A/N: After two short cliffhangers here is a nice long chapter. Thanks for all the reviews! They make my day! Enjoy.

Chapter 7

Olivia held her breath waiting to hear Elliot's reaction. When she didn't hear anything right away she slowly turned around to look at him. Looking him in the eye she saw all the emotions that she felt flash in his eyes. Confusion, disbelief, a hint of sadness, joy and love. Finally he found his voice, though it was very shaky, "You're saying she's my daughter...? That beautiful baby girl that I already love like one of my own, is mine?" Tears pooled in his eyes and slowly tracked down his face. He didn't notice, if he had he wouldn't have cared. This was life changing news after all.

"Yes El, Abby is your daughter." There was so much to say, but that was all she managed to choke out. Right now simpler seemed to better.

Elliot turned around and walked to the couch and sank down on to it. He was speechless. He had a daughter, well another daughter. With Olivia. One that he hadn't even known about. Not that he blamed Liv. It was in no way her fault. He found his voice again. "Not that I doubt you, but how can you be sure?"

She wasn't offended at the question. It was legitimate. Olivia walked to the couch and sat down next to him, wiping away the stray tears as she did. She picked up his hand and held it tightly in his. "In the weeks between being grabbed and losing my memory I was sick a lot. I thought it was due to the drugs or the circumstances. Every time they...well, they used protection. I never found out why but I it didn't matter to me, I was just glad they did. It never occurred to me that I may be pregnant. As Cragen told you I didn't know I was pregnant until I got away. By then I had more questions then answers because I didn't know who I was. Did I have a family, a husband, a boyfriend or was this child a product of my situation? I was worried that if I made an extreme decision that I ran the risk of ultimately hurting someone in my life. By that point I loved her so much it didn't matter. She was my daughter and I was keeping her no matter what. Looking back, not knowing who I was in a way turned out to be a good thing for me. I fell in love with my daughter without any bias from my life. I didn't know the facts about my mother or my father. I just knew that I was going to be a mother. When I saw the name 'Abigail' it felt right. I can't explain it. Some part of me knew, I guess. I just figured that I would never know who I was. I was prepared to stay there and raise my daughter. Little did I know in the next ten minutes I would remember. Then I saw your name and the first thing that came back to me was you and the fact that Abby was your daughter. I cried so hard when I realized that. I cried for you, for me, for her, for the months you missed, for the whole situation, but not all my tears were sad. I was also elated. My daughter had a father, who I knew would love her and be there for her no matter what. I thought back to those first few weeks and knew that being sick wasn't from the drugs, or at least all of it, it had been morning sickness. I wanted so bad to come home and tell you right away. There were times I even held the phone in my hands, trying to find the nerve to call. But I knew that wasn't the right way. Then I got the sick and the men were found so I had to wait. It was so hard. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me." Her voice broke on a sob that she'd been trying so hard to keep from escaping.

There were a million thoughts running through Elliot's mind but the one thing that didn't make sense was why she thought she needed him to forgive her.

"Liv, why do you think that you need my forgiveness? I'm not angry at you for any of this. You did what you had to do. I can't say that I don't regret missing those months but I understand why you waited. You did what you needed to do to protect you and our daughter. I don't expect anything less from you. You've given me the most precious gift ever. How could I ever be angry for that? I only wish that we could have found you sooner, but what's done is done and now we can move forward from here. Let's not worry about the past. There's nothing we can do to change it."

"I guess I thought that you would've told me that I should have come home as soon as I knew who I was. I thought you would be angry at me for keeping her away from you for several months. Maybe it was because I was angry that a year of my life was snatched away, I don't know. I can't explain it. Cragen told me how

you never gave up and kept the investigation going even when there was nothing there. He also said that you kept my file on your desk and looked at it every day. And you want to know something? That's what I hope for as soon as I knew that I wasn't getting out of there immediately. But then when the time came I didn't rush home. I never really admitted it but I was hiding. Part of me didn't even want to come back. I seriously thought about staying there and then I would have kept you from your daughter. How can you forgive me for that? I can't forgive myself."

"Look at me, Liv. There's nothing to forgive, because you didn't stay there. You came home to where you belong. So stop thinking about what could have been. It's a waste of time. Let's make a deal. No more thinking that we blame each other for anything. Neither of us is responsible for the bad things that happened. Let's just start to focus on the good things. Promise?" He looked at her to show her that he meant it. She raised her face and saw no blame or guilt in his bright blue eyes. There was only hope and the promise of good things that could be waiting. Unblinking, chocolate brown eyes bright with tears met bright blue. "I promise. No more assumed blame, no more guilt trips."

They were well versed at being able to tell what the other was thinking by just a look, so he knew that he would be able to tell if she was lying. She wasn't. Satisfied that she whole heartedly meant what she said he nodded and smiled. "Good, I'm glad that's settled, because I gotta tell you, my brain is still trying to catch up to the fact that I have a four month old daughter. So I want to know everything about her."

Olivia laughed at his enthusiasm. She felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. He wasn't angry at her and he'd forgiven her. "She's wonderful. Though a lot like you sometimes. Demanding, stubborn, loud..." She trailed off as he gave her shoulder a playful shove. "Hey, you asked!"

"You're real funny Liv, you know that?"

"Yeah. Okay. She has your eyes, though I know they could change, but I really hope they don't. She has a really cute dimple on the right cheek. She loves to be held and seems to know when she's the center of attention. She makes this really cute noise when she sleeps and scrunches up her face. She loves to be rocked and loves Baby Einstein music and most of the time that calms her if nothing else will. I can't wait for you to get to know her and spend time with her Elliot."

Suddenly his face changed and he looked surprised. "You do?"

She was confused. "Why are you so surprised? Wait, you didn't think that I would tell you this and then try to keep her away did you?" By the look on his face that was exactly what he was thinking. "Elliot! I can't believe you would think that I would ever do that to you! Why do you think that I told you all of this in the first place. I want you in her life! She needs you. Where is this coming from?"

Guilt crossed his face. "I guess because that's what I know. Kathy--"

She cut him off at the mention of his ex wife. "I see. You think I'm like her. You think that I would only let you see your daughter when it was convenient for me? Because I saw what she did to you in the beginning of the divorce I'll forgive you this time but please remember this: I'm not her El. I'm not going to dictate when you can or cannot see her. You can have as much contact with Abby as you want. I'm not going to stop you from seeing her whenever you want. I don't want anything formal just an agreement between you and me. At some point in the future we'll have to have a more formal arrangement, but right now, you can see her whenever you want. Right now it's really not that hard, seeing as I'm staying with you."

"I'm sorry Liv. I shouldn't have assumed that about you, I know better."

"I forgive you. Just promise me that if you ever feel like I'm keeping her from you, you'll tell me, okay?"

"I promise." Suddenly a thought occurred to him. "Hey Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Abby okay? I mean health wise? There aren't any problems are there?"

She understood where this fear came from. It's what every parent feared at some point. "She's perfect. There are no signs of trauma or lasting effects from anything that happened. I worried about that too, when I found out I was pregnant. It was the one thought that pushed me to think about termination, but I realized no matter what, I loved her and nothing else mattered. Julie kept a close eye out for any inconsistencies, but there never were any. She's at the normal ranges for all abilities for her age."

"What was her birth like?"

"Like you know, I decided when the time came to have her at the Morgan's. There would be too many questions at a hospital and it was a county over, and I was very uncomfortable around strangers. We didn't have an exact due date, it was more like a two week time frame. On the night of the 17th I was having some pains, but that was fairly normal and I didn't think anything of them. I went to be and the next morning I woke up early feeling really terrible. The pains were worse and I just felt crappy. Just as I was getting up my water broke. I called for Julie, who was up, and when she saw what was happening, took charge. Granted she's done this before. Leading up to this I figured I'd be a nervous wreck when I went in to labor, but surprisingly I wasn't. I was very calm. Julie actually thought I was too calm. She's running around the house trying to do four things at once and I'm just sitting on the bed trying to breathe through the pains. Thankfully Mark saw her and managed to calm her down. They called the mid-wife, got me prepped and then I began ten intense hours of labor and then Abby was born. When she was place in my arms right after she was born all I could think was that it was the most amazing thing that I'd ever experienced in my life."

"I remember. I'll never forget how I felt when the nurse laid Maureen in my arms for the first time. I was amazed at how much I could love someone that was only minutes old."

Just then Abby's cries could be heard coming down the hall. Olivia stood up and stretched. "Come on." She held out her hand.

Elliot narrowed his eyes at her wondering what she was up to. When she saw him hesitate she grabbed his hand and pulled forcing him to stand. "Trust me, okay?" She led him down the hall into the spare bedroom. She walked in and went over to Abby and picked her up and began to soothe her in a low voice. The cries immediately subsided. She turned back to face Elliot and made a motion for him to take Abby. Once in his arms she stepped back. "There you go. Now isn't that better?"

He'd held Abby several times but somehow now that he knew she was part of him it felt different. He would forever be connected to this precious bundle. He only wished that Abby could understand how much he loved her at that moment. And knowing from past experience, that feeling would only grow stronger everyday. He started talking to her so she could learn what her father's voice sounded like. "Hi Miss Abigail Erin Benson. I'm your dad. I haven't been around until now, but I promise that from this moment on I will be there for you whenever you need me. I love you so much. So does your mom. Your one special young lady you know that? You have so many others that love you too. You have two crazy uncles, a wonderful grandfather, and three older sisters and an older brother that love you too. You also have the extended network of the police force of New York City. You'll never be alone."

Olivia had been listening to his speech and smiled. "Um El?"

He looked up at her when he heard her tone. "What's wrong?" What the heck could he have done? All he did was tell Abby how he felt.

She leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms in front of her. "Nothing, don't look so worried. There's just something that you said that I feel I should correct."

Now he was totally confused. "What do you mean? All I did was tell her how I felt."

"And that's not a problem. I know you mean everything that you said. But at the beginning you called her Abigail Erin Benson."

"So, what's wrong with that. Isn't that her name?"

"No, not according to her birth certificate. You left out something. It's Abigail Erin Benson Stabler."

Again she managed to render him speechless. Finally he managed to speak. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Don't look so surprised, Elliot. When I saw your name and remembered I was so glad happy I knew who we were. I never want her to forget who she comes from. I thought about just using your last name but I want her to also know how much that I love her and wanted her to always have that reminder of where she came from."

He walked over to her and put the arm that wasn't holding Abby around Olivia and pulled her close. "Thank you Liv. That means more to me than I can tell you."

A moment later the quiet was broken by a small cry. Elliot took a step back and began to soothe Abby. Olivia glanced at the clock and saw it was time to feed her. "Sorry, but I gotta take care of this."

He understood what she meant. He handed Abby back to Olivia. "I understand. How about you meet me back out in the living room when you're done. I'll fix something to eat and we can keep talking okay?" He stepped out in to the hall.

"Sounds like a plan. I'll be out as soon as I can." With that she softly shut the door and turned her attention to the distraught child in her arms.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Elliot rummaged through the kitchen looking for something for the two of them to eat, his thoughts wandered over the events of the last several days. As he pulled out ingredients for spaghetti and began to prepare it he thought about how just yesterday morning he'd been missing his partner and best friend and believing she was dead. And now here she was alive, healthy and a mother! Leave it to Olivia to beat the odds. What was more amazing was that he was a father, again. There was nothing better in the world than holding your child in your arms for the first time. All of a sudden the phone rang. Elliot wondered who could be calling this late. He hoped it wasn't Cragen calling him in.

"Stabler...Hey captain...It's no problem...Yeah sure...I'll let her know... Thanks...You too, bye." He hung up the phone.

Just then Olivia walked in. "Let me know what?"

He turned and smiled. "Now how do you know I was talking about you?"

She laughed. "Because I do. And if you weren't you wouldn't be avoiding my questions. Now are you going to tell me whatever I need to know or do I have to use force to find out?"

He knew how strong she could be. Though she probably hadn't worked out in the last year, she was probably still tough as nails. He knew when watching her with a suspect that he was glad he'd never had to be the one to sit across from her in an interrogation. Sometimes he almost felt sorry for the perps who had to be questioned by Olivia. Almost.

"You're tough." At her raised eyebrows he threw up his hands and laughed. "Uncle! Okay, Okay. I'll tell you! It was Cragen. He just wanted me to tell you that he would like you to come to the station tomorrow. There's something important he needs to discuss with you."

"Now was that so hard?"

"Ah, no. I guess not. Oh and he requests that you bring Abby."

She chuckled. Abby already had her co-workers wrapped around her finger. "Like I have anywhere else to take her."

"True. Which reminds me, I meant to ask you where her stuff is. She can't be comfortable in her car seat all the time."

She sat down at the table as he placed two full plates of spaghetti on the table. "I know. I was planning on calling the Morgan's tomorrow. They promised that once I got settled somewhere they would bring me my stuff. Their friends are going to help so they can get it all here in one trip. If I call them in the morning they can be here by the afternoon, unload and have time to get back home by the end of the day. Which reminds me, I wanted to make sure that you were sure that you wanted us to stay here with you. I don't want to have them bring everything here if I'm not going to be here that long. I don't want to intrude on your personal space."

He almost choked on his food. After everything she'd been through, she finally managed to get home and she was worried about how he felt. "How many times do I have to tell you, I don't mind. The way I see it, there are a three major benefits to this arrangement. The first, it will give me a chance to get to know Abby and for her to get to know me. Second, you'll have an extra set of hands to help you out, so you can get some much needed rest. And third, you don't have a job right now, so you have no money coming in, so you don't have a way to pay for an apartment or hotel. I don't want you staying in a hotel anyway. You can stay here as long as you want. I don't want to hear any more about it."

"What about your kids? Where are they going to sleep when they come to visit?"

"We'll figure something out. They won't mind. They know that you're staying here already anyway and they don't have a problem with it. Now stop worrying. So call your friends in the morning and we'll meet them here and you'll be able to relax." He gave her a look that told her he'd made up his mind and no amount of arguing would change his mind.

"Okay. We'll stay. Thank you." She turned her attention to the food on her plate, suddenly finding out that she was very hungry. So for awhile there was silence in the room as they ate. Once they were done she began to help him clean up and broke the silence. "Alright. Spit it out."

He looked at her questioningly and slightly guilty. "What...What are you talking about?" He stammered.

She set the down the dish towel she was holding. "Oh come on El. I know you better than anyone. You have something on your mind. I can almost hear your brain turning. What is it?"

She was good. But he wasn't sure if he could tell her. Denial seemed to work for the moment. "Nothing."

She was beginning to get frustrated, which when dealing with Elliot, would lead to anger and heated words. She turned to face him in the small kitchen. She wasn't sure, but it appeared that he was doing the one thing that she feared the most. He was trying to spare her from thinking about what happened. He was beginning to treat her differently. She didn't want to be treated like a victim. She didn't see herself as a victim anymore. She was a survivor. She took a breath and counted to ten to try to keep the anger out of her voice. "Do you remember our mantra Elliott? 'We don't get to pick the victim.' Don't start treating me different. I'm a survivor now, not a victim, so you can ask me or talk to me about whatever you want. I may not have wanted to tell the whole story to everyone, but you are, or was or whatever, my partner and my best friend. I trust you with my life. So I know that I can talk to you about this. I know that I need to talk to somebody. Julie tried to get me to talk to a shrink, but you know how I am with them. I'd rather it be you. You won't try to over analyze or judge. You'll just be there doing the one thing that I need from someone, and that is listening. So go ahead. You've heard the worst from Cragen anyway. I have nothing to hide from you. The worst thing that you could do is try to walk on eggshells around me or treat me differently. I'm the same person that I was a year ago. So treat me as such and I won't have to kick you ass, because I promise you I still can and I will."

"Actually I wasn't thinking about that. It was something else. But I will keep that last part in mind." He still didn't elaborate.

Her anger immediately dissipated. "Oh, sorry. I'd still like to know what is bothering you. And don't bother denying it. I'll keep bugging you until you tell me what it is. I'm guessing it has to do with me somehow since you are trying so hard to hide it."

"Alright, but can we sit down. I don't want to have this conversation in my kitchen." They went to the living room and sat on the couch. One at either end, much like the other times the last two days they'd sat to talk. Olivia thought it was a good thing that he had a comfortable couch.

"Talk to me Elliott." She said softly to help encourage him.

"I was wondering...well...about us."

Elliot wasn't looking at her but as near as she was it looked like...was he blushing?

"Ah, I understand." It was the elephant in the room. The one thing that they had never discussed, but the one thing that should have been discussed.

"It's just after Christmas we never really talked about what happened and then you were gone, and now you're back and we're still avoiding it. I just want to know how you feel. Especially now that we have something that is going to keep us connected for the rest of our lives. I'm going to honest here. What happened that Christmas wasn't just a one time thing for me, at least I didn't want it to be. It tore me up inside that you pushed me away afterwards. There were so many things that I wanted to tell you, but you avoided me every time I tried to bring it up. You couldn't even look at me. Hell, you even went to Cragen and requested to work with Fin or Munch. So I guess I just want to know why you did that."

'Oh boy,' she thought. This was not anywhere near what she thought he was going to say. He was right though, and deserved the truth from her. "I was scared, plain and simple. We crossed a line that night. I wasn't prepared it and it shocked the heck out of me. You'd just gone through a messy divorce, from a woman that you'd been married to for twenty years. I was your partner, the woman that had always been accused of sleeping with her partner, but hadn't. And there we were. I didn't know what to do. I hated myself for crossing that line. As for the request I didn't trust my emotions around you and I didn't want you to get hurt on the job because of me."

"What about now? How do you feel now? Do you still hate yourself? Do you hate me?"

"No! I don't hate you, or myself. I didn't do anything that I didn't want to that night. I can't regret it now. Look at what we created. I just don't know what I feel now. I know I care about you, as for more than that I don't know."

"Look we both remember what I said to you that day. I meant it Olivia. I had feelings for you that I know that I shouldn't have had. I told you that I'd had them a long time. I still do, but I'm not going to push you to say or feel something that your not ready for. I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. But in the last year I've had to face how I felt about you." His hands came up and framed her face, forcing her to meet his gaze. "I love you, Liv. And I want more but if you can't then I want you to know that is fine. I'll take whatever I can get, even if that means just your friendship and being our daughter's father. Just think about it." He released her and stood up. "It's late. Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head and walked away.

'Rest! Yeah right!' Not after that little speech. Her head was reeling. Had he just told her he loved her? She sank in to the couch. Now what was she going to do? The one man in the world that she couldn't have loved her. What a mess. As she sat there she felt something else. Something that she wasn't accustomed to feeling at least until Abby had come along. But it was impossible, wasn't it? She thought back to that fateful day. He had a point though. They'd never discussed it and she'd tried to push it to the back of her mind and avoid it all together. She never really searched herself to find out how she felt, other than being scared. But what was there to be scared of in the first place, unless...and it hit her. She loved Elliot.