A/N: "In the beginning, there was rock. Then somebody invented the wheel, and everything began to roll."
xThis Is Drive Shaftx
(Myrtle Beach)
Liam and Dean are in an empty parking lot and are sitting on lawn chairs and have that machine that shoots out tennis balls in between them.
"Wayne's World 2, you've never seen it?" Dean asks.
"I think I've only seen the first one," Liam answers. "I'm not that into sequels."
The shot widens out to show Donald about a football field away (it's a big parking lot) holding a laundry basket and trying to catch the tennis balls. The tennis balls can only go so far, so he's struggling to get the bouncing balls into the basket.
"Come on, Devon, you're going to have to do better than that!" Liam yells into his megaphone. "You call yourself a roadie?"
"Come closer!" Dean yells into the megaphone. "God, I remember doing stuff like this as a kid."
"Really?" Liam asks.
"Oh yeah. Murdoc, Bones, and me used to fire fireworks at cow fields back in Florida, I used to shoot flaming arrows into crowds… Good times."
Liam looks impressed and horrified at the same time. "How long have you known Murdoc?"
Dean chuckles. "Uh, a really long time. Since we were twelve, thirteen."
"Well. That's…that's almost twenty years," Liam says incredulously.
"Well, don't sound so shocked. I mean, you've known Charlie for almost thirty."
Liam nods, still not getting Dean's point. "Closer!" he yells into the megaphone, pulling a lever and shooting a new batch of tennis balls.
"Liam?" a woman's voice says from behind them. Liam kicks the machine in surprise and it falls off the bricks it's standing on, causing it to fire more tennis balls faster. One of the balls hits Donald in the head, and he falls back. Dean runs over to him. Liam jumps up.
"K-Karen?"
(In bus, still in Myrtle Beach)
Karen is sitting on the couch with Megan on her lap. Megan is playing with the Liam doll and is twisting it's arms and legs around.
"Karen? What brings you here?" Liam gulps.
Karen sets Megan next to her. "Why do you sound so worried, Liam? Aren't you happy to see me?" she snaps.
"Oh, honey, of course I am! It's just… Why didn't you call?"
"Since when do I have to call my husband to tell him where I'm going? You didn't call me to say you were going on tour across the globe!"
Liam is speechless, and he's lucky when Charlie and Sinjin (right arm in sling) board the bus.
"Karen?" Charlie says in the same shocked tone as his brother.
"Uncle Charlie!" Megan squeals, running over to Charlie and wrapping her arms around his legs.
"Adam, what happened to you?" Karen asks Sinjin.
"Oh, I slipped. Just got back from the hospital," he answers. Dean runs up the stairs onto the bus.
"Hey, could someone help me out there? Daniel's bleeding," he says.
"And I guess it's time to go back," Sinjin sighs, turning around. He and Dean leave, Charlie quickly following after he pries Meg off his leg. Karen looks up at the camera in distaste.
"Liam, what is this?" she asks.
"Oh, this is the film crew that's following us around for a movie. A documentary," Liam answers, happy to get off the subject of…anything that would upset his wife. Karen looks flustered and moves her hair out oh her face and timidly smiles at the camera.
"A movie? What, is it just the cameras?" she asks.
"Uh, no, actually. There's-"
Liam is cut off by Jeremy coming out of the bathroom, wet and with a towel wrapped around his middle. He shakes his hair out of his face. "Hey, do I still smell like…" he stops when he sees Karen. The room gets very quiet.
Karen stands up and extends her hand. "Hi, I'm Karen," she says. "Liam's wife." Jeremy awkwardly grabs his towel with one hand and reaches out to shake Karen's. "I don't think we've met?" she says, batting her eyelashes.
Liam rolls his eyes and stands up. "Honey, this is Jeremy. He's with the film crew," he says.
"Hi," Jeremy awkwardly nods.
"Well, hello, Jeremy, it's nice meeting you. And you smell great."
(Individual Interview: Karen and Liam Pace)
"So, how long have you two known each other?" Jeremy asks the couple as they sit next to each other.
"Oh, about… six years?" Liam answers.
"And Megan is your daughter?"
"Yep, four years old," Karen smiles.
"They grow up so fast," Liam smirks.
"So, can you tell me a little about each other?"
"Before I met Karen, my life was cosmically in shambles, it was ah...I was using bits and pieces of whatever Eastern philosophies happened to drift through my transom and she sort of sorted it out for me, straightened it out for me, gave me a path, you know, a path to follow," Liam says, and he's apparently memorized this.
"I wonder if you have as much influence over his musical expression?" Jeremy asks, smirking.
"Oh, yeah, I mean listen to him and Charlie when they're experimenting, and things like that, don't I? Well, I used to. They would play things to me, and I would say whether it was good or just horrible," she giggles.
"Yes, she is very honest, she is brutally frank," Liam says.
"Well, how does that go over with the other band members?" Jeremy asks.
"Well, what happens is that she gives me the brutally frank version and I sort of tart it up for them."
"Yes," Karen nods.
"Of course, you know, it's so strange because Charlie and Karen are so similar in so many ways, but they just can't, they don't dislike each other at all..."
"No."
"There's great love between the two of them..."
"Oh, yes..."
"But, they just, there's some sort of communication that's just not, just blocked or something..."
(Later)
"Charlie, when are you going to shave that horrible beard off?" Karen asks as Charlie brings in her suitcases. "And for god's sake, when are you going to fix your hair?"
Charlie merely grumbles as he walks by Jeremy, who is wearing jeans but no shirt as he pulls pillows off the couch.
"Has anyone seen my shirt?" he asks.
"Shirt?" Karen asks as she quickly stuffs what looks like a folded blue shirt into her bag. "You lost your shirt?"
"Yeah, have you seen it? It's a blue Queen shirt, I could've sworn I had it in the bathroom when I took that shower…"
"It's okay, I'll spot you a shirt, mate," Liam says as he heaves a duffel bag on the couch.
"Oh, Liam he'll be fine!" Karen says.
"But… He needs a shirt, Karen."
"No, he doesn't, it's hot enough out here," Karen smiles.
"You know what?" Jeremy says. "I think I'm going to go look in the bathroom."
"What are you up to?" Liam hisses.
"What? He's not that much of an eyesore," Karen smirks.
"Are you kidding? Look how pale he is! He's Canadian!"
"What, you think you're any better?" Karen growls. She turns around to see Murdoc boarding the bus. "Oh good, the maid!" she cries, walking toward her. Charlie, who just boarded the bus behind her, snorts and tries to stifle his laugh.
"Um, I'm not the maid," Murdoc says.
"You're not? Well, then who are you?" Karen asks defensively.
"I'm Murdoc. I'm in charge of this movie," she nods toward the camera. "And you are?"
"Karen." Murdoc raises an eyebrow, expecting more. "I'm Liam's wife."
"Liam's wife? Liam…" Murdoc pauses and spots Liam waving his arms behind Karen. "…Talks about you all the time! Of course you're Liam's wife!"
"Liam's never mentioned me, has he?" Karen asks.
"Well, of course he has! You're his wife! Karen! But really, you're much more beautiful than I expected, I mean, Liam told me you were pretty, but-"
"It's okay, you don't have to lie anymore."
"But I'm not-"
"Really, forget the charade. I mean, I know I'm gorgeous, but I also know that Liam never talks about me."
This "gorgeous" comment catches Murdoc a little off guard andherjaw tightens for a second before she answers,"Really, he does always say things about you, I mean, I know I've heard a lot of outrageous stories and-"
Megan is standing at the top of the stairs wearing large sparkly sunglasses. "Daddy!" she cries and runs over to her father.
"You have a kid?" Murdoc says incredulously. Everyone stares at her. "I mean, of COURSE you have a kid…"
(Later that night)
"Liam, I think it's time I told you why I came here," Karen says. She, Liam, and Megan are sitting in the booth. Liam has a glass of whiskey in front of him and looks afraid. The shot widens to show Murdoc, Charlie, Patrick, Sinjin, Meat Loaf and Jeremy listening on the other side. Jeremy feels someone breathing on his shoulder and looks up to see a complete stranger also listening to the conversation.
"Who are you?" Jeremy whispers.
The stranger points at the nametag on her shirt. It says "LEAVIEL". Jeremy looks confused, but she just puts her finger to her lips and listens to the wall. Jeremy slowly turns around.
Karen sighs. "I think we should get married," she says. Liam spits and sprays his whiskey all over the place. This causes Murdoc and Charlie to moan and wipe the spit and whiskey from their faces, making them fall and everyone along with them. Leaviel runs past and out of the bus, waving her arms frantically.
"Who the hell was that?" Murdoc grumbles.
"But we're already married!" Liam exclaims.
"Well, yes, but... Liam, we've been through so much, and I think we should at least renew our vows. It would show how much we love each other," Karen explains, pouting and batting her long eyelashes. Liam stares at her and sighs, chuckling.
"If it's what you want," he says.
"Excellent!" Karen squeals, taking out a folder overflowing with papers. "Oh, Liam, I've got the best ceremony plan. Our reception will be provided by Carlyle Weddings, and you won't believe who's planning it!"
Liam is still baffled by the size of the folder and still hasn't completely registered everything his wife is saying. "You?"
"Sabrina Carlyle herself!" Karen screams, no longer being able to contain her excitement as she bounces up and down on the bench. Liam is waving his arms and trying to mimic her glee, but judging the look on his face, he looks like he very much regrets this decision.
(The next day, driving to Florida)
"And we're going to have the reception on the beach, and it's going to be so wonderful, and we can make Meggie our flower girl and it'll be brilliant and…" Karen continues to rant about her plans to Liam, who is sitting in the same spot as he was last night, and still has that look on his face. Every once in a while he'll nod or smile at whatever it is Karen's saying. Murdoc is sitting in the front of the bus with Meat Loaf and is trying to ignore Karen's constant chatting. Charlie comes over and sits next to her.
"Gandalf, what is with her and weddings?" she asks.
Charlie laughs and pulls out a shoe box. "Well, it's sort of understandable. Her first wedding wasn't that great."
Murdoc pulls out a picture. It's a picture of Liam and Karen at the alter, Karen not looking very happy and Liam with KISS make-up on.
"Yeah, we all got drunk the night before and painted our faces," Charlie explains as Murdoc examines a picture of Liam with his best men (Charlie, Patrick, Sinjin), all wearing KISS make-up. "Yeah, it didn't come off for a few days. Karen was really pissed during the honeymoon."
"Well… Liam looks pretty happy."
(Next day, Tallahassee)
"Boone, I told you not to get involved," Sabrina Carlyle snaps into her cell phone as she boards the bus and sneers at the purple beaded door in distaste. "Are you sure? Okay. But I'll miss you, you know how hard it is running the business without you, you're very vital to the…"
Karen is standing by the door and is waiting for Sabrina to finish her conversation. Mrs. Carlyle hangs up and Karen asks, "Was that your business associate?"
"Yes, my son, Boone," she answers. "Now… is this your… living quarters?"
"No, more like my way of transportation. I'll be in a hotel in Tampa tomorrow, but we'll just have to make do with this today."
Sabrina slams a large briefcase on the table. "Alright, our color palette should consist of pale colors, like you, for instance, should wear a light gold sort of dress, and your husband… Where is your husband?"
(In parking lot, behind an abandoned Wal Mart)
"Ready?" Liam yells into his megaphone. The camera pans around to see Charlie, Patrick, Sinjin, and Donald a few yards away. They're all wearing helmets, but Charlie and Patrick are the only ones standing, each holding a laundry basket over their heads. Sinjin and Donald are sitting on the ground, each holding a lacrosse net thingy. The camera pans back to Liam, who is now filling the tennis ball shooter with the undergarments Dean had gotten a few nights ago. Unfortunately, the pants get stuck, and the machine starts to smoke. Liam and the crew run off just before the machine explodes.
(Back on bus)
"Oh, he's working," Karen says.
A/N: Hmm… Well, Karen will get worse, especially now that she's armed with Mrs. Carlyle. By the by, I'm pretty sure anyone reading this has already gone to that fake Drive Shaft website, but if you haven't, go there and look for that article about the Wedding Planner. Isn't she Boone's mum? She doesn't even care that he's dead. She's just sad that her company is missing one of it's best employees. It's kind of funny. You know, in that ironic sort of way. I'm not exactly sure what's going on in the next chapter, but I can guarantee it'll have a hilarious bit with Charlie in a music store.