For this chapter, I am leaving a little Author's note because I have to explain this part. So, this is based off all the things that were missing from Joey's point of view into Pacey's point of view. I tried to make it as strong as possible and it took hours of hard work to make this chapter the way I wanted it. However, I think the hardest part was trying to write Pacey Witter as the witty but selfless person that we all know him by. In the whole show this man was very very selfless when we saw him as selfish at times. Example could be Prom. He knew what was right but there were times were he didn't say anything because he knew it wasn't the right time. So I am not trying to seem like I am copying the last chapter into this chapter towards the end but I felt like having what he was feeling is going to be very important for the upcoming chapters that I am thinking about. I know you guys will live for this drama that I am going to write in the future. Let me know if you like the part like this or how I wrote in the first chapter. Happy reading! Leave a review and follow this story for more!
And then there are those you stop counting the years with because they are here to stay.
They are here. And they aren't going will make them will make them think know you at your worst,the worst you didn't even know you know the sound of your mood swings, the color of your anger, how you curse when you curse, how you shout when you throw a tantrum. They know when you're avoiding a subject. They know when you're lying. They know when you're jealous. They know your vices by heart and they celebrate them. They celebrate you—vices included.
They know your lost dreams and how life you over. They know the battles you lost. And they think your fabulous when you think you're just an unlucky mediocre person who once thought will make it big in know the last time you were happy. They see the unspoken sadness in your eyes. They know the words behind your silence. They know the photographs playing in your mind when you're looking know YOU, the naked YOU, the raw YOU, not the embellished YOU people see, not the YOU that will be read in biographies or in elegies once you're dead, not the YOU that introduces you to others.
They love you from the bottom of their heart. They are your family regardless of their blood. They are your squad. They are your no matter how many times you make them open the door, they can't walk out. They just can't. Because, just sometimes, when people say forever, they mean it. They do."
― Malak El Halabi
July 31,2001
Pacey got in Joey's truck and put his head on the steering wheel and let out a long sigh.
Since Pacey came back, he has been scared of a few things.
One of them is coming back to his parent's house, it has been a few weeks but he still refused to come back to his house. The fact that Doug hasn't said anything to his family was somewhat surprising but also the fact that Pacey hasn't run into any of them shocked him as well.
He already could picture what his Dad would say to him, "Well, son. I guess, McDonald's can hire you because fast food restaurants are going to be your best friend when that baby comes. Even then I highly doubt it will get you anywhere."
The second thing, Pacey was fearing over since he got home was his emotions when he was around Joey. Up until last week, he had been living on the couch at the B&B. That was until Bessie had talked to him and made a deal that if he isn't going home then she could give him a room if he buys the groceries and cooks the meals for the guests at the B&B. Pacey had agreed to this in a heartbeat because he most definitely didn't want to deal with his family.
But as the days continued, he remembered one of the reasons why he left to sail across the sea after he and Joey broke up. It was too hard to face her when he knew she wasn't his anymore.
Every time, he would watch her walk into the room with a messy bun and the small pieces of her hair falling perfectly on her cheeks, and the way she would see him and she would just smile at him. It made him just want to pull her in and kiss her lips. But instead, he had to just stand there and watch her pass him.
Another way that she was killing him inside was the way he would hear her in the morning getting sick but he couldn't do anything to help her the way he wanted to.
He couldn't whisper in her ears and reassure her that everything was going to be ok. He couldn't bring her into a hug as she would groan for feeling like she was going to throw up again. Instead, he had to just softly hand her a glass of water and gently rub her back.
He felt helpless every time he saw her, guilt overcoming his whole body but knowing full well there was nothing he could do besides just somehow be there in a friendly way. He didn't know what he did before he dated her but he knew he felt worse than he did when she didn't know how he felt.
As Pacey started to drive to the store, he stopped at Doug's apartment and knocked on the the door opened, he found Doug with gloves and an apron on and holding a bottle of bleach.
"You know what Dougie, you say you are straight. But every time I see you like this I am convinced that my little conspiracy theories are true."
Doug gave him a cold stare and raised an eyebrow. "Is there a reason why you are here or did you just come here to tell jokes?"
Pacey let out a deep breath and then smiled at him. "Can I come in?"
Doug opened the door wider for him to come in. "I um, I know I am a few weeks late. But I, um… I came here to thank you for staying with Joey." Pacey said while looking at his feet.
"Yeah, no problem," Doug said as he took his gloves and apron off. "But, Pacey, do you know what the hell you are going to do with your life?"
"Dougie."
"No, seriously, Pacey. You are going to have a baby? Do you know what you are going to do? Like how are you going to support this kid, or will you even keep the baby?"
"I don't know, I am waiting for the right time to talk to Joey about it."
"It has almost been three weeks and you still haven't talked to her about this? When are you going to realize that you aren't some senior in high school who just came back after running away from his problems? You have a kid, Pacey. Who one day is going to look up to you for everything. You have to start taking more action for your future."
"You don't think I know that Doug? I am fully aware that this time I got Joey pregnant. I am dropping everything for her and this child." Pacey said.
"That's great Pacey. But my question for you is when exactly is your plan to talk to Joey about your options, or are you just going to do it when the baby is here? Are you two going to live in Boston together? Because Pacey I don't think you get it you need to start now whether you are keeping that child with Joey or not, you need to be adults and start taking action."
Pacey covered his hand on his face and sighed. "I can handle it, Doug.
Doug then got a business card from a small table. "I have something for you." He said as he handed the card to Pacey.
"What is this?" Pacey asked as he put his hand off his face to stare at Doug. "A guy I know in Boston. A chef."
"I don't need your help anymore," Pacey said as he started to walk to the door. "I told the guy you would come in tomorrow-"
"Doug come on, man."
"Pacey, I am not asking you to do this for me. I am asking you to do this for the kid that you are going to have to be a father to in February. You are going to need a job and an apartment. If not for the kid, do it for Joey. Do you think she is going to want to live in a dorm room as she gets bigger? Because Pacey that is probably going to be the last thing she is going-"
"How would you know what she wants?" Pacey challenged.
"Because Pacey believe it or not, I have seen pregnant women before, I have lived with our sister and mother while they were pregnant. They aren't all happy to be getting bigger while the rest of us just sit there and watch. If you need help finding an apartment then there is some in the newspaper in-"
"Do I need to spell it out to you? I don't need you-," Pacey said as he glared at him.
"My help, I know. But you know what I am not going to do, I am not going to ask you anymore, Pacey. I am telling you to do it. You don't have to go in today but if not today then you need to do it before the end of next week. Believe it or not, Pacey if you don't start doing this soon then you are going to start wishing you did this later in your life."
"Ok, Ok, look, I have things I have to do for the B&B. But if I go see this guy tomorrow. Will you get off my case?" Pacey said as he took the card.
"Nothing will make me happier little brother."
Pacey looked up at Doug and let out a deep sigh. The two said nothing else as he then begin to walk out the apartment door and back to the truck.
March 3,1995
Pacey was walking out of his second to last hour of school and felt as if he was walking to the first hour again. He was just so ready to be over this day that his heart was hurting. As he was walking he saw Joey outside the nurse's office. He stopped and debated for a minute to see if he should walk over to her but she was sitting there all alone, so he started to walk over to her and sat next to her.
"You ok?" Pacey whispered. "Why do you care?" Joey whispered as she looked down at her feet as if they were going to be chopped off.
"I feel like there is no good way to answer that Potter."
Joey looked up at him and rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, just go back to class."
Pacey sat down and smiled at her. "You know I know you think I'm an asshole." Pacey whispered with a wink and then looked at Joey who was glaring at him.
"Which by all means I am probably the biggest asshole that you have probably ever met. But if you need someone to talk to or even just sit by for a little bit. I can do that Potter."
"And why would you even want to do that?
"Because in a way you look like you need a friend," Pacey said with a smile.
"Whatever," Joey said as she watched him sit down. She nervously looked around and then turned towards him.
"Um, Pacey, can I ask you for a favor?"
Pacey shrugged at her. "That depends on what you are trying to ask me, if you want me to attack someone maybe not so much but if-"
"Forget it," Joey said looking the other way.
"No, No. What were you going to ask me?"
Joey didn't reply so Pacey softly put his hand on her arm. "Come on Potter."
Joey looked down at her hands and started to play with her fingers. "Can I um…forget it?"
"Can you what?"
"Can I have your…jacket?" Joey whispered so softly that Pacey couldn't even really hear her.
He let out a gentle smile as he put off his jacket and gently handed her his jacket. She uncomfortably took it from him and put it on.
"Thank you," Joey whispered and Pacey noticed a small tear running down her face.
"You alright?" Pacey asked as delicate as he could. He then softly put his hands on her back and rubbed it.
"God, this is embarrassing," Joey whispered as she started to wipe her eyes with her fingers. "Potter, trust me, I have three sisters who have told me things that no little boy should know."
"Well, I got my… you know. And I told Dawson that I could go to the nurse alone but I never exactly told him. So, when I got here, I called my Dad and Mom. But they wouldn't answer til like fifteen minutes in and then Dad told me they can't pick me up due to the restaurant. So I been sitting out here for a while, waiting for Dawson to notice so we can walk home together but he hasn't noticed me gone, yet."
"I could walk you."
"You don't need to do that Pacey."
"Come on, it's almost the last have already made it a point that I am the biggest ass you have met before. So think of this as an apology gift for these past six years." Pacey said with a wink. Joey rolled her eyes but picked up her bags.
"I am telling you, Witter. You do something abrupt or something completely unpalatable you will regret it for the rest of your waking days."
"I got it, Potter."
The two walked out of the school building and onto the road where Joey's house was five blocks away.
The two said nothing which honestly shocked Pacey because he didn't even know this girl could be this quiet for this long.
"So, why didn't you go back to Dawson after class?" Pacey asked as he kicked a rock.
Joey scuffed. "Because I was too embarrassed to admit what was happening to me. In a way, I knew Dawson would be Dawson and go to class. But I wanted to believe I was wrong about that, you know like even if I wasn't right that somehow he would notice. So, I just sat there and waited for him, and as time went by and the bell started to ring I watched as he never noticed me gone. It felt terrible and I wish he notices me during times like this."
Pacey looked at Joey who was just quietly looking at her feet. He wasn't going to say anything about it but in a way, he got the feeling. She wanted someone to see her and get it. It made sense, he felt that way with his family, with many girls in his life who just plainly never got him or even wanted to get him.
"Do you remember at my birthday this year I had puke on Justine Sherman?"
"Yeah? She still calls you, Pacey Pukey." Joey said with a laugh but then quickly stopped herself from continuing when she looked up at his facial expression. "I would say that's the only time a girl has truly notice me."
"That's just sad." Joey deadpanned. "Yeah but you what is really sad is the fact, I just want a girl to look at me and feel every butterfly that you should feel with love. Like I want to be someone where they lay eyes on me and just feel every feeling they should get. The tingles, the giggles and just knowing the fact that I am the right person for them. Because I think there is a difference between when someone notices you compare to when someone is just seeing you.I think Justine notices me but she never sees me, and I feel like I am just waiting for her to see me."
"So, do you think Dawson sees me?"
"I don't know, Potter but I think you are waiting for him to get you, just like how I am trying to get Justine to see me instead of calling me Pacey Pukey for the rest of my life."
"I think it's funny," Joey said with a teasing smile. "Of course you do," Pacey said with an exaggerated eye roll.
Joey and Pacey were silent for a few minutes until Joey started to speak again. "My Mom can't pick me up because she is sick again. The truth is I only called my Dad to pick me up. But we haven't exactly been on the same page lately."
"Is your mom going to be alright?"
"I have no idea, we think she is but we could be wrong. It's just… it's depressing knowing I can't help her with anything."
"Are you ok with everything going on?" Pacey asked with concern in his voice.
He watched as Joey bite her bottom lip and shrugged. "I mean finding out my mother has cancer again and she could pass away anytime soon, isn't my idea of living at thirteen. But I think I'm scared of telling her if I am in pain because she has to go through all these treatments."
"Joey I think she would understand."
Joey said nothing as they turned the corner to where her house is.
"Thank you." She said with a smile.
"Yeah sure," Pacey said as he started walking away but then noticed a car pulling in the driveway.
He watched Dawson happily get out of the car but his expression changed when he saw Joey and Pacey standing there together.
"Oh hey, Pacey."
"Hey."
Dawson walked over to them and looked at them side to side.
"What are you doing wearing his jacket?"
Joey looked down and then frowned at the jacket she was wearing.
"I forgot about this." She whispered and then handed the jacket to Pacey.
"Is something going on between the two of you?" Dawson asked the two.
Pacey looked over at Joey who looked disgusted.
"God no." The two said at the same time.
"Where were you last hour, I don't understand what is happening here." Dawson cried out.
"Dawson," Joey whispered.
"Just tell me-"
"I got my period, ok?" Joey snapped at him.
"I don't understand why you didn't get me to help you."
"Look, man." Pacey started to say but Dawson beat him to it.
"Stay out of this." He snapped.
Pacey put his hands up and then looked over at Joey.
"See you later," Pacey said to the two of them as Joey waved and Dawson glared at him.
As Pacey was walking back to the school to get his bike he thought about what Joey said about Dawson noticing her. He wasn't going to tell her this, but Dawson did notice her. He did if he got jealous over something like this.
In Pacey's mind, it seemed ridiculous that he would get jealous over something like this. It was Joey Potter, the two a lot of the time couldn't even stand each other. But he wasn't going to leave her there in pain whether they despise each other's presents or not.
That day, Pacey made a promise to himself to just stay away from Joey when Dawson isn't around. He didn't know how well this could work out for him but if he made that promise to himself now then he could stay out of a lot of trouble from Dawson thought about the two of them. It was just easier that way.
July 31,2001
When Pacey finally got to the store, he started shopping to get all the groceries for the week that he needed but he then saw Dawson standing there. He felt his throat tighten and his fist clutch in his hands.
Maybe if I just continue doing what I am doing, Dawson will not notice me, Pacey thought in his head as he started to look down and put down a few egg cartons in the cart. But sure enough, if Pacey had just thought about doing something Dawson was going to do the opposite.
"Hey." He could hear Dawson say to him. Fake face Pacey fake face. He reminded himself and then he started to speak.
"Hey man," Pacey said with a smile as he opened an egg carton to check for any cracks.
"I was wondering how Joey was doing?"
Pacey did his best not to roll his eyes or let out a laugh at this. Yeah, it's great to see you too,Dawson. Oh, I have been good. How are you doing?
"Well, she has been pretty sick lately but I think she has been alright."
"Have she said anything about me and her?"
Pacey rolled his eyes at Dawson. Typical, don't talk to Joey for a few weeks then ask me how she is doing
"No, Dawson. You know, out of the three weeks that I have been here the only thing we have talked about with you remotely even in it was about the fact that she had punched you. But if you want to talk to her, be my guest you can always go to the B&B."
He then put the carton of eggs down to look up to see Dawson dramatically looking at a bag of cheese.
"I am leaving tomorrow but I guess I just. I just don't know if she would even want to see me before I leave."
Pacey knew what Dawson had just said was false, Joey may have punched him but it was Joey. He knew what she was like when she was mad at Dawson. She will always care deeply for him and that is forever going to be his deepest insecurities.
"You know you two are the most stubborn people I have ever met and that says a lot since I come from a long line of very stubborn people. Even if she flat out said to me she didn't want to see or talk to you. We all know Joey is growing a great deed of aversion with the fact that she hasn't seen you. I don't know what exactly you said but you did enough to piss her off where she had to punch you back into reality. But Dawson, one thing that isn't going to change is the fact that she is pregnant. None of us can change that fact and it's something that you and I will have to live with forever. But what you can change is the fact that you can go see her and say whatever you need. But, give her grace man. It's already hard for her and we are learning this whole thing, half the day she spends it by the toilet. Just stop asking me, because we both know I am the last person you want to talk to."
Pacey watched as he saw Dawson's facial expression changed from sadness to resentment.
"I am honestly just shocked you came back? I mean you told Joey off at the prom, and then sailed away for the summer. I thought surely you would continue doing it till the end of Joey's pregnancy. Or maybe you will just stay til you had enough of the responsibilities that a pregnancy will have on the two of you."
Pacey's fist clutched and he could feel the words making him want to punch Dawson in the face. "Well, unless she had sex with you while I was gone. I don't think it affects you, now does it?"
For a moment, the two stared at one another and Pacey could feel the anger die down into emptiness. He closed his eyes and thought about everything they use to do when they were little.
How they would ride their bikes, play in the fort, and make up stories for days. They got their first jobs together and went to his house when he needed somewhere else to go. But the thing that Pacey had been realizing since they started to fight over the fact that now they are strangers to one another.
What Dawson didn't know was how reliable Pacey is with Joey or how he spent most of the mornings doing his best not to upset her as he softly rubbed her back.
Dawson didn't know about all those days on the boat where he wished he could be with her instead of Melanie. That he had somehow tricked his brain into believing that it was Joey.
The only thing that Dawson probably felt towards Pacey was the fact that he took his soulmate, his best friend for life. And that his prediction was true, Pacey was alone and he just used her for sex. That's why they weren't together in his mind.
But Dawson never saw the tears that were threatening down his face whenever he thought hard about the situation or the plain terror he felt when Joey had to go to the hospital.
Dawson may have thought he was going away but the one thing Pacey did know was he wasn't planning on going anywhere, and the only place he wished he could magically be at instead of talking to Dawson was Joey's arms.
"You are right, I am sorry," Dawson whispered as he started to walk away.
"Hey, Dawson."
"Yeah?"
"Do you remember when Joey got her period for the first time?"
"Sort of."
"What did I do at that moment that you started to resent me for?"
Dawson said nothing as Pacey raised an eyebrow. "I don't really-"
"After school, you came over to see if she was ok and I was there. You absolutely despised the fact that I gave her my jacket. It was like some part of our friendship broke a little, I saw how mad you got over it for just making sure she was ok and got home safely. For years, I continue to allow myself to not make you upset til now. I know you are despising over the fact that I got her pregnant. But unlike the period situation, this isn't a one-time thing in seventh grade. It is something that Joey and I have to deal with for the rest of our lives. So it's really up to you and only you if you want to be angry for the rest of your life or not."
Pacey then watched as Dawson grabbed another bag of cheese and walk away without another word. Pacey knew that Dawson knew he was right. It was one of the best feelings he had in weeks. Finally, showing Dawson that this is his life and he needs to decide what he wants to do with it.
When Pacey walked into the B&B he saw Bessie sitting at the table with Alexander. He smiled as he walk through the door and Alexander looked up at him and let out a huge smile.
"Hey." Alexander said with a wave. "Hey buddy." Pacey said as he waved at Alex while setting the groceries down.
"How was the shopping?" Bessie asked. "It was alright, but I have to go to Boston tomorrow for a job interview."
"Oh?" Bessie asked. "Yeah, Doug got me this job, I just have to go up there." Pacey said while he started putting up the groceries.
"So, what are you thinking about doing?" Bessie asked.
"Honestly, I have no clue. I will probably get a few newspapers and look to see if I can find a place for rent." Pacey said as he started to pick up the orange juice bottle but Bessie stopped him.
"Wait, don't put that up,yet. Go give Joey a cup."
"Is she still in the bathroom?" Pacey asked as he got a cup. Bessie nodded her head as Alexander started screaming.
Pacey left the kitchen as he went to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Jo? Can I come in?"
He heard a grumble and then the door unlocking. "Hey." Pacey whispered softly as he sat down on the floor with her. "How you feeling?" He said as he watch her put her head on the toilet seat.
Joey gave him a thumbs up as he softly rubbed her back. "Here try and drink this."
Joey lift her head up and groaned as she rest her head inside the toilet. "I don't think I can do it." She whispered into the toilet.
"Here it may help if you get up." Pacey said as he helped her up. "I am going to have to hold onto you."
"That's ok."
Joey nodded as Pacey softly picked her up and carried her into her bedroom. He felt her head pressed into his chest. He was enjoying this just for the touch that he had with her.
"Maybe we should go to doc-"
"No, it's ok. It only happens if I don't eat right away."
Pacey didn't say anything as he helped her into the bed.
"Alright, I will trust you on your word Potter."
"Great." Joey muttered with an eye roll.
"I am going down to Boston for a job interview."
"Really?" Joey whispered as she watched him sit on the floor next to the bed. "I mean is that something you want to do?"
Pacey laughed. "Jo, I don't think anyone wants a job but in less you want to live at the B&B for the rest of our lives then yeah I think it is something that I would like to do."
He watched as she let a small weak grin fall on her face and he felt a sense of guilt. Maybe Dawson was right and Joey really did think that he would leave. He had done it after they broken up but had he really proved to her that this was different than the time before.
"What restaurant is it?" Joey asked him. "I think it's called Civilization,I have a card for it." Pacey said as he got the business card from his pocket.
Joey looked at it and smiled. "Danny Brecher." Joey whispered as she handed him the card. "I guess I should find me a job as well." She mumbled as she buried her face into the pillow.
Pacey didn't say anything for a minute as he looked at the card. The words that Dawson had said to him repeated in his mind over and over again, I thought surely you would continue doing it till the end of Joey's pregnancy. Or maybe you will just stay til you had enough of the responsibilities that a pregnancy will have on the two of you.
Is that what everyone thought that he would do, did Joey think that? Did Bessie and Bodie think like that? Did he honestly himself, think that is what's going to happen because he knew he will always be there to support and love her but maybe everyone else was right. Maybe he would just leave out of fear.
He was about to ask Joey about it when he saw she was asleep, he smiled up at her and stood up to walk to the kitchen to do breakfast for everyone else.
August 1,2001
Pacey woke up early that morning and cooked for the guests and then went off to Boston. As he was walking he stopped at a newspaper stand but then he felt someone run into him.
"Kyle, come buddy. Don't do this to Aunt Audrey, your mommy will kill me." A tall blonde hair woman said as a little curly black hair boy started to hide behind Pacey's back while laughing.
Pacey looked at the little boy who was smiling up at him with big green eyes. This is new. Pacey thought to himself as he put his hand over the little boy's hand to keep him from going anywhere.
"Thank you," The young woman said as she picked up the little boy. "That was fun Aunt Audrey let's do it again." Kyle said to her.
"No, We are not doing that again. You know why because your mommy will have a heart attack if I lose you."
"Like that one time in the store." Kyle yelled. "Shut it." Audrey said then looked up at Pacey.
"Hi, I am so sorry. He is just so fast." Audrey said with an eyeroll.
"Audrey Liddell," She said while holding out her hand.
"Pacey Witter." He said while shaking her hand.
"I'm Kyle." The little boy said with a big smile. "It's very nice to meet you,buddy." Pacey told him.
"Wait, is your brother Doug Witter?" Audrey asked. "Yeah, that's my brother."
"Oh, I saw him come in the other day to talk to Danny, the chef of Civilization."
"You work there?"
"No, my half sister works there."
"My mommy." Kyle stated very seriously.
"Are you still looking for an apartment?" Audrey asked. "Um, yeah. I was going to go look at these places."
"We are looking for a roommate and your brother talked to my sister and I. If you want to I can show you now after I dropped off this little guy to Civilization with his mom."
"Yeah sure. I was on my way over there anyway."
"Well, Danny may put you to work but I can say that I am stealing you for the day if he does need you." Audrey said as she set down Kyle and took the little boy's hand.
"So, Doug mention that you have a baby coming your way." Audrey asked.
"Yeah with my girl uh ex girlfriend,Joey."
"You two still want to live together?"
"I mean I feel like it would be easier if we do it that way. I mean you ladies don't want to have a baby in the apartment."
"No, it's not that…trust me."
" My mommy." Kyle suddenly said. "Yes?"
"How old are you?" Kyle asked.
"18, how old are you?"
"I'm three. I turn four in two weeks." Kyle said while holding up his fingers. "When is your birthday?"
"In January."
Kyle was silent for a moment as he looked at Audrey confused. "What?" Audrey asked him.
"How is he having a baby? Mommy says that babies can only grow in a girl's belly."
"Oh looky, we are here." Audrey said as Pacey let out a chuckle.
"Mommy!" Kyle said as he saw his mom. "Hey buddy." A curly red hair woman said as she kissed the little boy's cheek.
"That man right there is having a baby. I thought only girls can have babies." Kyle said with his eyebrows furrowed.
"Sorry." Audrey mouth to her.
"Pacey." Pacey said as he hold out his hand. "Flora." The woman said as she shook his hand.
"I'm looking for a guy name Danny Brecher?" Pacey asked them. "He is over there." Flora said as she pointed towards the other side of the restaurant.
"Come on buddy let's go to your Dad's." Flora said as she picked up Kyle.
"Bye." Kyle said as she waved at Pacey and Audrey.
"Bye bubs." Audrey said as Pacey waved at the little boy. "Well what are you waiting for?" Audrey asked Pacey.
"Nothing." Pacey said as he walked over to Danny who was cutting up food.
"Good, I love bunny. Can we go now?" A woman said as she stare down Danny. "Scatter. And push the fish."
"Tomorrow, when we come in. Do you want us to kill people?" The woman said as she looked Pacey up and down and then walked out the door.
"She's kidding. The fish is fine." Danny reassured Pacey as he saw him walk in. "Do you eat rabbit?" Danny asked.
"I like anything that's free." Pacey replied to him as he took a piece. "Not bad."
"Don't kid yourself, it's spectacular."
"Well, I have never exactly eaten thumper before so I have nothing to judge it against."
"That's a good point. You the new dish washer?"
Pacey laughed at this and then cleared his throat. "No. I am looking for this guy, Danny Brecher."
"That's me."
"You're the chef?"
"I prefer cook but whatever. This is my kitchen, you found me, go for it before we get slammed in here."
"I am here for my big brother as like a favor in a way."
"You're Dougie's brother?"
"Yeah, Pacey."
"So, you are the dishwasher." Danny said. "Hey, Lindell." Danny called to the other side of the restaurant.
"Brecher." Audrey said as she walked over.
"Thought Flora left to take her son to his Dad."
"She did." Audrey said as she sat down. "So you going to give this boy a job or you going to sit here all day making small talk."
"Listen your brother said you needed this job and I am willing to give it to you if you are willing to work. He said you and your girlfriend need the money."
"My ex girlfriend but yeah you're right. How do you know Doug?"
"How do I know your brother? My wife's parents have a place in Capeside. When I'm not cooking I tend to get drunk a lot and howl at the moon." Danny said as he looked up at Pacey who let out a smile.
"That surprises you?"
"Yeah, I can't imagine any woman would marry you, what was she thinking." Pacey said as Audrey let out a laugh.
"You have a better sense of humor than your brother has, not that I can use that around here, unless you have seen the error of your ways."
"Actually I have seen the error of your ways. You see you don't want me washing your dishes."
"I don't?"
Pacey shook his head. "No, I am much to valuable a commodity for that."
"I thought we established that your skills didn't transfer to dry land."
"But you see, I have caught, cleaned and cook, just about every fish in the western hemisphere,ok. And if I can do that, I am pretty sure I can master dicing tomatoes and chopping up parsley."
Danny was silent for a moment as he thought about what to do. "You know, Danny you know that he is right." Audrey whispered.
"Show up on time everyday, and work clean, and you can have pretty much any job around here including mine."
"Great. Trust me, the only way you could ever regret this is if you didn't give me the job. From what I can tell you will most definitely will need my help." Pacey said as he walked out of the restaurant.
Audrey followed behind him. "So, where are you going now, it all." Pacey said. "Looking for cheap apartments."
"Well, follow me."
"So, what's the story behind you and your half sister living together?"
"The story?Well, around eighteen years ago my mother met my married rich dickhead of a father, then I ruined their life by having me. Then Flora and I didn't know each other til mom went insane and I went to Dad's place when I was thirteen.
So, Dad got full custody til I realized what a dick head he really is. So when I was seventeen I moved in with Flora who is twenty now. She had her son when she was seventeen and so the deal has always been if I work and help her with Kyle then I can live with her."
"What did he actually do?"
"He hit me and did some unforgivable things." Audrey said with a shrug. Pacey could see that she clearly didn't want to talk about it.
"And Kyle's Dad?"
"Flora is trying to get full custody of Kyle but a long time ago his father somehow got custody of Kyle which is a whole story itself."
"What about you?" Audrey asked him.
"What about me?"
"What's your quote on quote story?"
"My parents had me after a vasectomy. When I was seven my Dad was constantly hitting me and then one day in Junior year I moved into Doug's place after getting into trouble. Then,I dated the girl I always wanted but during May of this year we broke up due to my lack of ability to handle my feelings. Went sailing across the sea to only stop two weeks early to find out I got the woman pregnant."
"And you two going back to one another?"
"No, I don't feel like that would be a good thing for the kid or for us." Pacey said as he held the building door open for her to walk in. "Well, the apartment is on the fifth floor and the elevator is broken." Audrey informed him.
"It's broken?" Pacey asked as he walked over to the stair case. "Yeah, one day Kyle and I were stuck in that elevator for five hours, even if it was fix Kyle said he would never go into it again."
"Remind me never to leave you with my kid."
"That is a very good note."
The two were quiet as they walked up the stairs. "Here it is."
Pacey walked in to see a big window and four bedrooms. A big enough kitchen and living room space, two bathrooms and a patio that look over the small city.
"That's not what I was expecting."
"What did you expect?"
"Honestly I expect a dungeon with the way the lobby was."
Audrey scruff, "Well trust me, looks can be debating sometimes." Audrey said as she walked over to the kitchen.
"So what do you do?" Pacey asked as he looked at all the photos in the living room.
"I'm a waitress for a restaurant down the street."
"Not at Civlization?"
"God, no. I couldn't work there." Audrey said with a laugh. "Why not?" Pacey asked her as he walked up to her.
"I love Flora. But my idea of spending there five days a week with Flora all day and come home to see her isn't exactly my idea of fun."
"I understand that." Pacey said as he picked up a blank sheet of paper. "Give me your number and I will call you."
"Well my number is under the apartment section since we been looking for a roommate due to money."
"And nobody wants it?"
"Please, sometimes we get a call and we mention a three year old and that's it for them. And other times they just see the lobby."
"Really?" Pacey said as he watched Audrey circle a few other apartment besides hers.
"What are you circling?"
"Well, check out the other apartments and then you and your baby mama can choose which one you like."
Pacey cringed. "What?" Audrey asked with a laugh. "Just sounded weird when you said baby mama."
"Is that not what it is?"
Pacey let a humorless chuckle as he saw her look at the clock. "Well i'm very late to work. But call me when you find out if you want the apartment."
"I assure you that I'll will call you as soon as I hear what my quote on quote baby mama says due to your long list, we may not even get in."
"Haha." Audrey deadpanned as she took off her shirt. "What do you think you are doing?" Pacey said with a laugh.
"Changing for work, it's not like I going full nude on you. I'm just changing my shirt ." Audrey said with an eyeroll as she button up her shirt.
"Man, I love the way your mind works." Pacey said with a wink. "But I think that's my cue to leave. I will call you." Pacey said.
"You do that." Audrey called as Pacey walked out the apartment.
Pacey looked around for a few more hours and by the last apartment he was done with the crappy places he had seen and drove back to the B&B.
He stood there as he got out and went inside. He could hear the television playing in the living room and the whole house was completely dark. "Joey?" He called out as he sat the newspaper on the kitchen table.
He then spotted her on the couch holding what look to be an E.T doll that he had seen countless times in Dawson's room. He knew what exactly what had happened while he was gone. The one person beside her Dad and Pacey himself that could make her that upset was Dawson Leery.
Pacey kneeled in front of her and softly took the doll out of her arms and pulled her up to go into a hug. This was the only thing he ever knew how to comfort her was by holding her.
He felt like every time he did hold her it was like the whole universe had stopped to allow this one moment to happen between the two of them. He could feel her relax in his arms as he continued to comfort her and he refused to let her go.
"It's ok." Pacey whispered in her ear. "You are ok." He whispered as he continued to calm her down and he felt her breathing slow down as his hands ran on her back to soothe her.
Suddenly, she got out of his arms as if she didn't need any comfort anymore. He watched as she took the E.T doll and hold it tightly as if she was five years old again. Pacey then felt awkward as he sat down next to her. He fear that somehow he would mess this up.
"What happened Jo?" He whispered softly to her and watch her shake her head at him. "It's stupid." She whispered.
"Joey, it's not stupid even if you are simply crying over the end of the ET movie it would never be stupid, well maybe it would be a little bit funny-" Pacey started to say but he stopped himself as she gave him a look that he knew far to well. A look that said you better say sorry or I will stab you in your sleep.
"Ok, it will not be funny," he said with his hands up in the air. He smiled as he heard Joey give him a weak chuckle,
"Dawson came to the B&B before he left." Joey started to say. "Was he rude?" Pacey asked gently as he could but he could hear the bitterness in his own voice as he thought about all the things Dawson had said to him.
"No, actually it was the opposite. He said that he will stay and he is ok with this new part of my life, and he would love to be apart of it." Joey said.
Pacey looked at her confused as he watched her play with the doll's arms. "That's great-" Pacey started to say but stopped as Joey stood up and started talking "Ever since I found out about the pregnancy my mind has been racing, like what if I can't complete school. I mean would a school like Worthington want me-" Joey said as she started to pace on the floor but Pacey got up.
"Whoa,whoa,whoa. Joey. You don't think my mind isn't racing as well?" He said.
"I mean I know you promise me, but how do you know the school would even want me now? How can I complete everything now? I mean nobody going to want to be around me when I become this huge hormonal woman that can't deal with her , there is the studying, Pacey. You know how I am about my grades, it took a lot of scholarships to even get into that school, and even then that wasn't enough. Dawson had to help and all the-"
"But you got in," Pacey said as he took her hand. "You, Miss. Joey Potter got into the college of your dream. Because you worked hard for what you wanted. You are going to get looks, and you are right you may not get the full picture of your dream. But did you think I wanted to give up my dream on that boat? No, I didn't."
"Then why did you?" Joey asked as he sat her down on the couch. Pacey could see all the memories come in his mind as he thought about every single thing that made him fall for Joey with just the simple thought of her.
"When we first had sex, I had a moment where I wasn't just some horny teenager that wanted sex all the time without thinking. Yes, I repeated myself over and over about the sex but in a way, I have known you practically my whole life. I have seen you cry in tears of frustration when your grades weren't perfect. Even with a ninety-eight, it was hard for you to accept how amazing you are.
I remember the first time you got your period, and I had to give you my jacket. You were embarrassed, but I am so used to things like that because of the women in my household. I was there at your mom's funeral, and I held you for just a few minutes but in my eyes that felt like a lifetime."
He then let out a sigh and a small laugh. "I remember when I first met you, it was in ' classroom and I took one look at you and fell for you. But instead of being nice to you and telling you were beautiful, I pulled your ponytail and told everyone you had cooties." Pacey said with smirk.
He felt like he was in heaven when he heard her laugh. "And that's the moment I hated you."
"But Jo, in my mind, it was the moment that I noticed you are different from the other girls. So much that I kissed you three times, and still never lost hope. So, when we started to have sex, I thought about the future. I made a promise to myself that if you happen to get pregnant I would stay by your side. Helping you, loving you, and supporting you whether we are together or not. But most of all showing that kid, that parents can get along. I will be a father who will support this child no matter what you and I's relationship is ever like. When I heard that you were pregnant, I didn't know what to say. When I heard you were in the hospital from Doug, I dropped everything in hopes that you were ok.
I told you this four years ago when we first worked on that science project together and I will tell you this again right now. You will make it, and that Jo, hasn't changed. I will help you study. On September first when you walk into that building and someone makes a single comment about you. You can just tell me. Because nothing is going to stop me from letting you give up your dreams. I can let go of mine but no way in hell will I allow yours to leave. Do you hear me? We aren't together as a couple but I have always had high hopes for you. You just have to let me in."
"I hear you, Pacey. I am just scared if we are doing this all-" Joey started to say but Pacey couldn't take it anymore he had to show her the papers.
"Here are all the apartments that are around Worthington. Here are all the jobs that are hiring even pregnant woman like yourself." Pacey said as he sat down next to her again while handing her the papers. "I did this when I left the I got it by the way."
"You did?" Joey asked while looking up at the papers to look at him. "Yeah, I start Monday but I was thinking about this. We rent an apartment together. You will be on one side, I will be on the other side. We don't even have to talk to one another. We split rent with each other and someone else, we are both broke at the moment but I still have some money that could get us through the first rent. We both work, and if we do decide to keep the baby. I will stay with you till you want me out."
Pacey could see the tears forming into her eyes as she looked up at him in shock. "You would do that?"
"Yes, I would. I will do whatever you need. There are plenty of cheap apartments, it could be a fixer-upper with some. However, I am pretty sure we can handle that after our long list of fixer-uppers. But if you don't want to do this-"
Joey shook her head at him. "Are you kidding? That is a great idea. Thank you, Pace."
Pacey just wanted to somehow make this beautiful woman in front of him happy. He thought about his family, and how for so long he had tried to be successful at making them happy.
He thought about every single scar his Dad gave him. He thought about every single thing his family had told him about his own life. Everything that Dawson had ever said to him, that Joey would never love him like he would love her. How Joey probably expected him to leave maybe not now but soon.
Pacey knew those were lies but it felt as if they were real. He felt as if everything that he had ever heard about him failing or going to fail was true.
He may have gotten that job but he act so confident in what he was doing. When was Danny going to realize he had no clue what he was doing? When was he going to realize that he was known for being a screw up and that he shouldn't be surprised by him when he somehow managed to fail him.
His thoughts were then interrupted by Joey's voice.
"Pace?"
"Jo."
"Thank you. I don't know what I would do without you."
Pacey let out a small chuckle and looked up at her. He knew where she would be if she was without him, "You wouldn't be pregnant if you were without me."
"That's not funny." She told him as he watch her bite her lip. He smiled but all the feelings were coming back from what he thought went away a long time ago. He felt the butterflies coming back and he felt dizzy from all the feelings he thought he once lost but it was there again. He wanted to kiss her soft delicate lips but he knew he shouldn't. He quickly look down at the paper and started to act like he was focusing down on the paper.
As if she was reading his mind she asked him."Is this weird to you?"
"What do you mean?" Pacey asked her.
"I mean four months ago we were in high school, dating and wondering where life was taking us and now we are sitting here trying to figure out what this whole pregnancy will bring us. I mean is this ok?" Joey explained to him. "I mean we got to do, what we got to do. It just kind of sad, we have to do it this way." Pacey said.
"Are you ok with this?" Pacey asked her. He could see her getting nervous as she started to push her hair behind her ear.
"You know, part of me thinks we can prove a lot of things to this kid if we aren't together. I seen my parents not work out and they had a baby at a young age, I think we were made to be together at one point in time but maybe it was never really meant to be."
"Yeah. I guess you are right." Pacey said as he looked back down at the newspaper. "This isn't as expensive as the other ones," Joey said as he pointed at a place.
"Yeah, I looked at most of them while I was down there," Pacey said.
"Tell me about this place." Joey said.
"Well, there is a woman named Flora who originally rents it, she wants to split the cost. She is twenty and she has a three-year-old but he only lives there on the weekends. The Dad walked out but she is trying to fight for full custody but she needs the money to take care of her son. So, she wants to split the cost with other now, there is just her and her sister Audrey,who is around our age, living there."
"And is that the only place you have gone to?" Joey asked. "Uh, no. I went to five different places but that was the last one. All the other ones were either way too pricey or in a trashy neighborhood." Pacey said.
"Well, we should look at it," Joey said as she closed the newspaper. "Um, Jo, I think we are forgetting one part that we haven't talked about," Pacey said as he nervously picked at the thread of his sleeve.
Out of everything, he had been doing today. He knew there was thing missing. He figured out everything else except the one thing that made him do all this. The baby.
"Which is?"
"Well,you talked about adoption, and I think it is an idea. But we need to know if we are saving our money for a baby, and how many jobs should we get now?"
He noticed how quiet as he waited for her to say something. "I want to keep this baby, Pace. But what if we weren't meant to be parents. When I first found out I was pregnant. I was scared to death but after my first doctor's appointment. I heard the little heartbeat and everything that I felt just went away. But you are asking me what I want but isn't it about what you want as well? Do you think we could handle a kid, Pace?"
"You don't think I am not scared as well?" He whispered. "I am terrified of our doctor's appointment that is in a few days. But I lay awake at night daydreaming of every little thing, and it just makes me want this baby more and more. I want to be a father, and yeah. I don't know what the hell I am doing but man wouldn't it be amazing if we just let our fears go and tried? Forget about our past and just took care of this baby with the love and kindness that it deserves?"
"I want this baby too, Pacey. But if we do keep this baby promise me one thing?"
"Anything."
"Promise me we will both stay. I feel like my mind has been spinning from all these fears. Will he not come back? Will he realize he doesn't want this baby with me and leave? Will he realize that his dreams are still out there and we are still young?"
He pulled her into his arms as he could feel his emotions building up, so this was it. This was the promise he would make not to just Joey but to their baby.
"I promise you. I will be there. To answer those fears, I would come back. The past will haunt you one day or another and by leaving you now it would be very cowardly of me to come back to this and just leave you and this child."
"So we are both keeping this baby?" Joey asked softly. "Yeah, I guess so," Pacey whispered.
"But, um. We should probably tell your family." Joey said nervously. "Well, they like you more than me," Pacey said.
"Yeah. Pacey, I went to those Sunday dinners with your mom for at least seven months and I bet she is going to take one good look at me if we go over there and be like hey Josie."
"Better than a failure." Pacey scruff as he folded the newspaper and put it on the table. "I mean we could always not tell them, Jo."
"No, No, No," Joey said with a teasing smile
"Or we can go to a different country and act like we have no lives here."
"You are trying hard to get out of this aren't you?"
"Yeah, is it working?" Pacey said with a wink.
"Nope because there are some people in our lives that already know," Joey said with a laugh.
"Well, damn."
"As much as we are going to regret this, just call your mom. But it helps I'm scared to tell my Dad."
Pacey smiled at her and squeezed her hand. He felt a sense of guilt for not having Joey's parents around to have someone to comfort her during this time. To not be there when she most needed her parent's love and protection. Sure, Joey had Bessie and Bodie but he thought about the time that he laid on the beach crying to his Dad or the time when he was seven when he first discovered what his Dad was capable of doing when he was drunk.
"How about this?" Pacey said. "I will tell my family and you write to your Dad about the pregnancy."
"You know, moving away sounds like a good idea right now," Joey whispered.
"Well, like you said half the family already knows."
Pacey smiled at her as he thought about what life would be like if they did run away. What life would be like if it was just the two of them and what life would be like if nothing scared them just like he did when they went sailing for the summer. He miss those days where nothing bugged them and the only problem they had was finding ports to take showers and get fresh clothes.
"I never told you this but when I was little my Dad would come in whenever I had a bad dream. It was always the same dream over what I feared over. I would wake up screaming my head off, and my Dad would comfort me. Then we would make pancakes, his pancakes are like yours. Soft and fluffy, but when he put chocolate chips and bananas in it. One thing it has in common is the warmth it gets it. Now, I miss his pancakes and I would do anything to go to him and have me make them."
Pacey got up and went into the kitchen. "I will make some now. Keep talking."
"I wonder what my mom would say about all of this," Joey said with a laugh. "Probably would yell at me."
Pacey said nothing as he started to make the batter. He thought about all those times where his parents made him feel stupid and useless. He thought about how his parents were alive but he was scared to tell them about the one thing that will change his life forever. Maybe he was so scared of being parents because of how his parents acted as he growing up.
"When I was little I was scared of a lot of things," Pacey whispered. "I was told to hold in my feelings but, one day I remember my Dad running for sheriff, and I had to wear a suit and a tie. The tie was too tight, and the people were making me anxious. I remember my stomach was hurting so much I just fell to the floor. I was only seven but I had embarrassed my Dad that night for not being the perfect son. For not being the way he wanted. That was the first beaten, I had ever gotten. It was over something so stupid but it was also the night I viewed my Dad in a different way."
He started to mix the batter together as he watched her cut the bananas. "I remember when my mom died, I walked into the room and found her cold. She was so lifeless and then Dad got back into drugs. The rumors started to go around fast and it felt like my whole world was falling behind me. That's one of the main reasons why I am excited to get out of Capeside in September. Even if I come back, about living here. I just care that I don't live here."
Pacey turned to her and let out a chuckle. "Maybe that's why we are so scared to be parents. It's funny because when you are little you view your parents as someone who can never hurt you. Then when finding out that they can hurt you it's like this pain comes over you no matter how old you are."
He watched her chocolate eyes stare up at him and how her smile was so small but yet so big in his eyes."I think I am going to write that letter. But I can't wait for the pancakes, it's the first thing in weeks that don't sound disgusting."
"Well, since you are doing that. I will call Ma."
He then grabbed the house phone and dialed his family's number. But when the phone picked up he heard his older sister talking through the phone. He felt this sting of guilt when he heard his older sister's voice and he wished he didn't feel like this already two seconds into the phone call.
Then, all the words rushed through his brain. We will still love you sweetheart even if you end up flipping burgers for the rest of your life. He could hear his mom say.
"Hey, Carrie. Is Mom there?"
"Yeah, hold on let me go get her."
It was quiet for a moment until he heard his mom on the other side of the phone. "Pacey? I thought you were sailing?"
"I was, but um can I come over next weekend with Joey. We have something to tell you."
"Would next Sunday work for the two of you?"
"Yeah, Ma." He said to her and the guilt started to come in again. Hang up the phone just hang up the phone. "Great, we will see you next Sunday. Bye."
He looked down to see that the pancakes he was making where burnt and Pacey threw the burnt pancakes away as he could feel tears falling down his face.
He mostly felt overwhelmed as he put his forehead on the kitchen cabinet. How did he think the would be a good father? He had never been a good friend, boyfriend, brother,son, worker, or even good enough to make these pancakes because no matter what he did he wasn't good enough. He would simply never be good enough in anyone's eyes.
He wiped his hand on his face and tried to make a new batch and then he muttered under his breath telling himself to get over himself and that he needed to grow up. This wasn't how adults act when life got tough he knew that he just needed to get over himself. But why was his brain not letting him?
He then felt Joey's arms wipe around his and he felt her warmth and security as she placed her chin was on his shoulder.
"Joey." He whispered with his eyes closed. "Pacey, you don't have to do this." She whispered to him.
"I feel like I do." He whispered but then she turned him around to where they were face to face. "No, you don't," Joey said loudly as she put her forehead on his.
"I just want to make you proud because I… um…I am the one that got you pregnant. I owe you that much."
"No, you don't. Pacey don't you see it? I don't want anything except for you to be happy and present. College, my Dad, jobs, apartments, or even the questions of what-ifs don't matter to me if you aren't in this with me."
"Do you think it's wrong of me to have this pain of guilt when I just called my Mom?"
"No, I understand that. This is just us having to deal our feelings. But, Pace. Even if they say something rude about you and me. You don't let it get to you. And another thing is you don't have to be the hero. I said to Dawson today and I will say it to you. You don't have to feel like you have to be nice or fun to be around just because you are here or even moving in with me. You still have your life, what happened in the past stays there but you have to make your path right now. Nobody is stopping you from anything."
He felt the palm of her finger wipe away his tears as he let out a small laugh. He wanted to hear that since he came back. But he needed to feel her lips, he needed her body. He needed to hear her laugh, needed her to be there with him for the rest of his life. He needed her smile, but most of all he could see all of his needs and desires weren't going away and he wished so desperately that he could be with her without feeling like a screw up.
But instead of telling her all of this, he watched her walk out that door and leave.