Okay, kids. Here's the inevitable writer's block chapter. The characters move around and say stupid stuff. It probably won't make a difference in the next chapter at all.
And an unlocked door to freedom. He turned the knob. He stopped. How stupid. A month of planning and he hadn't thought of that all-important stick. His and Ron's wands-how were they going to get past the inevitable guards outside of the doors without them? Show up, introduce themselves as Chuck Norrises and hope the guards left? Threaten them that they were The-Boy-Who-Lived and his best friend and their dynamic duo-ness would probably knock them into the next dimension?
"Ah, what the hell, let's go for it." Ron said, able to read the author's writing as she wrote it. "Dang straight I can."
They opened the door.
"No, actually, 'Ron flung open the door heroically. He looked like Chuck Norris,' would be more accurate." Ron said.
Sorry, Ron.
Ron flung open the door heroically. He looked like Chuck Norris. Harry and Ron-
"I think it's Ron and Harry. I mean, really. I look like Chuck Norris. Who's going to come first?" Ron said, crossing Chuck Norris-resembling arms across his Chuck Norris-resembling chest.
Ron and Harry-
"Maybe I should just be Chuck Norris. It would be easier."
Chuck Norris, of whom the chief export is pain, and Harry walked out of the door Chuck had earlier flung open ever so heroically.
"That's more like it."
He introduced himself to the two brutish guards, which he quickly took out with roundhouse kicks to the face dealt by his legs, Law and Order. Harry was speechless. He wished he could jive like Ron.
"CHUCK!"
He wished he could jive like Chuck. Even breathing Chuck's air was enough to make him want to take off the mask…
REVEALING…
THE NEW AND IMPROVED KIRSTIE ALLEY!
"WHAT? KIRSTIE ALLEY?" Ron/Chuck yelled, "WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"
REVEALING…
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES!
"That's better. Really, Pippage, you've gotta learn these things."
Catherine looked over at Chuck.
"ADMIRINGLY."
Catherine looked over admiringly at Chuck. She jumped into his arms and they ran off into the sunset, where there was a swingin' pool party going down. Chuck jumped into the pool, doing seventeen full rotations and a jack-knife in the air before landing gracefully. He did not get wet. The water got Chuck Norris'd.
They had a wonderful time and made cupcakes.
"WHAT? I USE NAPALM TO QUELL MY HEARTBURN AND I AM EATING CUPCAKES?"
Catherine had a wonderful time and made cupcakes while Chuck was eating seven full racks of ribs with Habanero sauce on them. They were not spicy enough for him, so he lit them on fire. Then, and only then, could he satisfy his cravings for…
HOT FOOD.
-Fin-
And aren't you grateful?