"SO YOU HATE ME!" a shrill voice cried. Such was the greeting Kotori, Jhim, and I received as walked through the school gates.

"Who was that?" Kotori asked cautiously. "Baba Ushka?"

"Who?" I asked.

Kotori blushed. "You know that old Russian witch. I think I said it right…"

"How should I know?" I said. "I'm not from Russia."

"Besides," Jhim said slowly. "I have a feeling this person is much worse than a Russian witch."

Both Kotori and I nodded, only I knew who he was talking about. Kodachi Kuno. We approached a large crowd that had gathered around the drama that was playing out before them.

"I already have a fiancée!" another, male voice said.

"Was that Ranma?" I heard Kotori said, but Jhim and I were already pushing to the front of the circle. We emerged to see Ranma hiding from a crazed Kodachi behind a less than amused Akane.

Kodachi's sinister laughter filled the air. "She needn't worry about that," Kodachi said superiorly. "She'll be losing in any case!" Much to the crowd's relief, Kodachi stopped laughing and rounded on Ranma. "Ranma-sama! The next time we meet, you shall be mine."

Kodachi smirked evilly as she disappeared in a swirl of black rose petals, her bone chilling laugh hanging in the air. And as one, every single person in the crowd let out an involuntary shudder.

"Where the hell does she get the rose petals?" I asked Jhim quietly.

"You should know better than I do," Jhim said. "It is your area of expertise."

I scowled as we all watched Kuno reveal his family ties to Kodachi. "I don't know," I muttered. "Ever since yesterday I've been wondering…"

"Rizu! Chimofu!" Kotori called from the school entrance. "Come on, we're gonna be late!"

"We're coming!" Jhim called back. Turning to me, he said "We'll finish the conversation later."

I sighed as I scribbled chicken scratch on my English homework. Normally I'd have it done in five minutes tops but tonight I was brain dead.

I reached behind my back and closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. One… two… three! I quickly grabbed the long handle of the broom from The Twighlight Zone and brought it in front of me…

SMACK!

"JESUS CHRIST!" I dropped the broom and clutched my nose which was smarting strongly. "Holy shit! God damn that hurts!" As further streams of profanity sprouted from my mouth I made my way to the little mirror to see that my nose had begun to bleed.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…" I chanted angrily under my breath as I stuffed tissue up my nostril.

That made me so angry! How the hell did I manage to smack myself with a broom! Those stupid gymnast girls had whipped out a poster while remaining in sitting position, why couldn't I? God damn it!

Very slowly I managed to calm myself down enough to stop cussing. I just needed to practice more, that was all. Yeah, I'd practice so that I could bring out random objects at will and all would be well! And if that meant reverting back to practicing slap-stick, so be it!

The bell above the door jingled as I walked into the well lit store and smiled broadly when I heard Credence Clearwater playing over the stereo.

"Give me a sec!" a familiar voice said from behind the counter. The woman with long hair and yellow Lennon glasses popped up from behind a curtain and smiled. "Whoa, long time no see!" she said. Seeing the bandage over my nose she grimaced. "Damn hon, what've you been doing?"

"Oh this?" I said, indicating to my nose. "It's nothing; I just accidentally hit myself with a broom while I was playing with it." The lady gave me a funny look which I returned with a nervous smile. "So how've you been?"

"Ah ya know," she said. "Workin for the corrupt government can kill your spirit but it pays what it needs to pay for."

"Yeah, that tends to help matters," I said cheerfully.

"By the way, I never got your name," the lady said.

"Rizu Arumigufuchi," I said, not tripping over the last name for the first time in a while.

The lady smirked. "Arumigufuchi huh? I like it, tells everyone you won't be tied down." I nodded and pretended to know what she was talking about.

"What's your name?" I said.

"Eh, you can call me Sunny," she said happily.

"Like Sunny and Cher?" I asked, trying very hard not to laugh.

"Hey, don't disrespect the Sunny and Cher," Sunny said. "They had the right idea. And Cher kept the love going too, even after she got old."

I smiled nervously, never having been a Cher fan.

"So what are you doin here anyway?" Sunny asked. "Somethin gotcha down?"

I sighed and put my elbows on the counter. "Nah, it's nothing."

"Aw come on, it's me! You can tell me anything!" she said. I looked at her quizzically and she just smiled gently.

"Yeah, I guess something has been buggin me," I said quietly. "It's just that lately, I've been wondering if I really belong here. Ya know what I mean?"

"I know exactly what you mean!" Sunny said. "And I think the question is do any of us really belong here?"

The comment was a cliché to say the least and I could feel myself sweatdrop. "That's not it exactly," I said with a small laugh.

Sunny shrugged. "Why are you so worried about that anyway? All you need in life is a bong, a Beatles album, and a pair of cool glasses. S'all I've got to say."

"How is that supposed to help?" I asked.

"I don't know, but that's been workin for me," Sunny said.

The day before the match I walked over to the Tendo dojo after I had finished my homework. Or rather, I hoped Akane wasn't too busy training because I needed her help with homework.

"Um, excuse me?" I said as I poked my head inside the gateway. "Is anyone here?"

"Oh Rizu!" Kasumi said as she walked out. "We haven't seen you in awhile. How've you been?"

I smiled cheerfully. "I've been doing pretty well. How bout yall?"

Kasumi smiled her award winning smile and nodded. "We're all well thank you. Are you here to see Akane?"

"Actually yeah, is she busy?" I said.

"She's in the dojo I think," Kasumi said. "Would you like to stay for dinner tonight?"

"I don't want to impose," I began but Kasumi cut me off.

"Nonsense! We haven't seen you in awhile and I'm sure Daddy wouldn't mind," she told me.

I thanked her graciously and began to make my way to the dojo. I hadn't been by for only a week but why question when it works for you?

Akane was practicing, using Jhim as a dummy while Ranma watched. Jhim didn't look like he was fairing so well but I guess the pairing was helping each other somewhat. Akane was working on her aim and Jhim… was working on dodging. A lot.

"Hey guys!" I said as I walked in.

"Hey Rizu," Ranma said in a bored tone.

Jhim looked towards me as was about to speak when WHAM.

"Chimofu! I'm so sorry!" Akane said as she picked up the medicine ball that planted itself in Jhim's face. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah…" Jhim said weakly. Little swirlies had replaced his eyes making him look very stupid. "I'm fine."

I scratched my head nervously and laughed. "Uh, sorry bout that," I said. "But hey, you learned something!"

"What," Jhim said through gritted teeth. "Would that be?"

"Never take your eyes off an opponent!" I said as cheerfully as I could. The death glare Jhim was shooting at me made me glad he was rather... incapacitated at the moment. "So what've yall been doing?" I asked.

"Well Akane's been beating the tar out of me," Jhim said. "And Ranma's been watching."

"How come you aren't practicing with her Pigtail?" I asked as Jhim walked over to the sidelines.

"Don't like to fight girls," he said matter-of-factly.

"I could take you anytime!" Akane yelled at Ranma. "Just cause I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't beat you!"

"You know who we need?" I said. "We need Trogdor! He's the perfect partner!"

"Trogdor?" Ranma asked.

"You know, Ryoga!"

Ranma looked less than happy about that suggestion while Jhim just kinda smirked.

"But Ryoga hasn't been around for a while," Akane said almost sadly. She sighed and looked down at her ribbon. "And I was counting on him…"

A small pig snort came from the entrance as Pchan trotted in happily. "Well speak of the devil," I said under my breath as Akane picked up the happy piglet.

"Where have you been?" Akane asked the pig.

"Hmm…" Ranma said as he began to shift through the stuff Pchan had brought in. "Cinnamon crackers from Hiroshima…"

"And we've got tea cakes from Kyoto," Jhim said looking over Ranma's shoulder.

"Gah dang!" I said. "Looks like he's been just about everywhere huh?"

"Yeah, what a lousy sense of direction," Ranma said dryly, a threatening look leveled at the pig.

"Oh come on!" Akane said. "He's not Ryoga!"

Ranma, Jhim, and I shared a small smirk, although Ranma's was short-lived when Pchan chomped down on his finger. Quickly tying the small black pig in spare ribbons, Ranma picked up a hoop. "Of course not, let's practice."

Akane took on a serious face and crossed the clubs over her chest. "Alright, here I come!" She charged Ranma quickly and jabbed the clubs at him, all of which he dodged. Snapping up a ribbon with her toes, Akane ran towards Ranma and… WHUMP

Slipped on the medicine ball that had planted itself in Jhim's face earlier. "Oww…" she whined, clutching her ankle.

"Aw man, Akane!" I said rushing over to her. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I think I just sprained it," she said through gritted teeth. I looked down at the foot which was rapidly swelling.

"Hon, that doesn't look so good."

"Looks like you sprained it pretty badly," Ranma said as he looked over the ankle.

"I think we should call it a day," Jhim said as he stood up. "In the meantime let's get Kasumi to look at that."

I nodded and Ranma and I helped her up. Akane choked back tears as we carried her into her room, while Jhim went to get Kasumi. A few minutes later Akane sat on her bed, her ankle in bandages. "There you go," Kasumi said cheerfully.

"Man," Nabiki said as she spun around in Akane's chair. "My sister the klutz."

"I guess you're gonna have to withdraw," I said. Jhim was downstairs getting us drinks while Kasumi tended to Akane's ankle.

"I'll be there!" Akane said defiantly.

"No, I don't think that'll be good idea," Ranma said.

"You think I'll let a girl like that beat me!" Akane said standing up suddenly.

"Akane, don't!"

WHUMP

"OUCH!" Akane said from the floor.

"See?" Kasumi said as Akane nursed her ankle. "You'll have to find a replacement."

Akane frowned deeply. "Easy to say now! What other girl is that nimble, in such great shape, and…" Suddenly realization dawned on the entire room. "Knows martial arts." All eyes zeroed in on Ranma.

"Wait a minute," Ranma said nervously. "I'm not going out there in tights."

"Says who?" I said with a smirk. I noticed Ryoga coming up behind him with a pail of water and SPLOOSH

"I guess we'll be up all night practicing huh?" Ryoga said in a bored tone.

And at that moment Jhim decided to enter with our drinks. "Uh… what's going on?" he asked as he looked around the room. Ranma and Ryoga tensed up as I smiled.

"Eh, nothing," I said. "We're just talking."

The day of the match arrived bright and sunny. Too bad I'd have to spend it in a dark gymnasium.

The stadium was noisy and crowded as boys from Furinkan hit on girls from St. Bacchus's, the girls from Furinkan not looking very pleased with that development. I pushed my way through the throng, scanning the crowd for –anyone- I knew.

"Rizu!" I heard Sayuri yell from the stands. "Up here!" I looked up to see Yuka and Sayuri waving wildly at me from the stands. I waved back and battled my way to where they were sitting.

"Hey guys," I said. "When'd yall get here?"

"A few minutes ago," Yuka said.

Sayuri looked around the stadium and whistled. "There sure are a lot of people here," she said. "I wonder if it's cause of Akane?"

"Probably," Yuka said. "Although it's probably because all the guys wanna meet some St. Bacchus's girls."

"Well yeah," I said. "But why did everyone else come?"

"That's easy," Sayuri said. "To see Kodachi get beat."

I nodded and faced the ring below us. It was brightly lit so that everyone could see what was happening although it'd be like watching a football game without the giant screen.

"I hope Akane wins," Yuka said feistily. "I hate that Kodachi girl! She gives all girls a bad name!"

I raised my eyebrow. Okaaay…. "Akane's not gonna be fighting," I said. "She hurt herself last night while I was there."

"Oh no!" Yuka said. "Who's gonna fight now?"

"And now!" a voice boomed over the loud speaker. "The champions of the schools!"

"It's starting!" Sayuri yelled over the sudden roar of the crowd. We all turned our attention to the ring as two figures entered the ring.

"In this corner from St. Bacchus's school for girls… KODACHI KUNO!"

The auditorium rang with boo's and cheers for the demented gymnast, although I noticed a few of the Bacchus girls holding a "Kodachi #1" poster weren't cheering as loudly as others.

"And in this corner…" A pause as the announcer girl turned to Ranma. "From Furinkan High School… RANMA SAOTOME!"

The deafening cheer died down into a confused babble as highschoolers consulted each other.

"Did she say Ranma?" "You don't think…" "No way!"

"Ranma?" Sayuri said confused. "That's a weird name for a girl, don't you think?"

I shrugged. "My middle name is Stuart, why can't her name be Ranma?"

"Yeah but Ranma Saotome?" Yuka said. "That's just… wait, you're middle name is Stuart?"

I laughed nervously. "Hey, let's watch the match!"

"Champions to the center!" Ranma and Kodachi walked to the middle of the ring where the announcer told them to shake hands. Suddenly, Kodachi pointed behind them and while Ranma and the announcer weren't looking latched a chain onto Ranma's wrist.

"What the… that's cheating!" Sayuri yelled. "BOOOO! CHEATER!"

"And I think… Oh my god, is that a pig?" Yuka exclaimed. I looked closer as the bell rang to see Pchan gnawing on Ranma's arm.

"That defiantly looks like a pig," I said.

"Today… Martial Rhythmic Gymnastics!" the loud speaker boomed. "The rules: No time limit, no bare handed blows! The match ends when one contestant is knocked completely down and if either contestant falls from the ring, she will be an immediate loser!"

"Go Ranma!" Sayuri yelled loudly as Ranma charged Kodachi, flinging the ribbon at her arm. Kodachi snapped the ribbon aside without getting it tangled with her own ribbon (any girl that's played with ribbons knows how hard that is) and charged Ranma.

"Just what we've come to expect from the flower of martial gymnastics, Kodachi Kuno!" the commenter announced. "She handles the rope as if it's a rod!"

I watched fascinated as Pchan began to run around Ranma, wrapping her in the chain that attached the pig to her wrist. Kodachi took the opening to whack Ranma squarely on the head with a…

"Wait a minute! It is a rod!" the announcer yelled. "A rod disguised as a rope!"

"What the hell!" Yuka yelled. I stared at her in amazement.

"Yuka," I said disbelievingly. "Did you just cuss?" But Yuka was too angry to acknowledge me at the moment.

"That's cheating! Why isn't anybody calling her on this!" Yuka exclaimed. By now Sayuri was full into the Kodachi HATE! mode too.

"FOUL! FOUL!" she yelled. "What is this!"

I slowly distanced myself from the crazed girls and turned back to the fight. Kodachi dropped the rod and moved the clubs she was holding into position. Suddenly she jabbed furiously at Ranma's face, the blows narrowly avoided by Ranma. And it's a good thing she dodged them too as I saw the glint of metal very, very close to Ranma's face.

"Wait a minute," Yuka said in an actual calm tone. "Do those clubs have spikes?"

"I don't see any," Sayuri said as she squinted at the ring. "Unless they're retractable…"

"I bet they are!" Yuka yelled.

I tried to get away from Sayuri and Yuka before it got violent only to realize I was surrounded by equally pissed Furinkan girls, all with a major beef with Kodachi. And as anyone should know, being surrounded by a large group of angry girls, many of whom knew at least the basics of martial arts, is a very frightening experience.

"An ingenious pig attack from Ranma Saotome! Is a pig a valid weapon?"

A deafening roar of approval came from behind me as the judges announced Pchan as a valid weapon. It was like a college football game only with a higher rate of a fight. A sober one at that.

Kodachi's assistant tossed her a hoop from the sidelines which she hurled at Ranma. Ranma jumped over the oncoming hoop which… sliced through the post behind her. "Was that… a razor blade?" Before Sayuri could get an answer (or a riot), Kodachi snapped a ribbon to catch the razor hoop and brought it over Ranma's head and barely missed cutting her in half!

"Ranma jump ropes the chain knocking away the hoop!" the loudspeaker boomed as Ranma used the chain that attached Pchan to her wrist to knock away the accident waiting to happen. Akane tossed the clubs to Ranma who started to twirl them like they were nunchaku, although Kodachi didn't seem phased at all. In fact, she extended her arms in a strange arc, each of what looked like the many hands holding a club.

"Holy crap," I muttered. I already knew the secret of 'The Blow of a Thousand Hands' but it was impressive to see it none the less. Kodachi began to attack Ranma with the clubs at full force while the crowd ooed and ahhed.

One of the boys below me that was brave enough to stay near the raged girls section commented to his other brave friend: "It looks like she's using twenty clubs!"

And that assumption proved to be true when Ranma spiked a medicine ball at Kodachi, forcing her to drop the many clubs that she was holding.

"She was using twenty clubs!" Sayuri yelled angrily.

"That's a whole new level of foul play!" Yuka shrieked. I looked down and noticed the guys that were below me had moved away.

Kodachi flipped over Ranma and landed on the post, snapping her ribbon and grabbing the bell on the judges table. "Oh, a deadly bell assault!"

"BOO!" Yuka yelled!

"A pig block from Saotome! And the pig is angry… which should be no surprise…"

I still don't understand why Akane wasn't pissed as hell that her pet pig was being used as a shield.

Kodachi hurtled a chair at Ranma who dodged and tossed the entire judges table into the air with a ribbon. "And she snags the table! What an innovation!"

That wasn't an innovation, that was down right impossible. But then again, they were talking about Ranma.In speaking of impossible, Kodachi took this opportunity to snag her brother and chucked him at the oncoming table. Not missing a beat, Kuno broke the table in half with his sword.

"Using one's brother is not considered a barehanded attack! Use of brother is valid!"

Now that was just stupid. The whole ring was littered with various objects although it seemed that Kuno had decided to not glomp "The Pigtailed Girl" or Akane and stand by and actually watch his sister and one of his loves battle it out. "It's a battle for the ages! Neither champion yields a single step!"

I was almost too distracted by the mob behind me and the most idiotic fight in front of me to see Mr. Saotome in his panda form sipping tea with Akane. Smiling, I leaned on the rail in front of me. This was about to get interesting.

Kodachi used her ribbon to snag the hot tea kettle and catch it in her hand. "And Ranma Saotome retreats! Although that water does look hot…"

"Come on Ranma!" Sayuri yelled. "It's just some hot water!"

I smirked as Ranma and Pchan jumped into the air only for Kodachi to chuck the kettle at them. The water hit them dead on.

"Ranma Saotome takes the full force of the boiling attack!"

Suddenly, I spotted two people in the steam of the hot water falling rapidly to the ring. Although nobody got a chance to really see the second figure in the mist as Akane came out of nowhere with a giant hose, spraying Ranma and Ryoga (now Pchan) with ice cold water. "What's this? Saotome's second has attacked her with a fire hose!" Oh, so that's what that thing was.

"Oh my! The water's carrying her out!" the announcer said while Ranma desperately tried to swim back into the ring against the current of the fire hose. "Leaving the ring means instant defeat! Can it all be over!"

The whole crowd waited apprehensively as Ranma struggled to swim back into the ring. "Saotome is swimming back into the ring with a tenacity beyond all reason!"

Seeing this as an opening, Kodachi hurtled a hoop at Ranma who dodged it and jumped down as the hoop cut through the water.

I sighed and dropped my head. Man, this whole thing was just so… stupid! I slipped through the bars I was leaning on and landed on my feet on the landing below.

"Hey Rizu!" Yuka yelled. "Where are you going?"

"Bathroom!" I yelled back over the roar of the crowd. "I'll be right back!"

Yuka nodded and turned her whole attention back to the match. I walked out of the stadium into the deserted hallway. Note to self: Don't ever get on the bad side of the girls of Furinkan. The results could get messy.

I spotted a vending machine humming quietly down the hallway and suddenly noticed that I was very thirsty. Checking my pocket for change, I walked up to the machine and inserted the small fifty yen piece, pressing a small orange button. And nothing happened. I waited for a while longer then kicked the machine in frustration. The coin return wasn't working and even when I reached inside the machine I couldn't find any trace of a can of soda.

Karma's a bitch, I thought soberly as I kicked the machine again.

"Whatcha doin?" a nasally voice said behind me. I turned around to see a tall lanky kid with glasses and a very bad acne problem.

"Ugh, the vending machine's being a bitch."

He stepped past me and bent over the soda return slot, and I heard the thud of a soda can.

"Here you go!" he said cheerfully as he handed me my drink.

"Oh my god, how did you do that?" I said, very impressed.

He shrugged. "Eh, I have a broken machine down the street from my house," he said. "You're Rizu Arumigufuchi right?"

I blinked before smiling broadly. "Yeah! How'd you know?"

"Everyone in the school knows about you. And Ranma of course," he said happily. "You two are legends!"

I laughed nervously and scratched the back of my head. "Legends?" I said nervously. "I can see Ranma being a legend but me?"

"Well you never wear the uniform and your hair…" he said, trailing off. "It's like you're fighting the system! And Ranma is the greatest fighter there is since Akane!"

"Dude, I'm not fighting any system," I said nervously.

The kid chuckled. "You're so modest," he said.

I laughed nervously. Who was this kid? "What class are you in?" I asked, playing with my unopened can.

"Oh, I'm a freshman," he said with a big smile. I smiled back, remembering fondly when I had classes I understood.

A huge roar came from the stadium that actually shook the dust from the rafters. "The victor… Ranma Saotome!" the loudspeakers yelled.

"Alright!" I said, pumping my fist in the air. "Go Ranma!"

"Yeah, did you see the girls from Furinkan?" the boy said.

"I was sitting with them," I said.

The boy winced and smiled. "Man, I feel sorry for you," he said teasingly. At this time, people began to come out of the stadium, all talking excitedly with their friends about the amazing match they just saw.

"Well I guess I should get going," I said as I turned away. "Thanks again for the soda!"

The boy smiled broadly. "It was no problem," he said. "By the way, I'm Kurizu Arbaru."

"It's nice to meet you Kurizu," I said, extending my hand. Kurizu smiled broadly and shook my hand.

Now this guy is a nice guy, I thought to myself. A little weird, but nice, I thought as he continued to shake my hand. And shake it. And shake it. "Uh, I'd better go," I said nervously, trying to remove my hand from his grip. Problem was Kurizu wasn't letting go. "So I'll see you later then?" I said hopefully. Kurizu just smiled broadly.

"Hey Rizu!" Sayuri said as she approached me. "Get over here!"

I waved my free hand and continued to try to free my hand from Kurizu's. I swear this boy had a grip like none other. Okay, maybe Tsubasa could rival it but the way I was trying to squirm away, it looked like it was impossible. "Hey Kurizu, I gotta go now," I said.

"Okay, I'll see you later!" Kurizu said as he ran away, finally letting go of my hand.

"Oooh, who was that?" Yuka said as she and Sayuri caught up to me.

I blinked several times while Kurizu turned back and waved. "I just met him," I said. "But that was a little creepy." Shaking off the weird feeling, I turned back to Sayuri and Yuka. "So how'd the match go?"

Sayuri shrugged. "Aw man, you missed a great ending!"

"Yeah, it was so cool!" Yuka chimed in. "Ranma revealed that the entire gymnastics team was hiding under the ring and they had nowhere to stand but the poles!"

"So Ranma kicked the pole under Kodachi and knocked her out of the ring!" Sayuri finished for her friend.

A flushed and excited Yuka smiled broadly. "That match was so hot!"

Special: In the time old tradition of crazed sports fans, I give you… THE OLE MISS FIGHT SONG! LONG LIVE THE SOUTH!

Hotty Toddy, gosh o'mighty,
Who the Hell are we? Hey!
Flim bam, bim bam, Ole Miss by damn!

By the way, I hate the phrase "That's so hot!" Almost as much as I hate bad grammar. Grr…