Kara woke up screaming.
Every day for the past week, she woke up screaming.
Why should today be any different?
Her thigh was throbbing. She kept seeing flashes of the bullet going in and the bullet going out. Her vision filled with a blinding red.
It took her a moment to focus on what was reality and what was stuck in her head. She was laying on the cold dirt ground of New Caprica with only a few fallen branches to shield her from the outside. That had been the first order of business when they made it to the playground. They made sure they could survive in this area, that if the Cylons attacked, they could defend themselves. They found shelter. They found whatever food they could. They waited. According to Lee's estimate, they were halfway there.
Kara's hand came out to feel the ground next to her, and she was surprised when she only hit dirt. For seven days, she had woke up screaming from the nightmares of her life, and for seven days, Lee had been there to help her calm down.
She had calmed herself down for a few seconds after getting her bearings and realizing the pain in her thigh was from a gunshot that happened months earlier, but the calm was already starting to fade. Where was Lee? Had the Cylons come? Was she all alone again?
Kara's hands blindly reached for some sort of purchase. When she found it, she pulled herself off the ground and practically fell out of the small lean-to she and Lee had been calling home. Her eyes went wide as she came inches from barreling into a tree. Luckily, a strong pair of hands pulled her back at the last second. Kara looked up to see the smiling face of Lee Adama.
"Where were you?" she asked, her voice demanding even though she knew she had no right to be.
Lee's smile faltered, replaced by a look of guilt. "Bauer cut himself on a branch. It needed stitches, and Tyrol thought I was the most likely person to keep the kid calm while he got sewed up with no pain killers. If I had thought for one second you'd wake up while I was gone, I wouldn't have left."
"I needed you," Kara whispered, tightening her hold on him.
"I'm sorry."
The sound of a throat clearing made Kara look away. Barclay and Eve were standing a few feet away.
"Did you need something?" Lee asked.
"We're running out of food, sir, and the amount of ammunition we have is laughable," Barclay said quickly. "We just wanted to address the issue before it's too late. The Cylons can come at any minute, and we might not be able to fight back if we're weak and weaponless."
"What are you suggesting?"
"That's the problem," Eve chimed in. "We're not suggesting anything. We have no clue what to do."
"The Chief said that Kara was famous for her out of the box thinking," Barclay added. "We just thought…"
"I don't think Kara's up to it right now."
"I'm fine," Kara said, pulling away from him. When he gave her an skeptical look, her eyes narrowed into a glare. "Do not mother me, Lee. I'm fine."
She could see that Lee still didn't believe her, but he did step back to lean up against a tree. Smiling, he waved at her to go ahead.
"I've been throwing this idea around in my mind for a few days now," Kara said. "I think we can get what we need with relative ease by going back into the city."
"No," Lee said, shaking his head vehemently. "We are not leaving this compound. It's too risky."
"I thought of that. The only way this could work is if both you and I go together." She put her hands over Lee's mouth before he could start protesting again. "If both you and I aren't here when the Old Man sends the rescue party, no one's going anywhere. Because of the message we sent, he knows one of us is alive. I'd be willing to bet my life that he tells whoever pilots that Raptor that they are not to return without you or I being on board."
Kara's lips slid up into a smile when she paused and Lee still didn't say a word. He always did like to quietly go along with her crazy schemes. She was surprised no one noticed that charming personality trait except her. "There's a few places in the city where I can get my hands on ammunition and rations leftover from when we first settled the planet and didn't have a fresh source of food. We'll be back by evening."
"Commander?"
Lee turned to nod at Barclay. "She's right. We need ammo, and the two of us have the best chance of getting it."
"Don't you think we're risking a lot?"
Eve's eyes locked with Lee, and she put a hand on Barclay's shoulder. "It's not our place to question. If Lee and Kara think this needs to be the way things go, then that's it. Why don't you and I go check and see how Bauer's doing?"
Barclay threw one last look of concern over her shoulder before following Eve back to where the others were camped. Lee waited until everyone was out of sight before turning to her. "Okay. Tell me what that was really about."
Kara sighed. "I want my things, Lee. I want my dogtags. I want my sketchbook. I don't want to let those fraking machines take away all the things I love."
Lee reached out and grasped Kara's hand. "Now there's the Kara logic I've grown accustomed to."
"You're okay with this?"
"We are still picking up food and ammo, right?"
"They're in my tent," Kara assured him.
"Then, yeah, if going back to your home is what you need to move on, that's what we'll do."
Kara let go of Lee's hands in order to disappear into the make-shift shelter. She emerged a few minutes later in full gear and looking a lot more focused than when he had first stumbled upon her frantic self. "You know that I don't need you to come with me."
Lee nodded. He knew that whole Old Man's orders to the Raptor pilot idea was complete bullshit on her part. Lee didn't have to go with Kara to insure the Raptor didn't leave her behind. In fact, the only thing that would insure the ship didn't leave New Caprica without her would be his staying behind. Lee would never set foot off this planet with Kara. He knew without asking that it was the same for her. They were in this together.
What all that meant was she wanted him to come with her into New Caprica City but not for the reasons she told Eve and Barclay.
"I… I need to say goodbye, Lee," Kara said as they started making their way towards the city streets. "I can't leave this place without saying goodbye."
"Don't worry," Lee reassured her. "I'm with you."
Kara let out a deep breath and smiled. "Yeah, I know."
They began walking in relative silence. Every few minutes, Kara would point out something familiar. It was more of a way to calm her nerves than a need to give Lee an idea of the world she used to live in. There were a few stories she told about the resistance, but that was the extent of their conversation. None of it really touched on the hard issues.
Kara paused slightly at the entrance of her tent, and Lee moved forward to rest his hand on the base of her spine. She took a deep breath and stepped inside, biting back the urge to run. It was exactly as she had left it the day she and Anders decided the resistance had to go into hiding.
"You know sometimes I used to wonder how my life would have been different if you chose to settle down here with the rest of us." Kara looked back to see Lee struggling for words and smiled. "I know you would never shy away from your duty as Commander, but I always thought what if."
Lee took a seat in the same chair he had occupied almost two years earlier. He couldn't believe it had been that long. "I could tell you exactly what it would have been like." Kara raised an eyebrow in interest and Lee chuckled. "I would have the tent next door. You and I would be permanent fixtures at whatever sort of bar was set up on the planet, triad tables included. On Fridays, after your art lessons with the children, Laura would have me join you and we would give the children a history lesson about the sacrifices already made in the second Cylon war. I would be running interference between the civilian government and the military considering I'm probably the only person who would have the nerve to punch President Baltar when he's being a dick."
Kara slapped her hands over her mouth to keep the laughter inside. What Lee was saying bordered on insubordination, but it was so fraking right on.
"Most of all, I'd be relaxing. I'd finally be able to breathe without wondering if more responsibility was going to be placed on my shoulders." Lee sighed. "And I would devote my life to spending as much time with you as your husband would allow because damnit, Kara, I missed you more than I ever thought humanly possible."
Kara paused in riffling through one of the bins below her bed and popped her head up to look at Lee. "Wow."
"Not what you were thinking?"
Kara's face went red. She shook her head quickly and ducked down to start digging through her things again.
"What were you thinking?" Lee said, kicking his feet up.
"It's nothing. Pretty much the same as what you just said," Kara replied without pause.
"Bullshit. You know you can't lie to me, Kara. I see right through it."
Kara sighed and sat up, giving Lee a nice glare. "I never said this was a conscious thought, okay?"
Lee nodded. He didn't care what this was. He just wanted to know what the frak could be making her feel so embarrassed.
"I had a few reoccurring dreams when Anders and I first settled down on the planet. We were going through a rough patch with the transition and everything, and I guess I was worried I had made the wrong choice. I started thinking… well, what if things had gone differently? What if… what if you hadn't let me go? What if you came with me?"
"And the answer?"
Kara smirked. "Well, let's just say that in my dreams, I was not a faithful wife and you were definitely not the responsible, by-the-book Commander we both know."
"That bad?"
"That good," Kara laughed. "It was one of the reasons I pressed Anders to find a permanent place for us to live. I had these vivid dreams that pretty much ruined every single inch of our temporary residence. I would be talking to Anders over the dinner table, and it would trigger a memory of the dream I had the night before. Try looking your spouse in the eye when all you can see is your face wrapped up in raw, naked desire for another man. I swear, you had me on every inch of my place. I had to get out."
"Oh gods, Kara," Lee said, struggling not to laugh. "You really do like to make situations more fraked-up than they ever need be."
"Shut up!" Kara threw a couple gun clips at Lee which he easily caught. "Grab a pack. They're by your feet."
Lee pushed the chair he was leaning back in to ground and reached down to slip the ammo into a bag. For the next few minutes, the tent filled with silence as Kara kept digging around. She stopped every few seconds to toss him more rounds which he promptly put into the bag.
Kara stood up and walked to her cupboard. "There's not much in here. Some noodles, a few packs of dried rations from the military."
"It's enough," Lee insisted. "We just need to curb the hunger until we can get back to Galactica and Pegasus."
Kara nodded and slipped the food into another bag. When it was full, she handed it to Lee who slung it over his shoulder. "I'm almost done," she said softly.
Lee didn't have to ask her what still needed to be done. "Do you want me to give you a moment alone?"
"No, stay here," she insisted.
Lee watched Kara turn her back to him and slide over to the bed. She sat down on the edge and folded her hands together before lowering her head in prayer. Lee shifted from side to side, wondering why exactly he was putting himself through this torture. Then he would look up to see Kara's face so full of sadness and remorse, and he would know. She was his reason for everything.
Kara held her fingertips up to her lips and, kissing them gently, laid them on the pillow. Standing up, she slid her hand underneath the mattress and pulled out a small black case and a worn book. When she opened the book, a small flash of metal fell to the ground. Lee reached out to pick up the dog tags and, pausing only for a moment, slid them around her neck. Kara's hand came up to clutch the tags to her heart, and she gave Lee a nod. She was ready to leave.
They were halfway through the city before Kara paused to look at Lee. "I want to thank you."
"For what?"
"You came to visit me every day we were locked down in that bunker."
"Kara…" Lee started.
"No, Lee. You didn't have to, not every day. You might have thought I didn't notice, but I did. Some days the only reason I could get myself to wake up was knowing you were going to come by to see me. You would have news about Bauer's progress in learning pyramid or a new story from the Chief about why he hated pilots and their lack of respect for their machines. Seeing you was like a breath of normalcy in a day that was filled with chaos from start to finish. I was able to focus when you were around."
"I wasn't going to give up on you," Lee whispered, putting his arm around her shoulder and pulling her into his body.
"Yes, you were. That last day you came to me, I could see the desperation in your face. You were about to lose hope. In the end, that was what brought me back. For years now, I refused to be your weakness, the one thing that would finally make the god Apollo fall from the sun. No matter what I did, I couldn't get away from it, though." Kara's arms tightened around his waist. "I wasn't going to let you give up."
Lee leaned down to kiss the top of her head. He couldn't help it. He knew that this was the worst time to be falling hopelessly, irrevocably in love with his best friend. She had just given tribute to the husband she lost.
As always, Lee had impeccable timing.
"Do you know what scares me the most?" Kara's eyes fell down to her feet. "I'm not sure I can do this without you."
"Do what?"
"Live." Kara drew her eyes up to meet his, and Lee felt his heart drop out at the way the tears pooled in her eyes. It was his best kept secret. Everyone thought that it was Kara's temper and mean words that did the most damage, but it was really her tears that always made him lose control.
This time was no different.
Lee couldn't have held the words back if he had tried. "Marry me."
Kara's eyes went wide, but she didn't struggle to get away from him. That gave Lee the courage to ask again. This time he was more sure of the question. "Marry me, Kara."
"What the frak do you think you're doing, Lee?"
"Making sure that you're never scared again. If you're not sure you can do this without me, then it's my responsibility to make sure that never happens."
"Lee, if you're doing this because you're scared I'm going to lose it again, you needn't bother."
"I'm doing this because I love you, Kara. I'm doing this because I'm tired of waiting for the timing to be right. The timing is never going to be right unless we make it that way. So, what do you say? Let's give the Old Man the best welcome home present he could ever ask for."
"You are beyond insane," Kara said, shaking her head.
"Is that a yes?"
"No," Kara deadpanned. She lasted about two seconds before her whole face lit up with a smile. The next thing Lee knew he was standing in the middle of an abandoned city of hope while the woman of his dreams kissed him to within an inch of his life. The Cylons could have attacked them right then and there, and he would not have cared.
Eventually, the laughter started mixing with the tears, and Kara pulled back to smile at him. "If you want to get technical, Commander, sir, I'd say it was more like a frak yes."
Lee spun her around a few times before finally letting go. "As much as I'd love to keep doing this, Kara, we have to get back to the rest of the group."
Kara reached out to smooth down Lee's hair. It had gotten awfully long while she was in her little trance, and she had mussed it up without even realizing. Kara decided she would have to cut it first thing when they got home. "I'd say we have the rest of our lives to continue the discussion about just how completely appropriate it was for you to ask me to marry you in the middle of a war zone."
They walked hand in hand back to the playground, both taking the time to scan the perimeter the whole way there. Suddenly, they had something to live for, and neither pilot was going to let the Cylons frak this one up.
Kara stopped right outside their camp to riffle through her bag. She pulled out the black case she had packed alongside her sketchbook.
"What's that?" Lee asked. He heard someone call his name and turned to wave at Bauer.
"Would you do something for me, Lee?"
Lee's eyes narrowed. The last time Kara asked him this question, he had ended up with a tattoo that became her wedding vow to another man. Gods, he really was a glutton for punishment when it came to Kara. "Anything you want."
Kara's smile widened. "Good. We're going to need to get Eve alone for a few minutes."
Lee shrugged his shoulders and started walking. Even after years, he still could not figure out Kara Thrace. She was the definition of a pure enigma.
An hour later, Lee was walking over to check in with the Chief and hoping that this time Kara's little favor wouldn't backfire on him. Tyrol quickly told him that absolutely nothing had happened while he and Captain Thrace were gone, and Lee quickly busied himself with checking the small warning traps they had set up around the perimeter. It took him a few seconds to realize he had been followed. "What do you need, Bauer?" The young boy walked over to Lee and continued to stare. "Kid?"
"What did you do to your hand?"
Lee looked down at the bandage holding the four fingers on his left hand together. "It's nothing."
"I figured. You would tell us if you were too hurt to fight."
"But?" Lee said, getting the hint that Bauer wasn't finished.
"But I was helping Kara with figuring out just how far we have to stretch the food and I noticed her hand was bandaged, too. It got me to thinking."
"And what are you thinking?"
"I don't know," Bauer admitted. "But I figured you're usually straight forward with me so if I asked, you'd tell me."
Lee took a deep breath and sat down on the ground, motioning for Bauer to take a seat next to him. Ignoring the pain, he unwound the gauze. "This was Kara's design," he said, holding out his hand for the boy to see. Kara's words rang through his head. Our hands will never be empty again.
Bauer's eyes swept over the markings on Lee's ring finger. There were interlocking circles and lines coming together to form two wings. Lee flipped his hand over to show that the design went all of the way around. "That looks like the tattoos you and Kara have on your arms."
"She designed those, too."
Bauer's hand came out as if he wanted to touch the tattoo, but then he pulled back, changing his mind for some reason. "I know what those are."
Lee decided to play dumb. "What are they?" He gave the boy a smile as he started wrapping his hand again.
"They're marriage bands. A lot of people got those from Kara when we first settled here. There was no gold or silver so tattoos were the next best thing."
Lee nodded. "That's right."
"I didn't know you and Kara were married."
"We're not. At least not until we get back to the Fleet."
Bauer thought that over for a second before nodding. "The Chief owes me ten cubits."
Lee pulled himself to his feet and then offered Bauer a hand up. "Why does the Chief owe you money?"
"He bet me that you two would never get your heads out of your asses and make something permanent."
Lee let out a loud laugh and slung his arm around Bauer's shoulder. "Come on, kid. Let's finish checking
these traps."