AN: Dear Anon: You're absolutely right, you should always leave a foreign body alone until it can be removed by a qualified medical professional (like a general surgeon, which I am). But come on, this is John Sheppard we're talking about; he's always doing stupid, impulsive things, even if he knows better! Now if McKay in his right mind had done it, then there'd be a problem. Excellent point, however. (Kids, don't try this at home.)

DISCLAIMER: The following story is a work of fanfiction, and as such is for fan enjoyment only. All recognizable characters/settings are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is made.

A Day to Forget

By kerravon

3. What's My Line?

As the ground became rougher, McKay stumbled, keeping his feet only through Sheppard's steadying hand on his elbow. Concerned, the Colonel turned to the breathless scientist and suggested, "Why don't you wait here while I scout ahead." So saying, he jogged forward and quickly vanished among the boulders.

He didn't return for a few minutes, during which time Rodney's short term memory once again dumped, leaving him to figure things out on his own.

"OK, I'm sweaty and panting; I'm certain that this is not normal for me, so I must have been running. But why?" He tapped an index finger to his chin in thought.

"Two possible reasons: 1) I'm chasing someone, or 2) I'm being chased by someone." Glancing nervously about the clearing where he stood, he saw no signs of pursuit.

"All right, that leaves number one; I'm chasing someone. But why?"

He pondered for only a moment before spreading his arms in epiphany, "Because they know who I am and why I'm here! And they must not want to tell me, either, or they wouldn't be running from me." He began pacing angrily.

"Well, that's just ridiculous. I have a right to know who I am! How dare they try to keep that from me. I'm certain that I'm indispensable wherever I'm from, and they're trying to prevent me from doing my job!" His eyes narrowed in fury as his rant increased in volume.

"We'll just see about that. When I catch whoever it is, I'll beat it out of them if necessary."

Unfortunately, it was just then that John returned, glancing backwards over his shoulder as he approached. "Hey, McKay, are you ready..ooommph!" His sentence was cut short as the overwrought scientist tackled him at the waist, bringing them both crashing to the ground. Next thing he knew, Rodney had grabbed him by the shoulders and was shaking so hard he could hear his own brain rattle.

"Who are you and why won't you tell me who I am?" cried the distraught man.

"Ho…hold on a minute. You are Doctor Rodney McKay, I am LTC John Sheppard!"

"Why don't you…oh. My name's Rodney McKay?"

"Yeah, and when you're in your right mind you're our head scientist."

"Wait. What's wrong with my mind?"

John smirked. "You don't remember this, but you have amnesia."

Rodney rocked back on his heels and considered this information, releasing Sheppard in the process. "Well, that would explain why I can't recall."

"Come on, Rodney, we need to move." The pilot held out a hand to the bemused astrophysicist. "I'll explain the rest as we go."

As McKay nodded and they headed off, Sheppard rubbed his bruised ribs and muttered to himself, "And I am not letting you out of my sight again until we reach Atlantis."

With the situation was finally defused, mostly due to Rodney forgetting what he was angry about, the two headed on their way. True to his word, however, Sheppard tried not to be out of McKay's sight at all.

Over the next couple of hours the pair zigzagged and doubled back multiple times in order to throw off their trackers, during which time they saw no signs of pursuit. Their flight didn't leave much time for conversation, but Sheppard had to answer the exact same questions every fifteen minutes or so or McKay would come to a complete halt until things were explained to him. Again.

The inane repetition was giving Sheppard a headache.

Finally the LTC, while still quite concerned for his friend, began to lose patience with the constant reiteration, and his innate sarcasm began to break through.

"Who are you? Who am I?"

"I'm the Duke of York, you're the Queen of England. Now get moving, your Majesty."

"Who are you? Who am I?"

"I'm Elmer Fudd and you're Bugs Bunny. Be vewy, vewy quiet; we're hunting wabbits."

"Who are you? Who am I?"

"I'm the Roadrunner and you're Wile E. Coyote, Super-Genius. I like the way that rolls out."

"Who are you? Who am I?"

"I'm Abbott, you're Costello, and Frankenstein's monster is right behind us!"

"Who are you? Who am I?"

"I'm Ricky Ricardo and you're Lucy, and you have some 'splainin' to do."

"Who are you? Who am I?"

"I'm the Marquis de Sade and you are my sex slave…Ahhh, I'm not goin' there…."

"What happened to your arm?"

"Arrow, remember?…I suppose not."

"What happened to your arm?"

"The Giant Rat of Sumatra bit me, and he's right on our tail!"

"What happened to your arm?"

"I was run through by your rapier wit."

"What happened to your arm?"

"It was a love bite, sweetie, don't you….nahhh, still not going there."

"Why are we running?"

"Natives, arrows, human sacrifice? Aww, forget it. Nevermind, you already have."

"Why are we running?"

"The doctor said it was good for your health."

"Why are we running?"

"Getting ready for swimsuit season."

"Why are we running?"

"We're following the other lemmings."

"Why are we running?"

"The doctor said it was good for you…in your fifth month of pregnancy with our love chi…no, forget I said that. Wait, you already have."

They finally came up short at a narrow but deep ravine near the top of the mountain they'd been climbing.

Rodney peered over the edge, aghast. While the opposite cliff-face was only about 15 feet away, he couldn't even see the bottom of the chasm. Dropping a stone into the depths, he reached a count of twenty-two before hearing it strike. Closing his eyes, he sat back on his heels wondering, 'Now what?' in despair.

However, the LTC seemed quite pleased with this development. Glancing around, he spotted a straggly tree on the edge and headed for it. The tree was more than half dead, with sparse leaves littering its otherwise bare branches and most of its roots protruding from the soil. Sheppard nodded and muttered, "Perfect" before shoving his good shoulder into it and beginning to push. His efforts were rewarded with further uprooting as the tree canted forwards and then stopped.

Sweating, he called back, "Hey, McKay! I need your help!"

The scientist gave up trying to determine the depth of the fissure and looked up. "Am I to assume that my name is McKay?" he demanded imperiously for the twentieth time that afternoon.

"Yeah. Rodney A. McKay." Sheppard shoved his shoulder forcefully into the tree, getting it to tilt over another few inches.

McKay stood and brushed himself off. "What's the 'A' for?"

""Asshole'. Now get over here and help me fell this tree."

Rodney's eyes narrowed as he complied with poor grace. "Somehow I doubt that," he muttered, leaning both arms into the tree and scrabbling for traction with his feet. With both men pushing the tree finally gave way, crashing to the ground. The angle John had chosen and the nearness of the timber to the cliff resulted in it landing partially on both sides. "Yes!" cried Sheppard, punching the air enthusiastically. He immediately wished he hadn't, grimacing in pain and clutching his injured arm.

Realization dawned in the amnestic scientist, who began shaking his head and backing away, hands held in front of himself defensively. "No, no, no, no…." he chanted. "There is no way you're getting me to cross that thing. Do you know how far down that chasm goes?" His voice had become shrill.

The pilot grinned crookedly. "Nope. Do you?"

"Over a mile deep!" he squeaked, then sniped, "I don't know who you are, and I'm taking your word for it that my name is Rodney McKay. I'm not buying the 'A' part, though."

Sheppard took a theatrical bow. "Lieutenant Colonel John T. Sheppard, at your service. Now get over here."

Rodney visibly deflated. "I know I'm going to regret this…" he began, "But what's the 'T' for?"

John's grin grew impossibly wide. "Tiberius. Or at least you always say that should be my middle name."

McKay chuckled, and Sheppard's hopes soared. "Do you remember?' he blurted.

Rodney shook his head. "No. It just seems…funny, somehow. I actually don't know why."

Sheppard nodded, disappointed. "Well, come on. We need to get across." An idea occurred to him and he put on his most sincere pokerface. "You may not remember, but you do stuff like this all the time."

McKay's gaze alternated dubiously between Sheppard and the ravine. "Really?" he finally squeaked.

"All the time. Would I lie to you?"

Rodney frowned. "I have no idea," he huffed, striding up to the makeshift bridge. "But I'm beginning to wonder."

Sheppard came up behind the still-tentative scientist. "Look, the best way to do this is upright, on foot. Kind of like the balance beam in high school."

Rodney nodded nervously and put one foot on the trunk near the exposed roots. The tree shivered slightly with his weight and he promptly hyperventilated, closing his eyes tightly. "I can't do this," he moaned. "Why do we have to do this?"

"The Yoldans. You know, the guys shooting at us?" Rodney opened his eyes to stare blankly at the pilot.

Pointing to the now-bloody bandage on his left upper arm, he said, "Arrow? You helped me pull it out?"

McKay closed his eyes again and shook his head.

John's shoulders slumped. 'Now what?' he wondered. 'How am I going to get him across that ravine? I can't throw him across…'

The scientist answered the question himself. Opening his eyes, he gulped audibly then muttered, "OK, I don't know who you are, but for some reason I trust you. Get us across."

For a split second John felt guilty about the 'all the time' lie earlier, but pushed it aside for expedience. Rodney's swiss-cheese memory would be moot if they ended up getting caught and sacrificed to some alien deity. Besides, he wouldn't remember it in fifteen minutes anyway. Coming up behind the astrophysicist he hooked his good hand in the back of his belt. "OK, I've got you. Now put the other foot up."

McKay complied, now balancing on the log. "One foot in front of the other, and don't look down," Sheppard instructed. Rodney nodded, wide-eyed, and took a small step.

"Good, good," encouraged the Colonel. "Now again."

The right foot was moved in front of the left. "Again." Left before right. "Again."

In this fashion they pair made it more than half way across before there was a problem; Rodney looked into the ravine below and froze.

"Come on, McKay, move it. We can't hang around here all day." Sheppard intentionally kept his tone light.

Rodney's eyes were shut tight. "I can't," he hissed.

"You have to. If you don't move, we'll fall." Sheppard took a deep breath. "Just like before. Right foot in front of left."

Knowing that Sheppard was absolutely correct, McKay began to hyperventilate and then opened his eyes. Careful not to gaze past his feet, he concentrated on the steady voice behind him, and moved exactly as instructed. He wobbled slightly as he shifted weight with the first step, but Sheppard yanked up his belt securely, steadying him. Each step thereafter was easier until the instructions stopped.

"What next?" he asked his companion, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

"Get off. We're there." So saying, Sheppard released his hold and stepped onto solid ground.

"Oh."

"Now help me pull this thing down." The pilot grabbed the top of the tree firmly and began heaving.

McKay grabbed his arm. "Wait a second. How are we going to get back?"

Sheppard grinned up at him as he continued to inch the makeshift bridge off the far rim of the fissure. "We go around. But the Yoldans will have to as well. If they track us to here, they'll have to double back until they can cross or until the terrain flattens out. Either way, we've bought ourselves time for Atlantis to find us." So saying, he managed to jerk the roots over the edge and hurriedly released his hold, allowing their makeshift bridge to crash into the canyon below.

McKay sagged in exhaustion. "I wish I knew what was going on," he complained.

TBC…

AN: Thanks for all the reviews! And Tierney Beckett has just thrown out a HECK of a plot bunny…why not, indeed? Gotta finish this story first, though….