Who are you to judge the life I live?I know I'm not perfect-and I don't live to be-But before you start pointing fingers…Make sure you hands are clean!
Bob Marley
August 9, 2001
Joey felt her heart racing as she walked to her room. She had been moving around all day due to the B&B being very crowded during the summertime but unlike any other day, all she could feel now was her feet hurting and her body aching.
She closed her bedroom door and then she grabbed her sweatpants and started to close the dresser but she then saw a photo of her mom. She picked it up and smiled.
Joey missed her mom every day. She traced over her mom's face with her fingers with a smile. She knew her mom would be disappointed in how she was pregnant at seventeen. Joey could feel it with Bessie and she could feel the disappointment in herself as well.
She knew the word disappointed was most likely a strong word to describe how Pacey was feeling. But even when he did her best to comfort her, or the things he has done for the future, Joey couldn't help but feel his disappointment.
Joey wondered how he would feel with the doctor's appointment tomorrow what was his reaction going to be? What will he say when he sees the screen?
She didn't even know how she was going to feel when she saw the screen or when she heard the heartbeat again. She knew it was going to be a good feeling but somehow she felt it was going to allow her fears to come back again.
Her thoughts had become dark when she thought too long and hard about the situation. The situation where Pacey was working hard to keep a job and to find a place because he knew how much she wanted to get out of Capeside. But her fears reminded her that she had never seen the place and she could easily not like it.
But that was the thing, she knew in her heart that she would like it. But even if she didn't, she was amazed that Pacey went through that trouble to find an apartment just because he knew that she would need it. Joey wanted with all her heart to be ok with everything she was doing. But she didn't know why she felt like this. Maybe it was her hormones but she felt she was dying a little inside from her thoughts and it took all of her to not hold some type of bitterness inside of herself.
Joey then could feel a tear coming down her cheek as she put the photo of her mom down. She thought about Dawson and how she hasn't talked to him since he left nine days ago.
Should she called him and ask how he was doing? What would she say when he ask how she is doing? Would she tell the truth? Would she tell him about her thoughts? Would he be even interested in her thoughts about the appointment?
She then lifted her shirt to change into a sweatshirt and noticed the small swollen bump that was forming on her abdomen. It was the tiniest bump but it was there. She didn't know what to think about it, she then turned her body in the mirror. Joey had seen Bessie's pregnant body but Joey never thought very hard about how much her body would change.
She quickly put on her sweatshirt as she heard a knock on the door. "Come in," Joey yelled. "Hey," Bessie said as she closed the door.
There was a silence as Bessie sat on the bed next to Joey. The two haven't talk alone very much since finding out Joey was pregnant. Joey knew Bessie was disappointed in her and she did her best to avoid her in different ways, not because she was mad at her but just because she felt as if Bessie was annoyed by her if she did talk about the pregnancy. But mostly because Joey felt like if she talked about the pregnancy then Joey would somehow disappoint her more than she already had.
"So, you have that appointment tomorrow?" Bessie asked her. "Yeah, it's at noon," Joey said as she took her shoes off and grabbed her sweatpants.
"Are you nervous?" Bessie asked her. "Not really, well maybe a little bit. Is that wrong?" Joey asked her.
"No, I remember being nervous with Alexander. Don't beat yourself over it."
"When does it stop? I mean all these nervous feelings." Joey asked. "It doesn't stop. Especially when they are here." Bessie told her. Joey let out a deep breath and laid across her bed.
"Jo, what are you going to do?" Bessie said as she laid next to her.
"I keep having this plan in my head, Bes. Believe me, I think it's ingrained into my head so much that I have dreams about it. Go to Boston, get a job, go to school and then figure it out from there. But then I sit there and I think about this kid, and the mystery of all of this is making this situation hard for me. I have a plan at the moment but I feel like I can't do anything right. It's like these thoughts are killing me."
Bessie let a small smile as she was thinking about what to say. "Well,the truth is Joey. I have been scared about your future a lot lately."
"You have?" Joey whispered gently. "Yeah, I mean Joey. You are still seventeen. You have a lot coming ahead of you. I just want you to be prepared for what is coming up." Bessie said.
"So, what you said in April was true, you think I will turn out like you and mom?"
Bessie didn't say anything, as the two then stared up at the ceiling. "No," Bessie whispered gently, Joey turned her head to look at her and saw that her sister have tears in her eyes.
She softly wrapped her fingers around Bessie's and let out a small smile, and Bessie let out a small laugh. "I was wrong to say that to you. I just panic because I expected more from you. But for the past few weeks, I have been thinking about how to have this conversation and I get disappointed not at you. But at myself for um… for failing Mom and Dad."
"Bessie, why are you disappointed in yourself? Do you or I or anyone else for that matter plan for this pregnancy? No. But if you are disappointed in the fact, that you somehow failed Mom or Dad, don't be."
Joey then got up and got the letter for her Dad that she hasn't put in the mail yet. "I think I am the most disappointed in myself because I am scared of what everyone will think when they see me in three months. I think I am disappointed in myself because I have this feeling that I have disappointed Mom, and Dad even though I know in a way they don't know. But.. I um, don't want to disappoint you because you have always been there. And I just don't want to fail you in the way, I failed them."
Bessie looked at Joey and pulled her back to the bed and hugged her. "You are not failing me, Joey, but you have to start thinking what else is going to happen in your life. How will not just Pacey provide for you throughout the pregnancy but how will you? Joey, I will admit the first time I even heard those words I think I'm pregnant coming out of your mouth. I have been wanting to tell you off and then pin Pacey to the wall for even making this situation possible.
The reason for that is because I don't want you to go through the things I or Mom went through. But this isn't my life or mom's life but it's yours. You are going to do so many things differently than any of us ever had but it's not my choice in deciding what to do."
Joey said nothing as she wiped a tear from her face. "I am still surprised you are allowing Pacey to stay here." She whispered with a chuckle.
Bessie scruffed. "Putting him to work was the best decision I made. But if it weren't for Bodie that boy would be dead meat. But trust me, you tell me when he is making you feel bad or doing something that he shouldn't be doing and I swear I'll pin that boy to the wall in a heartbeat."
"I know."
Bessie got up and patted Joey on the leg. "Night, little sis."
"Night, Bes," Joey said as she watched Bessie walk out the door. She then turned off her light and went to bed but as soon as she laid in bed she could feel the tears coming down and dropping on her pillow case. Joey grabbed her ET doll and hugged it.
She then grabbed her flip phone that was sitting on the nightstand and called Dawson. She waited for him to pick up the phone, and on the third ring, she debated whether or not to just give up the phone call altogether. But then Dawson finally picked up the phone.
"Joey?" She heard him say. "Hi," Joey whispered as she dug her head deeper into the ET doll. "Joey, how are you?"
She took a minute to think about that question and truthfully she didn't know how to answer it. She couldn't tell if it was because of her hormones or just life, in general, leading her to say this but she then said, "Nervous."
"What's making you nervous."
"Tomorrow is the day Pacey gets to see the baby for the first time," Joey whispered and she turned to lay flat on her back and the doll fell on the floor.
"Oh, wow. That's big." Dawson said but Joey couldn't tell if she imagined that she heard the irritation in his voice or if he was irritated with her for saying this. He did tell her he wanted to still be her best friend but Joey sometimes felt as if he was just saying that.
"It's supposed to be, but I keep thinking about what could happen and I just feel like my life is changing so quickly."
"I feel the same way, down here in LA everything is so big and different. I don't feel like myself, I feel like there is a big part of me that just wants next week to come so I can crawl into my bed and just stay there for the rest of my life."
"You are coming back to Capeside next week?" Joey asked him. "Yeah, Grams bought a house in Boston. So, I am helping her pack up."
"She did?" Joey asked in shock. "You didn't hear about that?" Dawson asked her. "I would have thought you would hear more than me since you are in Capeside."
"I guess I been a little preoccupied with the guests at the B&B that I haven't talked to everyone in the past week," Joey whispered as she started to twirl her finger through her hair.
There was a pause on the phone as Joey could hear shuffling through Dawson's end.
"Joey, you don't have anything to worry about. Pacey wants this baby. I can promise you that."
Joey scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. "And how would you know that if you haven't even talked to Pacey."
"I have. The day before I saw you I ran into Pacey at the store. He told me that he wasn't planning on going anywhere and that I should get over myself."
"I thought you said your mom told you that life wasn't like a film?" Joey asked.
"Yeah, my mom was the main person who got my attention."
Joey let out a tiny chuckle as she thought about how Pacey never said anything about this the other day. Why didn't he? This seemed like an important part of why Dawson came over. But why didn't Dawson say anything?
"Dawson?"
"Yeah?"
"I wish you would have told me this."
There was a moment of silence again as Joey listened to his breathing. "I just didn't want you to somehow rethink the decision of us being friends again."
"How would that change anything?" Joey harshly said. "I don't know it's just lately…it just seems like you always change your mind about how you feel about me."
"I thought we were moving on from this, Dawson," Joey stated.
"You are right. Sorry."
Joey paused as she stared at a painting that was by her bed. It was a painting her mom did years ago, it was a vase of flowers. She looked at it as she thought about the day her mom created it. The way her face was covered with different colors of paint. But she remembered how her mom wouldn't let her look at the painting until she was done with it.
But she remembered the way, her mom was concentrating on the painting. The way her eyes would shine through the window. How peaceful she looked through it all. How at the age of five, Joey knew her mom's most prized possession was her art, and when she got to hang it up in her room she felt like a princess.
Joey hoped for that in her kid. She didn't want to know the gender till birth, but Joey loved to take her imagination run wild as she thought about what her life will forever be like. But in another way, she thought about Dawson.
Would he truly be there in five years? What will her child think about Dawson? Would Dawson mind the fact all her time after this month will be spent working and doing school to save up for this baby? Will he make time for her, or will he let her pass by?
"Joey?" She heard Dawson say. "Yeah?"
"Everything is going to be ok."
"I hope so." She said as she closed her eyes. "Can you just stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?" She asked.
"Yeah sure," Dawson said and then started to talk about how LA was compared to Capeside, and then Joey drifted off to sleep.
August 10, 2001
Pacey and Joey were in the truck on the way to a doctor's appointment and Joey was getting annoyed by the drumming Pacey's fingers were making on the steering wheel.
He would of course never admit it but Joey could tell he was nervous about this appointment. It was the first time he would ever get to see the baby, she knew the feeling all too well.
She watched as his fingers drum on the wheel. Up, Down, Up, down. Were they always this quiet when they were going somewhere? Should she say something? She then paid attention to the music that was coming out of the radio.
However far away. I will always love you. However long I stay. I will always love you. Whatever words I say. I will always love you. I will always love you.
Joey then thought about the conversation she had with Bessie last night about Pacey and the baby. She thought about how her clothes weren't fitting her anymore and how everything in her life was changing but she knew throughout all the change, Pacey would be there for her.
She knew now that having the baby wasn't the worst news because the worst news to her was knowing Bessie was right. It didn't matter if they could afford daycare or an apartment by Worthington. It matters if the two could keep this kid alive. It matters if they could raise a decent human being.
She looked at Pacey who had just turned into the doctor's office. What was he going to say next? What was he going to do after this appointment, would this appointment drag him down or make him even more scared to tell his family? Would he be even more scared to fail as a parent? Or what if the baby isn't ok? What if they get there and the heartbeat isn't there anymore? Would he blame her for wasting his time, or for not eating in the past three weeks?
Joey said nothing as she got out from the truck and walked out towards the hospital door. This felt wrong, why did this feel wrong? She couldn't do this.
She wanted to grab Pacey's arm and tell him she couldn't do this. What makes them think they can be parents at eighteen. They still have their whole lives in front of them. But Joey shook her head and continued to walk up to the front desk.
"Name?" The woman asked.
"Josephine Potter."
"We will call you when we are ready." The woman said as Joey signed her name. She turned back around to see Pacey staring at all the posters with his leg shaking. Just like in the truck, she watched his leg up and down. Up and down.
Joey looked around and started to stare at all the pregnant women in the room. One looked as if she was due any day now and she had two kids playing on the floor. Another one next to her had a little curly blonde girl who was sitting on the floor staring up at her with a coloring book in her hand.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pacey's foot went across the floor over and over again.
She grabbed his leg to stop him. "It's going to be ok." She promised him. At least she hopes. She wanted to add but instead smiled at him.
"Hi." The little blonde hair girl said with a wave as Joey looked down at her feet. "Hi," Joey said.
The woman next to her turn to Joey. "Do you mind watching her while I use the restroom real quick?" She asked Joey.
"Of course," Joey said as she watched the pregnant woman waddle to the bathroom. The little girl sat on the chair and smiled.
"How old are you?" The girl asked Joey. "I'm seventeen, how old are you?"
"I'm four." The girl said. "How old are you?" She asked Pacey who smiled up at her.
"Eighteen, what's your name?"
"Shannon, what's yours?"
"Pacey."
"And you?" Shannon asked Joey.
"Joey."
"Do you want to color Mickey with me?" Shannon asked Pacey who grinned ear to ear and sat down next to her on the floor. "I would be delighted to." He said as the little girl started to show him all the coloring pages.
"I have Mickey but I also have Minnie." She told him. "Which one?"
"Either is ok with me."
"I like Mickey, but he is a boy. Kind of like you. Here you go, Mr. Pacey,"
Joey smiled as she heard the words, Mr. Pacey. She picked up a magazine next to her as she listened to Pacey and Shannon talk.
"My mommy is having a baby boy," Shannon told him.
"Oh yeah?" Pacey asked.
"What is Miss. Joey having?"
"We don't know yet."
There was a silent pause and Joey looked up to see that Shannon had a puzzle look on her face. Shannon then turned to look at Pacey while her head tilt. "She doesn't look like my mommy does."
"That's because your mommy grew bigger as she got further along. Just like how Miss. Joey over here, is going to grow as she gets further along." Pacey said as he colored with a red crayon.
"You should use a yellow one next," Shannon said as she set the yellow crayon down next to Pacey.
Joey once again looked down at the magazine in front of her but still listened to the two talk.
"How many siblings do you have?" Shannon asked. "Four. You?"
"I have two, one is in heaven, one is in mama's tummy. My older brother got run over by a car, two years ago. Mama calls my baby brother the rainbow baby. What do you think that means?"
Joey tried not to look up at this but just the sound of this made her heart hurt. This little girl only four has to suffer through so much, how do you protect them? Can you ever protect your child from anything?
"Uh, I don't know kid. What do you think it means?" Pacey said after a moment of silents. "Mommy says it is like a rainbow coming down after a storm. But I sure miss my big brother."
Another moment of silents started to fill into the air as the two colored. Joey looked up to see the little girl now laying down on the floor as she was coloring the yellow on Pacey's coloring sheet.
She looked down at her stomach. Shannon was right, there wasn't a big bump on her stomach like the other women in the room. But when she saw it last night she was amazed. She knew it was one of the most unique parts of her body at the moment. It wasn't all that showy and nobody knew there was a baby yet unless they asked.
As Joey looked around she couldn't help but feel some sense of joy that Pacey didn't know about her bump, she secretly found her wanting to keep that part to herself. But her thoughts went to what would she do on the day, he does touch the big swollen belly when she is further along than she is right now? What will she feel like? What will he feel like?
She looked back up at Pacey, she could see he was saying words to the little girl but now she couldn't hear what he was exactly saying. She was nervous. She was nervous about being a mom and she was nervous about not being able to protect this tiny baby inside of her forever.
She looked up around the room and then saw the pregnant mom waddling back over to the three of them.
"Mommy, look what Mr. Pacey and I color!" The little girl exclaimed. "Wow. That is beautiful." Her mom said as she kissed her daughter's cheek.
Suddenly the room was filled with a name. "Jasmine Miller." A young blonde-headed nurse called as she opened the door.
"Well, say goodbye to ."
"Bye, Mr. Pacey," Shannon said as she raced to hug him.
"Bye kiddo," Pacey said with a laugh. "Do you want your sheet?"
"No. I want you to keep it." Shannon said as she grabbed the crayons and the other sheets of paper.
Joey watched as Pacey's face brightened up and got up to sit next to Joey.
She could hear him exhale as he sat down. She patted his leg and smiled up at him. He was a natural with little kids. Sure, she had seen him with Buzz before but now it was different she was going to see him with a kid for the rest of her life.
But what about her? Was she ok with little kids? She never had an experience like him. Why didn't she sit on the floor with that little girl? Why didn't she talk to her? Was something wrong with her, was she going to be ok with all of this?
She didn't say anything else as she continued to look down at the magazine. She could feel Pacey studying her as she was reading.
"Would you stop staring at me like that?" She asked. "Like what?" Pacey asked innocently as she looked over at him. "Like I am a magazine that you are reading or something."
"I can't help it, you look as if something is bothering you." He said. She looked down at her magazine for what felt like the fifteen times. "Is something bugging you?" He asked.
She wanted to say yes. She wanted to say 'Yes, Pacey. Everything that the four year old girl said to you or me irritated every emotion that I didn't know was even capable of being in my body. You are a natural while I am a frozen up minded eighteen-year-old who doesn't know what to say to that little four-year old girl.'
But instead, she smiled and patted his leg again. "No," She said with a smile. "You would tell me if something was?" No. "Yes," She smiled with another smile and then a wink.
Before Joey or Pacey could say anything else. The same nurse who called for Jasmine called for Joey.
"Josephine Potter."
"That's us," Pacey whispered as he stood up and Joey could have sworn she saw his hands trembling. Maybe he wasn't as confident as she thought he was.
The two waited in the room for what felt like forever. Joey was sitting on the bench while Pacey was walking back and forth in the little room. Just watching him made her feel sick.
"Can you sit down? You are making me nauseous." She told him. He nodded and then sat down on the chair next to the bench.
"You were good with Shannon," Joey said after a moment of silence.
"You think so?"
Joey nodded her head as she nervously played with a string on her shirt. "I think I just scared myself more," Pacey admitted.
Before Joey could say anything, the same doctor Joey had last time walked in. "Hi, Josephine."
"Joey."
"Of course, sorry."
Joey smiled politely at the older woman as she pulled the cart in. The woman then spotted Pacey and shook his hand. "Doctor Wilson."
"Pacey Witter."
Doctor Wilson then checked Joey's blood pressure and made sure everything else was ok by checking her heart, her weight, and examine her body for any swelling.
She then asked Joey. "Is everything going ok with your body, or is there anything I should be worried about?"
"I am ok," Joey replied and she did mean it. Surprisingly everything that she felt the last appointment was dying down especially her morning sickness.
After Joey did a urinate sample, they then were able to hear the heartbeat through the doppler. "This may be cold," told her as she put the cold liquid gel on her.
It was quiet for a moment as she watched the Doctor try to find the heartbeat and for the first time in Joey's life. She felt as if all of her theories that had led her mind to her fears were true. Maybe the baby wasn't ok, maybe something had happened in the last month.
She then heard the heartbeat and smiled up at the monitor. "Is that the heartbeat?" Pacey asked.
"Sure is." Dr. Wilson told him. Joey watched as Pacey curiously looked at the monitor and smiled up at Joey. She could see tears in his eyes as he looked at her. That was it, she just needed that. That was the one thing she was stressing about seeing since she told him after the appointment. She could tell that he felt the same way she did. Just overwhelmed by everything.
"You are measuring around fourteen weeks, he or she should be here around the end of January or beginning of February. But it all depends on the baby so it will get more or less certain as you get farther along."
"The date will change?" Joey asked nervously.
"Yes, well. As the baby grows the measurements changes from time to time. Sometimes the measurement will be correct for a while and other times it just depends on how your baby is doing. But it will probably change a little bit than what the due date will say before. Nothing to worry about. The baby is measuring exactly how he or she should be measuring right now."
"Any more questions?" Doctor Wilson asked as Joey and Pacey then shook their heads. She handed the two a sonogram of the baby.
Joey stared at the sonogram and traced her fingers along the small body that was inside of her. Last time, the baby was just a blob, and now she was looking at the baby's small head. It was hard to believe how much as changed in just amount of a month.
The two then went to the front desk to make an appointment. "We have an opening for September 8th or the 14th." The woman at the front desk said. "Um, the 14th?" Joey asked as she turned to Pacey who was nervously looking down but then said "Sure."
Joey smiled as the two were quiet while walking to the car. Maybe her fears were true. But she saw Pacey smiling, he seemed happy or maybe she completely scared him.
Pacey and Joey then went to the apartment in Boston, Joey first noticed how the elevator was taped off with a caution tape.
"Is there a reason for that?" She asked Pacey while pointing at it. "Kyle and Audrey, one of the two people who live here got stuck in the elevator," Pacey said nonchalantly as he led her to the stairs.
She made a mental note as she climbs up the five flights of stairs that this was only going to get harder for her.
But as Pacey knocked on the door, and Joey then saw a tall red hair young woman open the door for her. She looked inside the doorway and saw a better view of what looked like a big space apartment.
Joey then knew it was a good option for her. It was one of the safest closest areas that were by Worthington and Joey knew this was the best she was going to get in Boston.
"Hi. Come on in. Audrey said you called about the apartment." The woman said as she smiled at the two. "You must be Joey. I'm Flora." She added as she smiled at Pacey.
Joey then watched Pacey smile at the woman and Joey could feel a sense of jealousy overcome her body. But it was then shaken off when another woman walked into the room.
"No, Flora. That is Pacey. His baby mama is Joey." She said as Joey examined the young woman in front of her.
"I'm Audrey." She said as she hugged her. "You must be Joey, well obviously." She added before Joey could say anything else.
Joey laughed as she looked at her. Her blonde hair looked gorgeous and her personality was already something she knew that she was going to have to get used to.
Joey smiled at her, as she looked around the living room. She liked it, and as Audrey showed her the rooms she fell in love with it.
"So, what is the plan with Worthington?Because I am going back there this semester but I am curious on what you are doing," Audrey said to her.
"Audrey," Flora said in a warning tone. "That's rude to ask."
"No, it's ok," Joey said. "I'm probably going to go to classes for the semester and as much as I can for next semester." She said as she followed Flora into the next room.
"That's going to be tough," Audrey said. "Audrey," Flora said in a warning tone.
"Yeah well, this situation is tough," Joey said with a laugh. "I'm sorry for my sister's blabbermouth," Flora said with an eye roll. "I would love to say that she isn't normally like this but I'm sure, everyone in here would know I was lying."
Pacey laughed behind her as she watched Audrey hit her sister on the arm. "So what do you think?" Pacey asked Joey.
"We will take it," Joey said and watched as Audrey's face light up and then hugged her.
August 12, 2001
It was Sunday afternoon and Joey and Pacey stood there in front of the Witter's household. "Last chance to bail," Pacey whispered to her.
Joey wanted to bail, she wanted to run away. She wanted to take his hand and have him run away with her. But they couldn't, she knew that. He knew that. Everyone knew that.
But that thought quickly passed when his mom opened the door. "Josie! So good to see you, dear."
"It's Joey, Mom." Pacey muttered. His mom looked at him confused. "What?" She asked. "Her name is Joey." He said. "I knew that." His mom barked.
Joey smiled at her but then gave a stare at Pacey as his mom led them into the kitchen. Joey felt her stomach tighten as she walked over to the kitchen to see Doug, and the oldest sister of the Witter family, Kerry. She couldn't do it, why did Joey think she could handle this. Maybe Pacey was right, maybe they should have bailed at the last minute.
But this wasn't for her or Pacey. This was for when her kid asked her why didn't their Dad's family come to see them. Joey and Pacey could tell them what they did to make this happen, to do everything in their power to have a child with two grandparents.
One of the reasons why Joey was so demanding to do this was because she knew she couldn't offer that. Even if Pacey's parents never accept this, she can say that I tried because I knew my family could never offer this to you.
Joey gave a weak smile as she watches Pacey smiled at his mom politely. Joey knew there was a part of her that was wrong. A part of her that knew Pacey's parents would never really be ok with a grandkid from Pacey and her. She knew why his mom called her Josie or Joanne. She has always known why his parents try to get along with her and why they would pick on her for the little things. Her family.
Her Dad was arrested by John Witter and as much as her and her family had forgiven Pacey. She knew her heart would never forgive John for taking away her Dad for the first time. She didn't even know if that was a thing she could forgive.
Then, there was Mary Witter, who wanted everything in her power to make Joey "feel comfortable." But Joey felt as if the woman was trying to let her know that she knew what her Dad did and she didn't like her. Mary tried to act all nice, and maybe she was but she made Joey feel like she was spinning around in a tire swing and nobody was there to stop her.
Joey excused herself to go to the bathroom and she could feel Pacey's eyes on her. But she was then stopped by his hands in her hand as she was about to walk into the bathroom.
"Hey, hey, hey," Pacey whispered as he pulled her into his arms. "I take it back, this is stupid," Joey whispered as she pulled herself out of his arms. "I can't do this Pacey. What made me think I could do this? Why did you agree to my dumb idea? I mean we could have said nothing. Maybe they wouldn't have noticed. But then that would be mean, right? That would be cruel. I mean-"
"Joey," Pacey said to her as he rubbed her arm.
"Honestly, Pacey-"
"Joey."
"What?" She snapped. "You are rambling, but have you already forgotten what you told me to do? If they do say something it shouldn't matter. We are just here so nobody can hold it against us. I can say it if you want me to."
Before Joey could say anything back to Pacey, she then saw Kerry and his Mom walk into the hallway as Kerry's loud voice filled the room.
"Say what?" Kerry said as they walked over to the two of them. "I was going to um… say um," Pacey said as Joey raised an eyebrow at him. "That she is um…" Pacey said but before Joey could process what was really happening. Pacey took Joey's hand and led her into the living room.
"Ok, I would love to stay here and act like I am having a good grand time in this household with everybody but Joey and I, we have something to say." He told everyone.
"You didn't get her pregnant, did you?" John stated. Pacey said nothing but stare at the look on his family's face. The two of them knew there was nothing to be said. Joey watched as John popped open another beer bottle.
"That's not so unpredictable. I mean Pacey you have always been cut out to be a Dad at eighteen. I mean, I always knew one day you would get Joey pregnant, I just didn't know you would be telling me it today. And now, what? You are going flip burgers at Mcdonald's until the baby comes, and then you are going to figure out where life will take you?" John said as he then stood up and went in front of Pacey to the point where their forehead was touching.
"Because Pacey, you will forever be a failure. You will forever be the son I pictured that would end up like this. You were unwanted. So, what makes you think that your kid will ever feel wanted with the two of you after knowing he or she is a mistake." John retorted.
Before Joey could fully process what John had said to Pacey, Pacey had punched his Dad in the face.
"Pacey!" Joey cried as Doug ripped Pacey off of John but only for Pacey to go back and hit his Dad in the face until there was blood covering his fist. Joey then watched as John kicked Pacey in the stomach and knock him against the wall.
"Get out," Mary cried to Pacey as she rushed over to John. Pacey got up then stormed out while glaring at his father. Joey then quickly rushed after him.
"Pacey." She cried as she watched him sit on the steps. "What an asshole," Pacey muttered as he covered his face with his hands.
"He isn't right," Joey whispered as she looked on the back of his neck to see blood dripping, that's when she lost her ability to stay calm, "Go in the truck,"
"Joey," Pacey whispered as she started to push him to get up. "Ok, ok," Pacey said as he watched her walk into the house.
She then walked over to the Tv that John was in front of and turned it off and then took his beer. "You are a dick head. You know that right."
"Young lady,stop-" Mary said but Joey quickly snapped at her. "No, don't you dare tell me when to shut up." She said as she pointed to Mary and then turned to John.
"As for you, You know I bet you didn't even think to care that it was my idea to come here, not Pacey who thought it was better to run away than to ever talk to his flesh and blood. But you know what I realize today, that you are more of a prick than I remember.
You told your son that he is made to be a teen Dad due to his mistakes. I hope you realize how inconsiderate your words are right now because he came to you when he needed you the most tonight. But then again you probably don't know what feelings are.
How I know that is because you taught him to keep his problems to himself and act tough. But what I think you need to teach yourself is to face your problems before you go off and analyze every wrong part of Pacey. Because trust me, he is more of a man than you will ever be." Joey said as she grabbed her and Pacey's coats out of the closet and walk out of the door.
As she was walking she heard Kerry calling her name, "Joey. Hey, wait up."
Joey stopped and turned around to see the blonde older woman smiling at her. "Are you ok with money and health?"
"Yeah."
"I just know pregnancy is hard and I know I am not the best person to give this advice out but if you need anything. You know you can come to me right?"
Joey nodded as she saw Doug walk out and go to the truck. She watched carefully for a minute to make sure there wasn't a another fight starting.
What she wanted to say to Kerry was maybe if she didn't open her loud mouth then maybe it would have gone a lot smoother. But as fast as the thought came, the faster her thought came back to remind her that there was no better way to say what was happening.
No matter how badly she would like the Witter family to remain calm while telling them that she is having Pacey's child. She knew they would still act the same way they just did.
"I think Mom and Dad will get over it, it's just how they are to everything. I should have just continue walking to the living room, and I'm sorry for opening my mouth."
Joey shrugged, as Kerry sat on the steps and there was a moment of silent as the two watched the two brothers talk. "You would think that after Elizabeth left, they would try harder. Then Gretchen left and now Pacey probably will never come home."
Joey sat down next to Kerry and looked down at her feet. "Whatever happened to Elizabeth?"
"Dad happened. He would hit her constantly."
"Oh," Joey whispered and looked at Kerry who sadly looked down. "Each one of us got hit at some point. The only three siblings who did something about it when they were a young teenager was Elizabeth, Gretchen, and Pacey. Elizabeth ran away when she was sixteen and refused to come home. Gretchen refuses to come home, but she comes only when she has to. Then just now, Pacey just got slammed against a wall after standing up for himself. Do yourself a favor and just don't let your kid around our drunk head of a Dad. He is a great grandfather to my kids but I am waiting for him to snap at the girls when he gets mad at them."
"Then why don't you leave?" Joey gently asked. "Because I have no money and they are my only option. But just don't be like me. Make that a goal for your family." Kerry whispered as she got up and walked back inside.
Joey then sat there for a minute and looked down as she watched Doug come back. Out of all the Witters, Doug looked to be the closest to John and at times she wanted so desperately to ask him why. Why was he trying to please the drunk man that was sitting in that armchair? And what for? What was the purpose of trying so desperately hard to please a man who didn't forgive someone who messed up on tiny things?
Joey then got in the driver's seat of the truck and watched as Pacey had a wet towel on his head. It was clear he didn't want to be messed with so Joey started to drive to the B&B without a single word.
It was later that night when Joey was staring up at her ceiling when she decided to talk to Pacey. She walked quietly into the bedroom and stand in front of the bed.
"Joey?" He asked as she saw him turn to her. "I can't sleep." She whispered as he sat up to turn on the light from the nightstand.
"Me either."
"Can… I um… sleep with you tonight?"
She watched his head nodded as he turned the light back off and took her hand to the bed. It was quiet as he wrapped her into his arms and she listened to his breathing. His chin was on her head and she sighed into his neck. She felt a tear come down his face and she could hear his breathing getting heavier but she only held on to him tighter.
She wasn't doing it because she felt like this was the only closest way to having a physical connection with him. But she did it because she knew Pacey Witter would never admit that he needed help. That he needed someone there for him after hearing what his Dad had said to him. She then closed her eyes and then the world went black.
August 15, 2001
Two days later, Joey was checking someone out of the B&B when Jen came rushing in.
"Joey, is Pacey with you?"
"No, he is working? Why?"
"His family has been trying to get in contact with him for a while now. Pacey's Dad had a heart attack, last night. He needs to come to hospital right now."