoc and Charlie do a back-to-back guitar solo.
(Meanwhile, STILL in the bus…)
The door opens and a very confused and mad Meat Loaf pokes his head in.
"What in the hell are you two doing?" he asks.
"The two girls came in here and we were locked out-" Jeremy drunkenly explains.
"And I was sleeping in here and I pepper sprayed"- Patrick almost simultaneously says, so for a minute the two of them try to explain what happened but there's so drunk you can only understand a little bit, and even then it makes no sense.
"That's it, both of you. Get out! You're getting smoke all in my bus!"
They both crawl out as Murdoc and the rest of the band pull up in a van.
"So I can keep these?" Dean asks as he comes out with a crate full of all the undergarments thrown on stage.
"Knock yourself out," Charlie says, putting the pants, now folded, in the crate as he gets out of the van.
"That was awesome!" Murdoc exclaims as she jumps out of the van. She spots Jeremy stretching by the bus and runs toward him and kisses him, also knocking him into the side of the bus and knocking all the wind out of him.
Meat Loaf comes over with a spray and a rag. "Hey!" he says. Murdoc and Jeremy move, and Meat Loaf grumbles as he cleans the spot on the bus.
"Whoa, Murdoc, what was-"
"I rocked out with the band!" Murdoc explained. "It was so awesome!"
"Where were you?" Liam snaps at Patrick.
"I was sleeping in the bus and he came with two girls and they shut the door, and I sprayed and we had straws and we smoked and-"
"Never mind," Liam sighs. Murdoc is still hugging a very confused but smiling Jeremy.
"Why do you smell like pepper spray?" she asks.
A/N: MEAT LOAF was on American Idol a while ago. I didn't see it, but my sister thinks he sounded drunk. I tried to explain to her that he was drunk. Drunk on the music. And next chappie will indeed (hopefully) have Karen, the wicked wife from the East! ...Side of London. OOH!