Back in my life before I was tortured by psychopaths with an obsession with Jigsaws and a chick who really liked making vengeful traps, I had been a teacher. Suppose you were in France. France is a very green, bicycle friendly city and so your students brought bicycles to get around. One of them was also very stupid and dropped their lock somewhere. You lack the ability to summon lockpicks out of the ether because you're a respectable member of the city, and you need to somehow make a lock open without a key.

Easy job. Just get your metal flask for storing warm British Tea, of a superior quality to the inferior French tea and you can open it.

The way cheaper locks worked, of the sort that Amanda might buy or find, they had a bunch of metal sticks on springs. Your key's bumps would put them up in the right way to slide the lock out.

I was chained to a pipe in a dirty bathroom. I could smash my foot to escape. I could try to dislocate toes to get out of the cuffs. I could spend an hour hammering on the pipe I was connected to to break it. But all of that sounded painful and frankly unpleasant.

"I didn't think it was real. I heard from Gordon Lawrence-" Spoke Eric Matthews. Corrupt cop, generic mcgeneric action hero with brown hair, a lost sun, and a readiness to fight.

"I am real." I said, inside his own head. "You son is safe. I saved him. And together we can stop Saw." I clenched my fist tight, showing our determination.

"That- I didn't see that. Jigsaw told me I needed to come here to find him! Why didn't he call me?"

"Because you're a corrupt piece of shit who your son hates. You remember your last words to him? You told him to go away. When people tell you what a bad person you are, you believe them. Especially when it's your own son."

He clenched his fists like he wanted to punch me, but then relaxed them.

"I just want him to be alive. I want him to be happy. I don't care about myself."

"He's doing amazing. I gave him a load of advanced riftwalker tech and he's gonna be a tech billionaire in time. He'll be happy, successful, and prosperous. So long as Jigsaw doesn't get to him first."

I pushed my memories of my last moments with Daniel Matthews to Eric. He clung to them like a lifeline.

"What do I have to do to stop Jigsaw? I'll do anything."

"First we escape."

He nodded with our head. He reached for the pistol, and failed. He then took his shoe off, and dragged the pistol to his hand. He checked. Empty magazine. Then he held up his chained foot, looked down, and got ready to smash his foot.

"Wait!" I said. "You were a corrupt cop, right? Didn't you ever steal a bicycle?"

"That's what bolt cutters are for. I was a cop. I didn't need to sneak around to steal stuff. I don't see any lockpicks or bolt cutters around." He gestured.

I took the gun. "I see one here. Big heavy object." I hooked two fingers into the lock, and pulled it tight. Then I rapped on the lock with the gun, just above the pins, not too hard, just enough to bump them into position.

After a little work, the lock clicked, and we were free. If I had my full memories when I got in here, I could have escaped Saw 1 just as easily.

My gamer system re-engaged.

Level up! For a skilled use of your hands to solve a puzzle, you have gained 1 dexterity. You have gained 10 perk points.

I instantly felt my pains soothe and my mental health improve as the protective gamer's body and mind settled over me.

I looked at my wrist. No Maturin tattoo. I couldn't feel it anywhere. That was cut off.

I checked my quest list.

Be a loyal servant. Impossible. Quest not applicable.

Cut off your own limbs. Your every moment is toxic. Cut off your own limbs to lessen how much you can move. 100 perk points.

Kill yourself. You are a cancer on this world. Slit your own throat and free them of the waste that is you. 1000 perk points.

Very productive. Thank you quest system, I'll get right on those.

There was a bleeping blue status box in the top right corner. I gestured at it.

Noah and Liam's demonic adventure quest completed. Noah and Liam succeeded at investigating the mysterious case of the missing homeless children that you set them on. A cult of satanists were abducting children to try to summon some sort of Hitler demon, but were not immune to bullets. 400 perk points awarded.

Not magic. Just theological Satanists. Atheist satanists were ok, but a bit weird. Theological satanists were really messed up people. Yay for the perk point refund anyway. I was pretty topped up. I sent them a congratulations, and told them to keep on trying to solve those mysteries.

Another box appeared. This one was from Ben, the smartest member of the loser's club.

The rate of fires across the country has increased by a factor of five. That's not normal. We're tracking it down, but the people doing it seem like real scary sorts. Maturin is full on damage control. We need help."

I had an idea for that, but that could wait. For now, it was time to find Amanda.

I had a bunch of perks for my plague doctor skill. Normally you got two paths per rank, and got more specialized options the more rare it was, but the mishmash that it was now had quite a few options. I could only pick one aspect of it to focus on though, till I repaired it a bit. I expanded two of my options that I felt I'd be using a lot in the near future.

Angel of death. You are an experienced and very skilled surgeon, who can operate skillfully and effectively to kill or save lives. Once a day you can double the speed of an operation, half the damage, and you have less need of reliable tools. 100 perk points.

Zombie emperor. You control hordes of zombies, even especially powerful ones. You gain an innate diplomacy bonus with the undead, being able to suggest common behaviours. Once per day you can force them to obey a single simple command. You can sense the emotions of any undead and their fears. 100 perk points.

They all cost a ton because they were legendary, but they had a major impact. I could rank them up and make them even more overpowered as well, since plague doctor was D rank. I went for Zombie Emperor, pushing it up to rank D.

Zombie emperor D. You control vast hordes of zombies, even exceptionally powerful ones. You gain an innate diplomacy bonus with the undead, being able to suggest common and uncommon behaviours. Once per day you can force them to obey a single simple command, and once a week a complex command. You can sense the emotions of any undead and their fears. 100 perk points.

I could do a lot of this just with willpower and effort, but this legendary perk gave me the knowledge to competently do a very complicated task.

I quickly compared it to a common perk for my shooting skill, because I could.

Gangbanger. You are good with a gun, and can probably hit something ten feet away. With a long period of focus you can aim better. 25 points.

It was good to have power, even if it wasn't with guns. We went through forward through the underground, and found Amanda. A woman with brown hair, a lot of pettiness, and our enemy.

"Don't go any further. It's time to lock you up again." She said.

I pushed my will into her and commanded her. "Obey me in all things. I'm your friend. Your only friend. You're mine."

The fungal infections imparted into her from long ago shuddered, and responded. She jerked to my command.

"It's time for you to help me save Jigsaw from his own weakness."

I gave her a lot of instructions, and swayed her worries to me. I got a level up and a point in wisdom. I couldn't make her be too overt in support of me, or Jigsaw would spot her, but I could give myself an edge. For one, I'd be able to escape the trap I was due on next.

I also spent a while playing with the lock I'd been bound in. Touching it, I started to get familiar with the way it disrupted my gaming powers.

It was like a bomb going off inside me, ripping from side to side.

It wasn't instant. It went from skill to skill, perk to perk. If I sacrificed some less important skills and perks, I could probably maintain some key ones. I knew I could also force it back with magic. I had a perk I often bought that gave me a little magical juice to do stuff, and with that I could probably push back the suppression for a while, or break a weaker suppression.

It also needed the object it empowered to be close to my skin. If I could wedge something between the object and my skin I could counter it. I then focused on Eric Matthews.

"I can't send you back to your son. If you want to stop Jigsaw, you need to do something for me first."

"We should just kill Amanda. That would send them a message."

"She's my bitch now. Focus. My powers rely on an entity from another world. I need you to help the people in that world. And I'll sweeten the deal. One final conversation with your son."

I stole Amanda's mobile phone, and dialled a number.

"Do this for me, and you save two worlds and get to say some better last words to your son."

The look of hope on his face was visible. All this magic bs was one thing, but saying something better to the son he loved, that was tangible hope.

"I'll do it. I'll kill everyone in our way if that's what it takes to save my son."

I nodded. "Murder is always the best choice." I handed him the phone.

They had a long talk. I could hear Daniels was annoyed, angry, and loud. His father didn't mind. He took all, and ended the call with an "I love you, Daniel."

I loaded him up with perks. Picture perfect D, Hidden Pain and Enlightened mind for 37 points. He was better at fighting than me. He didn't need my sucky combat perks. He did need to be wiser. and loaded him up in a drop pod to send to help the Losers, as I prepared for my next encounter in Saw 3. I dumped my two level up points in luck, so I could better retain my powers, and we headed out. I talked some with him, made some plans, and as soon as I was done and I went to grind, I felt the yank.

I awoke in incredible pain. My powers were completely suppressed. I was sitting in a chair, with hooks digging into my skin. My skin was bare, with nothing but pants. 11 hookd. One in my jaw. My body throbbed. I looked around. A classroom. With a TV and a pipebomb nearby.

I breathed slow. Don't panic, I told myself. Pain is just in the head. You are not the pain. I breathed, and looked around again. Jigsaw and Amanda loved mechanical traps. There had to be a tripwire for this pipe trap somewhere. I looked up at where the chains attached to the wool, smelling my own blood as I moved my nose. I could see it. Each chain had a little trigger on it. Too much shaking, and the timer would start.

Troy was waking up as well. I felt his panic mount. He was gonna stand up and trigger the trap. That meant I wouldn't have time to plan this out because Troy was an entitled idiot.

I pushed out my First One is Free perk, and shielded it all around one perk. Gamer's mind. I snuffed out Troy's willpower in a moment, and returned to my musings. The pain became more distant as Gamer's mind shielded me. I needed to rip out as many of these chains as I could. The more I ripped out, the more my powers would be freed. I also needed to avoid doing too much damage to myself, before I got Gamer's body.

I'd prepared for this. I was smarter than Aron Ralston, and would not be trapped for 127 hours.

I touched my side, and felt a scar there. Gordan had given Troy an upgrade. I dug my nails into the skin, tearing open the scar, and pulled out a pocket knife in a bag. If Jigsaw could put keys under people's eyes, why couldn't I store a few hidden tools? I'd had the time to prepare, and I knew canon, and Gordon Lawrence was enough of a psycho to abduct and implant a blade in someone.

I ran my finger along the blade, and got to cutting, slicing small openings to let the chains out. I moved them very slowly, holding each chain in place after I cut open a new one. I hoped that I'd get my powers back. Four chains in and the suppressive effect weakened enough for me to use another perk and skill. I restored Plague Doctor and a perk for it.

Angel of death D. You are an experienced and very skilled surgeon, who can operate skilfully and effectively to kill or save lives. Once a day you can triple the speed of an operation, quarter the damage, and you have less need of reliable tools. Once a day you can summon a common surgery tool. 100 perk points.

I felt the power settle around me, focusing the skill on the medical side of things. Knowledge flooded me, and I knew just what to do.

I was wearing pants. Using the knife, I sliced open these, tying off each chain to the chair I was on. My skilled cuts would keep the fabric in good condition, able to hold the weight of the chain.

I made small incisions with the blade, loosening up each chain. I then wedged bits of fabric from my increasingly family unfriendly pants around the hooks, shielding me from the suppressive effect, without moving the sensitive tags on the chains that would start the timer on the pipe bomb.

It was really unpleasant. Each chain sent ripples of pain and pressure through me and sort to disrupt all of my powers. Sometimes they even reached my gamer's mind, or my plague doctor skill, forcing me to hold still with pure willpower while I stabilized the connection.

I made it all the way through the ten chains, finally reaching the eleventh and final chain. I tapped it, feeling a sharp pain run through my jaw.

"This trap is totally unfair, Amanda. No one can rip out their own jaw."

I thought and considered, surgery knowledge filling my brain. Maybe that wasn't true. If I had to escape this without hacks, could I do it? Maybe. I traced out the blood vessels on my face.

"The maxillary artery connects to the- inferior alveolar artery. The inferior alveolar artery connects to the- mental artery" I hummed. The mental artery was pretty thin. It was the terminal branch of a bunch of other offshots. You could probably smash your jaw and yank out the chain without too much bleeding. And the chain went to the ground.

I felt the jaw, running my finger over a hairline fracture. The jaw was already pretty broken. I guess Jigsaw had thought of this? You could flop to the ground and crack open your jaw, and yank the chain out. It would hurt like hell, but then you could run.

I glanced over. To a welded door, since Amanda was being evil.

I had a better way. Using my Mad Scientist skill I managed to remove a nail from the chair without collapsing it. After making a small nick in my chin with the knife, I started grinding the nail into my chin bone.

It was a long and painful process. I had the powers to summon better tools, but since Gamer's Body could fix up any damage I did, I didn't really want to expend scarce resources.

Int checked failed. Rank D trap making skill versus rank B medical skill. 12/20 int.

Half way through my jaw cracked as I drilled the screw in. The screw slid in deeper than I'd expected on my slippery with blood hand, and my arm jerked. The chair shook, the chains wriggling. I tried to stay still as pain flashed through my head, keeping the chains still. My knife dropped to the floor, bouncing away as my hand shook.

I triggered Genius. My mind sped up and I saw what I had done wrong. I'd missed a few cracks. I re-aimed the screw.

I stayed steady and kept drilling. Eventually I heard a ting. The nail hit the chain's hook. I'd been hoping to use the knife to wedge my jaw bone open. I couldn't reach it with my foot without moving a lot. That might set off the tripwires.

Leaving the screw in I checked my status page.

Name: Troy Ghigau

Job: Photographer

Level: 10

Title: Macgyver

Hitpoints: 280

Stamina: 390

Strength: 39

Constitution: 28

Dexterity: 22

Intelligence: 12

Wisdom: 15

Luck: 12

Dumb, unlucky, and very strong. J. Larose, you are a very manly man. With this much constitution I could afford to take a few more risks, and with this much strength I could do things. 30 strength was the peak of normal humans. 39 was pretty absurd.

I grabbed both sides of my jaw, and tore it open with a crack, and yanked out the chain. My blood dripped down to the floor as I carefully attached the chain to the chair. The pain was intense, but gamer's mind made it more like an annoying itch.

You have broken your own jaw! 50 damage done. 10% debuff to body structure negated by Gamer's body.

Better than 150 damage. I poked my jaw. Gamer's body had knitted it together. Wasn't even flopping open.

Con check passed. 24 out of 18. You have avoided passing out after ripping open your own bones. +1 con awarded. Level up. 10 perk points awarded.

I carefully removed all my other chains, tearing them out and laying them down on the chair. The weight was making it a bit unsteady. I slowly went down on the chair, holding the chair steady and reached out with my foot to hook one of the desks in the classroom to me.

Dex check succeeded. 22/20.

All my investments were paying off. I worked to get the chair and the chains propped up together, so they wouldn't move and start the trap.

I did a quick sweep of the room. The bomb looked pretty advanced. I didn't want me and my "I barely passed high school" intelligence going up against it.

You have failed a wisdom check. 15/18.

I really didn't want to play with the bomb.

I slowly and carefully walked over to the door. I'd ordered Amanda not to weld this door shut, so it should be fine.

My hand burst out in pain as electrical pulses ran through me.

You have been shocked! Shocking. You take 40 damage, and have a 30% physical debuff, partially negated by gamer's body.

I staggered back as the television flicked on behind me, trying to control my pulsing muscles.

Daniel the puppet spoke. "Hello, MacGyver. I want to play a game. This game will take place in a room not much bigger than the room you've spent most of your life in: my rooms, destroying my traps."

Oh fuck. I had an instruction tape. I quickly rammed my shoulder against a wall, testing it. Maybe I could smash a wall?

I felt the antimagic pulse cancel out my powers, and the steel reinforced wall behind it. That had been what I missed. Planks nailed across the other side of the wall.

"You are a demon who has invaded this world again and again, and I have ways to deal with demons."

This was a Jigsaw trap for me. That wasn't good. How did he even know I'd be here? I ran to the bomb. More antimagic wards there, and a bunch of anti tamper things on it that my skill warned me of, but which I didn't have the stats to handle. I was stuck in a room with a pipe bomb.

"More comfortable among traps than anywhere else in this world? Tonight, we will see how far you are willing to go to for the sake of being tricky. The protections on this place will break with enough of a sacrifice of your blood. Live or die, MacGyver. Make your choice. "

A timer awoke, and started ticking down.

1.00

0.59

Fuck you Amanda.

Macgyver vs a pipebomb in a locked room with power inhibitors on the walls. Who will win?

Also, his first personalized, completely all to himself doll video. He should feel very special.

Dragonbornthesam. He shouldn't have trusted that instinct no. And yeah, he could totally gain new patrons, his power is very inclusive. Does he want a patron that might use him as a spawning point for a machine apocalypse? I am not so sure. But if he visited SCP world sometime, he could totally meet them and have some blessings and curses forced on him. I still have decided where to go after Saw 3. If he escapes the pipe bomb of course.

So, I was thinking about the next story. I had five ideas of story prompts.

Resident Evil village. Ethan has escaped macgyver finally. Macgyver lied about everything to him and played him as a fool. Now, when his wife is killed and his daughter is abducted, he must rely on macgyver to help him save his daughter and fight attractive tall vampire ladies.

Alien Isolation. Amanda, daughter of Ellen Ripley, is pursuing her mother into a space ship. She is massively underprepared, and she can't save scum like I totally did when playing it. She gets lucky when an interdimensional handyman possesses her and helps her die less against aliens, androids, and space.

Until Dawn. I'm not quite sure how I'd make that work well. Ideas are welcome.

Halo. You are random marine xyz who has been chosen for a bold raid through covenant forces into the flood containment facility. Have fun.

Freddy vs Jason. You are Gibb, a random person that two serial killers really want to kill. Can you survive fire and dreams and psychopathy while the two titans battle it out.

Any suggestions?

Next time, How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.