Chapter 2: Backstage Mayhem
Randy Orton opens the door to find the source of the loud bang, when he looks around the hallway he sees a golf kart with a dented front end pressed against the wall. Ric Flair and Kurt Angle are sitting inside of it. Both men stumble out of the golf kart. Orton notices that a couple of Angle's veins are bulging and cautiously approaches them.
"What the hell are you guys doing!" asks Orton looking concerned.
"I'll tell you what we're not doing." answers Angle, "We're not recreating only the coolest jump from the Dukes of Hazard."
"Woooooooo!" says Flair.
"Who's golf kart is that? asks Orton.
"Rey Mysterio's, we were originally going to take one of his low riders but we couldn't hot wire them. All Flair did was woooooo at them. So we settled with this golf kart instead." replied Angle.
"Wooooooooo!" says Flair.
Angle gets bored and decides to try and apply the Ankle Lock on random objects.
"Hey Flair." Orton calls to Ric.
"Wooo." Flair responds
"Ummmmmm... yeah, well anyway, how did you get permission from Vince to let you try this?" Orton Questions.
"Wooooooooo!" answers Flair.
Orton gives Flair a blank stare trying to understand what he means when he hears a mumbling noise coming from under the golf kart. Orton looks over and sees Edge crawling from under the wrecked golf kart. Edge looks up at Orton and Flair.
"That's OK guys, I don't need any help." Edge says sarcastically.
Orton and Flair shrug their shoulders and half heartily help Edge out from under the wreckage. Once Edge gets to his feet he starts frantically looking around.
"Lita!" Edge yells out,"Lita where are you?"
"Over here." Lita yells back at Edge.
Edge, Orton and Flair look over to the smashed front end of the golf kart. Lita is positioned in between the wall and the golf kart.
"Oh my god, Lita are you all right!" Edge asks looking concerned.
"Dude, chill out! It's only a golf kart, not a freakin' monster truck, and besides, my massive cleavage absorbed most of the impact." Lita says.
"Oh, right." Edge says a little embarrassed. Edge then goes over to Lita and helps her out of the up.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"What the! Oh no!" says Edge as he turns to the source of the disruption.
Flair and Orton look in the direction Edge is facing and see that Angle has applied the Ankle Lock to The Coach.
"Kurt hasn't by any chance had a Twinkie today has he?" asks Edge.
"WHERE'S THE GOD DAMN CREAM FILLING?" screams Angle.
"Never mind." says Edge.
"What's with Kurt and Twinkies?" asks Orton.
"He does this every time he has a Twinkie, I'm not sure what's wrong with him but..." Edge pauses to sidestep an air born Guldust flying towards him as a result of an overly powerful Belly to Belly Suplex from Angle.. "It's definitely something serious." Edge says as he looks at the unconscious body of Guldust shaking his head.
"Bang! Ba...oh shit...I mean Woooooooooooooo!" says Flair as he starts to blush.
"Well, we should probably get out of here before Angle finds us, his Twinkie rush should be over within a few hours but until then we should try our best to avoid him." warns Edge.
Everyone agrees and heads in different directions. Flair goes tothe locker room, Orton heads to the showers as a now conscience, and giggling, Goldust follows him, and Edge and Lita go down a neighboring hallway. Edge and Lita stop after walking down an uncountable amount of hallways (5 to be exact), since Lita starts complaining that her breasts are becoming to heavy to carry anymore and that she needs to rest, Edge agrees to stop for a while. After a 20 minute break, the two decide that they need to start moving again, but before they make too much progress they bump into The "Great" Khali and Daivari. Edge looks up at Khali in amazement.
"Daivari notices Edge and says, "You must be amazed at the size of Khali, correct?"
"No." says Edge still staring at Khali, his mouth is now hanging open.
"What? No? Then what are you staring at?" questions Daivari
"His man boobs." answers Edge, "There so big, hell there even bigger then yours Lita."
Lita looks down at her breasts and begins to compare hers with Khalis.
"And look, his boobs jiggle and he's not even moving." Edge says still in amazement.
"Hey!" Daivari says starting to get angered, "Do not mock "The Man Breast" Kha...I mean "The Great" Khali."
Edge ignores him and continues to stare.
"Stop staring at his man boobs!" yells Daivari who now begins to turn red.
"You think those are man boobs?" says a voice coming from behind Edge.
Everyone turns to see Mark Henry walking up to them.
"These are real man boobs." says Henry as he rubs his nipples, "And since you think yours are so great Khali, I challenge you to a Boob-Off."
"Ahgrebagadahgr." says Khali.
"He accepts!" translates Daivari.
Immediately after Daivari says that Lillian Garcia, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, some referee guy, and Captain Tanneal from MXC, all position themselves.
"In the corner to my left, weighing in at "extremely fat" Mark Henry!" says Lillian.
"Introducing next, weighing at "Overrated and a waste of space" The Great Khali!" says Lillian.
The camera cuts over to JR and Jerry Lawler.
"Good evening ladies and gentleman, we've got a slobber knocker for ya right here, but be warned this could get bowling shoe ugly at any moment." says JR excitedly.
"We're gonna see puppies JR!" Lawler says excitedly.
"Don't get to excited King, these aren't exactly the kind of puppies anyone wants to see." says JR looking at King.
"Speak for yourself JR." says King, beginning to sweat.
Okay folks lets take ya back to where the action is." says JR as the camera cuts back over to Khali and Henry.
Captain Tenneal walks in between them, "Les geet it on!" Tenneal walks out of the ring along with Lillian Garcia as the Boob-Off begins. Mark Henry takes off his shirt and begins to jiggle his boobs. But Khali, staying focused, turns his already vibrating boobies into high gear, and makes them move fast enough for lightning to generate in between his nipples. Henry sees this and becomes desperate, so he kicks Khali in the shin and shoves his face into his boobs. Khali begins to fade but using his high intellect he perfectly executes a titty twist. Henry can't stand the pain and is forced to submit.
"Here is your winner...The Great Khali!" announces Lillian as Edge and Lita applaud.
We then see JR sitting next to a passed out King, "What a slobber..." JR is interrupted by a familiar yell of intensity as Kurt Angle is seen running down the hall towards them. Edge and Lita look at each other in horror and immediately run into a nearby locker room, shut the door, and lock it. Mass chaos is heard outside the locker, Lita collapses in fear and Edge is trembling. After a few minutes the noises stop and Edge slowly checks outside. Daivari is laid out next to Khali, whose man boobs are still jiggling, Captain Tenneal and Lillian Garcia are both stuffed inside vending machines, the referee is nowhere to be found, and JR and The King are in a position that...well, lets just say it reminds me of the film Brokeback Mountain. Edge and Lita both have looks of terror on their faces.
"We've got to let Mr. McMahon know about this." says Lita shakily.
"Good Idea." replies Edge as the two of them run down the hall towards Mr. McMahon's office.
End of Chapter.