Well here is another chapter, I'm getting there with the Draco/Harry, so please don't hate me. I don't go for the automatic, they fall in love kinda thing, so sorry. But I hope you like this next instalment. Cheers! Lelimo.

Chapter fourteen – Explanations

'There's no point.'

'You are going to die.'

'Such terrible pain.'

'You just want to die.'

'ARGHHH!' Harry awoke screaming. 'Nooo, I WON'T DIE, I WON'T I WON'T!'

'Mr Potter please calm down, you are not going to die, not today anyway if I have anything to do with it.' Madame Pomfrey said in a soothing voice.

Harry settled down against the pillows on his bed and drank the funny green mixture handed to him by Madame Pomfrey, this time, no questions asked.

'Well as per usual, you have had a queue of visitors, waiting for you to wake and you can expect a visit from the Headmaster that is nearly certain.'

Harry rolled his eyes; Dumbledore was so un-fuckingly-predictable. Madame Pomfrey stared at him.

'Well aren't you going to ask?' Harry questioned bluntly.

'Ask you what exactly Mr Potter? Anyway, it is not place to do so,' she snapped and walked away.

'Doesn't matter anyway, everyone around hears what happens to me whether I like it or not,' Harry mumbled to himself. 'THERE'S NO BLOODY PRIVACY!' Harry coughed and lay down – he recalled last night, every single detail, every jeer, every laugh, every insult, and every cut. More scars, more cuts, more bruises – they were becoming a permanent feature of him – emotionally, physically and mentally. Harry couldn't bring himself to sleep, he was sure if he closed his eyes he would see the rope binding his hands and feet, he would feel the whip against his back, he would hear the voice constantly taunting him and he would taste and see the blood pouring from his face and back. All Harry could do was wait, so he waited.

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Later on in the day, he didn't receive who he had guessed would be his first visitor, instead of Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione appeared by his bedside. They came tentively towards him, they moved round his bed as if he was a detonated bomb ready to explode. Hermione had a weak smile on her lips and Ron had the all too familiar confused look spread across his face.

'How are you feeling?' Hermione enquired.

Harry turned his head slowly to face her and pierced her chocolate brown eyes with his dark, brooding green ones and replied slowly, 'like someone has stuck a thousand knives in me and used me for a pin cushion.' Normally between them this may have been funny but today wasn't a day for laughs.

Although having said that, Ron did try by saying, 'not good then,' followed by a nervous chuckle but stopped suddenly when he realised it wouldn't work. Hermione reached out to Harry and touched him on the hand, Harry flinched automatically but looked down to see her grasp his hand in hers.

He waited a while and then said, 'Ron I wanted to say thank you for helping me. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been passing, so thank you.'

'Uh, er…… that's er, perfectly fine mate, anytime, anytime,' Ron stuttered, finally finding the words.

Then there was a rather uncomfortable pause, where predictably Hermione started again, 'I can't do this anymore Harry, why don't you talk to us anymore? What's happened? We want to help, we really do……' She trailed off under his gaze.

Harry sat there, not saying anything and took his hand from Hermione's much to her dismay and cast his eyes down at it. He continued to look at it as he spoke.

'What do you expect? For everything to be the way it was, you have to be extremely naïve to believe that. For us to now take Voldemort as a light joke, a topic of discussion, an adventure, like we did? Things changed, I changed,' Harry stopped, 'you changed.' He bent his head even further down to avoid any possible eye contact. 'You think I would want everything to be like this? All of us knowing that soon I shall have to kill or be killed and us not on speaking terms, the people I consider to be friends bitching about me behind my back and in the end to have to cope all alone. Yeah, yeah I know you're there, but you're not – you two have each other now, which I'm not annoyed about of course but now that's all you seem to see – each other. Plus don't forget two's company, three's a crowd.' Hermione tried to interrupt. 'Don't bother, you know I'm right, you don't want me hanging around you anymore, especially as I get in the way of all the lovey dovey stuff, it's evident and understandable,' Harry breathed, 'so I think it's best that you both left now. I will always love you guys but you will never understand what it's like to stand in a crowd of people and feel utterly alone.' Harry finished, he turned his back on Hermione and Ron and closed his eyes.

After about a minute he heard two sets of feet walk from the Hospital Wing and maybe from his life. He was partly to blame but also this way it stopped them getting hurt anymore than needed.

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Harry was back at school within 2 days pf waking, physically Madame Pomfrey considered him perfectly healthy. She hadn't mentioned the deep cuts on his back, she just tended to them and she didn't touch the cuts on his arms. After all it wasn't her place.

Harry was more of a recluse than ever now, he didn't bother people and they in turn didn't bother him. Ron and HerHErHHHndskmcfndkHermione said hello or good morning and smiled at him in a friendly manner but that was about it. Harry ate one maybe two meals a day, no more, he spent a lot of time on his work, in his room or the library and he also went to training. Training – the fighting was nearly complete, (he was trained in most martial arts, kick boxing, boxing and simple hand to hand combat) and Harry was extremely glad that is was all nearly over. He could practice in peace in the Room of Requirement with no interruptions and no worrying Remus.

'I have to get away from him, Remus can't leave the fact that I've changed let alone deal with the things that have changed with me. He doesn't seem to understand anything and it's bloody gay.' Harry thought after severely beating Remus' arse at boxing.

Harry had a lot to think about and now was not the time to have Remus on his back.

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In a Potions lesson one day at the beginning of February, Harry was in his usual place, which was now a permanent seat in the back right hand corner by himself waiting for Snape to arrive when Draco Malfoy came and sat by him. Firstly Harry was completely stunned and lost for words but then realised that he hadn't done this out of choice nor an act of friendship or kindness nor was it anything to do with the silent deal they'd made, it was due to the lack of anymore available seats.

'Bloody typical,' thought Harry to himself. 'The one person who I thought I could have a silent and secret friend in deserts me. Well nothing different there then from the norm.'

Snape still hadn't appeared and Harry could sense Malfoy looking at him, he didn't know why, he didn't care why, he just wanted Malfoy to fucking stop it. Harry was about to say something when Snape entered the classroom and barked, 'Potter! Go and see the Headmaster, now!'

Harry picked up all his belongings trying profusely not to touch Malfoy and cast one quick sideways glance at him only to see Malfoy looking supposedly intently at the board.

'As per usual, nothing,' Harry muttered under his breath as he left the classroom, not realising the burning desire that Malfoy had to talk to him.

0000

Harry didn't bother to knock as he reached the door of the Dumbledore's office, the old man knew he was there, so what was the point? When Harry walked in, nothing was different. Every gadget was still in the same place, all the books lined all the shelves and there at his desk was Dumbledore himself, as predicted.

'Hello Harry.'

'Sir. You wanted to see me?' Harry asked.

'Yes I did. You see, I had this rather panicky Miss Granger and quite a worried Mr Weasley up here yesterday wanting to tell me about you and your choices.' Harry groaned and shook his head, yet Dumbledore continued ignoring Harry's actions. 'Is there anything you wish to tell me Harry? Before we go any further… for instance to do with these choices?' Harry shook his head once again causing Dumbledore to sigh. 'Very well, can you please tell me where you received those cuts on your back from?'

'My dream.' Harry whispered. 'It was my dream, my fucking dream.' Harry didn't bother to say sorry for swearing.

'Can you tell me about this dream?' Dumbledore requested.

Harry looked carefully at Dumbledore; he studied Dumbledore's clear blue eyes peering at him over the half moon spectacles and then started to speak. 'He had me bound in a rope, I couldn't move or speak or see.' Harry got up and started to move around the room in an impatient manner. 'He taunted me, teased me and in vain I tried and tried to do something about it but my pain just increased, this searing, heart wrenching pain. It was as if someone was trying to push a pole through my head and split me apart, it was like this throughout my body, it became worse and they kept doing it as if they couldn't cause me enough pain. Voldemort was playing with me and I was powerless to stop it. Then he started to whip me across my back, hence the cuts, slash after slash and I now have a total of 74 cuts and slashes there according to Madame Pomfrey, who strangely thought I might like to know.'

Harry stopped his tale and stared over at Dumbledore who had his head bent, as if in prayer.

'Harry…… I have no answer; I have no explanation and no guidance in this. Voldemort is playing with fire and it is something I have never come across. You are now a skilled legimins, which you have proven to me. My guess is that Voldemort has found something new, older and darker magic beyond my recognition.'

'Oh you don't say.' Harry interrupted sarcastically, he was angry, very angry, and the one person he thought he could depend upon was letting him down, just like everyone else.

'Please Harry, you must realise, even if I seem to be a very annoying and interfering old man, I do care an extreme amount about you and your welfare and I am personally going to work day and night to figure out what Voldemort is doing.'

Harry looked guiltily towards Dumbledore. Harry now realised with new perspective that things weren't always as they seemed and that Dumbledore wasn't always going to be around to help and know the answers.

'He is only trying to help, he maybe a bloody fool but he is the most powerful wizard on the earth and he's your friend.' Harry thought. Once he had grasped this concept, he couldn't bring himself to say thank you though and that to him was a very sad thing.

'Is there anything else Professor? I'll come and inform you if anything else occurs.'

'Certainly Harry, that's fine. But one more thing.'

'Yes Professor?'

'I'm guessing that Voldemort didn't put these cuts here.' Dumbledore said taking hold of Harry's arm and squeezing his wrist. Harry looked down at his arm and quickly pulled it away behind his back.

'No Sir, he didn't'

'Right…'

And Harry ran from the office before Dumbledore could say anymore.

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It was about 6pm and so Harry still had time before dinner that is if he felt like any and so slowly made his way up to the library.

He walked in; his head hung looking at his arm. Harry didn't realise where he was headed in the library, he passed tables, chairs and bookshelves until he came to the very back.

Harry absorbed himself in a book that had come to hand first, he wasn't really reading it to be honest, he wasn't even attempting, and he was just casting his eyes over the pages and turning them in stead.

'Looks interesting.' Said a voice.

'I wouldn't know, I don't even know what it's about.'

Malfoy didn't reply, he just pushed 4 bits of parchment across the table to Harry and sat down.

Harry looked at them and then turned his gaze to Malfoy. 'Harry.' Harry went wide eyed at this remark. 'Harry, please read them.' Malfoy pleaded.

Harry picked the top one up in between his thumb and index finger. He turned it in his hand; saw the Malfoy crest and the word 'Draco' written in red ink on the front. Carefully he opened it, looking away from Malfoy and began to read:

Draco,

Finally it is time for you to join us and complete your goal in life, this Christmas will probably give us the opportune moment, plus it will make things less suspicious than me having to take you from school. I know our Lord will be very pleased with you deciding to join us and we will finally be able to stand by his side, Father and son. Proud to be Malfoys, proud to be associated with the Lord. I await to hear from you, a confirmation you will be here. You will be here.

Lucius

Harry glanced fleetingly at Malfoy who was staring at the remaining letters. Harry moved his hand to pick up another, to which Malfoy reacted by placing his hand on Harry's, preventing him. Then as if he realised this gesture he jerked it back and began to speak instead.

'Don't bother they're all almost exactly the same, except a lot angrier because I wouldn't do as he said. The last two are from after Christmas and you saw me then, so that doesn't need an explanation. From the age of 4, everything that my Father believed to be correct was drummed; well, more beated into me continuously until I acknowledged it. When I came here, to Hogwarts I saw things in a different light – on the inside, I couldn't be me on the outside it would have been social suicide. I saw how you rejected me for something far better, which made me jealous and determined to hate you.' Malfoy shook his head and continued. 'But I couldn't, I bloody well couldn't, I was weak, I was weakening, feeling emotion – BLOODY EMOTION. I'M A FUCKING MALFOY, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL. Do you realise how scary it is? No you probably don't.'

All the emotion Malfoy had portrayed in this speech made Harry look at him in a different light. Things were definitely not all black and white as he had believed until last summer and this speech was the last proof Harry needed that there are shades of grey in life.

'It isn't weakness Draco. It's a strength, a good thing. Emotion gives you reason to what you feel and how you react. You should never undervalue your emotions. With this comes someone who will cover your back and be there when you fall, not stab you in it.' Harry commented.

'If someone was to see us now,' Harry laughed to himself, 'two physically completely different people who aren't very dissimilar on the inside.' He shook his head.

'Well, I'm glad to know there is some good inside of you Draco, see; it is possible to break through that cold, hard exterior.'

'But it doesn't do my image any good.' Draco smirked.

Harry gave a lop sided grin in return. 'Is that all you think about? On second thoughts don't answer that, I don't think I want to know.' And they both laughed, proper laughs, as if they had been friends for their lifetimes. Although, this sound to Harry seemed strangely unfamiliar to him, a good, hearty laugh and he guessed it was the same for Draco.

'Thanks for the explanation Draco.'

'Hmm. I'm not proud of it but you might as well keep the other letters too, they may answer things for you, questions you've wanted answers to.' Draco stood up. Harry was about to speak when Draco interrupted, 'yes it was him who did that to me Harry and that was nothing, trust me. It was nothing.'

'But he almost ki……' Harry was cut off by Draco's finger on his lips.

'Almost, exactly, no point dwelling on it now. At least I don't try and kill myself.' Draco glared at Harry but the glare didn't hold the same malice that it had held for the 5 previous years, it had softened. Harry saw through the molten silver eyes, he was beginning to be able to see into his soul and Draco was letting him.

'You know nothing about that.' Harry said sadly.

'Night Harry.'

'Night.' Draco left.

'Well that was certainly interesting. I'm glad we're starting to see eye to eye on this, maybe Dumbledore was right and maybe Draco will be a valuable friend to have.' Harry's train of thought took a drastic turn. 'He put his finger to my lips, the way he caressed my lips in one touch and didn't retrieve it too suddenly, it was as if he wanted it to be there. The way his hair fell wildly over his face, the way he tried to be his normal self but failed and ended up as a scared little boy. So he's human after all, that's good, I don't think I could fall for something inhumane.' Harry paused, 'yes,' he admitted to himself, 'I've fallen for Draco Malfoy.' Harry pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind and began to walk from the library.

On his way back to the common room he noticed a poster on one of the walls, stating – Hogwart's Valentines Day Ball, Saturday 16th, 7.30pm, The Great Hall. Black Tie Dress (muggle).

'Gay, fucking gay,' Harry muttered angrily but then the irony dawned on him, although he couldn't bring himself to laugh like he had not 15 minutes ago. This wasn't good – Draco would no doubt have a date, a female date.

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Well there we go, another chapter. Sorry it's taken so long to update but I have made up for it by making it a little longer. I hope you like it. Also I've just started another fan fic and would be most appreciative if you would give it a look, it's called – Everybody has a Secret. Well you know by now what that little GO button in the corner is for, so use it! Lol, hint hint, please I really love your reviews, they help and inspire me so much. Thanks, Lelimo.