Impossible

A Gundam Wing Fan Fiction

Rambled Off by The Manwell

Book Three: PARTNERS

Heero Yuy

What an absolute waste of time.

I have to swallow back my snort of disgust and forcibly stop the disappointed shake of my head. There's absolutely no way in – or out of, for that matter – hell that I'll be able to trust that overconfident, smarmy administrator wannabe with my subconscious.

Somehow, I refrain from slamming the door behind me and turn to where I'd left Duo before going in for my "let's-get-to-know-each-other" appointment. Only... Duo isn't there.

Feeling vaguely unsettled – after all, he'd told me that nothing short of free Godiva chocolate was going to budge his ass from that chair – I frown at the empty waiting room. But after a moment of unproductive glowering, I decide to try Wufei's office. Perhaps something has come up. Perhaps new evidence that I'm really not losing my mind and becoming a danger to society. Perhaps further proof that I'm a buster rocket short my launch package.

I wander down the mostly-empty halls. Almost everyone has gone home for the day and I'm relieved. I meander toward Wufei's office and wonder what I should tell Duo. It's obvious to me that Une's expert isn't going to be an option for me. So... now what? Should I ask Duo to take some sort of crash course in soldier psychology? Should I resign? Lock myself in small, padded room? Or something even more radical... like retraining?

I can't stop the shudder I experience at the very thought. But I force myself to look at the end result, not the means. If it means I'll manage to avoid becoming an unpredictable threat to others and be able to accompany Duo on missions, then any price is worth it. Even retraining.

My steps slow as I see Wufei's door up ahead. I've always envied Wufei's office. It's got a window with a very nice view. He tries to lord that over us on occasion, but Duo usually manages to shut him up with a well-placed comment about the origins of Jell-O.

Although, as I get close to Wufei's lair, I notice one other thing I hadn't really considered to be an issue before. Even though his office does have a nice view, it isn't sound-proof. At all.

"... idiot! I can't believe you lied about that!"

"What should I have told her, man? There's absolutely no way I'm gonna give her that kind of power over Heero. She'd have him locked up faster than you can glare one of the newbies into pissing himself!"

"Quit being such a melodramatic flunky, Maxwell. She'd do no such thing. She would find him the proper care he requires!"

"Gee, Wuffers, how's the weather there in your little fantasy world? Enjoying your stay?"

"You want to talk about fantasy worlds? What's this crap about you going on a mission with Heero! It's bad enough Une wants to send him back to the moon, but with you volunteering...!"

"Drop it Wufei. If Heero goes, I'm going."

"The hell you will. He'll get you killed!"

"Shut. Up. Wufei." A terrible silence follows those three, heavily weighted but softly spoken words. "Never, and I mean never, imply that Heero would do anything to endanger me." No threats are spoken, but when Duo uses that tone of voice, none are needed.

Stunned, I stand outside Wufei's office in the deserted corridor and just... absorb their words. Une wants me to go back to the moon. Duo had lied about my mental stability. Wufei's about ready to eviscerate someone.

Sounds like the perfect moment to walk in there and get the whole story, doesn't it?

With a heavy sigh, I open Wufei's door and announce myself.

"Wufei's right, Duo." I step into the office and shut the door behind me. I take in Wufei's startled expression and fading flush of anger before I turn to Duo, catching the tail end of a frigid stare. I continue softly, "I'll only get you or both of us killed. Une's going to have to assign another agent for this." I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the both of them. "And this office is far from sound-proof so you might want to consider lowering your voices a few decibels if you insist on continuing this conversation."

If I had bothered to entertain the faintest hope that my words would have ended the discussion, I would have been very disappointed.

Suddenly all-business, Duo turns his complete attention on me and replies in a softer but no less certain tone, "First of all, I find it highly insulting that you think I can't take care of myself on a mission or that I would be negligent enough not to notice a threatening situation until it's too late. I don't need your protection, Heero. And that's a fact."

I feel like I've just been slapped. I hadn't meant for my statement to sound like that but... when I try to reword my intent, I realize I really am trying to protect Duo. A fellow Preventer agent. An adult. Former soldier, pilot, and terrorist. I know I have no right to treat him like a child.

An apology hovers on the tip of my tongue, but Duo isn't finished yet.

"Second, Adamsson asked for you specifically. You're already familiar with the equipment and the database and the people. And I guarantee changing operatives would set this mission back another month or more. Maybe there isn't brainwashing going on up there, but who's to say those docs aren't endangering the employees in some other way?

"And third..." Duo glances in Wufei's direction, daring him to argue with his reasoning. "What kind of reason could we justifiably give Une for your refusal without her coming to her own conclusions about your mental health? She already believes she's doing you a favor by allowing you to go back out there and bust the asses who'd fucked with your memory. You gonna be able to explain to her why you're not really interested in following through with that? Think about it: the woman governs the most powerful paramilitary organization in the entire Earth Sphere. Do you really want her to question your motives now?"

My throat feels suddenly dry at that. Wufei might trust Une completely, but Duo and I are on the same page here. There's no way I'll give anyone with that kind of power knowledge of my vulnerabilities. It goes against everything I know about life, survival, and the dubious fairness of both.

"Finally," Duo finishes in a quiet, confident tone. "You can do this. I'll be with you and, when you get back, resign if you want. I'll even help you come up with an excuse if you feel you need one. But if we drop the ball now, Une's gonna know something's wrong and we absolutely cannot afford to let that happen."

I glance at Wufei and I'm surprised to see his resigned frustration being broadcast load and clear. Determined to circumvent this, I return my gaze to Duo and carefully remind him, "But we don't know what I'm capable of, what the triggers are or if it's totally random. Duo... I'm dangerous."

For a moment I actually think I might have raised a viable point of non-negotiation. But then a slow, toothy grin stretches his lips apart. "Yes, I know you're dangerous... But so am I. Don't underestimate me."

And I do that far too often already. I certainly don't need to make more of a habit of it than I already do. "I don't like this," I tell him firmly.

He shrugs. "Nobody does, but this is the situation nonetheless. So," he continues, a hard edge in his voice. "You'll go talk to Une. You'll tell her you're fine but act pissy because this whole brainwashing thing is a major fart in your bubble bath. I'll stay here and get the case notes from Wufei then we'll talk logistics tonight at your place."

I want to argue.

Wait, let me rephrase that. I want to argue and win. But I know that's not going to happen. If we drop the ball now, powerful people will suspect that something serious is wrong with me. For an instant, I wonder how that would be so bad. Une would have the power to ensure that I wouldn't become a danger to anyone...

But then I catch Duo's gaze and I can see the fierce determination there. He's not going to let me cop out on this.

I honestly don't know if I have it in me to make it through one more mission, dangerous or not, but I know Duo will never forgive me if I give up now.

I just hope Wufei's fears don't come true.

I have enough nightmares already without adding Duo's death to them.