Laburnum's Warning- I don't own the Teen Titans or any characters in this story, thus far. This is a Raven/Beast Boy fic, thus far. The real names of the Teen Titans will be interchanged with their 'pseudonyms' on a regular basis so if you don't know them try to pay attention. The name 'Changeling' is owned by DC Comics and is an apparent testament to someone's lack of creativity…and thus will not be used in this fic. This fic is the first in a trilogy and the entire story will be written in the form of 3 fics: a first part (breaking the name), a second part (you guys gotta wait for this), and a third part (you gotta wait for this too). If anybody wants to know why I call myself "Laburnum" just read my profile…if you don't then shut up… Lastly the name "Laburnum" will be used in place of "Author" so an "Author's note" would be "Laburnum's note". I know that sounds a little weird and stuff but I have a very good reason for doing so…It's my note dammit and I will use my pseudonym as much as I dam well please so back off!
And now... Without further adieu... Or whatever... I present this here...thingamabob...
Please Enjoy :)
CHAPTER THREE- What We All Must Bear
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---Terra's View---
The fire seemed to drain out of him and he averted his gaze so he looked at nothing in particular. "What do you care? It's not your problem is it? It's my problem...no one else's." He turned and started to walk away. He looked like he was in great pain and had just given up hope of ever not being in pain…
She couldn't just let him walk away like that. "Beast Boy…" she said softly. He seemed to flinch at his own name. "What is it now?" he responded in a tired voice without turning around. "Please… just tell us what's wrong…" she said in a caring voice.
"Why should I… So you can feel sorry for me? So you can say 'It's okay Beast Boy.' 'It's not your fault Beast Boy.' Well SCREW that! I don't WANT your pity! So just leave me ALONE!" He stalked off back down the stairs, his body shaking with rage.
She hadn't known him as long as the others…but she thought she knew him better, given their past… She had no idea that he felt this way about anything… She hadn't seen him this mad since she had betrayed him to Slade… She had vowed that somehow she'd find a way to make it up to him… She had a few things in mind that would at least be a start… She smiled inwardly at her own thoughts…
It seemed like a good time to help Beast Boy 'relieve some tension'. She started to go after him…until she felt a hand on her shoulder… She turned to see Raven holding her back… She groaned inwardly, "What does this stupid bitch want now? She should have figured out by now that he's mine!"
That's what she thought… What she said was somewhat more hospitable… "What?" she said as innocently as she could. "Give him some time to himself… He'll be fine after he calms down." Raven said in a gentle tone.
"What? Who the hell does this bitch think she is!" "Not all of us just need to be alone! Sometimes it's more comforting if you have someone who cares there with you! But I guess you wouldn't know about that would you?" she replied before running after Beast Boy.
---Raven's View---
"Give him some time to himself… He'll be fine after he calms down." She wasn't even sure why she had bothered to say it at first. Then on reflection she decided that she had said it because she wanted what was best for Beast Boy…that's why she said it; in the hopes that Terra would look to Beast Boy's best interests and not her own.
"Not all of us just need to be alone! Sometimes it's more comforting if you have someone who cares there with you! But I guess you wouldn't know about that would you?" was all she said before running off after Beast Boy not paying any heed to Raven's advice.
Raven had known better even before the words had left her mouth… It was times like this that she was glad that she was empathic instead of telepathic… She could sense Terra's bitter resentment of her and the anger that had flared when Terra had realized exactly who had stopped her… Raven was all too certain that whatever it was that Terra had thought was in all probability far more harsh than her words… Raven was also rather glad that the trivial little insults of a person like Terra didn't faze her… "I suppose if they did I'd have destroyed the city by now…"
She had known that Terra wouldn't listen; she was far too selfish to hear reason. It seemed like all too many humans had the exact same problem. Of course…(1) humans were full of problems…so many in fact that most humans weren't even aware of half of them. It was for these reasons that she was very glad indeed that she was only half human…even though being half demon came with a new list of problems all their own…
She remembered the time in her childhood when she'd been forced to live among demons…Among demonic society there were of course civil laws, but the law that all demons knew by instinct was, "Kill or be killed…strike or be stricken…live at all costs". Those who failed to abide this law: those who were killed, those who were stricken, and those who had failed or refused to pay the price; had simply failed at life and did not deserve it…
Demons were a cold-blooded sort with no fear, compassion, mercy, or kindness… Only cold logic and hot anger… Raven was not, however, your average demon…she was half human… Being half human and half demon meant that she had all the reasoning and instincts of a demon; and yet at the same time all the emotions and weaknesses of a human…
Raven had an ability that was lacking among humans… The strength of will to ignore her emotions, to push them away and deny them all together… She could barely remember what life was like before her training… Those short sweet years she had spent with her mother…in Azurath… She longed for those years when she could feel without consequence… Those years now long turned to dust…
The only thing that cheered her up was that she didn't have to fall prey to those not so subtle human frailties… Greed, stupidity, blind emotions with no restraint…
It was greed and stupidity that drove Terra now… She was taking the chance that she could make Beast Boy feel better with her presence when in fact, if one weighed the facts in a demonic (logical) manner, there was actually a much greater chance of making things a very great deal worse than they already were… She briefly wondered what Beast Boy's reaction would be when she was stirred from her thoughts…
"Raven... Raven!" She looked up startled to see a confused Jinx looking at her intently. "You're not going to take that from her are you? Who does she think she is?" Jinx exclaimed in exasperation looking after the retreating blonde. Raven was about to reply when Blackfire interjected, "I don't know what that little bimbo is thinking but if she had been talking to me there wouldn't be enough skinny-blonde hoe left to put in a Ziploc bag. You're gonna go after her right! I wanna watch this! That little bitch has been getting on my nerves ever since she got here."
(2) Raven chuckled at her friends' concern with the situation and then replied; "I don't think I'll have to do anything to her…" This won her astonished looks from Cyborg, Jinx, and both Starfire and Blackfire…while Robin, nonchalant as ever, only raised an eyebrow (3). There was a stunned silence for what seemed like an eternity until Blackfire finally found the words she had been looking for…
"You're just going to take that from that little bitch? What's wrong with you have you lost your backbone or something?" she asked outraged at the thought of letting the offense slide… She was apparently about to continue her inquisition of Raven's suddenly docile temperament when Starfire piped in with one of her painfully stupid sounding questions… "Sister, why do you continuously curse friend, Terra? And why are you suddenly so concerned with Raven's spinal column? Is it out of place?" at this last statement Starfire began to peer curiously at Raven's back…
All the other Titans deadpanned (4) as Starfire once again displayed her inability to understand figures of speech and the not-so-lovey-dovey feelings of others… Raven was sure that if anyone else had answered Starfire they would have been as patient as possible…but Blackfire had absolutely no tolerance for her sister's naivety…
"Koriand'r you look and sound a hundred times more intelligent when you don't say anything at all!" she said as she put her gloved hand on her forehead in some attempt to summon patience… At this remark Starfire only blinked and gave a puzzled look…much like that of a dog that fails to grasp the command it is given…
Blackfire was about to begin again when Raven calmly stated, "I just think that someone else is going to give her what's coming to her this time…" Blackfire and Jinx both gave Raven a confused look and Raven decided it was best to just go and see what was going on for themselves. "Just follow me you'll understand when we catch up to her", she said with a smile and a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.
She walked on ahead of them and they all followed her wondering what she knew that no one else seemed to… They all walked down the stairs trying to keep up with Raven who was walking quickly because she didn't want to miss anything… She had a feeling that Beast Boy was going to end up doing the dirty work for her anyways…so she figured that they all might as well be around to see what happened…
At first she wasn't sure where Beast Boy was…she didn't much care where Terra was since she was sure that somehow or other the little (5) blonde fool would be there with him before they got there… So she sought the anger that she knew would be there and sure enough she felt a rather large amount of anger coming from the gym…
She headed that way as quickly as she could hoping to get there to see the start of the festivities… Terra's misfortune would be a hundred times more sweet at the hands of the one person she never expected it from…as far as she was concerned Beast Boy should have forgotten about her as soon as she turned on them the first time…but Beast Boy had continued to be obstinately hopeful about Terra…and frankly she found it more annoying than anything else he had ever done…
It seemed as though he would be a child forever…she had thought for almost the entire first two years of there 'friendship' that he would always be a stupid little boy…and for those first two years she had been so disgusted with him that she couldn't even begin to pity him… Then one day…
-----About one year ago (Before Terra)-----
It had been early in the morning… It was the middle of fall… She was the only one up this early…or at least she thought that she was the only one up… Somewhere around 6:40 in the morning Beast Boy walked quietly out of the hall and into the common room… At his appearance her first thought was, "Well there goes the quiet peaceful morning!"
But Beast Boy wasn't his usual exuberant self that morning…he seemed worn out…and…distracted. He didn't even talk to her at first, he just stood behind her presumably watching her read 'One of her Big Books' as he had called them… Raven only knew that Beast Boy was there… She couldn't tell what he did while he was behind her… Whether or not he took the time to think of his words carefully or if he just stared at her or something else with a brain-dead stare…She didn't really care because as soon as he had walked in she had decided to be fully prepared to ignore him for as long as possible…
It ended up however that Beast Boy was in such a somber mood that he was in no way inclined, at that moment at least, to do anything that was annoying… As soon as Raven sensed this change of pace she was immediately enveloped by a wave of apprehension… This was completely unnatural for Beast Boy… She briefly hoped that the change was permanent but admonished herself for being overly hopeful…
Raven decided that if Beast Boy needed to talk to someone about something or other then he would do it in his own time…She went back to reading her book…and managed to get a few more pages in before Beast Boy came and sat down at the table… He wasn't in uniform, but considering how early in the morning it was that was understandable… He was wearing a white muscle shirt and blue boxers.
She continued to read her book deciding that if Beast Boy wanted to talk to her then he would have to take the initiative… "That should keep him busy for a while…"
He sat there for a long time not doing anything at all… Just sitting… Staring into nothingness… It was almost as if time had frozen…like it would be this way forever…just sitting…doing…saying nothing…but then…
"Hey Raven…" Beast Boy had asked her tentatively. She looked up from her book, somehow more relieved than annoyed that he had interrupted her. "Yes…" she said monotonously. "Do you know…" he paused. She thought for a second that his brain had gotten stuck in the middle of asking her the only serious question he'd ever uttered, then he continued with a half-hearted laugh, "I know this is going to be a weird question but…"
He looked sad as he asked her, "Raven, do you know anything about…death?" The question shocked her…Death? It was the last question she'd expected from him… And frankly she was a little annoyed that he had chosen her as the most likely recipient to this rather sensitive subject… "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean…" she said inquisitively.
"Well I just wanted to know if…you…you know…considering your background…if you knew anything about what happens when…" he stopped as though there was something wrong with the rest of his sentence. "you…die…" he finished. "Considering my background? Just what is that supposed to mean?" she said irately. As though he had only just realized the meaning of his words he started fumbling over his words embarrassed and ashamed, "I didn't mean it like that! I just… I… Oh man!"
He put his hands on his head in frustration and cried out as he laid his head on the table, "Arrgh… Don't you get enough pleasure out of torturing me already? Do you really have to make me feel like a total jerk, right now?" She giggled at his predicament…he was always fun to mess with… "Ok Beast Boy…I get your meaning…just stop crying about it." she teased. "Crying! I'm not crying…" he exclaimed sitting up straight. She giggled at him again…he just made it so easy.
"Grrr… Are you gonna answer me or not!" He nearly shouted at her. He was glaring venomously at her now…as though he were trying to threaten her into answering him… "Hmph… Does he really think that that will work?" She decided that she had had enough of playing with him… "Are you asking me about afterlife?" she asked matter-of-factly. "Yes, Raven that's what I'm asking about…" he said obviously losing his cool along with his patience…
"Look, I can understand why you might think I know something about death, but you know about as much as I do in this… Which now that I think about it makes me feel mentally challenged…" she cringed at the thought of her intellect being comparable to Beast Boy's… "Hey! Are you calling me retarded?" he exclaimed outraged at the implication. "No… Why? Would that make you feel smarter?"
She expected him to blow a gasket and start yelling at her… She realized in that moment that, considering that she was the one who wanted peace and quiet she sure was all too ready to make the opposite happen… But instead of getting mad he just stared at her condescendingly…as though she had just said the most insanely stupid thing ever…
"What?" she said a little irritated at his unexpected reaction… "Oh nothing… It's just that I realized something…" she raised an eyebrow in curiosity as though to say, 'Go on'… "You guys are always telling me how immature I am and that I should grow up…and I've decided to do just that…" he said proudly. Raven just about face planted… "Beast Boy! Mature! I must be dreaming!" "Yep I've decided to do that just as soon as you guys stop acting like fucking children!" Raven's face turned bright red as Beast Boy glared at her. "I can't believe I bought that!"
"You tell me to grow up when the only thing you can do is say stuff to get me mad on purpose! And I get yelled at because you constantly insult me! Get a fucking life, Raven!" he abruptly got up and started to walk out. "Wait!" she yelled after him. He turned around before he got to the hallway, crossed his arms over his chest, and turned a typical Beast Boy scowl (6) on her before replying angrily, "What now! You gonna insult my intelligence some more or tell me that I'm acting childish?"
"No!" she sighed, frustrated with the tension that she had helped build. "No." she said somewhat calmer now. "I…I just…I'm sorry… You're right I was the one acting immature…" He failed to hide the shock on his face. "This time!" she added not wanting to give him any ideas. She waited, not knowing what to say next…
"Ok…" he started. "Ok…good. That's…that's good… I mean…thank you." He said obviously trying to accept an apology, he hadn't expected, gracefully. "Why did you…umm… Why did you want to know about…you know…" she said nervously. "You know about pain… Don't you, Raven?" she had to fight to keep the rather stunned expression off of her face. "I…What… What do you mean? Pain?" was all she could say to such an odd question… "Inner pain, Raven…like for instance…"
"The pain of watching your parents die and knowing you could have saved them but didn't… You know that kind of pain…" he said in an all too calm voice…and then the creepiest thing happened…he smiled… A grim smile like that of the doomed who find some irony in their situation and cannot help but be amused… "Beast Boy I…I didn't know… We didn't-" "No…you didn't…and that's ok Raven…" she couldn't hide her surprise this time… "It isn't your job to know everything… You don't have to know every little sordid detail of your teammates past… We're us Raven…" he said in the most mature and un-Beast Boy like way. "We wouldn't be here if there wasn't something painful in our past… It's part of us Raven… It's something we all must share… And at the same time something we must all bear alone…" she had never thought she would ever hear Beast Boy say anything anywhere close as to being described as profound…
But that was the only way to describe his words… Profound… Deep… Moving… The truth of his words seemed to touch her heart… She could feel his pain mixing with her own… Their own pains…different but so alike… Mingled in the air around her… She thought that if the air didn't lift soon she would break down and start crying or something foolish like that…
Fortunately the long terrible silence was ended, "Booyah! Who's ready for some waffles!" Cyborg screamed running in from the hallway. "Waffles sound great Cyborg!" Robin chimed in coming in from the hallway right behind Cyborg with Starfire trailing in his wake. "Oh yes! Waffles sound most glorious indeed! I will get the moostarrd!" Starfire exclaimed joyously.
"First of all Star, it is pronounced mustard!" Cyborg said vehemently, closing his eyes in frustration. " And secondly we are not putting mustard in the waffle batter ever again! I may have let you get away with that once---"
Their conversation about breakfast faded to the back of her mind as Beast Boy blinked for the first time since they entered… He had maintained eye contact throughout the entire interlude… The last thing he said before he left was, "Let's keep this conversation to ourselves…shall we?" and with a glance of dismissal from his grim, penetrating eyes… He was gone…
When he came back he was his same old self again: Obnoxious, loud, disrespectful, and hyper as a 5 year old who takes his coffee with 3 teaspoons of crack… It was as if the conversation had never taken place…at least as far as everyone else was concerned…
-----End Flashback-----
From that day forward she was never really sure about what kind of person Beast Boy was… It was obvious that there was an intelligent person behind the simpleton façade…but…the real Beast Boy rarely if ever surfaced… Even when it seemed like she was finally seeing the person he was hiding from everyone he never seemed to remember or even realize that they had talked once before… It was as if they had never spoken… For whatever reason Beast Boy confused her to no end until she decided to simply put the 'real' Beast Boy 'out of sight and out of mind'…
Raven wondered if the day of his parents' death was the 'day' (7) he had mentioned earlier… "I suppose it's the most likely thing… Watching your parents die must be horrible…and to live with that kind of guilt…" She decided at length that it wasn't her place to speculate and that when Beast Boy wanted to talk about it he would…
She chose not to remember the words and the feelings he had shared with her…to not remember the incident at all… It made life a lot easier… Though it was somewhat more difficult than she would have thought she managed to suppress the memory most of the time… It made it so much easier to carry on as she normally would…treating him with as little respect as possible…
But quite recently she had found a respect for him that could only have come from a demon… He had been stricken…and for the longest time it seemed as if he would whither away and die…but in the end he had paid his price and continued on…like a real man should… She'd found herself wondering on many occasions what was really going on in his head, but was surprised to find out that he was either very good at controlling his emotions or he was able to block out certain memories all together and thus avoid those emotions entirely…
She shook herself mentally, "This is no time to space out, Raven! The show's about to start!" They had finally reached the gym and Raven was sure that something decidedly different from the humdrum pace that was the norm in the tower was going to take place…
-END CHAPTER-
In Story Notes1) Ok by 'humans' it basically means mortals in general… Like cryptonians, humans, tamaranians, etc…
2) Considering that Raven, Jinx, and Blackfire are all bad-ass babes, chicks, hotties, whatever you wanna call em's… I thought it probable that if they were all living together that they would be on exceptionally friendly terms… As in like…hell… 'Best-girlfriends'…social language isn't my forte…I assume you get the point…
3) This isn't really important or anything I would just like to take a moment to say that… ROBIN IS AN ASS!
4) My mind is doing a total blank… 'Deadpanned' means that ANIME thing that's between a 'tear drop' and a 'face plant' right? The character's heads turn down all of a sudden and their face is covered in that purple-black haze and there's usually a teardrop… That's what I'm going for… Can't remember… Grrr…Damit!
5) I would like to take this time to mention that I am not making fun of blondes in general… I myself have blonde hair… I have nothing against blondes… Thank you; move along…
6) It's that weird grimace he does where his face gets all scrunched up… It's really cartoony… Very comedic, not his serious face like in "Beast Within"
7) OOOHHH! Is that the DAY? Is it? Is it? Well… Maybe it is and maybe it's not… You just got to wait so there!
Laburnum's Request: Man… I feel like such an ass… I'm not gonna get all gay and wishy washy like with that weird ass AUTHOR'S NOTE… But I'm afraid I'm just gonna have to make you guys wait a few more days… Sorry… Count yourselves lucky I was trying to be mean at first and make everyone on that AUTHOR'S NOTE review me again or I was simply going to discontinue this thing in the view that I was making too much stress for myself to keep doing this…but I apparently have some kind of soft spot for my reviewers so I decided that in all probability you weren't actually trying to piss me off… (Which was my first thought) I've been spazzing out more than usual lately and that was the main reason behind that gay AUTHOR'S NOTE… It occurred to me that a lot of you guys might not be on EVERYDAY like me so that might be why NO ONE answered… Seriously did anyone see the dam thing at all? I left it up for three days! That really pissed me off… I nearly stopped writing all together… Anyways my request this time is for you guys to tell me what you think about Robin and what you guys think about Beast Boy kicking the ever loving shit out of him and whether I should wait until later or have him do it now! Plz Review… Peace!
P.S. I'm not posting the next chapter until I have at least 27 reviews… I have 21 at the moment so… Get to it!