Ze Story
It was a happy time in the tastefully furnished condominium down an asphalt road in Sootopolis City - a happy birthday time. It was Wallace's birthday, and he was getting some very fine presents. Fine, that is, if you didn't include the I Love Lucy toilet seat, given by Snorlax, that said "Lucy, you have some 'splainin' to do" whenever it was lifted.
Wallace wasn't exactly having a party, but Brawly, Flannery, Roxanne, and Steven Stone were there. And Winona, of course.
The birthday boy smiled amusedly when he opened Winona's present, a book by Dr. Ruth Westheimer. His other presents included pair of slacks from Brawly, a big box of See's candies from Flannery, an electric weed-cutter from Roxanne, and from Steven Stone, a violin with a secret compartment for storing guns.
Steven's gift was thoughtful. But he was being thoughtful in another way, too. It isn't always easy when your colleague gets a lot of presents and you don't. Steven understood that he had gotten presents when it was his birthday and would again. Besides, he wasn't that interested in weed-cutters or ...those kinds of books, anyway.
But all that changed when Groudon gave his present. It was the biggest, most beautiful Hummer Steven had ever seen. Actually, it was the only Hummer Steven had ever seen. When Steven saw that beautiful SUV, it was no longer "Happy birthday, Wallace!" It was, "Must...have...Hummer..."
When Groudon saw that look in Steven's eyes, he pulled him aside.
"It looks like somebody's brain has been hijacked by the Green-Eyed Monster," announced Groudon.
"What's the Green-Eyed Monster?" asked Steven.
"It's a just a euphimism for jealousy," explained Groudon. "Although it can also refer to Madonna."
The party was over soon, and the guests started getting ready to leave. Not Steven Stone. He just stood there, with a blank expression on his face, muttering "Hummer...must...have...Hummer...".
"Come on, Steven, we're going now," called Winona to the young man. Steven did not respond. He just stood there, staring at the Hummer. "Hummer...must...have...Hummer..."
"What is he saying?" asked Flannery.
"I think he's saying 'Phantom of the Opera'." Then Brawly continued, singing, "For now I find the Phantom of the Opera is there - inside my mind..."
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A few nights later, Winona and Wallace were snuggled up on the latter's couch with a take-out pizza and a rental DVD, when Winona heard something that made her jump.
"What is it?" asked an alarmed Wallace.
"It's someone outside...he's saying 'Hummer...Hummer...Hummer'. Oh, Wallace, go outside and make sure it's not someone dangerous...like the Phantom of the Opera."
"What?" exclaimed Wallace.
"You see," explained Winona sheepishly, "ever since I saw 'The Phantom of the Opera', I was always afraid that he (the Phantom) would pop out of a gutter and kill me...It probably didn't help that I had seen 'It' a few days before." Wallace rolled his eyes, but finally gave in and went outside, armed with a baseball bat and his electric weed-cutter.
"There's nobody out there," Wallace announced a few minutes later, after coming in from his search. Winona was about to sigh a sigh of relief, but then she heard "Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour. Grasp it, sense it - tremulous and tender. Turn your face away from the garish light of day, turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light - and listen to the music of the night!"
"Zoinks!" shrieked the violet-haired Gym Leader. "He knows where you live!" She then passed out on the sofa.
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"What were you doing last night?" Roxanne inquired of a bleary-eyed Steven Stone at the next day's Gym Leader conference. Steven yawned.
"Oh, I was home all night if that's what you mean. I think I sleep-walked though." He yawned again and scratched his armpit. The steel-eyed man was about to doze off on the conference table when the sound of a Hummer's motor made him spring from his chair.
"Hummer...must...have...Hummer..." Steven jumped out the window toward the Hummer. Wallace screamed and swerved the car out of the way to avoid any damage to the vehicle.
Steven hit the cement. It was not a pretty sight.
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"We should go visit Steven in the hospital," suggested Winona to Wallace. Wallace agreed. So, the two hopped into the Hummer and drove to the hospital.
Steven was awaked from his coma upon hearing the Hummer approach the hospital grounds. He started to jump out the window, but luckily, there were nurses there to restrain him.
"I'll just go bring him whatever flowers or cards you were going to give him," offered Flannery to Wallace.
"Christine? Is that you?" called Steven when Flannery entered.
"Jinkies!" exclaimed Flannery. One of the nurses began opening a medicine cabinet.
"Are you getting a sedative?" her colleague asked.
"No. Cyanide."
Fin