Excaliber is Now Redundant
"Ghosts and Monsters and Heros - Oh My!"
Chapter One: Preface to Your Hopeful Amusement
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AU: Please please please PLEASE note that this was thought of several months before we knew the title - much less the plot - of "Double Cross My Heart". I'm sorry that there are many similarities, but there are a few huge differences as well. I would greatly appreciate it if you would read this before passing it off as another ep hack.
Thank you.
PS: The stupid program hates my asterisks. They have been replaced by random little symbols. I truely hope this causes no problems.
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"What did you do?" Arthur fairly screamed, his voice cracking wildly as he dropped the third weapon in a row. He glanced at Merlin. ()
"You'll have to listen to me now!" Was the cackling, weazing reply. (--)
Arthur stared incredulously at his mentor. Merl - Uncle Frank, that is, looked awful. That time he'd spent stuck in the mountain (courtesy of the second Lady of the Lake) had not been good for him. He wore a light blue tailcoat suit, his black gloves and shoes nicely contrasting with his grey-streaked-white hair. All in all he cut a dashing - if fatherly - figure, his hair trimmed down from their original waist length to a more... Manageable length. (-)
It was his eyes that really set a person off. His eyes that set the tone for his demeanor. Dark brown, slightly watery at the edges, they skittered and shifted nervously, as though expecting attack at all times. His posture was either ram-rod straight or, as was the case right now, slightly hunched over. One also got the sense that he was really, really really fearful of enclosed spaces, an observation backed up by the fact that the wizard had made his entire roof of glass and regularly cleaned it once a week. Oh no, the Mountain Time had not been spent atall well.
The truly ancient old man was currently laughing as his unwilling pupil attempted to pick up the latest in plasma technology, a truly beautiful hand-held weapon, and dropped it. Arthur cursed, leaned down to pick it up, and slipped. He landed with a thud on his chest. Attempting to stand, he stepped on the gun, and fell on his back, the silver and purple implement sailing through the air to land on the other side of the room. The boy cursed again, and Frank smiled wryly. It had worked Then(/), and it was working now, and it was working well.
Arthur snarled incoherently from his place on the floor, and slammed his fists into the nice wood finish. Attempting to stand once more, he also fell once more.
"ALRIGHT ALREADY! I GIVE UP!" He howled at nobody. "I'M NOT GONNA TRY AND GET THE BLOODY PLASMA GUN!" A weight eased from his chest with incredible speed, and Arthur slowly, carefully, and painfully stood, arms outstretched to balance himself. Now it was he in constant expectation of attack from invisible foes. Looking up, he saw Frank smirking, and saw with sudden clarity that the hold man had used this on his... Ancestor.
Yes, Ancestor. Arthur firmly told himself. He still had issues with the idea that he was a reincarnation, and not his own person. He might not be the most original blighter on the planet, what with his grungy teen appearance and football(/) obsession, but damn, he'd make his own decisions and deny fate at all costs if it bloody killed him.
Arthur's hazel eyes narrowed as he thought of what he was going to do. After mulling it over for all of three seconds, he caught up the sword by it's hilt and was out the door in the same space of time. He was going back to the school.
Frank stared, dumbfounded, as his charge strode out the door. This wasn't what he'd expected... But after a moments thought, he decided to sit back and watch the proceedings(After a quick safety net sort of spell, of course). He had to admit it was rather nice that this time round Arthur thought for himself... And if the boy found his own knowledge of the sword to be rather lacking, Arthur did have the common sense to come back to him. He would come rather unwillingly, and sulking quite a bit, but he'd come, and Frank wouldn't press the matter... Much...
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"SAAAAAAM!"
"...What?"
"Somebody's at the door for you."
"Who is it?"
"Mr. Lancer."
"What?"
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() Or, as he prefered to be called, Uncle Frank. He's got more dignity as Uncle Frank, you see. He says Merlin just sounds dumb in our millenium or some rubbish like that. (Personally, as the author, I think he got laughed at, a LOT.) With the begrudging help of Arthur, they went on a search for a baby names book, and Frank decided be called... Well, Frank. Later, when he learned he needed a surname ("What's your last name, sir?" "...I need a last name?" "...Yes." "Dammit I hate the future!" "...WTF?") he chose Sinatra.
(--) He doesn't usually weeze. He's getting over the cold, FYI.
(-) This isn't, however, the only reason his hair was cut short. After being called a "Dumbledore hack" one too many times, Uncle Frank got fed up, bought a pair of scissors, and cut off all his hair, using his magic to heal the small flash wounds inflicted by the sharp points of the scissors as they scraped every last bit of hair from his head. Arthur convinced him to grow back a bit of hair about a week later, and introduced Frank to a barber on his indefinite-number day of birth.
(/)"Then" was capitalized on purpose, to suggest that the Arthur of Legend had as many issues adjusting to Excalibur in the past as the Arthur of the present is having now, which further suggests that Merlin has AMAZING AND INCREDIBLE WEAPONRY POWAZ UV DHOOM which allow him to take magic or high tech weaponry from any time in their dimension, hence the "latest technology plasma gun" sitting in the middle of his livingroom. Also, I like asterisks. :D
(/)SOCCER. He's British.