Vader's Angel
By: wertman25
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Star Wars…. Or Anakin Skywalker… Which is a pity…
2nd Disclaimer: Stole a line or two from Marvel's Darth Vader comic, couldn't resist with the appearance of Triple Zero.
Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the delay guys! Life and school got the best of me, plus I rewrote this chapter so many times… I'm pretty sure I destroyed it lol! Please enjoy after a far too long break!
Her anxiety only grew with each passing moment, every hour doubling and every second causing her to become even more uneasy. She tried to ignore the way her hands strained to shake against her sides or the way her heart pounded within her chest, forcing herself to keep a calm exterior despite her rattled nerves. She could only imagine the destiny that awaited her at the end of the long ride and what exactly the Emperor had planned for her that was worse than her fate with Darth Vader. She had no doubt that she was on a journey to her death, no longer being a useful asset to Palpatine's plans but instead a dangerous liability. It wasn't pleasing to think about her upcoming future, the thought causing countless images to surface within her mind, each one more horrendous than the next.
The two troopers that had originally escorted her from Vader's establishments sat near her within the ship, sitting quietly on each of her sides, but never giving a clue to her final destination. In fact, with the exception of her internal conflict, everything seemed calm and quiet– almost peaceful. The ship continued to glide without a hiccup, everyone remained still, while every so often the voices would echo from the cockpit to where Padmé sat, straining to hear without a clear answer to her burning question. But again, she internally already knew. It didn't matter what system or what planet… because her death was the only sure outcome.
Part of her silently prayed for a quick death, although she knew that she could never be so fortunate, while another part of her silently prayed for Vader. It wasn't that she wanted it to be Vader who would bring her to her end, but she wanted him here to at least tell her what was about to occur. He had never been secretive with the Emperor's plans involving her prolonged death sentence, and with the progress between them, she wondered if he even knew of Palpatine's current plans for her.
She doubted it… or at least her heart did. She hoped with every fiber of her being that he wouldn't just leave her without some sort of goodbye; that he wouldn't just leave and forget about all that had happened between them, that he wouldn't give her a true warning. She knew that they had their share of issues, set backs, and complications, but it wouldn't end like this… Still, every time she tried to reach out to Vader, desperate for his contact, she was greeted by a silence… silence that pained her chest.
And although that pain that always surrounded the though of him– or them– was always pure agony, this time an even louder force screamed from inside. Every fiber and every instinct of her being commanding for her to make an escape, her eyes continuing to scan the small vessel from time to time, taking in every detail. She highly doubted she could take the troopers and the officers on, but she hated to think about doing nothing. She had to at least try… Right?
"Understood, sir," a voice echoed from the cockpit. "We are making our approach. The star destroyer is in range."
The words touched Padmé's ears, causing her to snap back into reality and away from her thoughts. Star destroyer? She heard the engines of the ship change and felt as the ship began to rise. There were strange noises echoing from the outside of the ship followed by a small shake before the landing gears of the craft began to descend below them. When the ship ceased motion completely, the troopers' grasp tightened around her arms, pulling her up with them as the ship's ramp dropped to the ground and a brilliant light shined into the dark space.
She had to squeeze her eyes shut as the troopers escorted her to the ground; the harsh light burning her sockets until they finally began to adjust. Padmé had never been on a star destroyer before, not an Imperial star destroyer anyways and when she opened her eyes, she could do nothing but gasp in amazement– and intimidation. The star destroyer was far larger and more intimidating than anything she had expected. It was ginormous… and it was only one loading bay. There were officers and troopers at every corner, with the addition of an entire line of them waiting just beyond the loading area. It was uncomfortable and chilling… until a familiar face broke through the crowd.
"Senator Amidala," an officer greeted with a smile, walking forward as the troopers escorted her towards the group. They paused directly in front of them, the young man taking his place as leader.
"Piett," she smiled, remembering the kind man despite some of the blurriness of her mind. "How wonderful it is to see a familiar face."
"Like wise," he bowed with the same smile. "Welcome aboard."
Padmé returned the bow with a small head nod, forming into her professional self. "I would say I am honored," she replied, "but I'm afraid I have been denied the information of where exactly I am.
Piett nodded, truly looking apologetic. "My apologies," he said, motioning to the ship and men around him. "Welcome aboard the Executor. Darth Vader's personal flagship."
She froze, her eyes widening and a small from forming over her features, almost doing a double take at the man and still not believing his words. "I'm sorry?"
"The Executor," he repeated kindly, although his face turned more serious. "Darth Vader's personal flagship."
She tried not to gape, but was unable to keep herself from looking around the ship– around Darth Vader's ship. She hadn't expected that. She hadn't expected that in a million years and because of it, she found herself looking for him within the crowd.
Piett eyed the men at her sides, moving closer as her gaze moved back to the group. "I will escort the senator from here," he informed them. "You may wait for further duties."
They both nodded without delay or hesitation. "Yes, sir."
The troopers released her almost instantly before Piett motioned for the senator to follow him. He escorted her through the crowd of men, who eyed her in different ways– but each way more uncomfortable causing her to keep in step with the officer she was following. He stayed ahead of her for sometime, walking her through the twists and turns of the giant ship as the leader and nothing else. It was only when the two reached the somewhat less crowded hall that Piett acknowledged her again, slowing his pace and falling into a peaceful walk beside her.
"I'm afraid I have received no news of when my commander shall return," he began slowly, his eyes moving to her one moment and to the hallway the next, seeming a bit uncomfortable. "But I did receive direct orders from the Emperor concerning your presence here." He touched his hat, wiping away the small amount of sweat that had begun to form on his forehead despite the cold temperature of the ship. "Im's afraid and slightly embarrassed to say that it has been sometime since many of the men have been in… Ummm… Feminine contact, milady, having been in space for quite some time."
Padmé fought against the lump in her throat, catching the hint, her eyes wondering to the few men that passed them by, perhaps paranoid as she suddenly felt their eyes on her body.
"Of course you have nothing to fear," he added before she could give a vocal response. "I am merely telling you this so that when we arrive, you know not to go adventuring by yourself.
"I can handle myself," Padmé replied, but understanding his warning and not taking it lightly. "But I understand. Where are we arriving to?"
"I have been directed to place you within Vader's quarters," he said, his voice professional although she could see something within forming a question. "You will be safe there. It is off limits to all officers and crew."
The statement surprised her as well, but she couldn't deny the small amount of relief that also washed over her. She would have rather stayed with Vader anyways, but she could also feel the officer's suspicion of the request. "But I – I don't receive my own quarters?" she asked, playing her politician role perfectly and immediately receiving a look of pity from the officer.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," he replied with all traces of previous suspicion gone. "I'm sure the Emperor is only looking out for your wellbeing."
"I'm sure," Padmé replied bitterly before turning her attention back to the hallway.
The pair walked in silence the rest of the way, Padmé ignoring the way the men that passed eyed her and continued on with nothing but unaffected grace. Eventually however the crowds within the halls continued to lessen and lessen, until the officer and the senator were the only two that occupied them. It was only then that a large door came into view, one that Piett graciously opened before allowing her to enter first, into a strange chamber that was cold and empty.
"Lord Vader's chamber," he informed her as he joined her into the room, pausing just within the entrance beside her.
She inspected the room with a small frown, taking in its vast nothingness. "This is his chambers?" she asked, not hiding her confusion as she took another step forward.
"Yes," Piett nodded, following her. "This is just the commanding officer-unresticted area. It is off-limits to all crew, besides high-ranking officers such as myself. He usually meditates here when he knows we are going to bother him."
His small comment was supposed to lighten the mood, but Padmé found herself just as stressed as ever.
"His main quarters are right through there," he said, his hand rising to point across the room to a single paneled doorway. "Once you enter, I ask again that you do not leave without my presence."
"And how long will I have to be in there?"
"I was not given that information," he replied, his voice conveying his apology. "But if my commander does not return by standard day end, I will check up on you after my duties are complete. There is a call button on this side of the doorway, I can ring for you."
"And if I need something?"
"There should be a droid within his chambers to assist you," he said, walking towards the door and motioning Padmé to follow. "He has been alerted of your presence."
"Oh," she breathed, unable to find the correct words through her flooding mind, but followed him to the small door. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Senator Amidala," he offered with a small bow. "It isn't much, but I hope you'll be comfortable."
"I appreciate that," Padmé replied returning the bow before he touched the panel and the door opened. "Thank you."
As soon as she walked through the doorway the door slid closed behind her, leaving her alone within another room. She walked slowly into the space, the chamber not unlike the one she had been in before. It was dark, which was expected, and looked more like a medical waiting room than an actual living area. It lacked even more personal touch than Vader's establishments on Coruscant, the small area sterile and strangely foreign.
She slowly moved to the center of the room, taking the entire area in: the small table, panel sofa, and strange mechanic's storage space. It felt like a prison, more so than her actual prison in Coruscant and she wondered how Vader dealt with such– nothingness. She turned around inspecting the area again, noticing the small hallway that was adjoined to the area. She took a small step forward, beginning to make her way towards the passage before she saw a small movement out of the corner of her eye. Padmé turned just in time to see a dark silver droid with glowing red eyes approaching her and instinctively took a step back.
"Senator Amidala?" he said, the droid somehow kind, despite his evil looking appearance, although nothing compared to 3PO.
She nodded, unable to find words, her eyes scanning the droid cautiously.
He didn't bow, but he nodded his head and extended his hand. "I'm 0-0-0 or Triple-Zero, if you prefer. I'm a protocol droid, specialized in etiquette, customs, translation and torture, ma'am."
She reached out her hand to shake his outstretched one, but paused upon the last word. "Torture?" she paled, the word surprising her.
"Yes, ma'am," he nodded, pulling his hand away from her own. "Better not shake hands, then. May route a fatal shock through my palm. Old habits die hard and all that. And in my experience they certainty die harder than most organics, ma'am."
"Umm..." Padmé breathed, unsure of how to feel or respond to his words, only able to stare dumbfounded at the droid. How was this her life?
"Well, any who," the droid mumbled, not caring for her response as he gestured around the area. "This chamber is small, but adequate. You should be comfortable here, but I'm afraid I was not given any of your belongings."
"I assumed as much," she managed to reply, eyeing the small room again and noting the small pillow and blanket that had been laid out on the couch. "Do– do I not have a room here?"
He shook his head. "I'm afraid that there is only one private quarter in these chambers, ma'am, which belongs to my master, Lord Vader. As I am not sure of his feelings involving the matter, I have set up a suitable quarter space for you within this living area."
"Oh," she breathed, unable to find words, trying not to think about Vader but unable to think about anything but him. "And– And what about a fresher?"
"I'll have to accompany you. It is in my master's quarters."
Perfect, she thought, a plan already forming within her mind.
She nodded, looking past the droid and towards the small hallway, keeping her inner plans to herself. "And where is that?"
He didn't give her the information as easily as she hoped, moving into her vision and invading her personal space. Why?" he asked, his red eyes glowly. "Do you need to occupy it?"
She thought about it for a moment, thinking about using to her advantage before shaking her head and taking a step back. "No," she answered. "But I am hungry."
"Oh, yes," the droid nodded, taking a small step away. "I'm afraid that there is no kitchen in these quarters either, but I can acquire you some food from the crew's café."
She frowned at his statement, looking around the room again and noticing that there was in fact no kitchen. "What does Vader eat?" she asked aloud before she could stop herself, her curiosity and confusion getting the better of her,
"I surely don't know, Senator Amidala," the droid answered immediately. "I don't usually do personal tasks for my master."
Padmé simply nodded, pushing her thoughts away and turning her attention to her true goal. She sat down on the hard paneled couch, flinching at the material's roughness and wanting to be left alone. "I'll stay here while you fetch some food," she pressed to the droid, forcing a yawn as she twisted her braid. "I'm quite tired."
"You rest," the droid agreed, suddenly eager. "I'll be back momentarily."
The droid shuffled away and exited the chambers, leaving Padmé alone inside. The second the door shut, Padmé was on her feet exploring the small space, her attention turning towards the hallway in which she had been denied. There were four doors located in the passage, each dark and closed to her prying eyes. She opened the first one, surprised to see that it was only a small room with some storage. It looked like there were burns along the walls from a lightsaber, but she hardly doubted from interrogation. Dueling, perhaps?
She shook away the thought, unable to think about Vader training in combat, to her it seemed just like a natural state and something he had always knew. She closed the door and moved to the next room, surprised to see it was yet another empty space. There were only odd devices located at some of the corners, with the exception of a large projector in the center. It looked like he used the room for communications, but it still looked too barren to be used fulltime. She wondered if all of his establishments were like this, as she had never seen much of the one on Coruscant but knew it was large.
The third room was an office, not at all big, but large enough to hold a desk with some storage along the walls. Though, she highly doubted he used it often. The fourth room, however, was the one she was looking for: his bedroom. The bedroom looked extremely like the one he had on Coruscant, although the room was immensely smaller. A large black-sheeted bed sat in the center of the room accented with some black furniture that surrounded it. A fresher entrance stood on the right side of the room opposite to the entrance, while a closet stood opposite to that on the same side.
She walked into the room without caution, moving towards the center of his room. She sat on top of his mattress, moving to the middle of the soft material, not even caring if Triple-Zero caught her. She closed her eyes and breathed in his sweet scent that just barely lingered within the chamber, the room smelling more sterile and metallic than anything else.
She allowed herself to breath a sigh of relief, the previous fears of death evaporating for a moment before being replaced by another issue entirely. The memories were all too fresh within her mind, and her hours of thinking about her death had only worsened her thoughts. She thought of her feelings for him and the last time they had been together. She thought about her conclusions that she had made before she had been taken. She thought about their relationship, her wants, and her dreams. She thought about her feelings, their issues, and his actions. She thought of everything… and she wanted to talk to him, now more than ever. She needed to talk to him. Actually talk.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed when the conclusion began to burn into her soul, wanting and needing to be spoken. "Vader," she whispered aloud, closing her eyes and praying to the Force hoping that he would hear her. "Where are you?"
Almost instantly, she opened her eyes and her gaze moved towards the door, hearing a slight disturbance within the chamber as someone entered from the outside. The change within the establishments instantly told her that it was Vader and not Triple-Zero, causing her to freeze on top of the mattress instead of running for cover. She watched the doorway anxiously as his footsteps neared the bedroom, waiting to hear what he had to say to her. To her surprise, however, Vader didn't acknowledge her as he walked through the doorway.
She waited a few seconds, watching him move and waiting for his acknowledgement… until she realized the true reason behind his ignorance. The Sith was obviously lost in his thoughts, not sensing her presence as he usually did, walking through the room with his gaze elsewhere completely overlooking her. She flinched as his gloved hand suddenly slammed against the wall with a frustrated growl, shaking the entire room before he paused staring in the opposite direction.
"You know," she breathed, making her presence known to him with some precaution, speaking up before he could do anymore harm. "I think something very peculiar is going on…"
His body visibly froze upon hearing her voice, his hooded head snapping in her direction, but allowing her to feel the frown on his face. "Senator," he breathed, his voice filled with confliction, but also completely stunned. "W– What are you doing here?"
She didn't move from the spot on his bed, merely shrugging as she raised her eyebrows. "You tell me," she offered as a sort of reply. "What am I doing here?"
"What?" he asked with the same confusion, his body turning towards her in an almost defensive stance, something about him off, but not something she could explain.
Padmé frowned as well, surprised and just as baffled by his reaction. "Didn't your officers tell you I was here?" she asked, thinking it would be impossible for him not to know of her whereabouts. "Isn't that something that they should inform you of?"
He paused immediately, something catching as his body locked. A moment later, a low groan escaped his lips, his hand reaching up underneath his hood to pull on his hair– an action she realized he did often, especially when frustrated. "I may have cut short their report before they could give me that information," he answered honestly, although his voice remained just as displeased. "I didn't know you were here," he said with a shake of his head. "I had no idea. I was also too preoccupied to sense any changes or your presence."
She nodded, although his answer caused a swarm of questions to form within her mind and for some reason made her feel uneasy. "Well," she said, offering what little information she had. "Palpatine made an unexpected visit after you left and now I'm here."
He seemed just as surprised by that statement, his head snapping back in her direction. "This is the Emperor's doing?" he asked, the confusion and shock doubling within his voice, but also with a hint of anger.
She ignored how concerned his reaction made her feel– how different and strange Vader seemed to be at this moment of time. He seemed clueless, off guard, and… not Vader. It was unsettling and concerning. "It would seem," she said professionally, not speaking her feelings, but raising a challenging eyebrow nonetheless. "So I ask again, doesn't that seem peculiar?"
He let out a muffled, frustrated breath, shaking his head slightly. "It seems inconvenient," he corrected, turning away from her so that his gaze was anywhere but in her direction.
It was a move that she noticed immediately, a frown forming over her face, having the feeling that he wanted to be anywhere but in the room with her. "You're not happy that I'm here," she said, saying the sentence as a statement and not as a question. It hurt, but also spiked her curiosity.
"No," he breathed truthfully, his voice deep and laced with exasperation. "I'm not."
She nodded trying to understand, but had to turn her gaze away from him for a moment while putting her emotions in check before she turned back to him. "Why?"
His head turned towards her, saying nothing but was unable to stop the heaviness of emotions and confliction that broadcasted off of his hidden gaze. He continued to stare at her for a long moment, allowing her to feel something before recovering himself. He silenced whatever unknown emotions were rolling off his body and offered no answer to her question. Instead, he turned away, shaking his head slightly before he continued to walk to a spot beside the bed. He emptied his pockets onto the table, not giving her another act of acknowledgment.
Although he was obviously less than thrilled to see her, he removed his hood, pushing it back to reveal his face, allowing her to see the man underneath. As always, she watched the man with affection, caution, and pure curiosity, noting that he looked very unlike the last time she had seen him and also very much unlike Darth Vader. The first change that she noticed began with his strange behavior, but the emotions locked upon his face conveyed the same fact. Most of the time, Vader usually looked confident and composed, strong and impassive, like a fearless Dark Knight– not like the man that stood before her.
Frustration was written across his ever feature, adding lines to his young face that shouldn't have been possible. Even his skin that was normally smooth was plastered with a jagged frown, the skin on his forehead bunching together in a way that made her sure that it was giving him a headache. It was written in his eyes as well, and his entire body. She could tell his teeth were clenched within his mouth, his jaw locked and his Adam's apple moving within his neck. His skin, which was normally a golden tan, looked almost pale compared to his dark robes, like the blood beneath his skin had completely evaporated. His large body which usually moved with grace regardless of circumstance, instead moved awkwardly, making Vader look three times his age and also like he was carrying a hundred pounds on top of his shoulders. His bright yellow eyes that usually sparkled within the light looked unusually dull, showing more emotion than she had ever seen before: anger, frustration, confusion, pain, and… regret?
He seemed a mess as well, not only emotionally, but also physically. His hair was pushed back, almost slicked, a few pieces falling ungracefully, looking much browner than his usual dark blonde. At the back of his neck and around his ears, his long locks stuck to his greasy skin, completely drenched and flat from sweat. The dampness covered his entire body, making his unusually pale skin glisten and accent the enormous amount of dirt that was stuck to his body. His clothes were filthy as well; his usual delicious scent overtaken by a mix of sweat and grime, not at all unattractive but definitely not like her usual Vader.
"Master Vader," Triple-Zero said, catching Padmé's attention as he entered back into the room. "I trust your trip was producti–" The droid's statement stopped short, Triple-Zero pausing immediately as his red eyes locked with the senator on top of Vader's bed. "Senator Amidala, what are you doing here?"
He didn't wait for her reply, the gears within his head already planning the correct course of action. The droid made a quick advancement towards her, like he was going to drag her out of the room by her hair. She instinctively moved back, her eyes flicking to Vader and back to the droid, not wanting to leave, but also knowing because of Vader's harshness towards her that he would likely not stop the droid's actions.
"Your presence is not needed here," Vader snapped, being unusually cruel to the droid, using the Force to stop the droid just before he could place his hands on Padmé and completely surprising her.
The droid stumbled backwards upon Vader's demand, seemingly surprised at the strange request. "I don't understand, but of course," Triple-Zero nodded obediently. "I was merely only doing what I thought you would want, Master Vader."
"It will do, droid."
"Yes, sir," the droid nodded, turning back to the senator with a more professional demeanor. "When you are ready, your meal is waiting for you, Senator Amidala."
Padmé nodded, although her gaze immediately turned back to Vader, who still had not turned back in her direction. He didn't seem as kind to the strange droid as he did to 3PO, although he still seemed kinder to the droid than he did most living beings. Still, she hadn't expected him to stop the droid, but because he had, she was grateful.
"He's a torture device?" Padmé asked, in an attempt to get Vader talking, moving closer to the edge of the bed and also slightly closer to Vader.
"Yes," he replied, still without looking at her. "Him and his counterpart BT-1 serve within my ranks as a torturer and assassin."
She paled upon hearing his information. "Oh," she whispered, her sudden curiosity lessening and not wanting to continue with the conversation, knowing where it would lead.
Vader didn't seem to want to continue the conversation either, reaching into his pocket and pulling up a datapad. He unlocked the device, looking at it for a moment with a harder frown. He pressed a few buttons and began to type something that Padmé could only guess was a message before his attention moved to his comlink.
He picked up the small device while keeping the datapad in his opposite hand. "What?" he barked into the comlink that Padmé hadn't heard ring, his voice annoyed and his eyes burning.
"Master!" 3PO's frantic voice echoed from the device and into the room. "I've been trying to reach you! They took her! They took Senator Amidala! The Emperor arrived just after you left and they–"
"I'm aware," Vader said, cutting 3PO's frantic report short as he answered with the same displeasure, passing the bed and moving to the far side of the room.
The other line was quite for a few moments, Padmé listening and watching Vader intently. "You… You are?"
"I am now," Vader corrected, spinning in place so that he faced the bed.
"Wh – Where is she? Oh! I just couldn't bare to think that–"
"She's fine, Threepio," Vader said, his eyes moving to her for a split second before turning back to the device. "I'm staring at her right now."
"Oh," came the droid's surprised reply. "She– she is with you?"
"Yes," he answered shortly, but quickly changed the subject, bringing his datapad to his face and reading the screen. "I'm going to send you some reports, I need you to check them and do some research."
"Very good, master," 3PO replied. "But is there anything Senator Amidala needs?"
Padmé smiled at the droid's apparent concern for her wellbeing, but Vader seemed to only grow more annoyed.
"Just check the report," Vader snapped before deactivating the com. He turned back again, throwing the device into his pocket and looking back at the datapad with his full attention.
Padmé watched him as he skimmed the screen of the device, her need to talk to him growing with each passing second but unable to find a way to begin. She opened her mouth three times to start, but closed it each time. It was a serious matter that she wanted to speak to him about and she wasn't sure how he would react, given his current state. Would he allow her to speak? Would he even listen? Would he even take it seriously? What if he—
"I suggest you speak, Senator," he said, catching her attention without looking up from his datapad. "Before whatever you want to say eats you alive."
Shit, she thought, her eyes widening as she turned her full attention towards the Sith. Of course he would be listening now.
She shook her head, dismissing herself. "I'm not sure now is the best time," she admitted, thinking the entire conversation through. "You seem a bit frustrated."
"You'd be amazed how understanding I might be in this current state," he stated matter-of-factly, his face not matching his smooth tone of voice. "I suggest you begin."
"Vader," she protested. "You seem–"
He looked up from his device, his eyes changed, but somehow even more disputed. "Conflicted?" he offered, the insult and anger at himself within his voice. "I am, but I would speak before that changes anything."
Padmé nodded, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves before she looked back up at him seriously. "Before I start," she said, her voice barely above a whisper and her eyes distracted with embarrassment– his previous words till echoing within her mind. "I need to know if you– if you still–want me…"
The frown on his face lessened, although it remained a permanent part of his features. His head fell slightly to the side, although Padmé wasn't sure it was out of boredom or curiosity. "Perhaps," he answered cautiously, not giving a positive answer, but also not dismissing the fact.
His answer was good enough for Padmé and she knew that she was in the clear to continue. "You said I wasn't talking," she continued, her embarrassment fading. "Which isn't fair because you hardly talk.
He took a step closer, his attention completely on her, but also with another change within his eyes.
She recognized it immediately, stopping him before he could start. "No," she said, holding out her hands and ordering him to stop. "Stay."
Surprisingly he listened to her, pausing just short of the bed with a exaggerated frown and a questioning eyebrow raise.
"There are issues," she said, answering his unspoken question. "And we both get distracted with…" She couldn't think of serious words, but she gestured to him hoping it would justify.
It got the point across, but not in the way that she hoped, Vader more or less rolling his eyes before giving her an annoyed glance. "I get distracted by," he motioned back to her before he denied her request, moving closer till her sat on the far end of the edge of the bed. "And you must think I'm insane if you think I'd have sex with you outside my establishments."
"You did once," Padmé reminded him, moving closer to her side of the edge in attempt to keep the space between them.
His teeth clenched, un-amused by her comment. "Continue," he growled, not offering the real reply that Padmé wanted.
"No," she replied, shaking her head. "That's the thing. You avoiding conversation."
"I despise–"
"Yes," she said, almost groaning and fighting the urge to roll her eyes. "I think we've established you despise many things. But for this, we both need to actually talk." She paused, shaking her head and looking at him with complete seriousness. "I can't be scared, so work with me and you can't avoid the conversation. We need to be truthful. This isn't pointless conversation," she added, noting his physical response. "So you have nothing to complain about."
Her final statement seemed to amuse him for a moment, a small breath of a laugh leaving his lips before the frown found itself back onto his face. "Truthful?" he asked, saying the word as if it was an alarming and foreign language.
"Truthful," Padmé repeated with a nod. "Both of us."
He nodded for a moment, a frustrated sigh leaving his lips as his hand found it's way into his hair. "As in Rebel Alliance location? Or I can't get you out of my head, truthful?
She was taken back by his confession, it was a joke– but it held truth.
"The second one," she whispered, trying to sound unaffected by his confession.
He nodded, looking away from her and uncharacteristically biting his lip. "Lead the way, Senator," he said without looking at her, his gaze locked with the ground although his hand moved in a forward motion.
Padmé took another small breath, calming her rapid heart as she got her thoughts into order. "Let's start with something easy," she offered, although her tone was completely serious and dire. "You need to stop with the choking," she said firstly, thinking about the numerous times his hand had been grasped around her throat. "I understand that it is an action that you preform on enemies, but it's not at all alright for you to do it to me, not with how our current relationship is."
He was quiet for a moment; so long that Padmé wasn't sure he was even listening. "I shouldn't do that," he agreed, surprising her, as he seemed to actually be considering her words.
She couldn't stop herself from smiling as she nodded her head, pleased with the small progress. "Good," she breathed. "I'm happy to hear that."
When either of them spoke again, Vader looked up from his spot on the ground, raising an eyebrow at her. "Surely you did not make an entire show of this because of my grabby habits," he said, causing Padmé to laugh.
"No," Padme said, shaking her head. "I just wanted to test the waters a little."
Vader nodded. "Tested," he confirmed seriously. "Continue."
Padmé nodded too, thinking about her words before she spoke again. "I just need," she began, but paused immediately feeling his presence within her mind. "Lord Vader please leave my mind alone while we are talking," she said, turning her attention to him. "I want to speak and think clearly without your presence there."
He didn't respond vocally, but Padmé felt him withdraw from her mind immediately.
"Thank you," she breathed, using her free mind to make a mental list before turning her attention to the direst of matters. "Vader," she said exasperated. "What am I doing here? And I don't necessarily mean here, here, but with you here? There's no reason for you to be watching me. There's no reason for you to still have me a live."
He frowned at her sudden accusations, his graze hardening and his presence darkening like the usual this. "That is none of your concern," he said, his voice dark and conveying his hidden threat.
Padmé ignored it, not allowing it to stop her progress. "You say that," she whispered, pushing through the walls he was beginning to rebuild and trying to make him understand. "But I can tell that you know that I'm right. You know Palpatine is up to something, but you don't know what."
His face twisted while his eyes hardened and increased in color. "I'm aware enough," he said, his voice confident as he rose from the bed and turned to face her. "My master has his own biddings, I have mine."
"So," she pressed. "You don't find it peculiar?"
"Perhaps," he admitted. "But not enough to show this amount of interest."
"Why not?" Padmé asked, a frown forming over her own features at Vader's targeted insult. "Palpatine is a brilliant man. He is smart and conniving. He is capable of many things–"
"And outsmarting me is not one of them," Vader snapped, although he seemed in denial about something. He shook his head, dismissing her statements, but she could tell that she had at least infiltrated his mind.
She shook her head, turning away from the subject. It wasn't that she was dismissing the facts herself, but she knew she couldn't threat pressing the matter and ruin whatever chance to speak she had with Vader. "Fine," she agreed, turning to a new subject. "I wanted to start out this conversation professional, but I am finding my personal issues outweighing the matter."
His attention was on her again, his eyes softening and his head turning back, listening to what she had to say.
"I'm starting to feel used," Padmé stated straightly, not even bothering to lighten the subject or her feelings concerning it. It wasn't the correct statement for how she actual felt inside, but it was a good enough substitute to get her point across.
Vader frowned upon hearing her statement, his golden eyes burning into her skin. "I told you before," he said, his face hard but conveying his seriousness. "You're not my whore."
"That's not what I mean," Padmé replied, shaking her head. "I just can't explain it. I– I was acting childish– I have been acting childish. I have my moments, but this entire endeavor has my mind so frazzled… I can never think straight." She paused, moving closer to where he stood just beyond the bed, making sure to look him directly in the eye. "You made me realize that I was not a child, that that was merely my own thinking. You made me realize that I deserve so much more in life. You made me feel even more like a woman– as stupid as that may sound, but you made me feel like an equal. As much as you might hate to hear it, you're helping me build myself back into my former glory." She stopped, taking a deep breath. "You're different to me– You mean… a lot to me. I want to feel different than the others you slept with."
He frowned, his eyebrows falling and the confusion rising within his eyes.
"I mean," she explained. "There has to be more to us than just– sex."
He hesitated. "W– What?"
"You told me once," she said, her words pressing but with her mind within the memory. "When we first met that love and sex had nothing to do with one another. You said that. And I don't want that."
Something changed then, his eyes going wide for a half of second before he shook his head. "Sen–"
"I just mean," she said, noting his fear and not wanting to frighten him. "I don't want what we do to be– just for physicality."
Vader didn't say anything, but he turned his head away, obvious in thought. He seemed to be considering and evaluating her words, putting the effort that she wanted into their conversation. She allowed himself the time to process his feelings and his thoughts, but found herself too eager and anxious to allow him to speak his mind.
"For days," she continued, fighting her own nerves as she laced her fingers around her dress for some comfort. "I thought I might be pregnant with your baby…" She paused, eyeing him suspiciously and noticing his lack of reaction, but needing him to react more than anything– even if it was badly. "Please say something to that."
He didn't respond immediately, but eventually took a deep breath. "It's not a pleasing thought," he answered quietly, his voice softer than she had expected. He continued to stare at the floor until a darkness creped over him, a tangible one that allowed Padmé to witness him visibly morph before her. "You should ha–"
"Don't," she said, not allowing him to continue and causing his head to rise. "I can't deal with this back and forth," she admitted within her own frustration. "I can't!"
"Senator," he growled. "If you can't deal–"
She shook her head. "That's not what I mean," she corrected herself. " I can deal with your ever changing temper and emotions. You usually give me enough clues to decipher. What I'm talking about is you can't act like you like me one moment and hate me the next."
"I thought we established our relationship on that statement," he snapped in response.
"It's different now," she said without hesitation, believing the words to their truest extent and thinking carefully about her next words. "We don't like what each other stands for– but that doesn't mean– we don't like each other."
He seemed surprised, his whole demeanor immediately changing. His head turned to gaze at her and his head fell slightly, all darkness evaporating. "Do you like me, Senator?"
She paused, trying to keep a smile from forming on her face because of Vader wearing the most adorable boyish smirk she had ever seen. "Very much," she answered, unable to hide her slight delight, but also her sass. "When you aren't being an ass, of course."
"Well of course," he smiled, before something passed over his eyes, taking in a second of happiness before forming back to his usual mutual self. "Then you might be insane."
Her smile fell too, but only for a moment. "I might be," she agreed, thinking the statement through before shaking her head. "No," she laughed. "I am. I completely am."
"I've realized," he commented, but his voice was serious, the little sentence not being a joke to him, but a serious matter.
She could see the pain and frustration grow within his eyes. The emotions multiplying and further harming him before he closed his eyes to either take the emotions in or hide them from her. Either way, she acted quickly, pushing the conversation on before it completely consumed him.
"So," she said, pressing his response and craving more information, while also fighting the pain his confession had caused within her. "It was displeasing because it was me– or because of the… idea?"
She hadn't meant to press her hidden fear, but her voice conveyed it all too clearly and Vader reacted immediately. He opened his eyes and looked towards her, his face hard but not reaching his eyes. "I don't like you, Senator," he said, his tone rough but not at all convincing. "I can't like you," he corrected, his face falling for a moment as he shook his head. "I just can't." He paused for a moment, obvious lost within his thoughts before his breath becoming harsh and he looked at her again. "Please understand I cannot always explain my reasoning to you, but getting to the point you want… It's both. I do not have to tell you I'm a complicated man. It did– I would have– If you had told me at any other moment the thought would have passed my mind to kill you and I might have done it. The child would be evidence of what we have done– of my failure. But when you told me, I was concerned for your safety– for the sake of Emperor– the entire galaxy. The pure idea of a child is terrifying. There doesn't need to be any more of me in the universe."
"That's all?" Padmé asked before she could stop herself. Slightly pleased and disappointed with his answer to her question. It was what she wanted, but it also seemed too little– at least compared to all that had passed through her mind.
He seemed almost insulted as he turned towards her, a mixture of anger and distress upon his face. "What do you mean? What do you want from me?"
"Nothing," she answered quickly, feeling immediately guilty. "It's just I've thought about it almost every moment drawing thousands of different conclusions within my mind. Your answer just seems… simple."
He turned his head away, his gaze locking to the ground. "I haven't thought about it," he answered quietly. "I've blocked it out."
"So…" she asked, hesitantly again. "That's all you feel?"
A groan released his lips as his gaze returned to her face, the same emotion plastered across his features. "What do you want from me, Senator?" he cried, his voice almost a plea. "I don't understand anything that I am feeling or that is happening! I'm blocking it all out because I can't comprehend it!" He shook his head, taking his previous seat beside her. "I was shocked, angered, scared– for every single reason. I felt your mix of emotion too. I felt your fear about the entire situation, which equally frightened me. I felt your want for it to be true which was shocking. I felt the relief you had when you saw that blood and I was insulted. Then I felt your pain and I was furious." He paused, his gaze meeting her eyes. "I'm just– out of my element. I'm not myself. Now you seem quite upset about the matter, the entire matter, and it has me even more confused." He breathed a pain filled breath, his eyes moving back to the wall before them. "I have no doubt you'll make some man truly happy some day… I just know that man isn't me. "
She took in his words, every single one, feeling them to their deepest extent and allowing her heart to breathe each one in. It had been almost addictive until his last statement, which hit her heart like a lightsaber through her chest. "Is that what you want?" she asked, unable to stop the small cry within her throat, the pain of his confession burning her soul.
He didn't move, but his breath became deep. "It's even more displeasing," he whispered, the pain evident within his own voice.
She felt as if her heart was breaking, her conversation taking a turn for the worse. "I– I don't think I want that," she replied, trying to sort through her pain. "I want you."
Vader didn't respond, although the pain grew over his own face. A moment of silence passed between them, before Padmé craved his voice again, needing to hear anything from him.
"Why did you save me?" she asked suddenly, saying the first question that popped into her mind. "The night you followed me. Why didn't you let him rape me?"
His head raised slowly, his gaze meeting her own with a conflicted stare. "You wanted me to stand by and watch?"
"I'm sure you could have lived with yourself," she stated simply, her gaze not moving away from his own and knowing the statement to be true.
He took another deep breath, his gloved hand pushing through his long locks. "I didn't know it then," he began quietly. "I'm not even sure now, but I suppose it was protectiveness of you."
"You were protective?" she asked, unable to hide her surprise as she involuntarily moved closer to him on top of the mattress.
"I don't know," he replied with the same amount of frustration. "I couldn't explain it then, but I felt then as I feel now, on a slightly lesser level."
Her heart soared upon his confession, her feelings inside twisting around her heart. "What about when we met?" she pressed, hungry for more information.
But that was too much to ask for. "Don't press me too far, Senator," he warned, his voice a threat but lacking his usual darkness. "I may shut down and then neither of us will be…"
She nodded, deciding it was her turn to offer some information, seeming it was only fair. "I used to talk to my droid about you," Padmé confessed quietly, thinking back about the times that she would talk about Vader to the little blue droid– the droid that she missed so dearly. "I miss him," she added, more for herself than for Vader. "I can't believe he was unsalvageable after the assassination attempt."
"That's what was bothering you," Vader said, saying the statement as if he had finally found a long lost piece to a life long puzzle.
She loved to think about how he noticed that something was bothering her, but found herself unable to truly appreciate the small comment, her mind leading her to a different path. "Vader," she said again quietly. "There is something going on."
"Senator," he warned in annoyance, trying to stop her. "I told you–"
"No," she stopped him, twisting her whole body that it faced his direction. "I don't mean with Palpatine. I mean with us."
He turned to her, his interest caught although he remained silent.
"I wouldn't admit it before," she stated quietly, beginning to lay all her cards on the table. "But from the first moment I met you, I felt something. I knew you were different than what the others saw you. I tried to see it their way– you tried to make it see you their way, but I realize now I can't."
Vader took in her words, a strange emotion passing through his eyes before he looked away. "You are foolish to look at me any differently," he said, taking a moment before he took a small breath and turned back to her. "But I would by lying if I said I didn't want you to."
She returned his gaze, an unspoken emotion passing between them as they both unconsciously moved closer together. She leaned towards him, her emotions at an all time high, just inches from his when–
"Lord Vader," a voice echoed into the room, playing from a device that sat on the bedside table. "Lord Vader, you are needed on deck."
He pulled away from her, his attention taken by whoever it was that called him on the small device.
"Vader," she begged, not wanting him to leave and only wanting to continue their progress– the progress she knew would stop if he exited the room.
He rose from the bed. "I'll be back momentarily," he replied, moving his cloak back into place around his large shoulders.
He seemed sure, but Padmé didn't seem convinced. "You always say something like that," she argued. "Then something happens."
He looked down at her with understanding, his eyes moving between her and the device on the table. "What do you want, Senator?" he asked, almost unsure of what to do, caught between duty and the senator.
She knew she couldn't make him stay, but her main point was their progress. "First," she said, "I want you to come back like you are now. I want to continue this, even of you have to go walk or something." She rose from the bed and moved just before him, heightening her neck so that he could see the deep bruises that were beginning to form underneath. "You can't do this to me anymore. You can't shut me out. You have to come back– you."
She hoped that the marks on her skin would give him enough motivation to comply to her request, allowing him to take in the lesions she knew he hated on her skin. His eyes studied the marks on her neck for a long moment; his jaw locking while his eyes grew hard. He took a step forward and she immediately knew his intentions to heal her.
"Don't," she said, taking a step back away from his hands. "I want you to remember what you did because I can see you don't like it. It may keep you from doing it again."
He seemed mad at her request, his eyes hardening and his presence darkening, although, he did not fight her. "And secondly?"
"I'll say a truth and you say a truth," she said in complete seriousness, ignoring the look that Vader gave her immediately after and not caring how ridiculous he thought the request was. "Amuse me," she pressed, and although he did answer, she took his obedience to stay as his agreement.
She took a deep breath, finding her courage and allowing her heart to beat rapidly within her chest. "I want to tell you something," she breathed, not caring to hide her nervousness. "But it doesn't have to change anything."
But it does.
She meant her words, but her heart didn't. In truth, she did what it to change and she hoped it would, but she also knew not to expect too much of him. She wanted things to change– but stay the same as their relationship together. She didn't want to ruin anything they had together or send him running for the hills. She just wanted him to know, regardless of how he felt, but she also didn't want him to over think it, or to panic, or act harshly. She just wanted to tell him.
"I–I'm falling in love with you."
The statement left her lips before she had time to even think about confessing it; the sentence rolling off her tongue like a giant wave, crashing into the man before her and leaving him senseless. The moment it was out of her lips felt like a million pounds off her chest and even as the man stared stupefied at her, she had no fear– or perhaps just no sensible feelings.
The moments turned into hours waiting for Vader to respond, the man sitting senseless and unmoving, staring at her with no indication of thought. "I'm not the man for you," he eventually whispered, his voice was low– lost.
"I know," she nodded, knowing that his statement was true. "But that doesn't change how I feel."
Please, just accept it.
He didn't offer her a reply, but he continued to stare at her, his emotions unknown. The time that passed was more antagonizing than before, but she waited patiently, hoping and praying for the best. She watched as a strange look passed over his face and his eyes moved over her before he suddenly pulled up his hood and turned. The panic she felt as he walked away was terrifying, watching him leave as a silent rejection. She felt her heartbreak into a million pieces at once and the weight come crashing back down on her shoulders with deadly weight. She prepared herself to watch him leave without a word, but her soul beamed as he paused in the doorway.
"Senator," he whispered, turning back just enough so that she could see his face. "There has been only you."
Author's Notes:
I'm honestly so sorry, like you have no idea. I rewrote this chapter so many times that I began to hate it, and then between school and life it just got so crazy. Every time I went to update something would happen. It's just crazy, but hey, I got officially published this week so yay for that!
Secondly, many of you asked for Vader's perspective and that will be coming. He's just a big ball of 'I don't know' and doing strange things, but at least progress has been made!
Thirdly, the hate messages and reviews have started again. I will never understand it, but as before, if you don't like my story don't read! Hate gets you no where with updates so just don't do it.
Lastly, just thanks for everyone's patience and support. It means so much! I hope you enjoyed and can't wait for the next chapter, which I am editing right now. Drop a review! Much love!