Chapter 1: Some Strange Stuff is Going Down
Backstage at the WWE Headquarters, Triple H is walking towards Mr. McMahons office when he bumps into CM Punk and Maria. A look of disgust covers Triple H's face.
"What the hell are you doing here, I sent you down to OVW and I told you to stay there. You don't belong here." says Triple H sternly to CM Punk.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch Paul, I'm just picking up Maria." CM Punk replies to Triple H with a slight grin on his face.
"Oh thats right, I forgot Maria was your new flavor of the week." Triple H says with a smirk on his face.
"Hey!" Maria yells at Triple H.
"Calm down, Triple H is just mad because Vince hasn't given him another World Title run yet." says CM Punk.
"Listen dirtba..." Triple H begins to say before he is interupted by CM Punk.
"Careful Paul, your nose is starting to get red." CM Punk says as Maria laughs.
"I don't have time for this I'm a 10 time World Champion, I don't need to have a battle of wits with some ROH reject." Triple H says angrily.
CM Punk is about to talk but before he can say anything John Cena walks up behind Triple H.
"Ya' know we'd all be 10 time World Champs too if we were sleepin' with the boss' daughter" John Cena says cockily.
"Well look who it is, Vannila Ice in the flesh." Triple H replies turning towards Cena.
"Nice comeback there Culombo." Cena glances over at CM Punk, "What are you doing here Phil, I thought you were with OVW?" Questions Cena.
"That seems to be everyone's favorite question tonight, C'mon Maria, lets go." CM Punk says.
The two head toward the arena exit. On their way they walk by Rob Van Dam, who gives them a nod. RVD walks over to Cena and Triple H.
"Whats he doing here?" RVD asks.
"Ya' Know, we asked the same thing." Cena says as he chuckles.
"As much as I would love to stand here and chit chat with you, Vince needs me in his office, he said he wants to talk about trying to have twins with Stephanie." Triple H says as he begins to walk away.
"Dude, not cool, you mean we might have even more little Triple H's on the way. Damn man, you're totally killing my chi." RVD says in disgust.
"Oh, go feng shui yourself, ying yang." Triple H says as he walks away.
"What's his problem?" asks Cena.
"Empitancy maybe. Maybe he isn't pleasing Stephanie anymore." suggests RVD.
"Not like it'd matter, Stephanie's so loose now, Tommy Lee couldn't pleasure her." says Cena.
"Thats wrong dude." RVD says.
"Sorry dawg, anyway, I gotta go, I'm gonna try that thing on the internet called E-Spin the Bottle." Cena replies as he starts to walk away.
"What's that?" asks RVD.
Cena stops walking and turns around. "It's spin the bottle on the internet, I gotta find myself a lady friend soon or I may become empitant."
"Why not just grab a girl from the crowd after a show, ya' know how many chicks would be willing to go home with you?" RVD replies.
"Nah man, there ain't that many." says Cena unbelievingly.
"Trust me dude, you've got more teenage whores on you then MySpace." RVD says reassuringly.
Cena laughs, "Whatever you say man, but see ya 'round dawg."
"See ya." RVD says as they both walk seperate ways.
As RVD continues down the hall he walks by the locker room and hears someone sobbing. The locker room door is slightly ajar so RVD sneeks a peek. To his suprise he sees JBL on his knees with tears rolling down his face.
"God," says JBL, "God please answer me."
"What now!" says a voice that echos through the locker room.
"I need a favor from you." says JBL as he sniffs.
"Enough Bradshaw, the deal was, I would let you strike it rich in the stock markets and have a ten month long WWE Title reign, in exchange for any talent that you may or may not posses. Now leave me alone, it's poker night at Moses' house and I'm gonna be late." says the voice.
"You play poker?" asks JBL.
"You got that right, playa." replies the voice.
"Huh? Is that you Theodore Long?" asks JBL.
"Damn straight!" says the voice.
RVD, having heard enough, walks in the locker room.
"Wait, so you mean to tell me that Teddy Long, is god!" says RVD in disbelief.
JBL jumps to his feet and tries to wipe the tears off his face before RVD notices.
"It's too late dude, I already saw you crying like a little bitch." RVD says.
"Oh, hey RVD." says Long.
"What the hell are you doing in here!" JBL says furiously.
"Wow, people do ask that question a lot. But anyway, so teddy, you're really god?" RVD asks.
"Yup." replies Long.
"And you're the Smack Down GM right?" RVD asks.
"That"s me." answers Long.
"Then if you're God and the Smack Down GM, how come Smack Down has sucked so much?" RVD asks.
But before Long can answer, another voice is heard coming from the hallway.
"HEY! Nothing you can say, nothings gonna change what you've done to me! Now it's time to shine, I'm gonna take whats mine!" sings the voice.
The person behind the voice walks into the room. It turns out to be Randy Orton. Orton walks into the romm and raises his arms.
"You're gonna be burnin' inside my light!" Orton continues to sing and then plays a little air guitar.
"Do you have to do that every time you enter a room?" asks JBL, but Orton ignores him.
"How's it going Randy?" asks Long.
"I'm doing good" Orton replies.
"Wait, you know about this too!" says RVD shocked.
"Of course, this is where everyone who isn't named Triple H comes to get there title shots." Orton replies. "Ya' see no one really wins there matches using there ability, Theodore Long, oh oops, I mean God here decides who wins and who loses around here.
"So you mean, I didn't win the WWE/ECW Championship by myself?" asks RVD looking concerned?
"Nope, now, back to buisness, what the hell are you guys doing in here?" JBL asks.
"Quiet Bradshaw, nobody cares about you!" Long shouts.
"Haha owned." says Orton as he laughs.
RVD is still shocked at the statement that Orton made and eventually faints. Both JBL and Orton look down at RVD and go to help him up, but before they can they hear a pounding noise coming from inside one of the lockers. Orton walks over to the locker and cautiously opens it to find Eugene.
"Oh, hi Randy, hi Bradshaw, do you remember me? My name is Eugene." says Eugene excitedly.
Orton rolls his eyes, "C'mon Nick enough with the pretending to be retarded backstage, that's only a gimmick."
"Actually Randy, he really is retarded, remember when he beat Kurt Angle in the Angle invitational and won Kurt's olympic gold medal?" asks Long.
"Yeah I remember, but whats that got to do with this?" asks Orton in reply.
"Well, while Eugene was in possesion of the gold medal, he would stare at it for hours. The bright shine eventually damaged many of his brain cells, thus, he became an actual retard. Many people also think that Eugene seeing Hulk Hogan's shiny bald head at WrestleMania 21 might have been an early contributer." answered Long.
"Haha pwnd." laughs Orton.
"What does that even mean?" asks JBL.
"It's like being majorly owned." Orton replies.
"Whatever, but Eugene, who locked you in the locker?" asks JBL with a confused look on his face.
"I did, I went into the locker to look for the Keibler Elfs and accidentally locked myself in." answers Eugene.
"You really are a retard Eugene." says Orton shaking his head.
Eugene gets a sad look on his face and starts to cry.
"Oh c'mon Eugene, I'm already disliked in the locker room, I don't need to be known as the guy who made the retard cry too." says Orton as he walks over to Eugene and tries to comfort him. Just as Eugene is about to calm down a loud bang is heard coming from the hallway.
"Hey JBL, try and wake RVD up and keep Eugene from crying anymore than he already has, I'm gonna see what that was." says Orton as he heads toward the door.
End of Chapter 1