Well here is the next chapter, hope you like. It's getting darker…… Thanks again soooo much to my wonderful, faithful reviewers: shiny-misS and charl1e – you guys really are the best. I don't know if I'd bother continuing if it weren't for you. So THANK YOU!

Chapter Nine – Relief

Harry was sitting on his bed, calmly for once trying to compose a letter to Remus.

'Dear Remus, I wanted to say……no not right. Um, Remus, I really want to say how sorry I am…better…but then what do I say next? My God, I should be able to write a letter to my friend. So why the fuck can't I?'

Harry's thoughts were broken by the entrance of the rest of the Sixth Year Boys and Hermione into their dorm. They were talking about something and it took Harry a few minutes of listening to comprehend it was him they were talking about. Also they didn't realise that he was there as the hangings around his bed were drawn, he'd done this earlier so he could try and write in peace.

'So much for that helping,' Harry thought sarcastically.

'He's been acting so strangely recently.' Harry heard Seamus mention in the middle of their conversation.

'I'm really worried about him,' Hermione went on to say, 'he's closed off from us, he hardly eats or sleeps, all he does do is work on his extra lessons, do his homework and go on Prefect Duty with Malfoy. It's like a bloody army camp that he lives in. he's shut off, he hardly ever utters a word to us anymore, does he Ron?'

'No, hardly,' Ron muttered.

'That's because you two are so sodding well wrapped up in each other!' Harry screamed inside his head.

'I used to think he was so cool, calm and collected but now, well now he just freaks me out. I'm in agreement with you Hermione, he has completely shut himself away.' Agreed Seamus.

Harry heard the shuffling of chairs as people sat down on them and on the edge of beds to get comfortable while continuing their discussion.

'You know what, it wouldn't surprise me if he lost all of his friends by the end of this year if he carries on the way he is,' Seamus continued.

'But……but…but, that's very unfair on Harry, we should, we should try to talk to him, I know what's it's like to not have any friends and I wouldn't wish that on anyone,' Neville said forcefully.

'Man, I never knew Neville thought like that, I really should be nicer towards him. I have always been an arse to him, I know that. Respect, respect it what I shall give him. It's just a shame that it's taken this for me to see that,' Harry considered.

'I see where you're coming from Neville,' Hermione said, being the voice of reason as always, 'but I don't know, he has shut himself away……' she trailed off.

'We've done our best by him Hermione, we've, especially you have stuck right by him through these past 5 years.' Ron added, then Harry heard him kiss her on the cheek.

'You stuck by me until you found each other, that's when I became the spare part and that's when you changed, not me,' Harry reflected.

'Yeah well, he's started to become an arrogant son of a bitch, walking around like he owns this fucking tower. I'm not surprised Draco Malfoy hates him. If I met Harry today for the first time I think that I would avoid him for all it's worth.' Dean pointed out spitefully.

'Well, don't you think that's ever so slightly harsh?' Hermione questioned.

'Yeah,' Neville whispered.

'That is a little harsh Dean……' Ron started and Seamus nodded in accord.

Dean interrupted, 'I don't care.'

Harry had, had enough. He really couldn't take this anymore, he had to speak up. His friends were bitching about him behind his back and they hadn't even tried talking to him about all of this, they just presumed. They had started to dislike him, maybe even hate him. Harry rejoined their conversation.

'It maybe harsh but it's true.' Dean continued.

'Don't you think it's just a little too harsh, particularly as I'm right here?' Harry questioned while opening his hangings and stepping off his bed.

He was greeted by a sight that would have made him laugh if he hadn't been so angry. Ron had Hermione sitting on his lap and they had a look of guilt mixed with disbelief set on their faces. Seamus and Neville were looking to the ground, obviously completely ridden with guilt and Dean looked plain scared.

'Umm…what?...How?...' Ron stuttered.

Harry shook his head, 'Enough,' he said simply and walked to Hedwig and gently caressed her pure, white feathers with love and feeling he didn't know he still possessed. 'To Remus,' he whispered to her and with an affectionate peck she was gone.

Harry turned slowly on the spot and looked at them all slowly, one by one, all hew felt was betrayal, even from Neville, who he'd promised to himself minutes before to respect.

'Respect will come, in time……I hope,' Harry thought while looking at Neville. He gave him a look which caught Neville's attention and Harry mouthed, 'Thank you.' This caused Neville to turn away, Harry had guessed it may have helped but evidently not.

Harry walked to the door and not bothering to look back, he walked out the door and down the stairs.

0000

Harry spent the next few days not talking to any of the people who he'd caught and they, in turn didn't approach him. He of course heard gossip, so he knew that the whole school had heard about the Gryffindor problems.

Except for Neville. Harry was sitting in Potions on his own at the back of the classroom, when Neville came over very boldly in front of the whole of Slytherin and Gryffindor's Sixth Years and sat down next to Harry. That's when the whispers broke out but there were only three people who didn't rise to this move by Neville and they were Harry, Neville and Malfoy.

Harry could tell Malfoy was watching them, probably laughing at him but what was happening was the complete opposite – Malfoy was feeling for Harry, he knew about betrayal and so felt sorry for Harry. Of course Harry would never ever find that out, not from Malfoy anyway, or so Malfoy thought.

'Harry,' whispered Neville.

Harry looked up at Snape teaching at the front of the class and deciding it was safe he replied, 'Yes?'

'Well I wanted, I wanted to say I'm sorry about a few nights ago.'

Harry kept looking forward at Snape and replied, 'Apology accepted Neville, thank you for coming to talk to me and not shun me like everyone else.'

Harry smirked at Neville and then he started to draw a cartoon of Snape, with exaggerated greasy hair and stuck up nose. This made both boys laugh out loud but while trying to keep it quiet, although this was still heard and prevented by a, 'Potter! Longbottom! Be quiet, 10 points from Gryffindor.' From Snape but Harry and Neville didn't care, it was worth it.

0000

Later on that evening in the Gryffindor Common Room Harry was sitting at a table just about to start on his Potions essay. This was for his most recent potion he'd presently completed – Tiger Mort – which is a very advanced potion used as an antidote against rare poisonous snakes and reptiles in general.

Harry was researching the lasting effects of the potion when Hermione came and sat at the other end and placed Crookshanks on the table too. She didn't glance at Harry once, whereas he sat there for 5 minutes and stared right at her. It was almost as if she was purposefully ignoring him.

'And I thought that she may have come over to try and talk to me. What an ignorant twat I am.' Harry shook his head. 'And it's not even my fault.' Harry thought pitifully to himself, he then carried on with his work.

Harry had nearly finished his essay when Crookshanks got up slowly and had apparently decided it was time for a walk. He slowly sauntered over to where Harry was working, purring his little heart out. When Crookshanks moved towards Harry, Hermione looked Harry in the eye and blushed. Harry narrowed his eyes at her and switched his gaze to Crookshanks, who had come closer to Harry and began pushing his head lovingly against Harry's arm. Hermione still watched as he raised an arm to stroke Crookshanks.

'Crookshanks get back here,' Hermione hissed at him, but it didn't work, Crookshanks stayed firmly where he was. 'Crookshanks,' Hermione tried again. Harry noticed Hermione didn't really want her precious cat near him after this unrelentingly continued for 8 minutes, so he began to nudge Crookshanks back in Hermione's direction. Harry was quite happy to have him stay there, but no, Hermione had to have her way. Crookshanks still wasn't moving, Harry's nudges were getting larger when finally he gave Crookshanks a firm push, which dislodged him from Harry's side. However Crookshanks didn't take kindly to this so hissed and spat at Harry, then out went his claws and he slashed at Harry's arm catching him on the wrist. This caused three perfectly diagonal red parallel lines across Harry's wrist, which immediately started to bleed.

'Shit!' Harry cried out. He jumped up holding his wrist and ran from the Common Room towards the nearest toilets. He left the Common Room hearing a shout of 'Harry!' as he exited.

0000

Harry ran quickly and quietly to the toilets on the floor above, he didn't want people in Gryffindor asking questions, which was why he left.

'Water, water, must clean,' Harry panted, very out of breath. Once he had entered the toilets he slammed into a wall and slid down it still grasping his wrist tightly. Slowly he let his wrist go and watched the white marks he had created from holding it so tight, disappear. Harry tried to gather the strength to stand up to go to the sink but with no prevail did he manage to do it.

Instead of getting up Harry watched the blood trickle down his arm onto the concrete. His warm, life giving blood against the cold, dark floor, warm and cold, good and evil, who would conquer? It felt good, he felt a release – this made him think back to the summer and all the pain that had been caused and all the blood that had been spilled. This time blood was spilling, but he was in control, he had the power when to say, 'no, stop,' or 'yes, flow,' and the power felt good.

'I can't believe I didn't think of this before, this kind of release, I suppose I never did consider cutting myself to be an option……' Harry kept thinking to himself and while he was thinking the blood kept spilling, drip, drip onto the floor.

Harry watched it for awhile then decided the best idea was to prevent it for now and so performed a spell with his wand to heal the cuts. Harry sat there pondering his decision, a decision that would change him even more but he knew this decision would give him an escape that he desperately needed now and again.

0000

The next night Harry was back, same time, same place, same decision stuck firmly in his head.

Harry found a piece of discarded rotting wood and transfigured it into a pair of scissors. He then sat down, in the same spot as before, turning the scissors in his hands, contemplating.

'You know what you're about to do, this could make or break you, it could make you go crazy. It's going to be painful but don't forget this is THE escape you need/want.'

Harry then slowly pressed the cold steel scissors to his soft, warm skin and pressed harder and harder and harder until one drop of red blood stained the scissors. Harry smiled, it was an evil smile, he could feel the idea of power flowing through him. Harry pried open the scissors and took one blade to the spot where the blood had erupted from and pushed the blade in. Slowly, very slowly drawing out the pain he pulled the blade across his wrist slicing his white skin, staining it with red and marking it forever.

Harry did this consecutively for three cuts in exactly the same place where Crookshanks had caught him the night before. However, he couldn't leave it just there, there had to more, more of an escape, more freedom, more power. Harry moved the scissors further up his arm, dragging them along his skin creating a long red line. He then re-dragged the blade over that indent over and over again pushing harder and harder, creating a fine cut, so fine it was very much like a paper cut. Skin overlapped one edge and so the blood seeped out over the other side of the arm, it began to pour out faster and faster. There was a red waterfall of blood cascading over his arm and it hurt like hell.

'Shitting fucking hell this hurts,' was all Harry could think but he knew, he knew that it was his escape route from being any closer to perfect.

Harry then sat back and allowed the blood to stream out of his body. He had found his relief.

Well that's that chapter, getting slightly more worrying now for Harry. Next half/next chapter up soon I hope. Draco makes and appearance next – I promise. Please don't hate me and please don't forget to review, I need reviews to know what you guys like or don't like, as the case probably is. However, people may not read this… so obviously that means no reviews  go on, you know you want to review…… please. Love you much, Lelimo.