Author's Note: Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it? I've had this chapter finished for a few days now, but the site has been really weird lately and wouldn't let me update. Anyway, it's up now, and you guys can read it. It's not that great, but it's better than nothing right? I hope you enjoy it.
Timeline wise, this is a couple days (as stated) after the flashback in WWHT. I can't remember what chapter it was in at the moment, but it was called A Trip Down Memory Lane, I believe, so if you want a reminder, you can reread that.
...OUAT...
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Peyton asked for the hundredth times that afternoon. She slung her gym bag over her shoulder and leaned against the doorframe, waiting for Brooke's answer. The brunette sighed out of frustration and nodded her head.
"It's cool, don't worry about it," Brooke assured her, tossing her cheerleading skirt into her own bag. "I'll just get all the signs up for the game tomorrow, which I don't think will take too long…"
"Then I'll stay and help," Peyton told her, pushing off the door and taking a few steps towards her best friend. She raised an eyebrow when Brooke immediately held her hands up in an effort to stop her.
"Seriously, Pey," Brooke laughed, trying not to let her frustration with the blonde show. "I've got it. I need to get something from the library anyway, for English. So go, be with that yummy boyfriend of yours."
"Alright, alright," she relented, holding up her hands in the international sign of defeat. All it took was Brooke mentioning Jake to get her to leave. She started walking backwards out of the changing room. "You don't have to tell me twice."
"Except that I told you four times," Brooke pointed out, laughing and throwing a pom-pom at the other girl when she stuck her tongue out at her. "Later, P. Sawyer."
"Later, B. Davis." With that, the blonde was finally gone. Brooke continued to pack up her stuff and put her hair up in a loose ponytail until she heard the tires on Peyton's old car go squealing out of the school parking lot. She smiled to herself as she stepped away from her gym locker and skipped towards the door. She glanced around the empty hallways to make sure that everyone was indeed gone before making her way to the Tutoring Center.
It had only been a couple of days since that night in Haley's bedroom, when Brooke asked her to be her girlfriend and she spent the night, but since then the two of them had been spending every moment possible together. Since Brooke had cheerleading practice after school, and Haley couldn't exactly sit on the bleachers and ogle her, she had hid out in the Tutoring Center doing her homework until Brooke came and got her.
Brooke couldn't keep the smile off her face as she skipped down the hallway in the direction of her girlfriend. She never could have imagined enjoying staying after school this much, let alone that she'd have ditched her friends to hang out with Tutor Girl.
She felt that familiar Haley induced feeling in the pit of her stomach as she pushed the door to the Tutoring Center open and entered the room. Her girlfriend was the only one in there, just like they had planned, and she was sitting with her back to the door, music blaring from her headphones.
Brooke grinned at the adorable way Haley was bobbing her head to the music and silently walked towards her. She stood behind her for a moment to see what she was working on. Her face lit up when she saw that Haley had just been doodling her name all over a piece of paper in her notebook.
She felt her heart flutter a bit at the sight, finding it to be the most adorable thing. It was also a comfort considering Bevin had nearly caught her two days ago, doing the exact same thing in class. She had drifted off on the lesson, as she tended to do, and she absently started writing Haley's name over and over again, the sweet girl obviously filling her thoughts.
Luckily for her it had been Bevin of all people that had caught her, and she had easily managed to make up a believable excuse for it on the spot. If it had been anyone else; Peyton, Theresa, Nathan, Lucas, even Tim, she would have been so very busted.
After Bevin had turned around in her seat, Brooke had stared at the paper in front of her for the rest of class, not believing that she had actually been doodling Haley's name like that. Not once had she spent class doodling someone's name like a lovesick little preteen, not even when she was a lovesick preteen. It was later that night that she asked Haley to be her girlfriend.
Pushing those heartwarming thought to the back of her head, Brooke slowly leaned forward and gently covered Haley's eyes with her hands. She felt Haley tense up for a millisecond at the sudden feeling and then completely relax when she realized that it was Brooke. Haley pulled on her headphone cords and they fell out of her ears.
"Guess who?" Brooke whispered in her best sexy, husky voice. The simple question sent a shiver down Haley's spine. She loved Brooke's voice. She didn't bother giving Haley time to guess before she started kissing her neck and wrapping her arms around her loosely.
"Ew," Haley exclaimed, struggling to get out of the cheerleader's arms. "You're all sweaty! Gross!" Brooke laughed against Haley's skin, causing the shorter girl to start giggling. "Tigger, stop."
"Mm, but you taste so good," Brooke whined. She dropped one last kiss on Haley's neck before pulling back. "Fine, fine, I'll leave you alone."
"No, don't do that," Haley teased, pushing her chair back and standing up to face the other girl. "Hey, Tigger."
"Hey, girlfriend," Brooke grinned back, not being able to control the giddy feeling that washed over her at those words. She couldn't resist giving Haley a proper hello kiss, but was careful not to get the other girl wet. "Did you get a lot of hard work done?"
"Oh, uh…" Haley followed Brooke's eyes to the notebook sitting on the table behind her. She blushed at the knowing smirk on the taller girl's face. "Shut up! I was bored. And thinking about you."
"It's okay," Brooke assured her, scooping the book up and ripping the page out as Haley starting putting all her books away. "I think it's cute. In fact, I may or may not have been caught doodling your name in my book during class."
"Are you kidding?" Brooke shook her head. "Oh my God. Who caught you?" Brooke laughed and waved her hand.
"It was just Bevin," Brooke assured her. "I just told her that I had watched the Sixth Sense the night before and was Majorly crushing on Haley Joel Osmont."
"Aw, it's a good thing that girl is so stupid."
"Tell me about it," Brooke agreed with a good-hearted eye roll. "So, are you ready to go help get everything ready for the game tomorrow?" Haley nodded and grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. "Then let's get going. I didn't see anyone out there on the way here, so I think we're good."
"We can hold hands and everything?" Brooke didn't say anything, just linked their hands together and walked them towards the door.
They walked down the hallway in comfortable silence, just enjoying the other's company. There wasn't a single soul in the whole place, not a teacher or student, and it felt amazing to be able to walk down those hallways with clasped hands and head high. Sure, there was nobody there to see them, but they had to take it one step at a time. Maybe one day they'd be able to do the same in the middle of the day, with all their classmates there to see them.
"This feels nice," Haley couldn't help but comment. The weight of the situation was far from lost on her, but she wasn't sure if her girlfriend saw it to. "You know, walking down these halls together, like this."
"I know," Brooke whispered, brining their linked hands up to her lips and kissing Haley's knuckles. "Maybe one day we'll be able to do this right."
"Yeah," Haley nodded, a wistful smile on her face at the thought. "One day." She didn't care if they came out to the whole world tomorrow, because she had Brooke and she had never been more proud, but she knew Brooke didn't feel the same way, she couldn't. Brooke wasn't just dating a girl, she was dating Tutor Girl, and Haley couldn't imagine her being willing to risk her status just for her.
"Okay," Brooke began once they had entered the gym. "So, how about you start putting those signs up while I go have a shower, since apparently I'm sweating like a pig?" Haley giggled and poked her in the stomach.
"Deal." Brooke gave her a quick kiss and a smack on the ass before heading off into the locker room. Haley smiled after her for a second, still not believing her luck. She shook her head and walked over to the pile of signs that the cheerleaders had made.
The brunette hummed to herself, careful not to sing encase Brooke snuck up on her, as she put tape on the back of the Bristol board and stuck them to the walls. She laughed at the spelling mistakes on a few of them, deciding they must be Bevin's, but didn't bother to correct them.
She sifted through the pile for her next one, but was surprised to see it was a sign they had made for the dance the following week. She pouted at it for a second before placing it to the side and continued her assigned task. She had them all up by the time she heard Brooke re-enter the gym.
"Wow, it looks amazing, baby," she gushed as she looked around. "You did an excellent job. You'll have to put up the signs for all the home games."
"How convenient that your shower ended after all the work was done," Haley observed as she stuck the last sign to the wall and sat down on the bleachers. Brooke gave her the best innocent look someone of her reputation could muster and walked over.
"I don't know what you're insinuating, Miss James, but I'm assuming it's not very nice." Haley stuck her tongue out at Brooke as the girl walked up the bleachers to sit behind the shorter girl. Once Brooke was situated, she pulled Haley back to sit between her legs and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "Hey, you."
"Hey, you back." Haley sighed at the feeling of Brooke's kisses on her neck. It was like the perfect moment, just sitting there with Brooke. She wished it could always be like this. "So, what are our plan for that night?"
"What night?" Brooke asked between kisses. She slowly started a trail from Haley's collarbone all the way up to her ear, and back again.
"The night of the dance," Haley explained, pointing to the sign she had put aside. She completely missed Brooke's abrupt stop in her trial up her neck. "Obviously I know that we can't go, so what's the plan? We going to a movie or what? Maybe a little making out in the back…"
"Look, Hales, about that," Brooke stammered, pulling away from Haley's neck and detaching herself all together. Haley felt the panic wash over her and she could feel her perfect little bubble starting to burst. "I, um…"
"Tigger?" Haley questioned unsurely. She turned around on the bench to face the cheerleader. She became even more worried when Brooke refused to meet her gaze. "Brooke, what's going on?"
"I'm going to that dance, Haley," Brooke finally stated, the thought sounding even worse once she said it out loud. "I don't want to, but Brett Marana asked me, and if I said no, everyone would know something was up and…"
"You have a date?" Haley asked incredulously. She closed her eyes tight when she saw Brooke starting to nod her head. "You have a date to the dance with the starting quarter back?"
"Kinda…"
"Were you ever going to tell me?" Haley questioned, standing and pacing back and forth in front of the other brunette. "Or were you gonna lie to me that night and just go to the dance with your new boyfriend?"
"He's not my boyfriend," Brooke immediately defended, jumping to the floor and trying to calm the other girl down. "You are! Girlfriend, whatever! My point is that he doesn't mean anything to me. He asked me before we were official."
"Then why are you going with him?"
"It's not like I can go with you," Brooke tried to explain. She stepped forward and brought Haley's hands into her own. "You have to understand; I'm Brooke Davis, head cheerleader, most popular girl in school. How do you think it would make me look if I cancelled on the star quarter back?"
"You're also Brooke Davis; my girlfriend," Haley responded softly, seeing the regret in Brooke's eyes at her words. "At least I thought you were. How do you think it makes me feel to know that you're going to the dance with one of the most popular guys in school?" Brooke opened her mouth to say something, but quickly shut it when she realized how lame her reply was. "That's the problem with us, Brooke. You care more about how you look to the rest of the school than how I feel." Brooke watched helplessly as Haley gently released her hands and pulled away, grabbing her bag.
"Baby…"
"This was nice while it lasted," she told her as she walked backwards towards the gym doors. She shook her head and pushed the door open. She paused before she left and turned back to Brooke with a devastated smile on her face. "So much for someday, huh? I'll see you around, Brooke Davis."
…OUAT…
"You're late," Taylor mused as she heard the front door open, signaling that her little sister was finally home from school. "I was starting to worry that I was gonna have to make my own dinner or something."
"I'm not in the mood, Taylor," Haley snapped, throwing her bag roughly against the wall and taking the steps two at a time, not stopping until she was in her room.
"O-Kay," Taylor spoke to herself in confusion, wincing when the vibration of Haley's slamming door practically rattled the entire house. She closed her eyes and counted silently in her head for her sister's emo music to fill the house. Almost exactly on queue, Haley's music started and Taylor rolled her eyes. "A big sister's job is never done."
She sighed, flicked off the television and stood up, tossing the pillow back on the couch where she had been sitting. It was obvious that there was something wrong with Haley, and even though she was pretty positive that the last thing Haley wanted to do was talk about it with her, she had to try. She would be a horrible big sister if she did otherwise.
She took the stairs much slower than her sister did, and walked towards Haley's door. She stood in front of it for a moment, silently debating whether she should knock or just walk in. If she walked in, she would no doubt have to dodge some type of flying object, but if she knock, she was just as positive that her sister wouldn't welcome her inside. She sighed, rolled her eyes and turned the knob, pushing the door open. She wasn't surprised to see her sister sprawled out on her bed, face in her pillow.
"Go away, Tay," Haley mumbled, not so much hearing her older sister come inside, but more sensing it than anything else. She also knew it wouldn't take the blonde long to follow her up the stairs.
"Hay, come on," the blonde started, surprised at the tone in her sister's voice. She went up there expecting to find her sister in a pissed off mood, not crying. Her features immediately softened. She closed the door behind her for no reason as she stepped into the room. "What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Haley mumbled, sniffling as she turned her head to the side so Taylor could hear her properly. She wasn't sure whether she was annoyed or grateful when the older girl sat down on the bed beside her.
"Emo kids always want to talk about it," Taylor told her, grabbing the remote off Haley's nightstand and turning down the music so they could actually have a conversation. She rubbed Haley's back in an attempt to calm her little sister down. "So, what happened?"
"I just had a bad day," Haley told her, turning over so she was lying on her back and looking up at her sister. Taylor's hand continued to rub Haley's stomach, and the brunette slowly wiped at her eyes. "I really don't want to talk about it."
"Was it Nathan?" Taylor asked even though she knew exactly what answer she was going to get. Everytime she mentioned the boy her sister would get all defensive and keep telling her that they didn't like each other like that. At first Taylor thought it was just because Haley was embarrassed about having her first crush, but now that Nathan has stopped coming over and the growing frustration Haley was showing her in regards to her teasing, she was really starting to believe that they were just friends.
"Tay," Haley groaned, smiling slightly at her older sister's question. She kinda got the impression that Taylor knew they weren't going out, but just liked to tease her about it still, to drive her crazy. She also had to smile at just how wrong Taylor was in her guessing. "You know it's not about Nathan."
"I know, I know," the blonde relented, feeling a little better when she saw the small smile playing on Haley's lips. Her eyes were still glistening with tears, but even that small smile was enough for her for now. "Just tell me, do I need to beat anyone up?"
"What?" Haley asked, giggling slightly at the other girls offer. Taylor smiled back at her and tickled her sides a little, which got a louder giggle out of Haley.
"Did someone make you cry?" Taylor explained, her voice growing a little more serious. "Cause you know if someone made you cry than I'm gonna have to beat them down. Nobody makes my baby sister cry and gets away with it."
"You're sweet," Haley told her, taking Taylor's hand in her's and giving it a squeeze. She looked up at Taylor and could see all the concern behind her jokes. She gave her a sad smile and shook her head. "But you don't need to beat anyone up. It was all my fault."
"I find that hard to believe," the older girl spoke, wishing Haley would just tell her what was wrong so she could make it right again. She knew Haley wouldn't tell her though and she knew that when Haley said it was her fault she wasn't covering for anyone, she just tended to blame herself for everything.
"It was my own stupidity," Haley sighed. She swallowed past the lump forming in her throat, marveling at how fast the she started to cry at just the mere thought of Brooke now. She wouldn't let herself cry this time because it wasn't worth it. At least that's what she was going to tell herself.
"So there's nothing I can do?" Taylor hated feeling useless, especially when her baby sister and best friend in the whole entire world was in pain and there was nothing she could do about it.
Haley locked eyes with her sister and after seeing the desperation there; she really contemplated telling Taylor everything. There was a huge part of her that wanted to tell her about the night in the Café, the Friends with Benefits situation, how Brooke made her feel, just everything. She knew her sister better than she knew anyone, and she knew deep down that the blonde would never judge her for her relationship with Brooke, but there was just something in her that couldn't tell her sister.
She wasn't sure if it was fear of being rejected for their relationship or if it was because she was ashamed of the whole thing. She wasn't ashamed of being with another girl, especially not another girl that she loved as much as she loved Brooke, but ashamed for letting things get that far. She couldn't deny that there was still a part of her that was ashamed of letting Brooke treat her the way she had treated her.
She was done with that though. She had proved that this afternoon when she walked out on Brooke. She had accepted the fact that she was in love with Brooke a long time ago, she hadn't told her that, but it didn't make it any less true. She also knew that even though Brooke wanted to be her girlfriend and was treating her so much better than she had before, she still didn't love her. Haley was okay with that though, she knew Brooke cared about her, and that was enough for now.
She was willing to wait for Brooke, give her time to get used to the idea of them, and just process everything and sort her feelings out. Haley knew it had to be a confusing time for her because she obviously didn't have as much time to think about their situation as Haley did, so she was cutting the cheerleader some slack. But after what Brooke told her in the gym, Haley just couldn't forget that. She had to put her foot down somewhere and her girlfriend going to a dance with another guy was it.
She had to talk to Brooke about this. It was going to be one of the hardest conversations ever, and as much as she didn't want to do it, she had to. The things she was going to say to Brooke would hurt her, but she knew if she just let this slide, it would hurt her even more. She was through playing this game with Brooke.
"Hales?" Taylor called softly after noticed that the younger girl had drifted off for a few minutes there. Haley took a moment to register her sister's voice, but gave Taylor her full attention when she was completely out of her thoughts.
"I'm sorry," Haley told her. "What'd you say?"
"I asked if there was anything I could do?" Taylor repeated, getting more and more worried about Haley as the minutes passed. She had never seen her little sister this upset or spaced out before.
"Just stay here with me for a bit?" Taylor's heart squeezed when she heard how lost and scared her baby sister sounded. She nodded her head and let herself be pulled down to lie on the bed.
"As long as you need," Taylor promised her, wrapping a protective arm around Haley's waist and pulling her closer. She kissed the back of her neck and just laid there in silence, letting Haley work out her problems in her head and her heart.
…OUAT…
Brooke sighed as she flopped down on her bed. She glanced towards her cell phone and debated whether or not she should call again. She quickly decided against that almost the moment she thought it. She had already called Haley three times since the girl had left her that afternoon, and the two times Taylor had answered, she had told her that Haley wasn't much in the mood to talk to anyone.
"Idiot," Brooke mumbled to herself. She couldn't believe how fast things had gone from perfect to complete crap. She was constantly in awe of her own stupidity. As much as she wished she couldn't, she totally understood why Haley was so upset with her. It was a horrible thing to do in the first place.
Before Brooke had a chance to think about it any longer, her phone started ringing beside her. She dove for it and frowned when she saw Peyton's name flash across the screen. There was only one person she wanted to talk to. And even though she knew the odds of Haley calling were quite slim, she didn't want to tie up the line, just incase. She tossed it back on the bed beside her and put the pillow over her face.
It seemed like as soon as the ringing stopped, it started again. Letting out a groan of frustration, Brooke reached for the phone and answered it.
"I don't want to talk to you."
"Then stop calling my house," Haley responded in a monotone voice. It had been an hour since her peep talk with Taylor and her older sister had just left to go get dinner ready for them. They were gonna have a girl's night in, something that Haley was in serious need of.
"Haley!" Brooke cheered, her bad mood quickly vanishing and being replaced with excitement. She didn't care that Haley sounded pissed off or not; all that mattered to her right now was that Haley was returning her calls. It wasn't much, but it was certainly a start. "I'm so glad you called. About earlier…"
"I'm just calling to tell you to stop calling me," Haley interrupted her. She needed to get this over with as soon as possible before Brooke started begging and she gave in. She would always have a weak spot for Brooke Davis, but this was one of those times that she needed to stand up for herself. Even if it meant the end of them.
"Baby…"
"No, Brooke," Haley stopped her, closing her eyes at that one word. "Taylor's already starting to get suspicious and if she puts together that you're the reason I came home crying, she'll come over there and kick the shit out of you." Brooke didn't care about Taylor; not if she found out of them or if she beat her up. All Brooke heard was the fact that Haley had gone home crying. She had promised herself just a couple of days ago that she was never going to make Haley cry again.
"Just let me explain…"
"There's nothing to explain, Brooke." Getting up from her bed, Haley stuck her head out the door to make sure Taylor was really downstairs and then shut it. She closed the door and leaned against it to gather her strength. "You're going on a date with some other guy. How do you explain that?"
"It's not a date," Brooke insisted, feeling her frustration at herself and the situation starting to overcome her. She wasn't exactly known for her patience nor was she good at making amends. "And I agreed before we were a official. And it's not like anything is gonna happen with him."
"It's not about that," Haley snapped, closing her eyes and resting her head against the cool wood of her door. "It's about the way you treat me, Brooke, the way you treat us. I get that we can't be out in the open, not in a small town like Tree Hill, but it's like your ashamed of me or worried about losing your rep or something."
"That's not it," Brooke stated, her voice forceful. "I could never be ashamed of you or our relationship."
"Then why do we have to be so secretive?" Haley asked, biting her bottom lip in an attempt to stop herself from crying. "Like I said, I get that we can't exactly come out, not yet, but why can't we at least be friends? You don't even want to tell Peyton that we hang out. Why are you so embarrassed by me?"
"I am not embarrassed by you," Brooke insisted, sitting up on her bed and leaning her back against the headboard. "Us being together, even as friends, after all the crap I originally put Peyton through for being friends with you, it would set off too many flags, even in their empty little heads."
"Who cares!" Haley exploded, for the briefest of second not caring if Taylor heard her little outburst or not. She came to her senses and lowered her voice. "Jesus, Brooke. All you care about is your reputation! You don't give a shit about how I feel about sneaking around, as long as you still get to be little Miss Popular."
"I do care about you, Hales," Brooke whispered, fighting back her own tears. "More than you know, I just need time." As Brooke was speaking she was willing herself to just shut up. The truth was, the more time she spent with Haley, the less her image mattered to her, but she just didn't think she was strong enough to deal with everything.
"Well, I'm sick of waiting, Brooke," Haley told her. Almost the moment she said the words, she wanted to take them back. She couldn't though, and deep down inside of her, she was glad that they were out there finally. She could hear Brooke sniffling on the other end and she took a deep breath. "I can't do this anymore, Brooke. I thought I could, I wish I could, but it just hurts too much."
"Baby, you don't mean that," Brooke immediately cried. She could feel her throat starting to inch and she screwed her eyes shut to stop the rush of tears she felt coming.
"I have to mean that," Haley whispered. "You have no idea how hard this is for me to say, but I have to do this, for my sanity. I thought I could deal with just having a part of you, but it turns out that I can't. I need all of you, Brooke, or none of you."
The only answer Haley got was Brooke's heavy breathing on the other end. She could hear Brooke's sniffles and she knew she was crying. That meant something to her. At least she knew Brooke cared enough to actually be upset at the ultimatum. She just wished that was enough to fix them.
"I don't know what to say," the cheerleader admitted, hugging herself around the waist. She could feel her entire body shake as she started to cry harder. She felt so helpless. She had never been in a situation like this before, never been in a relationship, and she was terrified. The way Haley made her feel scared her to death.
"I think you've already said enough," she told her, her voice wavering for the first time during the call. She roughly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I really, really like you Brooke. I actually think I might love you, but you don't feel the same and that's okay because it's not your fault. You can't control who you love, because if I could, I wouldn't let myself love you. This would be so much easier if I didn't feel the way I do."
"I…"
"Please don't say anything, Brooke," Haley begged her, clenching her fist at her side. This was so much harder than she thought it was gonna be. "Just … I don't know, do what you have to do. Sort out your feelings or whatever, find out where I fit in and then let me know when you've figured it all out, okay?"
"Okay," Brooke choked out, not knowing what else she could possibly say to stop this from happening. She knew she couldn't drag Haley along forever, but she was hoping that they'd have a little bit more time. She dropped her head against the headboard in defeat, unconsciously mirroring her now ex-girlfriend's position, and listened to Haley's jagged breathing.
The two of them sat there in silence for a few minutes, neither of them wanting to hang up, but both knowing that they had to. Brooke let her eyes wander around her room for some kind of idea of something to say, but there was nothing. There was absolutely nothing she could say. She felt like she had to say something though. There were so many things that she wanted to say, but they would probably just make things worse at this point.
"Baby, I…" she tried, but the words died on her lips. She didn't even know what she was going to say, she just needed to say something.
"I'll, um, yeah," Haley breathed, at a total lose for words as well. "I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow."
"Yeah, I guess." Brooke barely heard Haley's weak farewell before she heard the dial tone mocking her in the most annoying way. She slowly let the phone slid down from her ear and into her lap. She looked at it in disbelief for a moment, as if it were the machine's fault that she was miserable now.
She thought about whipping it across the room and watching it smash against the wall and break into pieces like her heart, but instead she tossed it back onto her nightstand and crawled up into a ball and she cried.
...OUAT...
It had to be done. Orginally, this was gonna be longer, but I'm really not that into this story anymore, and I'm just inching to start a new one, so I'll probably be condensing things to get this finished in a few chapters.
Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought.