Only You

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters in it, nor the RIGHTS to either. This is not infringing on any copyright, so don't try to sue me. You'll lose. Not only because you're wrong, though, but because I have a team of kick-ass lawyers who hold managerial positions at the Blockbuster on my corner. No, I don't own Blockbuster either, kthx.

Summary: After a traumatic event, Lily Evans is stuck between a rock and a hard place. It seems she finds no solace in her usual friends, nor in her family. Who can she run to? LEJP & LERL.

Warnings: Graphicness. And yes, that is a word. At least… MSWord recognizes it as one… shrugs Anyway, when I say graphicness; I mean it in all ways. Violence (you'll see) and sexuality. If I missed anything, you can kiss my ass and get over yourself.

Chapter 1: In Which Miss Evans is Found Out

Lily didn't sleep. She spent three hours in the shower alone, then sat on her bed in her underwear staring at the wall. She still felt filthy. She didn't belong in this room, in this castle. She was broken and ruined. She had cleaned up, and looked fine on the outside; aside from a few cuts and bruises that stayed, as well as the redness in her skin from scrubbing so hard in the shower. But on the inside… she threw her clock at the mirror across from her bed, shattering it into pieces. It was now nearing five in the morning. Students were allowed back out of their dormitories and commons again.

The Headgirl stood quickly, grabbing a pair of black sweatpants and a shapeless grey tank-top. Throwing her robes on over this makeshift outfit, she didn't even bother brushing her hair out before she abandoned the room, rushing from the common. Even if James hadn't awoken yet, the idea that he might soon bothered her into hurrying. She didn't want to go through that again. She gathered her robes tightly around her. She started for the Great Hall but stopped short, her eyes widening.

She remembered. She remembered practically shanking Remus with her wand, continuing out of the hall and being yanked into an empty classroom… She looked over at it and she seemed to flash back to another place and time. She was being pulled in. He was covering her mouth, she couldn't breathe… couldn't breathe… Lily wasn't sure when she'd fallen, but she hit the floor hard. She'd passed out and woke up in the Hospital Wing, the new healing woman, Pomphrey, and Kelsey standing over her.

Because she was Lily Evans, she forced a smile. No matter how fake it was, it reassured Kelsey that Lily was still herself. She noted the brunette let out a breath she'd probably been holding for some time. Struggling to maintain her plaster-smile, Lily looked to Pomphrey. "What happened?" She inquired. "Did I drink too much Butterbeer again?" If she joked enough, it would be like before. If it was like before, she wouldn't have to think about it…

"You took a nasty spill outside the Great Hall, Evans." It was James who answered. He was seated in the chair on her other side, shutting a book he'd been reading. Lily did a double-take.

"Potter?" She was shocked. After how she'd acted… why was he still here? Why would he extend further kindness to someone like her? He doesn't know… If he knew, he wouldn't be doing this. If any of them knew. You're dirty; Evans, and you'll never be normal again. If they find out, they'll never even look at you the same. Lily's mind raced as she met James's dark chocolate eyes. She broke it quickly. "Why are you here?" Her voice was quiet.

"I was worried," was his all-too-calm response. Kelsey and Pomphrey thought he meant because of the fall, but when Lily looked into his eyes again… She saw that he was still on about the previous night.

"I'm fine." She insisted quickly, turning to Pomphrey and Kelsey. "So, if I could just be patched up and on my way… I'd love to get something to eat before class." She mentally chided that she'd have to stop by the kitchens. If she went near the Great Hall again… Merlin knows what could happen. She shivered outwardly and Madame Pomphrey grabbed a thermometer.

"If you've a fever, you're going nowhere." She huffed. Lily sighed exaggeratedly.

"I'll go get some rest in my dormitory. How about that? I'd much rather be here than somewhere like this… I'll feel like a fool if people can see me in the Hospital Wing all day because of a simple tumble." Giving an unsure look, Madame Pomphrey allowed it. Lily smiled and thanked her. She nodded to Kelsey and got out of bed, hurrying for the door.

Kelsey stopped her. "So, how'd it go yesterday?" She pressed, giggling a bit. Lily's eyes flickered darkly and tears welled up. She swallowed hard, looking away.

"I'm not going with him. I… uhh… Things didn't go well." She left it at that and Kelsey realized she'd get no further. "I'm getting a pain potion from Madame Pomphrey, if you don't mind, I'll catch up with you later, maybe." She flashed another plastic smile and turned back toward the healer. "Umm… ma'am." She murmured. Pomphrey cocked a brow.

"Yes, my dear? I thought you were going to your dormitory…"

"I'd like a… potion." The healer reached instinctively for potions to alleviate pain. Lily stopped her. "Not for that… for… Keeping from… err… gaining any extra baggage…"

"Lily Evans, you are NOT going to be getting any weight loss potions from me. You are already rail-thin." When the witch said this, Lily broke down. She began sobbing.

"That's not what I mean, Madame Pomphrey… I need a… a…" She shook her head. "N-nevermind." She hiccupped out, turning and sprinting from the room. It appeared she'd have to make something to prevent side-effects of the… accident… herself. When she stopped running, she noticed someone following her. She turned around quickly this time. She wouldn't be snuck up on, again.

"Evans." It was James. Why was he still following her? Wasn't the explanation enough for him? "I know you didn't just fall. You were hurt before today… please… tell me-"

"Leave me alone, Potter. I just need to rest. I've been feeling ill and dizzy a lot… Results in falls, you know." She shot off quickly. "It's nothing. Leave me alone." She repeated coldly, turning and speaking the password for their common. She walked inside and clenched her jaw when she realized James had followed her. They were out of the halls… no one would save her here. Lily did the only thing she could think of to keep it from happening again.

She screamed.

At the top of her lungs, Lily screamed. McGonagall came in and demanded what the problem was. She replied that James had surprised her because she was feeling ill and was put on bed-rest by Pomphrey. The Professor told James that he should try and be careful around Miss Evans while she was feeling ill and gave them both a 'watch it' look before leaving again. Before James turned back to look at her, Lily had darted into her dormitory.

It was high-time she got started on that potion, after all. Summoning everything she needed from her bag, she sat on the bathroom floor, tears pouring down her cheeks. She'd never thought that it would be her in this position. She'd heard that a few girls had wound up doing it and hurting themselves not making it right, but as Lily stared down at the potion (which was now glowing green, a good sign) she felt as if she'd betrayed even herself.

Lily tossed in mandrake root that the second years had harvested for Slughorn's student supply cupboard and the potion turned maroon. She couldn't keep thinking like this. If she pretended it didn't exist, it would go away. She just had to ignore it and move on. That was all. Just live normally and perhaps be a bit more careful.

A bit more careful? Her mind betrayed; you thought you could trust him and he raped you, Lily. How will you know who to be careful around? Knowing she was right, Lily put the lid on her cauldron. The potion needed to sit for two hours. That was plenty of time for her to get her wits about her and accept the fact that she just couldn't be so trusting of people.

And perhaps a little of the trouble was in accepting the fact that Potter had been right.

She scowled a bit, not wanting to admit defeat. That was effective enough. Directing her anger at Potter would keep her from thinking of It. And so, she stormed out of her dormitory and into the common. She knew he would be waiting, and sure enough, he was. "You're as predictable as a lost puppy." She scowled, glaring.

The quick change of emotion shocked James slightly, and he set the book he was reading aside. "Lily." She lost her composure a moment. Why had he called her that? He's reading again… what's wrong with him? She questioned inwardly, studying him carefully once she'd re-acquired her sour look. "You can talk to me. I'm not going to hurt you." He promised.

Funny. That's what I thought of Snape, and I even saved his dignity a few times. Lily did the first thing she could think of to shut James up. If this kept up she'd break down again. Thrice in two days was a bad record to start. So, she slapped the brunette – hard – across the face.

"Shut. Up." She said firmly, glaring. "You don't know what you're talking about." Her stomach dropped but she shrugged it off as nervousness from having to leave the common again. She'd never been hurt in her own dormitory. "I'm going, now. Don't follow me. Go to your classes and set an example like Headboy should." She spat, refusing to meet his gaze as she stormed from the common. Tears were pouring down her cheeks as soon as she was sure he couldn't see her anymore.

A sob escaped her lips and Lily tried brushing the tears away. Why was she crying? He deserved it. Though, now, it seemed, her reasoning was more than a bit faulty. She reached a painting of a fruit bowl and stared up at it, trying her cheeks on her robe sleeve and swallowing hard, clearing her throat. She tickled the pair with little enthusiasm, and the painting neglectfully opened for her.

A good ten dozen house elves were inside the kitchens at that moment. The rest, no doubt, neatening common rooms. "Hullo." She greeted in a watery tone. One of the elves brought her a cup of tea on instinct. Taking a sip she noted that it was Black Walnut and Ginger, one of her favourites. She smiled a bit and looked around. "I don't suppose I could get breakfast still?" In a moment, there was a house elf in front of her with a plate of biscuits and gravy and an empathetic look on her face.

"Is the Miss okay?" She asked in a curious, squeaky voice. Lily gave one of her plastic smiles. She was getting quite good at this. Perhaps she could make a career of it.

"Just going through a rough spot." She promised. "Thank you, though, for asking. I'm Lily, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Miss Lily. This elf's name is Kita."

"Just Lily." The redhead insisted. "Really, Kita, I'm just a person." She chuckled slightly and looked around, finishing her biscuits. "Um, is there a place I can rinse this? I'd like to get back to my dormitory as soon as possible. I'm feeling a bit under the weather, as you noticed."

"Not physically you aren't, Mi—Lily." Kita corrected quickly, looking ashamed. "I'm sorry, Miss, I didn't mean to call you by the wrong thing."

"You've done it again, but don't worry. I'm not going to tell you what to call me…" She looked down at the house elf, scrutinizing a bit. She was bluer than most, with large grey eyes. "How have you learned to read people so well? You're as obnoxious as Potter."

"You're friends with Misters Potter and Black and Lupin and Pettigrew?" She inquired with an excited squeak.

"Uhh… sort of." Lily murmured unsurely. "They come by often?"

"At odd hours, yes!" The redhead chuckled a bit. It was so very… James.

"So what is bothering you, Miss? This elf would like to help." Lily's eyes flashed slightly.

"I'm fine. Thank you, Kita. I'll tell James you said hi." Without anymore of a prompt, she left. She'd almost managed to forget it while she was sitting with the elves. It was like a different world. Shutting her eyes, images – memories, mostly – flashed behind her lids. When she was on her way to the Head Common, she saw James looking slightly more than upset.

"WHO DID IT." Livid was an understatement. Lily cowered against the wall, and still he towered over her. "WHO THE HELL THINKS IT'S OKAY TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A WOMAN?" He demanded, and Lily's knees locked. She hit the floor, sobbing.

"I'm sorry… Don't tell anybody, please." She pulled her knees to her chest, not caring to wonder if he knew completely. Not caring how he knew. She just cared what he thought, now. "I'm so sorry…" She whimpered out, shaking her head quickly. Another wave of sobs hit when James realized his mistake, kneeling beside her.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about, Evans." She winced at the sound of her last name. It's what he had called her when… She couldn't face James.

"Yes, I do. I'm… disgusting." She spat. "Filthy. Used." She fumbled for more adjectives and James put a finger to her lips.

"Wrong." He added in an almost contrary tone. She was a bit relieved to see him acting more like himself. "You did nothing wrong, and have nothing to apologize for. Whoever did this… he's at fault." James put his hand on her shoulder. When she cringed at the touch, recoiling instinctively, he moved it aside. He couldn't even hold her to comfort her. Heaving a sigh, the Headboy stared hard into the girl's emerald eyes.

"Tell me who did this."

A/N: Yay chapter 2. I told you it'd be up soon. –wins at life-

So, I've been getting questions about a slight contradiction. I called Kelsey Lily's dorm mate, even though Lily has her own dorm in the Head Commons area. Well, Kelsey was one of her ex-dorm mates from an earlier year and now they're more of best friends, but it's one of those first impression things and that's how Lily first saw her.

And, yes, I know James is slightly OOC, he's getting back to normal. You'll find out next chapter why he was being weird. After all, I have to maintain SOME mystery.

--BIG THANKS TO MY REVIEWERS. YOU GUYS ROCK MY SOCKS.--