"Here we are," I said as I put down the tray on the table reluctantly. The steam from the noodles were warming my cold hands.

Akane, Sayuri, Yuka, Kotori, and I were all at the ice rink on Sunday morning. I had given up skating earlier than the other girls because I was cold and my pants were wet from falling on my butt so much. Instead I vouched for getting our snacks and terrorizing the people standing next to me (no comment).

"Akane," Sayuri said. "You really should join the skating team."

"We have a skating team?" Kotori asked as she broke her chopsticks.

"Yeah, didn't you know?" Yuka said. "I think the only team we don't have is a basket weaving team!"

"No we do," I said off handedly. "I got invited to join the other day."

"Are you serious?" both Kotori and Akane said to me.

I nodded as I sat down. "Dead serious. I turned them down though, I'd much rather knit."

All four girls stared at me for a second before turning back to their snacks. "Anyway Akane, you should think about the skating team," Sayuri said.

"Yeah," I said. "Anyone who ever said you weren't graceful would have to eat their words!"

Akane gave me a dry look. "Didn't you say I wasn't graceful?" she said in a flat tone.

I shrugged. "Yes, well, I'm eating my words now aren't I?"

Akane rolled her eyes as she looked around. "Oh! I left Pchan in the rink!"

"Why did you bring Pchan anyway?" I asked.

"I thought he'd enjoy ice skating," she said as she stood up looking around for her pet pig.

"But he's a pig," Yuka said. "Pigs don't ice skate."

"Can we talk about this after we find him?" Akane said. I nodded and stood up, trying not to fall because of the thin razors on my shoes. We all split up and searched the ice rink, Akane getting more and more worried with each passing second.

"Rizu!" she yelled as she easily skated up to me. "Have you found him yet?"

I clung onto the wall and shook my head. "Nope, I haven't seen him hon."

Akane chewed her nail nervously and looked around like she was trying to hold back tears. "Where could he have gotten to?" she said nervously.

I've never been one to comfort teary eyed people and I smiled nervously. "Come on Akane, he wanders off all the time! He's probably fine!" Behind Akane I saw a girl with a giant fur coat and a giant hair-do walk out of the building.

"Excuse me miss," a young lady and her partner said to Akane. "Are you looking for a piglet?"

Akane's whole face lit up instantly as she nodded. "Yes, yes! Have you seen him?"

The lady nodded solemnly. "Yes we have. He was knocked out by an extravagant looking skater and taken away."

Akane's face went from happy to 'my world has just been destroyed' in zero point none seconds. "He was kidnapped?" she said weakly.

"I think I just saw her leave," I said carefully.

Akane rounded on me with the speed of light and the determination of a mad woman. "Where did she go!" she said loudly.

"Out, she went out!" I shook my head. "Say what," I said. "Maybe Ranma can help us find him."

Akane sniffed, an angry look still in her eyes. "Okay," she said.

"I'll go get everyone and you start getting your shoes on," I said. Akane nodded and skated hastily off the rink. Now that worried me, Akane never ever reacted this strongly to almost anything. Correction, she reacted strongly a lot, it was just most of the time the reaction was violent. I quickly found the other girls and we followed Akane out of the building.

"Where'd Ranma say he'd be?" Kotori asked.

"At the noodle place down the street," Sayuri said.

Akane was looking around the street anxiously looking like she was about ready to burst. "Akane hon," I said quietly. "You alright?"

She shook her head violently. "I'm worried about him!" she squeaked. Kotori and I exchanged a worried look. This was getting weird.

"Here we are," Yuka said. "Come on, they're all inside."

Akane shook her head and got an angry look in her eye, making us all back away and quickly. She shoved open the door and yelled "Ranma!"

As luck would have it, Ranma was standing right near the door and looking decidedly nervous. He seemed to back away as quickly as he could as Akane got closer. "Wha-what? You want to fight?" he said defensively, already in a fighting stance even while running away.

Akane's pissed off face finally gave way to sobs, making Ranma pause considerably. "There's nothing to cry about!" he yelled at her.

"That's not helping stupid," I said as I walked in.

Ranma ignored me, a little more focused on defending his life. "Who am I to judge if you have…"

"FIND PCHAN!" Akane yelled.

"Sex app… Pchan?" Ranma said confused.

"Yeah, he disappeared," Kotori said as she came in behind me.

"He was kidnapped! There were witnesses!" Sayuri said.

I was about to say something when I got shoved from behind. "Hey!" I said loudly but the girl who bumped into me didn't even acknowledge me. Suddenly I realized who the girl was. "Hey you!" I yelled.

The girl with fur coat and the big hair turned around, Pchan in her arms and squealed loudly. "Sierra!" the girl cried happily while she literally attacked my head.

"What the hell!" I yelled as I tried to get my hair out of her hand while she still held Pchan in the other hand. "Get off my hair!"

"But its Sierra!" she squealed happily.

"Hey, that's Pchan!" I heard Akane say as she sped over to the girl who was still holding onto my hair.

"What are you doing?" the girl said, clutching Pchan to her chest. "She's my widdle Charlotte!"

"He's my little Pchan!" Akane retorted.

"No! This is Charlotte! Charlotte!" the girl yelled back while she yanked my hair.

"Eeeowww! Let go!"

Suddenly I heard the door opened behind me and a hand snagged Pchan out of the girl's grasp. The girl was forced to let go of my hair as she jumped up and down, trying to get the piggy back from the Mysterious Hand! "Oh give her back you, you…"

I turned to the door clutching my head to see… wow. He was hot. A tall handsome man about our age stood in the doorway, holding Pchan just out of the girls reach. He swept past me and over to a dazzled Akane, handing her Pchan.

"Yours?" he asked in a deep mysterious voice.

"Uh," Akane stuttered. "Yes." I looked over to see a perturbed Ranma plop down in his seat, pretending not to care that his fiancée was making girly eyes at another dude.

"Forgive my companion's rudeness," the man said.

"That's all right," Akane said while comforting a distraught Pchan. "Thank you."

The man sat down and struck a dramatic pose… which would've been a lot more dramatic if the other girl wasn't assaulting his head with an ash tray yelling "Give back my Charlotte!"

"You see, her hobby is… collecting things," he said. "When she finds something cute, she names it on the spot and takes it home."

"Isn't that illegal?" Hiroshi, one of Ranma's friends that was there said.

The girl with the fur coat picked up a nearby chair and began waking the man over the head screaming "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!"

"WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT YOU IDIOT!" the man yelled at her, the bumps on his head making him look less than suave.

"Pleeeaaassee?" the girl whined. I shuddered and clutched my head protectively.

The teary eyed girl gave up on the man and glared at Akane. "I challenge you!"

"So you want to fight me?" Akane said defensively.

"Fight?" the girl said. "How vulgar! My challenge is to a skating match!" she said, holding up her razor sharp skates. "If I win, you give back my widdle Charlotte!"

"He's a guy," I muttered to myself, not wanting to draw much attention to myself.

"Aha!" Sayuri said suddenly. "Now I remember those two!"

"You're right!" Yuka said. "They're Kolkhoz's High school's champion freestyle skating pair!"

"See," I said to Kotori. "I told you there was a skating team." Kotori rolled her eyes.

"I'm Azusa Shiratori," the big haired girl said.

"And I'm Mikado Sanzenin," the man said acting modest. Although you would've never known by the little sparkles that danced around the pair.

"Akane!" Sayuri cried. "You shouldn't try to out-skate those two!"

"Yeah, they're the best of the best!" Yuka said to back up Sayuri.

"So what if they are?" Akane said. "I could beat them!"

"Yeah but it's two against one," I said. "You'd be outnumbered."

"So what?" Akane said.

Azusa smirked. "If you want to back down," she said mockingly. "You should do it now."

"Me back down? You're the thief!" Akane yelled back.

Mikado swept past the bickering girls and over to Akane, giving her a disarming look. "I'm sorry," he said. "My partner has caused you trouble. By way of apology…" Without skipping a beat, the man cupped Akane's chin in his hand and tipped her face towards his, preparing to give her a kiss.

I seriously feared of Mikado's life until a small fish cake splatteredd on his cheek. I looked over towards where the fish cake came from to see Ranma, looking very pissed and very dramatic. Mikado smirked as he removed the fish cake from his face and walked over to Ranma.

I rushed over to Akane while Mikado and Ranma confirmed the challenged that was issued. "Akane," I said to her. "You there?" Suddenly I saw something inside Akane's eyes snap.

"I'm gonna kill him!" she growled. I grabbed her arm quickly before she could slaughter Mikado.

"Calm down Akane," I said. "Give it a second." A second later Azusa began to assault Mikado for possession of the fish cake challenge, crying 'Francoise!' Akane's temper died a little at the sight of a humiliated Mikado but not by much.

"Alright guys," Kotori said. "It's time to go."

I nodded, and we as a group left the noodle shop. Before going on our way, I smirked at Ranma. "So Ranma," I said evilly. "What were you saying about Akane's sex appeal when we got there?"

Ranma blushed and tipped his hat over his eyes.

"So Azusa attacked your hair?" Jhim said with a laugh as we walked into the skating rink. We had talked to Akane earlier and Jhim (who had better balance on the ice than I ever did) had agreed to help Ranma and Ryoga learn how to skate. I decided to tag along just to see how long I could stay on the ice.

"Shut up man," I defended. "I'm still traumatized by it."

Jhim chuckled but didn't press the matter further as we saw the gang.

"Hey, Rizu," Akane said. "I didn't know you'd be here."

I shrugged and sat down to take my shoes off. "I just decided to tag along." I turned to Ranma (girl form today) and Ryoga, who were having a glaring contest, and smiled. "So boys, any luck yet?"

"YES!" both of them yelled at me. "I'm better than Ryoga of course," Ranma said.

"Liar! I could beat you right now!" Ryoga yelled at Ranma.

Jhim turned to Akane. "I thought Ranma was going to be here," he said, feigning ignorance.

Akane and Ranma laughed nervously. "Oh, no," Akane said. "I was talking about the other Ranma!"

"Uh yeah!" Ranma said. "Since I helped her out with the gymnastics match, I figured I could help her out with this match too!"

"But isn't Pigtail the one who issued the challenge?" I asked, smiling at Ranma who was giving me a death glare.

"He couldn't be here today," Akane said. "He had to… train with his dad!"

"But… you sure do look like Ranma," Jhim said. "Are you sure you're not just Ranma cross dressing or something?"

"IT'S NOT CROSSDRESSING!" Ranma yelled. "I mean…"

I tied my shoelace and stood up. "So guys, are we ready?" I said with a challenge evident in my voice. Both boys (in spirit at least) stood up quickly and glared at each other.

I smiled and walked over to the rink, stepping carefully onto the ice. I grabbed the wall and began to skate cautiously. I turned to look at Jhim and gave him a triumphant look as I began to glide more easily.

Turning back to Ranma and Ryoga, I stuck my tongue out at them. "See?" I called back. "If I can do it, you two should have no problem!" That got them both going.

Or at least they tried. Ryoga got two steps onto the ice before he fell on his face, sliding further away. Ranma got a little farther with three steps when she landed on her butt and spun down the ice.

Jhim and Akane made their way to the wayward martial artist and helped them up, both Ranma and Ryoga still stumbling drastically. Man this was going to take awhile.

The day had, so far, been going my way. I wasn't late for any of my classes, I didn't sleep in any of my classes (an accomplishment, let me tell you) and what's more, I had the entire afternoon to myself. I told Jhim and Akane that I was going to skip out on the skating rink today, giving me oodles of free time. Hmm, 'oodles'. I like that word.

The weather was as near perfect as it could get. Fall was at its peak, and the wind was blowing gently. The air smelled of apples and the indescribable smell of fall. Yes, nothing could ruin today.

"Sierra!"

I had to say it didn't I?

"Sierra!" I heard Azusa's squeal rapidly approaching, so I did the only thing I could. Run.

"Get away from me!" I yelled as I bolted down the street.

"Give me my Sierra!" Azusa yelled at me. I turned around briefly to see that she had whipped out some very sharp looking scissors and was snapping them dangerously.

That was enough to get me moving. "Didn't your mother tell you not to run with scissors!" I yelled as I ducked around several pedestrians who didn't have the sense to move. Suddenly I saw a shadow over me and it was rapidly becoming bigger.

WHOMP

"Holy hangover!" I yelled at Azusa who had landed on my back, pinning me to the ground. "What is wrong with you!"

Azusa didn't respond as she picked out a chunk of my hair. "Widdle Sierra is coming with me!" she said cheerfully as she pulled out the scissors.

"That's my hair you ditz!"

Azusa looked down at me in disgust. "No it's not, it's my widdle Sierra," she stated matter of factly.

Enough was enough. With a sudden shove, I bucked Azusa off my back and scrambled to stand up to make my escape. I had never been the fastest to get out of the pool and it appeared nothing much had changed as I struggled to get up.

I felt the presence of something approaching my head and ducked just in time to see the open scissors pass over my head. "HOLY SHIT!"

I reached over my head, grabbing whatever was behind me and threw it over my head. Turns out I grabbed Azusa's arms and because I wasn't nearly strong enough to throw someone, she collapsed on me crushing me to the ground. Panic was moving me now as I backed up under Azusa and got to my feet to run away… only to bump into someone. I fell to the ground and looked up to see Mikado standing over me.

Walking swiftly around me, he promptly grabbed the scissors out of Azusa's hands. "What have I told you!" he yelled at her. "No running with scissors! It's dangerous!"

Azusa started to tear up. "B-but Sierra…"

"No! Bad Azusa!" Mikado suddenly turned to me and smiled as he extended a hand. "I'm terribly sorry about that," he said. "She can get a little… over zealous."

"A LITTLE!" I shrieked. "Have you considered a leash for her!"

Mikado smiled his number one suave smile, trying to get out of the situation without a lawsuit to deal with (not that I knew how to sue anyone). "Yes I have actually, but she named it on the spot and I never saw it again." Reaching down, he picked me up and stood me upright. Only problem was he wasn't letting go. "Allow me to apologize," he said as his face got closer to mine.

Now, there's a limit to what a girl can take before she snapped, and I had reached mine. I did the first thing that came to mind: I kicked him in the groin.

Boy let go of me so fast I almost lost my balance. Not missing my chance, I ran off down the street.

"Holy shit, you did what!" Jhim exclaimed when I told him about the encounter later.

"I kicked him and ran away. What else was I supposed to do?" I said as I kicked the ground.

"So let me get this straight," Jhim said as we continued to walk down the street. "You got attacked by Azusa, and you, the non-fighter, got away…"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I snapped. "She was trying to stab my head with a pair of fucking scissors for Christ's sake!"

"I get it, just calm down okay?" Jhim said. "So you ran into Mikado who tried to kiss you. So you kicked him in the balls."

"And it worked damn well too!" I said. "Nobody and I mean nobody does that to me."

Jhim smiled at me with a new found respect. "Well I'm just glad nobody got too hurt."

"No shit," I said. "And I have all my hair to boot."

"In speaking of that," Jhim said. "I think I have an idea."

Days passed, and still Ranma had made almost zero progress, although it was very entertaining to watch. Ryoga had somehow wandered off and god knows when we were gonna see him again.

So it was up to Jhim and Akane to help Ranma learn how to skate, although he insisted on learning in his female form. Jhim had helped her learn to stand at least and for awhile Ranma had accompanied me by skating on the wall. After awhile Akane insisted that Ranma get off of the wall and began to lead her further and further into the middle of the rink.

"Jeez Pigtail," I said one day when we were getting ready to start skating. "You sure do talk a lot about balance but you can't do shit on the ice."

"Shut up!" she said. "I don't see you out there in the middle!"

"Yeah, but I'm not the one that challenged a guy to do something I'd never done before," I retorted. "-And- I'm no martial artist."

"Not from what I hear," Ranma grumbled. "I hear you fought Azusa the other day."

"No, I ran away very successfully," I responded and I pulled my hat down further over my head. It was an old black beanie that I had bought after the 'Sierra Incident'. After that stunt, I wasn't sure I wanted to attract too much attention to my hair. "You ready?" I said as I stood up.

Ranma sighed and walked out onto the ice with me. Akane skated up to meet her and lead her into the middle of the rink to work on posture, a supposedly important thing in figure skating. I once again skated along the wall, not quite confident to stay too far from my path.

"Hey Rizu!" I heard Jhim call as he swiftly skated up to me. "Whatcha doing on the wall?"

"Skating," I said. "Why?"

"Well I thought since you seem to be able to tease Ranma so easily," he said as he grabbed my hand. "We should get you into the middle too."

My eyes widened as Jhim led me into the middle of the rink. "No Jhim. This ain't funny man," I said as I struggled to keep my balance. "Come on Jhim, this ain't funny." Jhim laughed. "Man, where's the confident Rizu I know?" he said.

"On the wall, where I should be," I said. "On the wall."

"Aw come on," he said laughing. "Where's your sense of adventure?" Jhim led me over to where Akane and Ranma were practicing and I tried very hard not to fall.

"Hey Rizu!" Akane said cheerfully. "Nice to see you out here!"

Ranma smirked as best as she could without falling. "S'not so easy is it?" she said.

"Shut up," I muttered as I waved my arms around wildly. I let go of Jhim's hand to regain my balance and promptly fell on my butt.

"Oww…" I whined.

"Here," Jhim said, reaching out to help me up while laughing.

I glared daggers at him and slowly and carefully managed to stand up on my own. "Ha! I did it!" I said triumphantly.

"Great, now try to skate," Akane said.

I stood up straight, took a deep breath, and began to warily skate away from the trio. With each movement, I became a bit more confident until I was able to skate at full strides. Grinning widely, I turned around and skated back to my friends. "HA! I win!" as I bumped into Jhim to stop myself from skating away.

Ranma sniffed. "Big deal," she said. "Come on Akane, let's keep practicing."

I laughed as Akane led Ranma away slowly, Ranma still squatting to keep her balance. Suddenly Jhim grabbed my hand and began to quickly lead me away. "Dude, what's up?"

"We've got some company," he growled. I looked back to see Azusa knocking over Akane, sending Ranma on her way down the rink.

"Oh crap," I muttered. "Hey, you should go help Pigtail," I said to him as Ranma skated backwards, completely out of control.

Before Jhim could even nod, Mikado swooped in and save Ranma from smacking into the wall.

I clenched my fist angrily as I watched Mikado hit on the female Ranma, acting so suave, it made me wanna…

"Ouch! Yo Liz, you wanna let go?" Jhim said. I looked down to see that I was still holding his hand and squeezing it a bit too tightly for comfort.

"Oops, sorry," I muttered as I let go. Suddenly an entire hockey team swooshed out from behind us and surrounded Mikado and Azusa. Mikado put Ranma down next to Akane and took a stance next to Azusa.

"It's the Assault of a Hundred Foes," Jhim said gravely as the entire hockey brigade attacked the skating pair. Working together like a sort of windmill, Azusa and Mikado took down each and every one of the hockey players with ease, ending with a graceful touch.

"Nine seconds flat," I heard one of the hockey players say (more like gurgle really, I'm sure I wanna find out why).

"That's why they're the Golden Pair of martial arts skating!" another one commented.

Out of the blue I heard a commotion behind me and I turned around to see little Pchan sprinting out onto the ice with a pair of skates around his neck. "Well Ryoga's back," I said as Azusa snapped him up.

"Charlotte!" she squealed. "Mommy has a little present just for you!" she said as she snapped on a pink rhinestone collar on Pchan's neck. "Ooo, how cute!"

Suddenly I realized why my dad never let us get a rhinestone collar for our dog.

"A collar!" Akane said as she snatched Pchan away from Azusa. "How horrible!" Suddenly she noticed the gold nametag, which read 'Charlotte' in cursive rhinestones. "Don't worry Pchan, I'll get it off," Akane said as she tried to yank the collar off of Pchan.

Azusa laughed. "It's useless! I locked it! If you want to get it off, you have to win the match!"

Akane glowered. "I don't care if you are the 'Golden Pair'! When Ranma and I pair up…"

"Akane!" an uncoordinated female Ranma whined. "Help me! I'm gonna fall if you don't catch me!"

Once again before either Jhim or I could move to help the girl, Mikado swooped in and caught Ranma, skating her around while trying to sweet talk her. And then it happened.

Mikado laid a big smooch on Ranma.

To this day, I'm still not sure how I should've reacted. All I know is laughing probably wasn't the best idea. Ranma (who suddenly could skate very well) fled the rink crying her eyes out. Although I would've cried too in his position. Meanwhile, I almost fell onto the rink laughing.

All of a sudden I heard Mikado gasp. "You!" he exclaimed. "You're the girl who…" he trialed off, not sure if he wanted to reveal that his advances had been spurned in a rather painful way.

"Sierra!" Azusa cried when suddenly she stopped when she noticed all of my hair was tucked under my hat. "Where'd your hair go?" she asked threateningly, skating closer to me than I was comfortable with. "You didn't do anything with Sierra did you?" she asked.

"Hey, back off!" Jhim said, skating a little in front of me. "It' her hair, not one of your bobble heads!"

"Yeah!" I said from behind Jhim, sticking my tongue out at her.

Thinking back, that might not have been the wisest thing to do since A) she was a martial artist of sorts and B) I was in her territory.

Akane quickly skated over to us and glared down Azusa. "Back off Azusa," she growled.

Azusa smirked. "And what are you two going to do about it?" she asked as Mikado skated to her side. "We're the Golden Pair after all."

"That doesn't count for anything!" I yelled at them.

Mikado smirked and shot a glare at me. "Let's make a deal then," he said in his 'best impression' voice. "If Akane and Ranma win the upcoming match, not only will we give the pet back, but we'll leave the miss alone."

I suddenly had a very bad feeling.

"But if we win," he said.

"You'll be forced to give me all of Sierra," Azusa finished. "All of her."

"Fine! We accept your challenge!" Akane said.

"We do?" I said.

"Yeah! Akane and Ranma are gonna kick your butt!" Jhim added enthusiastically.

"They are?" I said.

Mikado smirked and gave me a 'cat and mouse' look. "Fine then. Come tomorrow, your hair ours."

"Whoa, what!" I said, the full force of the challenge hitting me in the head. "I'm not shaving off my hair!"

Azusa grinned. "Too bad your friends already decided for you."

If Ranma hadn't shown up I would've had a few choice words for little Miss Creepy. "SANZENIN!" A male Ranma yelled angrily as he literally stomped onto the ice. "We'll fight here and now! I can't let you live!"

I whistled admiringly. "Damn do you see that aura?" I said to no one in particular.

"What's this about?" Mikado said.

"For the first time in my whole life," Ranma growled. "I'm really mad!" And to punctuate this point, he punched a hole in the ice causing a crack to form… and form… and form right in front of Mikado.

"I don't know what you're angry about," he said. "But for sin of damaging the sacred rink, you must die!"

"Drama much?" I yelled. "What is this, the church of figure skating!"

"Cut it out," Akane said. "No matter how much I dislike them, the skating rink is to them what the dojo is to a martial artist."

I chewed my tongue nervously. I had never made that connection before and now I felt slightly ashamed. But not much.

Ranma chuckled. "That's great. For the humiliation you've given me, I'll give you back a hundredfold!" He jumped up into the air and headed right for Mikado… who skated to the side, letting Ranma crash into the ice.

But that didn't stop him. Ranma jumped up behind Mikado and tried to punch him, only to miss and fall on the ice again. Unfortunately for Mikado though, Ranma rose slowly from the ice, ready to fight.

And Mikado's sweater got ripped. That my friends, is a forbidden thing to do.

"I don't usually don't use this attack on amateurs," he said to Ranma. "But I'll make an exception." As Ranma charged Mikado again, Mikado began to twirl on the ice, making strange dance movements.

"Whoa! It's the undefeatable Dance of Death!" a hockey player said.

And indeed it appeared to be so as Ranma was caught up in the whirlwind of kicks and punches Mikado was delivering. Finally, Ranma was kicked out of the 'dance' and crashed onto the ice while Mikado came to a full stop, not moving from his position.

"Looks like he's down for the count," another hockey player said as Akane skated up to Ranma's still form.

"Ranma?" she said. "Can you stand up?" Ranma suddenly flipped off of the ice and made a perfect landing on his feet… or he would've if it hadn't have been for the ice. Sighing, Akane grabbed his pigtail and skated off while the hockey players that surrounded us were asking the same thing: Who won?

It became clear though that Ranma had won once Azusa skated up to Mikado and began to doodle on him. Everyone on the hockey team made a mad dash to doodle something on the arrogant skater.

"Hey, I'm gonna go check on Ranma," Jhim said to me.

"Okay, I'll be there in a second," I said as I skated up to the mob. Reaching into the Twighlight Zone, without the purse I might add, I began to hand out pens and markers to all of the hockey players, who took them gladly.

After all the players had doodled to their hearts content and given me back my markers, I skated up to Mikado. Pulling out a piece of paper, I taped it onto his back and wrote:

"Kick Me. I Stole Your Girlfriend."