Only You

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters in it, nor the RIGHTS to either. This is not infringing on any copyright, so don't try to sue me. You'll lose. Not only because you're wrong, though, but because I have a team of kick-ass lawyers who hold managerial positions at the Blockbuster on my corner. No, I don't own Blockbuster either, kthx.

Summary: Life-shaking events in Lily's life have got her in a rut about whom it is that she really loves. Remus? Or is she finally warming up to James? LE/JP, LE/RL

Warnings: Graphicness. And yes, that is a word. At least… MSWord recognizes it as one… shrugs Anyway, when I say graphicness; I mean it in all ways. Violence (you'll see) and sexuality. If I missed anything, you can kiss my ass and get over yourself.

Chapter 1: In Which the Young Miss Evans Finds Herself in a Rut.

Winter had come early to Hogwarts that year, and the snow had already settled as October waned into November. The Halloween ball was fast approaching, and several older students were already rather excited about it. An excitement that seemed to bounce off the hallowed halls of the already decorated school. Pumpkins were placed in corners, and, at the suggestion of Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster Dippet had taken the initiative to charm a few skeletons to traipse about. While it scared many of the first and second years, the older students were highly amused.

Even those who were socially inept were excited, each thinking that this would be their 'big break.' One such example, was the young Miss Evans, who was currently pruning in the Gryffindor girls' dormitories, hoping to be asked by one of the Gryffindor boys (know as of late as Marauders) to the ball…

Lily Evans stared at herself in the mirror, though she hardly looked like what she considered 'herself' to be. The normally dumpy bookworm was wearing a light pink peasant top, and blue jeans that looked as though they were sucking the life out of until they reached her calves, where they (Thankfully, Lily noted) flared. There was a shinier-than-usual hue to her lips, and her sparkling green eyes were surrounded by a purple smoke eye shadow.

For having never worn anything of the sort before, Lily looked amazing. She looked as though the ensemble had been made for her. Her lips tightening into a thin line of uncertainty, her eyes flickered to her self-proclaimed stylist and dorm-mate, Kelsey Arriaga. "Do I look okay?"

"Girl, you look gorgeous." Kel affirmed with a chipper grin, personally under the impression that 'okay' was an understatement. Slowly, Lily began turning a shade of scarlet that rivaled her fiery red hair.

"It's not whether I look gorgeous or not, it's whether Remus will go for it." She corrected meekly. "He's not really the type to go for someone who's… too pretty, you know?" As she fumbled for an explanation, Kelsey let out a loud laugh. One that grated Lily's eardrums.

"Remmy's the type of guy that looks at what's in here." She placed her hand on the neckline of Lily's shirt and the redhead gave her an odd look. "Your heart - inside your chest, not inside your shirt." Kel scowled at Lily's mistake, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly.

Lily's eyes flickered back to the mirror one last time before nodding to Kel, thanking her, and throwing her robes on. She was not getting a dress-code violation over some guy; especially when one could see her fashionable attire (she nearly shuddered at what she'd lowered herself to) from under her robes, anyway. Giving one last wave to her dorm-mate, Lily headed down the stairs and into the common room.

Peter Pettigrew, the little mouse of a boy that he was, was the only person in the common room that was even aware of Remus's existence, it seemed. Accordingly, Lily approached him about it. When she was told he'd already gone to the Great Hall with Sirius and James, Lily sighed.

"Thank you, Peter. I suppose you're heading that way as well?" Sure enough, the brunette was. In an attempt to be kind, Lily offered to accompany him on the way down, and so they talked. They talked mostly of unimportant things. Thing such as how many O.W.L.s they'd gotten, what they intended to graduate to become, who they hoped to go to the dance with. Surprisingly, Peter was going to ask a seventh year Ravenclaw to the dance that very day, in Transfiguration. Evelyn Amaria, a blonde girl with a pretty face, and yet enough going on inside her head to make a middle-aged man's mind implode. She was short, though, and well suited for Peter.

Finally, they had reached the Great Hall. Lily paused a moment, and stared at the doors as if they foreboded her demise (which rivaled a rather odd look from Peter). She swallowed hard and, after a long moment, pushed them open and headed inside. Much to her disapproval, in her first few steps (which were more of sashays with help from Kelsey) there was a loud catcall from the Slytherin table.

Lily turned a furious red and her eyes flickered over to the table to see that the vocalization had come from none other than Severus Snape. Resisting the urge to make a crude gesture at him, and the Slytherins around him who were jeering, she went and took a seat at the Gryffindor table.

"Hey, Remus, would you mind meeting up with me in the library? After dinner, I mean." Lily had seated herself near enough to the Marauder so she could comfortably speak with Remus Lupin, but not deal with the annoying taunts of James Potter.

"Sure thing, Lily." He smiled warmly. "What is it you need?" He helped himself to another spoonful of mashed potatoes and Lily took a hard swallow of her pumpkin juice.

"Just, uh, needed to ask you about something." She gave a weary smile and stood, "as for now, I've got studying to do. Good day." Lily nodded to him and headed out of the Great Hall. The second she was in the corridor, and pleasantly alone, she smacked her forehead. "You aren't supposed to ask something like that without a good cover, you silly girl!" She felt someone's hand on her shoulder, and sprang a good two feet into the air. Turning wildly, she had brandished her wand, and was now pointing it at Remus's stomach. Well toned stomach, she corrected mentally.

"Are you alright, Lily?" His gold eyes were worried. "You practically ran out of there… Is something bothering you?" The redhead jerked herself back to reality quickly enough to answer.

"Huh? Oh, yes, I'm fine. Wonderful, actually, I just… oh, I'm not too hungry." She flashed a warm smile that he believed. Luckily.

"Alright, I was just worried, you know? Don't work too hard…" Remus nodded and removed his hand from her shoulder; running it through his cropped, light brown hair. "I'll see you in the library in a couple of minutes, okay? Don't be late." He chided kindly, heading back into the Great Hall.

Lily released a breath that she didn't notice she'd been holding. A smile lit on her lips and she started toward the library. She stopped abruptly when a seemingly disembodied hand yanked her into an empty classroom, slamming her against the door to shut it. The owner of the hand came into view when she finally opened her green eyes, she saw a pasty white, hook-nosed man.

"Severus… what're you—?" The greasy Slytherin, who had crushed his lips to hers, cut Lily off.

She suddenly wanted to, no, needed to vomit.

"You've always been a pretty little mudblood, Evans. Good to see you finally warmed up to the idea." He'd stop kissing her to speak in that cold, velvety voice. It sent discomforted chills up her spine.

"That's wonderful, Sev, but… I'm afraid you aren't the one I wanted to notice…" She whispered with all of the kindness she could muster. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to go meet with—" He cut her off once again. This time, with words—thankfully.

"That werewolf? You fancy a monster?" He spat, causing Lily's eyes to significantly widen. Remus was… a what? It wasn't true. It wasn't possible. She'd have noticed!

"I… I know you dislike Remus and his friends, but false accusations are—"

"Not false. He tried to kill me just short of a month ago." She blanched. Completely. The time frame fit. Each time Peter said he was "out sick" but nowhere to be found in the Hospital Wing. Each time was a full moon, give or take a day. She covered her mouth with her hands, appalled.

"Oh my god… He is… no, he can't be! Remus is far too kind." She exclaimed, tugging a smirk across Severus's lips.

"When he's around you and NOT a bloodthirsty beast. A monster like him will only hurt you, Evans." He coaxed slowly, moving her hands from her mouth and kissing her. "I won't." She tried to squirm out of the kiss, but Snape easily pinned her to the door, tutting softly. "You want this, Lily, you can't deny it. You've always had a soft spot when it comes to me."

She made a futile attempt to struggle. In response, Severus slammed her harder against the door. Lily could feel his hand creeping up her skirt, his fingers running along her sex.

She got halfway through screaming before a silencing spell was cast on her. Severus moved his hand away for a moment, immediately returning the other to hold her arms to the door, wand still on hand.

After Severus finished groping through his pocket a moment, Lily could feel cold steel pressing against her thigh. And then, along her womanhood. After only a moment, the chilling sensation had gone and so had the cotton comfort of her knickers. That bastard tore my underwear! She screamed inwardly. Reality hit her like a bullet and she tried to scream aloud, alas, no sound escaped her rose-coloured lips. It was then that she realized what Severus was up to.

Dear Lord… he's really going to hurt me!

13 Minutes Later, In the Library

Remus tapped his foot impatiently. Lily had said to meet her after dinner in the library… perhaps she'd come earlier and gotten sick of waiting for him? Sighing, he pulled himself from an overstuffed, navy pouf chair and headed out of the library, which smelled oddly like raw eggs anyway.

He'd catch up with her later in one of their classes and ask about it, for now, he'd go and find Sirius to take him up on that offer of a trip to Honeydukes. Remus couldn't hold off that long for the chance at chocolates.

Head-Student Common Room

Lily stumbled into the common room, shaking uncontrollably. So many people had stared when she was on her way up. Did they know? She didn't want anyone to know. It was too embarrassing. High and mighty Evans, down on her knees, reduced to sobs as Severus Snape laughed at what he'd done. She could practically hear their jeers already, which only brought more tears to her eyes. Stumbling across the soft, light grey carpet, with only one shoe on (the other on-hand), she collapsed into an aubergine couch that had silver stitching all along it. She pulled one of the matching lavender throw pillows up to her face, and began sobbing into it.

She couldn't believe what had happened. It was like it had all been one vivid, terrible nightmare. But no, it couldn't be, she hurt too much for that to be possible. Feeling suddenly sick at the fact that she could still smell him on her, all over her, she started toward her dormitory for a shower. She felt filthy. She needed to get out of those clothes, get out of her own skin, and get what remained of him out of her. She needed to go back to the way things were. She needed this to all be a dream, or a sick illusion of some sort. Lily couldn't handle this right now. Especially with the problems of settling in as Headgirl, and her parents splitting… She turned when she heard a voice behind her, just before she reached her dormitory door.

"Evans?" It was James Potter. Lily's eyes shifted onto him and she took in his appearance. He was shirtless, in mahogany-coloured, flannel pajama bottoms. His hair was more of a mess than it usually was, too, and he didn't have his glasses on. He'd been sleeping. But, his chocolate brown eyes held more worry in them than she'd ever thought he was capable of. Swallowing hard, Lily also swallowed her pride to answer. She clenched her eyes tightly, trying to fight back the tears. He couldn't see her like this…

"Yes, Potter?" Her voice was dry, just as dry as her cracking, swollen lips. It stung when she talked, so she silently hoped just her fleeing to her dormitory would be the end of this. But, from the look in his eyes, she could tell it would be a long night. Maybe James wouldn't be such a bad person to talk to about this… that is, if she could sputter out more than two words.

"What's wrong? What happened?" James's tone was sincere enough; the look on his face affirmed this. Lily had to contain a laugh. The bane of her existence for the past six and a half years was sincerely worried about her? Though, it was more she who was cold towards him, that didn't change the fact that he was a cocky, heartless bastard. At least, the way she saw it that was true.

"What, are you the only person allowed to harass me, now?" She countered, knowing quite well that another question was not an answer. But, that was a question she refused to answer. 'What happened?' 'Oh, I just got raped by that greasy git of a Slytherin I always defend from you,' 'Oh, that all? G'night then.' She could see that conversation going over splendidly.

James gave her a curious look, taking into note every visible bruise, cut and mark. "Who hurt you?" He asked suddenly, fists clenching. This surprised Lily, at least, it would have if it hadn't infuriated her so. After six years of him damn near stalking her, once person roughing her up was going too far?

"Who are you? My father? Leave me alone, James, it's none of your business." The redhead's temper easily matched the flamboyance of her hair. She would normally have called him an idiot for not getting it through his head that she didn't want to put up with him, but Lily's mind was focused on all it could handle. Snarkiness, keeping her knees from buckling and giving out, and not screaming, crying, and running into James's arms. So instead, she made a point to quickly dismiss his rushed queries, fighting back her tears. How was it that he could tell so well that she was breaking inside?

"It's not my business, but that doesn't mean I'm letting anyone get away with it!" James snarled back, making Lily cringe. She'd cringed? Now he knew something was wrong. "Evans…" He took a few steps toward her, and she quickly backed away, viridian eyes flooding with an emotion James had never seen in them before as she shouted.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" She'd taken the lamp from the table beside her, and thrown it at him. James dodged it easily; Quidditch had done him well. But when he looked back at her, the look in her eyes was what really bothered him. He didn't recognize it until she had slammed her dormitory door and turned on the shower, trying to mask her cries and remove all traces of the Slytherin from her body. What he saw was something completely new in Lily Evans.

Fear.

A/N: Yes, I've re-uploaded Chapter 1 after making corrections and extensions. If you want to read it again, go ahead, but there isn't much of a difference. However, I have good news - Chapter 2 will be up soon! I decided I was going to get on with this story when I saw my stats. XD; dork So, um, yeah, new chapter coming up!

So long as Summerschool doesn't get in the way. :