Maggie had known for months, really. If she was being honest. But something about that day: whether it was the weather, or the boat, or his smile, it had all tumbled together and the truth crashed down over her like a burst dam.
Bucky Barnes was attractive.
More than that, she was attracted to him.
The realization hit her like a flash fire as she clung to the hull of the boat, already an inferno before she even realized it was there. She couldn't catch her breath.
The boat ride back to the Facility was agony. Maggie could hardly look at Bucky, as if he were the sun: his glinting grey-blue eyes, the shadow of stubble on his devastating jaw, the hair strands drifting over his face, the way he gripped the side of the boat, the low timbre of his voice. She was aware of every water droplet on his skin, of every slide of the metal plates of his arm.
And yet she couldn't not look at him. Each movement, each word, drew her eye, as it had for months without her knowing. And he was worried about her on the ride back, clearly aware something was wrong, and alarmed by her sudden reluctance to speak to him. Maggie didn't speak to anyone on the way back, too trapped inside the shock of her crashing realization to do more than make sure she didn't fall out of the boat.
When Sam steered the boat up slowly to the riverbank outside the Facility, Bucky stepped into the cold water, wincing, and turned back holding out his hand to help her out. His shirt had slipped up on one side and Maggie jerked her eyes away before she could even register the sight of his skin. She ignored his hand and leaped to shore alone.
She raced back to the Facility ahead of the others, ignoring their confused calls. She went on autopilot back to her workshop but realized her mistake the moment the doors slid open - Bucky was all over that place, from his chair in the corner to his knitting basket to the cactus to his playlists. She turned around and went instead to her suite. She locked the door behind her and turned - only to freeze, suddenly unmoored in the middle of her room.
This needs to stop.
Her first clear thought since he had laughed.
But the instant she thought it, Maggie realized just how deep she was. She put both hands to her head and closed her eyes. She should have stopped this long ago: the closeness, the jokes, the easy trust. How can I have been so irresponsible?
"Ms Stark," F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, startling her, "Captain Rogers and various others are worried about you-"
"I've got a headache," Maggie snapped, storming over to the small coffeemaker in her kitchenette to do something with her hands. "I'm fine."
"I'll pass on the message."
Maggie automatically went through the motions of making coffee, but when she was left with a mug of steaming dark liquid all she could do was grip the edge of her countertop and stare down at it.
"I'm an idiot," she murmured.
Of all the ways she had lied to herself and denied her feelings through the course of her life, this had to be her most catastrophic mistake yet.
She recalled dancing in Bucky's arms, breathless and laughing, only a couple of weeks ago, and squeezed her eyes shut at the strange burst of pleasure and nerves and shame she felt. She recalled the way Steve had looked at them - at the time, she'd been confused by the slight hint of worry in his eyes.
God, and Tony - What's going on with you and Barnes?
Had she really been this dense this whole time? Maggie sank onto her elbows, pressing her hands to her face as she let out a groan.
She'd never had attraction - infatuation - this intense surprise her like this. Normally when she was attracted to someone, she acted on it, so she had no idea what to do in a situation like this where that was so obviously impossible. And god, she'd not been attracted to anyone like this before. He'd - he'd snuck up on her somehow, and in the sudden overwhelming rush of her feelings she had no idea how she had gone from wanting to kill the man to… to this.
I'll have to ignore it. The simplest solution, but the idea of going back out there and simply being in the same room as Bucky made her skin prickle and her heart swoop in concerning ways.
I need to get away.
She tore her hands away from her face, pulled out her phone and stared at the screen for a few moments. All the people she cared about, who she trusted, were in this Facility. There was Pepper - but no, in the midst of a breakup Pepper didn't need this.
A thought occurred to her.
The phone rang twice before it picked up.
"Hey, sexy! What's up?"
"Where are you right now?" Maggie asked.
"My apartment in Culver, why?"
"You got a spare bed?"
Darcy Lewis had enrolled in a postgraduate astrophysics degree at Culver University, and was back in the college town for the spring term. She greeted Maggie on campus with a large Starbucks coffee and a bright grin.
"So what brings you to Culver?" Darcy asked as they strolled across the lawns, still miraculously green even in winter. Darcy had a heavy-duty beanie on, and her breath came out in vapour clouds.
"Just felt like some time away from the Facility," Maggie half-lied. A couple of students glanced at her in surprise as they walked by, and broke out in whispers. "How is your course going?"
"It's tough," Darcy admitted. "Especially since I didn't do my undergrad in the field. But Janey has been a big help, even though she's hardly in the state half the time, and there's loads of women in STEM groups in the area where I can vent about all the dudebros in my classes."
Maggie smiled, instantly recognizing she'd made the right choice coming here.
"C'mon," Darcy said with a jerk of her head. "I've got my Nucleosynthesis lecture and then we can go get drunk at my place."
Maggie let out a relieved breath. "That sounds like just what I need."
Several hours and several drinks later, Maggie and Darcy sprawled on the two cheap couches in Darcy's apartment, nursing wine coolers. Darcy had given Maggie one of her pineapple face masks, so Maggie's face was covered in yellow gel. Against the Current's latest album played over Darcy's sound system.
"So," Darcy said, lifting her drink for a sip. "Did you and Bucky finally hook up?"
Maggie fumbled her wine cooler and stared at Darcy, alarmed.
"What?" Darcy asked after finishing her sip.
"What do you mean?"
Darcy's eyebrows rose. "I mean, the two of you were obsessed with each other. The whole three days Jane and I were visiting I don't think there was a conversation where you didn't mention him. I kinda figured that might've been why you called things off with you and I."
Maggie's mouth opened. She wasn't often struck speechless, but…
Darcy's eyebrows rose further and she sat up. "You mean you haven't hooked up with him?"
"I… hook up - I…"
"Maggie," she said with a laugh brewing in her voice. "Really?"
"Darcy, I never - I-"
Darcy was properly laughing now. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but look at yourself!"
Maggie realized her cheeks were flaming.
"Okay," Darcy straightened, struggling with her couch cushions for a moment, before she was able to sit properly and face Maggie. "So you guys haven't hooked up. Why not?"
Maggie let out a sigh and put one hand over her eyes, then regretted it when she was met with sticky yellow gel. "I didn't know I even wanted to until like, yesterday."
"Maggie," Darcy said, disbelievingly.
She sat up. "I'm serious! Apparently I'm an idiot, but it's the truth."
Darcy raised an eyebrow, but then relented. "Okay, so, you finally figured it out. Why are you not currently hooking up with him? He is an objectively hot man, Maggie."
Maggie couldn't help but laugh, though it turned into a groan as she put her head into her hands again. "It's not that simple."
"Why, because of the whole criminal thing?"
She closed her eyes. "He's… done things, Darcy. Things that should make me not want to… be with him."
Darcy sipped her wine cooler and tugged her blanket further up her legs. "It's up to you to decide whether that's going to stop you," she shrugged. "But I got the sense that you can't exactly hold much of what he did against him. Though I don't know a lot about it."
"No, of course I don't - of course I don't blame him," Maggie said, looking up. "But with history like ours… it's really not a good idea."
"Hm," was all Darcy said.
"What?"
"I just… if this history is so bad, it hasn't stopped you and him basically living out of each other's pockets, from becoming friends. Why should it stop you from anything else?"
And Maggie wanted to tell Darcy, she desperately did, but when she opened her mouth she couldn't force the words out.
He killed my parents. In front of me. He dragged me screaming from the wreck and told me I was his mission. I was five.
She shivered and looked down.
"What exactly would you want, anyway?" Darcy asked, adjusting her glasses. "Because this could be a one-and-done kind of thing, y'know? Get it out of both your systems, then go back to being friends."
Maggie allowed herself to imagine it, for just a few moments. She swallowed tightly and her ears burned red. Darcy laughed at her, but let her think it through.
"I don't…" Maggie breathed, and it felt like lava after contemplating the images swirling in her mind. She continued in a whisper: "I don't think something like that would ever leave my system."
"Oh dear," Darcy said sympathetically. She cocked her head. "I've never seen you like this."
Maggie knew what she meant - until now Maggie had approached sex with humor and easy eagerness. It had never felt as important as this did. "I've never been like this," she said, still whispering. "I didn't think I could be like this. I figured… I didn't think I could do…"
"What, a relationship?"
"Not seriously, no. I had this weird idea in my head that my…" she almost cut off the words, but forced herself to follow through. Darcy's apartment was warm, and safe, and Darcy was her friend. "I had this idea that the people in my family were never able to be happy in serious, long term relationships."
Darcy's eyebrows contracted in sympathy.
But hadn't Tony proved Maggie wrong? Sure he and Pepper had broken up, but Maggie knew that neither one of them would take back that time for anything.
But all the same, it hadn't lasted.
Maggie blinked, and realized what exactly she was contemplating. She shook her head firmly. Bucky wasn't a thing that she could just choose for herself, regardless of the circumstances. He had worked so hard to become a person and had come so far, and Maggie was his friend. She would not ruin this with her messy feelings.
Darcy saw her shaking her head. "No?"
Maggie nodded. "No. I'm… thank you for talking, but I need to make the right decision here for everyone. Just because I feel something doesn't mean I should act on it. It's about time I learned some self control."
Darcy's mouth twisted. "Are you sure?"
"I'm part of a team," Maggie said, and she had barely any idea what she meant by that. "And I'm happy where I'm at. I'm going to choose to stay happy."
Maggie stayed three nights in Darcy's apartment, going to her lectures with her and exploring the Culver campus. Darcy was a breath of fresh air after the intensity of the Facility, and the challenge of her astrophysics coursework was enough to keep Maggie's mind sufficiently challenged to avoid getting bored.
But she did have an actual job, and on the fourth day she packed herself back into her car for the long drive back to the Avengers Facility.
"Say hi to people for me," Darcy said, hands stuffed in her pockets. "And hey-"
Maggie looked up.
"Look after you," Darcy said seriously.
"Yeah, of course." Maggie hesitated. "Thank you."
Maggie parked in her usual spot at the Avengers Facility, and made her way over to the common room. It felt quieter than usual - she could see the Avengers agents running drills out on the lawn, but the Facility corridors had been almost empty. She dropped her small bag and went into the kitchen, searching for a clean mug.
The common room doors slid open behind her, and Maggie knew who it would be before she turned around. She always did.
She turned, and he was there, and god it was worse than she'd expected: her stomach dropped, replacing her organs with a churning pit of prickly feelings that made her want to double over.
Bucky wore jeans and a grey shirt that hit his forearms, and he'd tied his hair loosely back. "F.R.I.D.A.Y. said you'd just got back," he smiled - the smile made the corners of his eyes crinkle. "How's Lewis?"
Maggie smiled painfully, dragging her eyes back to the mug she held. You're his friend. Be his friend. "She's good. Studying hard."
There was an awkward pause.
Bucky frowned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said automatically, and forced herself to look at him. Her heart pounded. "Just… got a lot on my mind. Do you… want a coffee?"
He eyed her a moment longer. "Sure, let me help."
They made coffee together, and Maggie hated how she couldn't stop being aware of where he was, how close he stood, each movement and breath that he took. He handed her the creamer and she had to swallow and drop her eyes to avoid being overwhelmed at the sheer presence of him.
Get a grip, she told herself angrily. But this was worse than attraction, she realized. She'd been attracted to people before, slept with them, either once or many times until it ended. It always ended.
But he was Bucky.
He sipped his coffee while it was still burning hot and looked up at her, froth on his upper lip and his grey-blue eyes glinting, and Maggie wrapped her fingers tight around her own mug to keep herself from shoving him away.
Mid-March, 2016
"And how have things been with your personal relationships, James?"
Bucky fought an eye roll at Raynor's question. "Fine. Haven't killed any of my friends recently."
"Trying to shock me with dark humor won't work, I was in the army."
He sighed. "Steve's fine. Busy with political stuff a lot of the time, and visiting Peggy. She's getting worse."
"And Ms Stark?"
"Busy too. She's been… I haven't seen much of her, between her work and going to see her brother. I think…" he trailed off, frowning. He hadn't been quite able to put his finger on what was keeping Meg so distracted and distant lately. He shook his head.
"So you haven't-"
"Anyway," he said, looking up. "I had a nightmare last night."
Late March, 2016
Washington D.C.
Maggie sat by Peggy Carter's bedside, listening to the hiss and hum of her oxygen machine.
She'd been searching for any excuse to be away from the Facility recently - visiting Tony to make sure he wasn't running himself into the ground, brunch with Pepper, work conferences, catching up with old friends, and now…
Steve had said Peggy was deteriorating, and Maggie hadn't really realized what that meant until she'd come to visit. Peggy was asleep when Maggie arrived, looking smaller than ever in the sheets of her bed. The nurses were in and out every hour. Maggie had been content to sit here in the silence, but Peggy had woken up about ten minutes ago, and surprisingly recognized Maggie, though she seemed a little unclear on where she was.
She'd asked about Steve three times. And when Maggie told her that Tony would be by to visit her later in the week, there'd been a brief moment of confusion in her eyes.
"And… and Bucky?" Peggy asked, with the tenacity of a former soldier. She was struggling to keep her eyes clear and focused. "Is he… is he well?"
Maggie looked back at Peggy, her chin propped on her fist. "Yes, he's alright," she reassured.
"Good, good. I… worry about him." Peggy's forehead creased up.
Maggie took a deep breath. Don't bother her, don't bother her. But she opened her mouth anyway. "You knew him, back in the war," she said, and Peggy's eyes turned to her. "How… what kind of women did he go for?" So I can not be like that. Maggie had been doing everything she could to stick to the realm of friendliness recently, keeping firm boundaries on how long she spent with Bucky and how much she laughed, and teased, and shared with him. It had been difficult. Especially because somewhere over the last year, she had completely obliterated all boundaries with Bucky. It was hard to repair them retroactively.
"All of them," Peggy laughed, coughing as she did so. She frowned and adjusted her cannula with shaking fingers.
"See everyone keeps saying that, but that hasn't been my experience with him," Maggie frowned. She'd been keeping a close eye on him. Bucky was hardly deprived of women at the Facility - just this week she'd observed him discussing an upcoming training session with Maria Hill, calm and professional, watched him hand a dinner plate to Natasha with a polite nod. He and Helen Cho were nothing more than cordial when they saw each other. Maggie had even watched him play a card game with Wanda, each of them laughing and challenging the other, with not an ounce of sexual tension.
Maggie wondered, as she observed these interactions, if that was even something Bucky contemplated these days, after all he'd been through. But then he'd look at her, and she'd get flustered and have to find something else to do, and all rational thoughts would abandon her.
"I imagine seventy years of torture and brainwashing will change a man's priorities." Peggy adjusted herself so her head was propped up a little more, and Maggie noticed a keener edge in her eyes. "He was always loyal to a fault, you know. He st-stood by Steve in anything, would have done anything for any man in his team. I wondered then, even under the bluster and flirtation, if Sergeant Barnes was the kind of man who when he fell, he fell for good." Peggy peered closer. "He spoke about you a lot when he was here."
Maggie rolled her eyes. "Peggy, please-"
"Don't lie," Peggy commanded, her voice as hard as it ever had been. But then the corner of her mouth twitched. "This is why you've come, isn't it?"
Maggie frowned, troubled. "Peggy…"
"You're worried."
Her frown only deepened. "Please, I'm sorry I brought it up. Forget it."
"You know I will," the older woman murmured.
Maggie looked up, stricken, but Peggy just looked back at her tiredly.
"I'm old, darling. And I forget so quickly now. Don't you want to tell your thoughts to someone?"
Maggie opened and closed her mouth. "I… I've made my decision. I just… I'm still trying to figure out what I want, I don't know…"
"I think you do. I think you're scared of what you want."
Maggie gripped the armrests of her chair. "How can I even think of-"
"It's not thinking, darling," Peggy said with a slight chuckle. "It's your heart."
"I don't believe our hearts can overrule our heads. I'm not… I'm not out of control."
"Believe what you like, dear, it doesn't fix your problem."
Maggie held Peggy's gaze for a few more seconds, then looked down at her lap. Just when she'd thought she'd made her decision, Peggy had to go and make things complicated. She worried at the seam of her jeans for a few moments, furiously putting her thoughts in order.
When she looked up, Peggy was looking out the window. There'd been a touch of spring in the air today, a brush of warmth in the breeze.
"Peggy?"
Peggy looked back, blinking, and her eyes settled on Maggie's face. "Howard."
Maggie's heart dropped and she reached out to touch Peggy's arm. "Peggy, it's… I'm Maggie."
Peggy frowned, then her expression cleared. "Ah, that's… yes, Maggie." She frowned again. "My, you've grown. How is your mother?"
Maggie smiled painfully and took a breath. "She misses you."
"Sweet Maria." Peggy frowned, anxiously touching her cannula tube. "We were talking about something. What were we…?"
She swallowed. "We were talking about Bu - Sergeant Barnes."
"Ah, that's right." Peggy patted Maggie's hand and smiled at her. "He's a good man, dear."
When Maggie returned to the Facility that afternoon she went straight to her workshop to lose herself in work - only to find Bucky already in there, sitting in his usual chair. He looked up when she entered and she smiled at him, trying not to let it become a grimace. Thankfully, he appeared to recognize that she was not up for talking, and went back to his book.
Maggie worked for a few hours on some Damage Control queries - they were going through the last of the Triskelion cleanup and had some questions about the technology they'd found. Bucky was distracting, for all that he was just sitting there reading. Sometimes he'd tuck his hair behind his ears, without taking his eyes off the page, and she wouldn't be able to tear her gaze away from him.
Just as the sky outside was beginning to hint at getting dark, F.R.I.D.A.Y. cut off the low music (a 50s playlist today) and spoke:
"Ms Stark, Sergeant Barnes, I should warn you that Stark Industries Internship participant Rikki Ochoa is currently approaching the workshop and will arrive in fifty seconds."
Maggie's head jerked up. "What?" But Bucky had already jumped to his feet.
"Uh…" he glanced around, then fixed his gaze on the supply cupboard on the far side of the workshop. "In there?"
Maggie glanced around. "I guess so," she winced, and hurried to the cupboard with Bucky so she could open the door for him. It was a cramped, dark space inside, with boxes of spare machine parts, beakers, lenses for her microscopes, and power tools on the shelves. Bucky squeezed himself in the narrow space between the shelves then glanced back at her.
"Why's an intern coming to your workshop?" he queried, his arms held close to his chest so he didn't bump the shelves.
"I'll tell you when I find out," Maggie replied, and shut the door on him. She paused a moment to make sure she couldn't hear him, then darted back to her workbench just as the glass doors slid open.
"Rikki," Maggie said with forced calm. "Hey kid, what's up?"
Eyes shrouded by their thick glasses and heavy dark hair, Rikki stared around at Maggie's workshop, looking small in the doorway. They still wore their Stark Industries Internship lab coat. Maggie had become Rikki's unofficial mentor over the past few months. She'd sent Rikki research projects, and slowly learned more about them; Rikki didn't say much that wasn't about datasets and investigative coding, but it appeared that all they needed was a little attention and enthusiasm for their work to get them to open up. It turned out Rikki was funny in a quiet, sarcastic kind of way, and bright enough to be at MIT right now - though apparently they wanted to wait another year. Rikki had confided in Maggie that they lived in the Bronx with their grandmother, who had been born in Puerto Rico.
Rikki appeared to end their scan of the workshop and met Maggie's eyes. "I… I was working just now, and I found something that I'm pretty sure you should know about."
Maggie gestured so the kid would enter the workshop proper. "Oh, Rikki, what dark corners of the Internet have you been getting into now?"
"It just…" Rikki swiped a hand through the air. They looked more nervous than Maggie had seen them since Maggie had asked them about that Quinjet engine they built with the other interns. "So you know that Crossbones guy? The ex-HYDRA agent?"
Maggie frowned, suddenly conscious, again, of Bucky in her supply closet. "I do."
Rikki leaned in a little, their softly accented voice low: "I think I might have figured out how he's communicating with his men."
Maggie's eyebrows flew up. "Go on."
Maggie had specifically told Rikki to keep to the side of the Internet that wouldn't get them killed, but Maggie had to admit she was thankful for the kid's disobedience just this once. Rikki explained that they had been looking into HYDRA after one of the Avengers analysts had talked about their investigations into the organization in front of the interns (Maggie would address that later), and had found some old communications tech still active. Apparently Rumlow was using the old HYDRA tech to communicate with his mercenaries, and it left a specific digital string of code each time it was used; Rikki had written a computer program specifically to track it.
"The code isn't detailed enough to give the content of the messages or the sending or receiving locations, but with the program you can track the times and frequency of each communication," Rikki explained. "And I figured that when there's more frequent communication-"
"-an attack is likely," Maggie finished for them, staring at the program F.R.I.D.A.Y. had helpfully projected in the air for her. "Rikki… I - okay, I'm annoyed that you didn't listen to my very clear instructions, and we will be talking about this more, but…" she rolled her eyes and fixed Rikki with a smile. "I'm proud of you. This is incredible work. And one day, when you're much much older and have an adult enough brain to make decisions about your personal and career safety" - Rikki's tentative expression turned annoyed - "you've got a job waiting for you with us." Maggie shook her head at the kid. "Now get back to whatever you're actually meant to be doing. I'll run with this, just… I need you separate from it, understand?"
Rikki tried to hide their pleased expression but didn't quite manage it. "Okay." With a little dip of their head, and another concealed smile, Rikki strode back out of the workshop, taking their time to stare at all the machines on their way out.
After a minute of silence, the supply closet door creaked open and Bucky poked his head out warily. He looked around, then glanced over at her.
"That kid… seems clever," he said neutrally, eyeing the projected code around Maggie's head. He'd heard of Rikki before of course - because Maggie had told him every single thing about her life.
"I think that's understating things," Maggie replied. "This could save lives."
April 23, 2016
"Pepper, hey - sorry I'm late!"
With a graceful smile Pepper stood up to kiss Maggie on the cheek as she rushed over to their regular brunch table at their favorite spot in Manhattan. Pepper looked as put together as always in a cream dress, and Maggie looked as if she'd rolled out of bed and into a pair of old jeans - which she had.
"Don't worry about it. You're just in time for mimosas."
Maggie took hers with thanks and let out a heavy sigh as she sat down. Their brunch spot overlooked 5th Avenue, and if Maggie craned her neck against the window she could just see New York Public Library, with its small Wyvern statue above the main entrance.
"You look tired," Pepper said commiseratingly. "How have things been at the Facility?"
"Oh, you know." Maggie waved a hand, but then stilled under Pepper's knowing look. "Okay, so it's been busy. Each time I think we've hit the peak of this wave of media scrutiny and public discussion the next day comes, and it's worse." The talk about superhero regulation hadn't gone away. Maybe it was the upcoming one year anniversary of the destruction of Novi Grad, or the four year anniversary of the Battle of New York, but it seemed to be all anyone talked about these days - Should superheroes be responsible for the destruction they leave behind? was one of the most common high-school debate topics this semester.
"I can imagine," Pepper said sympathetically. "We've been getting some of that at SI as well. But I hope you know it's not your job to handle that side of things - you're the Chief Engineer, it's Steve and Nat's job to deal with the public face of it."
"Yeah, but I'm also an Avenger," Maggie said with raised eyebrows. "If I'm not the face of it, who is?"
They both subsided into silence for a moment as they read the menu, and Maggie winced at the inadvertent reference to Tony - Pepper didn't not like talking about Tony, but there were so many more comfortable topics.
"We've had some progress with Rumlow," Maggie added after they'd given their orders to the waiter. Pepper looked up encouragingly. "Had a lead thanks to that intern Rikki, you'll be pleased to know. Rikki keeps trying to bring me more leads, some about Rumlow and some about the whole" - she waved a hand - "political situation, as much as I try to stop them." Her lips quirked. "But it's getting harder to act on our intel, and Steve and Nat are approving less missions what with all the increased scrutiny."
"I'm sure the recent news hasn't helped much either," Pepper added wryly.
"Ugh, don't remind me."
Yesterday Thaddeus Ross, former US Army General, had been tipped to become the new Secretary of State. The position had been open for about a week after the last one resigned in the midst of a sex scandal, and Ross had retired from the army that same day. The appointment still hadn't been officially confirmed, but Maggie knew that it was all but a done deal behind closed doors.
"I've been keeping a close eye on the public reception, since SI deals pretty closely with the State office," Pepper explained. "It's pretty mixed. Did you see the WHiH poll on Twitter?"
"Don't think so."
Pepper held up her phone and showed Maggie the poll results:
Is Thaddeus Ross the best choice for Secretary of State?
Yes: 13%, No: 45%, Time will tell: 42%
"Yikes," Maggie intoned. "My main worry is that he's been pretty public about his distrust of the Avengers. You know he's the one who was hunting Bruce all those years? I think things are about to get a lot harder than they were before."
Pepper scratched her chin. "Ross is an army man though, not a politician. You might have some bargaining room. Not that that's my job," she said with raised eyebrows.
"Heaven knows he'll be no match for the Black Widow," Maggie added, then consented to turn the topic to other matters. They discussed Pepper's recent SI work in conjunction with Damage Control, the SI Internship Program, and then devolved into conversation (that bordered on gossip) about the people they knew.
"How is James?" Pepper asked, with the genuine concern of a friend. Pepper never called him James, but they'd taken to calling him that whenever they were in public.
Maggie dug into her eggs. Be cool. She'd almost figured out a new normal this last month: she'd fallen back into a familiar routine with Bucky, sharing laughter and confessions and teasing, and she was mostly able to squash down the way her heart pounded and her stomach churned in his presence. It was supremely unfair that he could make her mouth dry just by looking up at her over his book and smiling.
She thought about him all the time when she wasn't around him, which was frustrating, but Maggie was a genius - she could think about more than one thing at once. It mostly worked, save for when she went to bed and couldn't sleep for turning over everything she'd said to him, everything he'd done and said in the day. Everything she had wanted to do.
She'd even tried to go on a few dates, to no avail. Trust came so rarely these days, and the dates usually fizzled with a few awkward lines of conversation and a healthy share of intimidation on the part of her date.
Maggie swallowed. "He's alright," she answered Pepper. "He's been pretty busy himself, actually - he's been looking into his past, you should see all his notes. He's identified all these survivors of the… the you know who, and places that he thinks might trigger more memories. I think he's finding it pretty frustrating though. He…" she propped her chin on her fist. "The other day he described it like reading about how to ride a bike; he gets the concept, but not being able to actually do it puts it just out of his reach."
"What, he wants to be the…" Pepper lowered her voice, alarmed. "The Soldier again?"
"No, that's not what he meant. I think he feels like he can't prove to himself that his memories are real just by looking at photos and reading testimonies."
"So he's wanting to… revisit the places he once went?"
Maggie fidgeted. "I think it's been on his mind."
"Wouldn't that be risky?"
Maggie laughed, without much humor to it. "Of course it would. I don't think he's actually going to do it anytime soon though," she shook her head. "I don't know what his future looks like, to be honest. I'm not sure he does either."
"You've given him an incredible opportunity at life again, though," Pepper said gently.
She looked down at her plate. "All I did was not kill him."
"And then bring him back to his friend, and care for him, give him doctors and therapists and resources, and then became his friend," Pepper pointed out as she swallowed another bite. "I've seen a lot of your life, Maggie, and I…" she set down her cutlery. "I should say this more often, but particularly these last few years… I think you are just one of the strongest people I know. And that's been shown most of all in how you are with Bucky."
Maggie didn't know what to say to that. "You're getting all sentimental, Pepper." Her ears flamed red.
"I've had to learn how to be," Pepper said as she reached for her drink. She raised her eyebrows at Maggie. "And I encourage you to do the same."
Late April, 2016
Maggie was peacefully enjoying a mocktail in the common room (she'd taken to drinking less after her whole Bucky-revelation, as she could no longer trust her intoxicated self not to do something foolish), when Tony barged in.
"Maggie, you have to see this."
She could tell from the tone of his voice that it was most likely to be stupid, so she sighed and sipped her mocktail instead. "Do I?"
He hopped onto the barstool next to her and shoved his StarkPhone in her face. When a holographic screen emerged from it, she leaned back with a wince. He was in the middle of a YouTube video of a figure wearing what looked like a red-and-blue onesie and black swimming goggles, swinging down a New York street on some kind of invisible rope. As she watched the figure swung towards a man - a man breaking into a car, she realized - flung a glistening filament of the same unknown substance at the man's feet and jerked him away from the car with ease. The video changed, and now the same figure leaped down in front of a speeding car and stopped it with his bare hands, just before it collided into the side of a bus.
"Look at this!" Tony exclaimed. "That has to be well over 3000 pounds of force coming in at 40 kilonewtons, stopped by one guy!"
Maggie frowned and leaned back further. "What is this, YouTube? Tony-"
"I had F.R.I.D.A.Y. analyze the footage, it hasn't been doctored."
That piqued her interest, and Maggie took the phone off him. The video had paused on a stillframe of the figure: there was a blocky logo of a spider on his chest. "Huh. So you think there's an enhanced just… swinging around New York?"
"I do." Tony's eyes glinted. "I bet I can find him."
"Why?"
He gestured futilely. "Reasons!"
"You need a hobby," Maggie observed, closing the phone and handing it back to him.
"This is my hobby!"
Out of the corner of her eye, Maggie noticed Sam walk into the common room. "Alright, have at it. Bet you ten bucks you can't find this... spider guy."
"Ten dollars? What are we, Mags, millionaires? You can do better than that. Honestly, this is why you always spend less money than me - lack of imagination."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. I bet you…" she thought about it. Most of her big purchases recently had been engineering parts. "My Quinjet. That you can't find this guy in… three months."
His eyebrow lifted. "Your Quinjet?"
"Yeah, the one I stole from SHIELD. The one I fixed up. It's mine now."
"Alright, fine. I'll bet my Aston Martin."
"The Vanquish? You could buy three of those with the Quinjet."
"Well it doesn't matter, since you're not going to get it anyway."
"Throw in that masseuse I know you have on retainer, and you've got a deal."
Tony frowned over it for a moment, then put out his hand. Maggie shook it, grinning.
Sam stared at them from across the room. "What kind of billionaire bullshit did I just walk into?"
They both looked over.
"It's…" Maggie thought about how to explain, then closed her mouth.
"A gentlemen's bet," Tony said, giving Maggie's hand one last shake, then taking his phone and heading for the door. He patted Sam's shoulder on his way out. "And we're not technically billionaires anymore, what with spending 90% of our collective wealth on humanitarian and world security projects." He turned and walked backward just before he got to the door. "Dad's turning in his grave. Three months, Mags! One spider... thing wrapped up neatly with a bow."
Maggie waved distractedly. When Tony had disappeared, she glanced at Sam. "You want the Aston Martin if he loses?"
Sam sighed and ran a hand over his face. "What, you don't want it?"
"I prefer my motorbike," she shrugged.
He just said "Rich people," in a disgusted voice and began to walk out.
"So that's a yes to the car, then?" she shouted.
"Yes!" he hollered back.
May 1, 2016
"Okay, here goes," Tony said, nerves wavering in his voice. "Moment of truth."
"Ready when you are," Maggie murmured, taking several big steps out of the strange room they had built in an empty workshop. They were alone.
The room itself looked like an unfinished movie set - white blocks to shape out the furniture, blank walls, and even a white blocky piano with no keys constructed in the center. They'd constructed a very careful lighting setup after blacking out all the workshop windows, and four posts with soft blue glowing lights were constructed at all four corners of the room. Maggie came to a halt beside Tony, who held a StarkTablet with the controls. He'd been much more somber than usual as of late, and she didn't think it was all down to this project. The separation from Pepper had been taking its toll.
"Commencing Binarily Augmented Retro Framing comprehensive test," Tony murmured, and hit the red INITIATE button on his tablet.
Digital blue light emerged on the floor of the blocked-out room and swept upward, etching out detail in high-definition, real-world detail: color, sunlight through the false windows, the gloss on the piano, knick knacks and artwork on the walls, a flickering candle on the piano, a shape on the newly-detailed couch, and… song. The room suddenly became real, like the scene had been plucked straight out of time.
Maggie's breath caught in her chest as their mother appeared before them, in the middle of a song. She sat at the piano in a sky-grey pantsuit, pearls around her neck, vivid and beautiful and elegant and there. Her blonde hair was fading to silver, and her blue eyes were fixed in the middle distance. She sang Try to Remember in her soft, lilting way, and Maggie felt her heart squeeze so tight inside her chest she thought it would explode.
Maggie reached out to grip Tony's hand, and he squeezed hers in return. For a moment they stood transfixed, staring at their mother before them for the first time in twenty five years. The scene looked so real.
And then dad walked in. He appeared so quickly it almost surprised Maggie, and she drank in his face; clever dark eyes, white hair, and a quick, snappish way of moving. He was fixing his suit jacket with one hand as he walked into the room, and the other hand trailed behind him - Maggie blinked as she realized he was holding her hand.
Five-year-old Maggie walked into the room hand-in-hand with her father, with a dark brown braid and keen eyes, looking up at her father with an adoring kind of fascination. The little girl had two legs. Tony's grip on Maggie's hand tightened.
Howard led Maggie into the room, glancing back at her once, then let go of her hand so he could walk over the couch to pull the red blanket off the shape lying on it.
"Wake up dear, and say goodbye to your father," mom said, still playing the notes of the song.
Maggie barely heard dad's next words, because Tony had rolled off the couch to his feet, and she had to put her hand to her mouth. He was so young. This was the young man who had become responsible for her? Who raised her? Who she'd thought was the smartest and wisest person she knew?
He was only twenty one: young in the face and snarky as he replied to Howard. Maggie snuck a glance at the now-Tony; he seemed transfixed by the scene, a complicated knot in his brow.
"Be nice, dear, he's been studying abroad," Maria said without glancing at either Howard or Tony.
"Really, which broad?" Howard replied as he yanked the Santa hat off Tony's head. "What's her name?"
"Candice," Tony muttered rebelliously.
Little Maggie was unmoored for a moment without her father's attention, but now Maggie and Tony watched as the girl paid no mind to Howard and Tony's tense conversation and climbed up on the piano stool beside her mother. Maria smiled down at the girl.
A moment later the girl giggled at Tony's joke about a toga party, and her brother looked down at her in almost-surprise before continuing to ignore her. Tony retreated from his father and put his hands in his pockets.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Your father's flying us to the Bahamas," Maria said. Maggie had almost forgotten that, but now she recalled being excited - she remembered packing her swimming costume. "For a little getaway."
"We might have to make a quick stop-"
"At the Pentagon, right?" Tony cut in. Maggie remembered that too - she'd peered out the back of the car at the large, strange building. Tony leaned down to Maria. "Don't worry, you're gonna love the holiday menu at the commissary."
"You know they say sarcasm is a metric for potential," Howard called. "If that's true you'll be a great man some day." Tony had retreated further, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall.
Howard looked down at his daughter. "At least you listen to me." Outside the room, Maggie and Tony traded a glance. "I'll go get the bags." Howard walked out.
Maggie remembered this part: the traded barbs had eventually led to Tony shouting at mom and dad, then storming out of the room. Maggie had watched, crying and confused, and hadn't seen her brother again until she opened her eyes in the hospital. Now, twenty five years later, she held her breath as if preparing for it.
But instead Maria looked at her son and said: "He does miss you when you're not here." She ran a hand over the back of the little girl's head - Maggie touched the back of her own head as if she could feel it - and stood. "And frankly, you're going to miss us. Because this is the last time we're all going to be together." The little girl got off the stool and followed her mom as Maria picked up her handbag. "You know what's about to happen." She touched Tony's arm. "Say something."
Child-Maggie just watched. Howard walked back in, and Maria whispered:
"If you don't, you'll regret it."
Maggie bit the inside of her cheek.
Tony eyed his mom, then turned to dad. "I love you, dad." He turned back to mom. "And I know you did the best that you could."
She heard grown-up-Tony let out a breath beside her.
Maria leaned in to kiss her son's cheek. Then she touched his face, gentle, and walked out of the frame. Howard followed closely, reaching a hand out for his daughter.
"Come on, Maggie," he murmured. But the little girl lingered.
Tony crouched down, and allowed his little sister to hug him. Her hands gripped the back of his t-shirt. "I'll see you soon, Maggot. Be good."
And Maggie watched her childhood self walk out for the last time.
The scene froze with that young, clueless man watching his family leave, an almost wistful look on his face. Moments later the four posts in the corners of the room flashed and the scene began to fade, blue light retreating and revealing the blank white room beneath.
"Well that was… something," Tony said after a full minute of silence. Maggie looked at him, and saw tears gleaming in his eyes.
She squeezed his hand. "We don't have to be trapped by our memories," she whispered. "This might not be what happened, but it's what we can make happen now."
He was still gripping her hand. "You don't think it's… a pointless fantasy? Unhealthy? To live in a dream world?"
"You're not living in that dreamworld," she said, and tapped her prosthetic leg against his to prove the point. "But you are allowed to heal, to ease the pain of traumatic memories. Did it help?"
He let out a long breath. "It did. It… really did." He turned to her. "There's still time to retroframe a memory for you, you know."
She shook her head quickly. "I don't want that." The idea of revisiting that night gave her chills. She definitely didn't want Tony to see it. "This was… this was our memory. And we made it right."
He nodded and looked around at the empty room again. "You and me, Maggot. We can make anything happen. Just gotta use a little imagination."
She smiled and wrapped his arm in a hug. She couldn't get that image of his young self out of her head. She'd somehow not noticed him getting older over the years. "Imagination, huh?"
"And six hundred and eleven million dollars," he admitted. He nudged her. "You're going to be at the September Foundation presentation at MIT, right?"
"I'll try," she said. The presentation was two days away. "We've been getting some chatter about a potential Winter Soldier sighting in West Africa again, and the Rumlow communications have spiked in frequency. I think something's on the horizon." She nodded her head at the blank room before them. "You're really going to show that to a bunch of students?"
He cocked his head. "Yeah, I really am. It's the new me - transparency, honesty…" he hesitated. "Vulnerability. Why, you embarrassed about your pigtails?"
"That was a braid, not pigtails. You heathen. And no, I guess it'll be nice to show the world that we're… people. That dad was a person. And that mom was too."
Tony put his free hand over one of hers, on his arm. They stood like that for several long minutes, watching the empty room that their parents had just left.
Oh, yes. We're up to that.
Reviews
MsMoe9: So glad you enjoyed the last chapter! I thought about making Bucky jealous but I don't know if he's really the type - more likely to appreciate the outfit haha. Thank you so much for your kind words!
Browneyes: Oh indeed ;)
Shorttrooper: We finally got there! Sorry for the cliffhanger, sorry things didn't really 'catch fire' this chapter but I can promise it's all a part of the plan. Thanks for mentioning Tony and Pepper too, last chapter was exciting but also a kick in the heart so to speak. Thanks as always for your lovely words and support!
Morgzw: Why yes she did ;)