Much props and credit to my girlfriend Sarah who came up with some of the lines and ideas for the latter half of this story. MY LONGEST CHAPTER YET!
"Pie Freak?" Starfire said with a curious glance. "I fail to see what baked goods have to do with the martial arts."
"It's not PIE! But PAI!" Control Freak protested.
"It doesn't matter what you want to call yourself, Control Freak. Bottom line is we'll beat you, just like Starfire did, just like Cyborg did, just like Raven and Beast Boy did. Face it, you're the bottom of the barrel when it comes to villains." Robin said.
Pai Freak merely laughed, stroking his long white mustache.
"Still don't get it yet, do you Robin? This is MY world! I make the rules here! And Rule #1...you die! FLYING FIST OF THE CONTROL FREAK!"
Springing up from the wooden bridge he had been standing on, Pai Freak launched himself at Robin, the nerdy master a flash of silk and white hair. Robin leaned back at the right moment, dodging the attack by mere seconds. However, not expecting Pai Freak to have any kind of counter attack, he let his guard down for just a split moment.
"OOMPH!" escaped from the Boy Wonder's lungs, as Pai Mei's spinning toe hook kick connected to the Robin's solar plexus.
"Newbie." Pai Freak taunted.
Struggling to get air in his lungs, Robin had enough energy to back flip several feet away to get a moment of rest.
"Con...trol...Freak..." he managed to croak. Pai Freak just smiled.
"I told you Robin, this is my world. Did you really think I would be stupid enough to fight you in the annoying, real world? BAH! You and your oh-so-hottie girlfriend are all prisoners in the FREAKTRIX! Here, I make the rules!"
Pai Freak took this time to laugh some more as Robin struggled to his feet, relishing in the Boy Wonder's defeat, till a sucker punch for a certain Tammaranian princess sent him reeling.
"You do not harm Robin!" she said defiantly. Pai Freak went soaring, crashing into a small wooden shack, reducing it into splinters. "This fantasy world of yours has gone on for too long! You will return us to our world and you will do so now!"
With a bit of a rumble, Pai Freak burst through the rubble of the wooden shack, his outfit flawless with no tears or cuts in the silken fabric.
"Have to get your girlfriend to fight your wars for ya, huh Robin? Hmph! Talk about whipped! Oh and just to make sure Starfire doesn't interfere again..."
Martial Arts Master Pai Freak reached to his sash and pulled out his solid black remote control, though it looked bigger, with more flashing lights and beeping sounds. Pushing a large red button on the remote, a wave of energy zapped out in a jagged form and smacked right into the Tammaranian. When the smoke cleared, she had been bound by large metal chains, which she could not escape from.
"Robin! Help!"
"Raarrggggghhh!" Robin grunted and with a mighty spin kick, struck the chains as hard as he cut, yet they failed to budge.
"Oh nice try, Boy Blunder." Pai Freak snarled. "Those chains are made from adamanitum, which as you may not know, is UNBREAKABLE!"
Robin's eyes narrowed into thin slits, his mask a narrow black strip at this point.
"You are a sick man, Control Freak. Let her go now or else I'll beat her freedom out of you!"
"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you?" Pai Freak replied with a laugh. "Bring it on and see if you can handle my IRON FREAK style!"
Pai Freak lunged at Robin, but this time the Boy Wonder was prepared. As Pai Freak's fist swung past Robin's face, the Boy Wonder dodged it at the right moment and countered with a swift leg sweep that sent Pai Freak face first in the dust.
The nerdy martial arts master then sprung up and delivered a series of laser fast kicks to the head of Robin, but each one was blocked away effortlessly, the Boy Wonder now having a grasp on Pai Freak's abilities. Landing on his feet, Pai Freak swung around with a massive roundhouse kick that connected with nothing but air. Robin back flipped several feet behind him and with a loud "Hiyyrraarrggghhh!" landed a perfect springboard back flip judo kick right in the bulbous chest of Control Freak.
"You're out of your league, Control Freak. I've been trained by the best, you're just a sad little nerd with too much time on your hands."
"Is that so?" Pai Freak said as he stood up, wiping a small trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. "It looks like even in the Freaktrix, your will power is too great in a pure martial arts battle." Pai Freak cackled loudly as he grabbed his remote control again. "But it would be selfish of me, Robin, to just fight you by myself. Oh no! Why do that when I can have a party? SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!"
Pai Freak pushed a large blue button on his remote control and another wave of electricity shot out right in front of Robin. The Boy Wonder took shelter behind a nearby tree, assuming the beam was meant for him. Instead, it stopped several feet short, cackling and dancing in place before taking form.
At first glance, Robin thought this may have been an early prototype of the technology that saved Cyborg's life. Pai Freak's minion seemed to be human, with an entirely mechanical body, a metal helmet on of sorts, with a thin black visor where his eyes should be. Whereas the body was mechanical, it's build and look was completely different than Cyborg's. While Cyborg's mechanical body was a gleaming heap of technology, this cyborg was pure metal with a sleek, efficient design. Less about life saving, with more focus on attacking and offense.
"Robin of the Teen Titans." it said droning in a human voice, but in a dull robotic monotone. "You have 5 seconds to comply. Surrender now."
"Buwhahaha! Meet my friend, Murphy!" Pai Freak taunted.
"Time has passed. Lethal force authorized." Murphy reached down towards where his right thigh was and a compartment opened, showcasing a rather sinister looking custom hand gun. With a speed only a machine could master, the gun was drawn and Robin found himself staring down the barrel of Murphy's gun.
The Boy Wonder dodged the shower of hot lead that flew in his direction, feeling the heat from each bullet zing by him.
"This is madness..." Robin thought, cartwheeling away from another steady diet of bullets. With every step he made, Murphy kept relentlessly firing at the masked teenager, mindlessly obeying Pai Freak's every command.
Starfire tried in vain to free herself from the adamanitum chains which bound her, yet not even her alien strength could break her metallic prison. Focusing her energy, the crimson haired beauty fired off a pair of eye bolts from her emerald orbs, the green fury aimed directly at Murphy. Yet, to her horror, they instead seemed to dissipate a mere foot or so in front of her.
"Oh my bad." Pai Freak said with a smirk. "I forgot to mention that besides your adamanitum chains, you're also enclosed in a K-7 force field. Wouldn't want the Boy Wonder to get bailed out by his girlfriend again, now would we?"
"You're just delaying the inevitable." Robin shot back, nailing a fierce spin kick that sent Murphy's head flying from it's cybernetic body. "You lose, Control Freak." he added, playfully wiping the 'dust' from his hands.
Pai Freak pouted and stomped his feet like a little boy who had been forced to go to bed without desert.
"ARGGH! Think you're so hot you stupid no-eyed jerk? Then let's up the ante...BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGON...GO!"
With another push of a button, a huge, monstrous dragon appeared in front of Robin. The dragon was gigantic in size, his entire body scaly and toned an off-white hue. His eyes burned a brilliant blue, bluer than even Robin's own eyes.
"Burst stream of destruction!" Pai Freak shouted. A beam of pure white light shot straight out of Blue-Eyes mouth, with Robin again just barely missing it. "Your luck is going to run out sooner or later."
"You're unleashing dragons on me now!" Robin asked incredulously. "You've crossed the line from just sick to downright insane."
Blue-Eyes continued to track Robin as he dodged, back flipped and generally avoided Blue-Eyes powerful burst stream, but the Boy Wonder was tiring and his lungs heaved and burned like they were on fire, his muscles ached under the constant stress of keeping himself alive.
"Think Robin!" he screamed mentally. "Think...no gadgets, no bo-staff...how do I stop this monster?" Then up ahead, he saw his answer. It looked to be a small shrine/temple, perhaps Buddhist in nature. Sitting in front of this temple was a large metal gong, not too big, but big enough for what Robin hand in mind.
Spring boarding off a nearby tree, in one swift movement Robin lunged for the gong and encompassed it in his hands. With a mighty heave, he chucked the metal disc like a Frisbee, the gong spinning with a vengeance till it connected squarely between the blue eyes of Blue-Eyes.
The mighty dragon let out a pained roar before walking a bit woozily, it's balance clearly unstable.
"You stupid dragon!" Pai Freak screamed. "Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!"
Blue-Eyes let out a soft roar/whimper before collapsing in an unconscious heap on top of Pai Freak, apparently flattening the bulbous villain flatter than a pancake.
"Finally." Robin said, taking a well earned deep breath. The Boy Wonder was free to focus his attention on Starfire, trying to find a way to get past the K-7 force field.
"You were successful in the fight with Control Freak, yes?" she asked. Robin nodded.
"He's finally gone, Star. We just need to free you and find a way to get out of here." he said. Robin landed several fierce kicks, punches and roundhouses, yet the K-7 force field never even budged. Grunting with anger, he let several more fierce blows land on the invisible energy wall, yet meeting with complete resistance each time.
"There has to be waayyrrrrgggggghhhhh!"
Robin's words were cut off with an terrible wail of pain as his body cackled with electricity, causing the Boy Wonder to fall to his knees in mind numbing agony before collapsing on his chest. Standing out from behind him was Darth Freak, Force Lightning still buzzing in his black gloved hands.
"ROBIN!" Starfire screamed, tears now openly running down her flawless cheeks. "Robin...no..."
"Now you feel the power of the Dark Side!" Darth Freak bellowed, shaking his gloved fist towards the heavens. "It was merely a simple matter to teleport out of the way using my remote control and like the fool you are, you let your guard down."
"Not...over...yet..." Robin wheezed, whispers of smoke emanating from his body. Darth Freak used his Force powers to levitate Robin in front of him, the Boy Wonder too hurt to move. Starfire closed her eyes tightly, her cheeks glistening with innocent tears.
"This is it, Robin. I win. Game over man, game over."
Darth Freak reached to his belt and removed his lightsaber from it's holster. With a flip of the switch, the humming red blade shot out, humming with malicious and dastardly intent.
"See you later, space cowboy..." the nerdy Sith Lord sneered.
"Wait!" Robin managed to croak. "Are you sure.." He coughed weakly, before continuing on. "...that.you really want to kill me?"
"What do you mean 'am I sure'? OF COURSE I'M SURE! I'm evil, remember?"
"I know that..." said Robin. "But with me out of the way, you're arch rival is still alive and well. Sure, you'll...have Starfire..." The Boy Wonder coughed again as he tried to speak. "...but how can you enjoy her if your nemesis still breathes?"
This confused Control Freak.
"I have a nemesis?" he asked, using his Force powers to drop Robin to the ground like a sack of potatoes. "I was unaware I had an arch enemy..." he added quietly, almost to himself.
Starfire hesitantly opened one eye. "Robin...you are well...?" The slight nod and wink Robin gave let Starfire know the Boy Wonder had a plan up his sleeve.
"Of course you have an arch nemesis. Every villain does." said Robin, limping from the electric attack, but gaining his strength back ever so slowly. "I have Slade, Batman has the Joker, Superman has Lex Luthor...right?" Darth Freak turned to face Robin, his mask off his nerdy face, and nodded frantically.
"You are so right! But...who is mine?"
"Two words: Null Dimensions"
Darth Freak's face turned into a furious scowl. "Beast Boy" he snarled. "That snot toned punk banished me with the Hop Joon Chant to the Null Dimensions!"
"Exactly. So why not warp him here to the Freaktrix and finish him off for good?"
"Wow and I thought I was evil..." Darth Freak said surprised. He produced his remote control again and turning a knob to 11, pushed a glowing green button. It emitted a low humming sound and the very ground they were standing on seemed to vibrate and rumble like an earthquake, till finally, there was a blinding flash. When Robin's eyes finally re-adjusted, he was greeted to the image of a very confused Beast Boy, Raven and Cyborg.
"I brought along his girlfriend to show her how a real man does things and his metal-friend so he can appreciate my handy work."
"Control Freak!" said Raven angrily. Her eyes flared white, her fists became illuminated in her dark aura. "AZARATH METRION ZIN-"
"Raven wait!" Robin ordered. "This is between Control Freak and Beast Boy...not us..."
"Dude...it is?" asked one very confused changeling.
"Give me a second to get him ready for your final battle.." Robin said hastily. The Boy Wonder took Beast Boy aside, out of ear-shot from Control Freak. "Listen Beast Boy.." he said in a hushed voice. "You beat Control Freak before using your knowledge of all things nerdy and we need your help again."
Beast Boy swallowed his spit hard, making a large gulp that traveled down his throat. "Are...are you sure, dude? Can't you just do your crazy kung-fu stuff and kick his butt?" Robin just shook his head.
"No. You're the only one who can save us."
"Well, it's official...we're doomed." Raven said with the tiniest of tiny smirks spreading on her face. Beast Boy stuck his tongue out at her in retaliation. "Mature, Gar. Real mature." she deadpanned.
"I'll try..." Beast Boy said.
The green changeling walked towards Control Freak, a tense stare down occurring between the two nerds.
"The rules are simple. Rule #1...don't talk about Fight Club. Rule #2...you get to pick one warrior to fight me as I get one warrior as well and Rule #3...the prequels sucked." Beast Boy nodded in agreement on all 3 rules.
"Right." he said defiantly.
"Now let's see...who shall I use to destroy you, Beast Boy? The mighty Vegeta? The deadly mass of technology know as the Controlinator? Maybe summon my army of darkness to rip out your green flesh? Hmmm...actually, I'll just stick with Darth Freak. I shall enjoy watching you die."
Beast Boy gulped again, his mind which normally carried an encyclopedia like knowledge of all things nerdy was now completely and utterly blank. The situation was thrust upon him and he hadn't quite yet let it sink in. One moment he was enjoying lunch with Raven, the next he's warped to a crazy computer world with the fate of the Titans in his hands.
"Guys..." he whispered back to his friends. "...I don't know who to change into...any suggestions?"
"Oooh! I know!" said Cyborg, waving his hand in the air like he had been called on in school. "How about Jules Winnfield...ya know...from Pulp Fiction?"
Beast Boy just shook his head. "No...I don't think so, dude."
"Maybe Bruce Lee?" Robin offered.
"I'm not really a martial arts kinda guy..."
"There's always Cthulhu." Raven added, her bored monotone having yet to change.
"What? Who's that dude? Never mind...I don't want to know..."
"Perhaps you could change into the legendary warrior K'Narfka who once slew an entire snarglop worth of markbats in the battle of Carganalnia Prime!" Starfire offered cheerfully. Beast Boy just stared back with a blank, vacant expression that made the Tammaranian princess blush an adorable shade of red. "On my planet this is a very common story..." she said quietly.
"Time is running out!" Control Freak giggled evilly. "Better pick and pick fast!"
"Think Gar...think!" he muttered, mentally cursing himself out. "There has to be a warrior strong enough to beat him.."
And then, as if a thousand angels had sung the answer in an immaculate chorus, Beast Boy had his warrior.
"Alright dude, this ends now!"
"Somebody has been reading too many comic books." Raven observed to no one in particular. Beast Boy grit his teeth and clenched his gloved fists tightly, concentrating on the mental image of his warrior. Slowly, very slowly, his body began to morph.
His standard issue Doom Patrol boots changed into worn out, brown leather cowboy boots. His uniform pants went from high-density polymerized titanium to dusty, faded, well worn blue jeans. His Doom Patrol belt changed into classic black leather, with a large, gold belt buckle the shape of Texas on it.
The upper half of his uniform became a snug fitting flannel shirt, the kind a working man of the land would wear. His chin, which was normally baby smooth, became smothered in a rugged reddish-brown beard, his eyes narrowed into sharp daggers and on a his head, a black Stetson cowboy hat.
Darth Freak turned five shades of white, the nerdy Sith Lord falling back on his butt and crawling away from what Beast Boy had become.
"No...no!" he panicked. "How could I be so naive...it's...it's..."
"That's right, dude...it's CHUCK NORRIS!" Beast Boy declared triumphantly.
"I think my IQ just dropped 10 points." Raven said with a sigh, adding only "Nerds." to emphasize how she felt. Cyborg, on the other hand, was a bit more supportive of his friend.
"Woo hoo! Go B! Go B! Kick some butt!"
Darth Freak pulled himself together best he could, getting back to his feet and arming himself with his lightsaber again.
"No..I am not afraid! I am CONTROL FREAK! This is MY WORLD and I will be the one to KILL CHUCK NORRIS!"
"Here Raven, hold my hat." Gar Norris said, throwing his black Stetson to the pale skinned beauty. Raven held the hat with disgust between two fingers, like one would hold a dead rat.
"It smells like sweat and whiskey." she with with an upturned nose.
"That's the way a man smells. The way Gar Norris smells" said her bearded beau. Raven just rolled her eyes and casually tossed the hat at her feet.
"Whatever."
With his attention focused on his girlfriend, Gar Norris lost track of Darth Freak who swung his mighty red lightsaber straight towards his head. Though instead of resulting in the instant decapitation Darth Freak had hoped for, the blade instead broke off into two pieces.
"That's...that's impossible!"
"Nothing is impossible for CHUCK...I mean, GAR NORRIS!"
"This isn't over yet! If I can't take you down, then my minions will!"Control Freak shouted, his deluxe remote control back in his hand and with a push of a button zapped up two more of his cronies. "Allow me to introduce to you my friends Vicious and Naraku!"
"Oh yeah? Well allow me to introduce you to MY friends, Law..." he said, sticking out his right leg "...and Order!" gesturing towards his left leg.
Vicious was the first one to attack, charging at Gar Norris with a razor sharp katana blade clutched in his hands. One mighty roundhouse kick from Gar Norris, and Vicious exploded into thousands of meaty pieces.
"That's really what I wanted to see right after lunch." Raven said.
"I think I'm gonna hurl..." said a nauseated Cyborg.
Naraku came after Gar Norris as well, with twisted spider-like legs that lashed out for the green cowboy. But even the ancient demon fell to the same fate as Vicious, as another round house kicker connected and Naraku went flying off into the horizon till he was nothing more than a glimmering dot.
Darth Freak fell over backwards again, stricken with fear. Gar Norris began to stalk him and lifted him up by his black Jedi robe.
"I...I...I..."
Darth Freak passed out from fear. Gar Norris sighed and dropped the lardy nerd flat on his bulbous butt, sending up a small cloud of dust.
"Are you done, 'Mr. Norris'?" Raven asked and Gar Norris gave her a reply. The bearded Titan lunged for his pale beauty, scooped her up in his arms and leaned her down, saying "Hail to the king, baby," before planting a huge kiss right on her lips.
But even the mighty Gar Norris was no match for the Azarathian sorceresses, for as soon as the kiss was initiated, the green vegan cowboy found himself illuminated in Raven's dark energy.
"Never do that again." she said firmly, as Gar Norris hung upside down like a living pinata.
"Aww why not?"
"Because your beard feels like I'm kissing a Brillo pad."
"That's the way a man kisses!" Gar Norris said in his own defense, before being dropped with a loud OOMPH. "Didn't hurt..." he said standing up. "Because nothing hurts Gar Norris!"
"Beast Boy, since you seem to be in control of this crazy world, any chance you could free Starfire?" Robin asked. He wasn't quite sure what was going on, but wasn't going to argue with the results. Gar Norris cracked his knuckles and gave a slight nod, before reaching down and picking up his cowboy hat from the ground.
"Not a problem." the green cowboy said and unleashed another fierce roundhouse that missed Starfire by at least three feet, but just the raw force generated from such an awesome kick caused both the K-7 force shield and the adamanitum chains to crumble into dust.
"Robin! I am free!" the crimson haired beauty said and encompassed the Boy Wonder in her arms for another Starfire hug.
"Star..." he gasped.
"You wish to breathe?"
"It...would be nice..."
Starfire released Robin from her grasp, the Boy Wonder's lungs taking in oxygen again.
"My sincerest apologies, my love." she said, feeling her cheeks get hot.
Cyborg at this time was hovering over the out cold body of Control Freak, rummaging around his belt trying to find the remote control to take them home.
"Pack of chicken Ramen...half eaten stick of Pocky...autographed picture of Leonard Nimoy...BOO YAH, here we go." he said. Cyborg messed around with the settings a bit till he was sure he could get them back home. "Everybody ready? Say CHEESE!" and with a press of a button, all 5 Titans and Control Freak were encased in a brilliant shade of white.
It was much later that night when Beast Boy found himself curled up in bed next to Raven. Raven had personally delivered Control Freak to the police and Cyborg's scanners easily picked out the robotic Officer Harvey who was then reassigned to the Jump City Recycling Plant.
Sadly, Beast Boy lost the amazing powers of Chuck Norris once he returned to the real world, but he didn't mind. He beat Control Freak again and saved the team. All in all, a good day. To cap things off, he found himself next to Raven which was always a good thing.
The empath was laying flat on her stomach, her normal night time wear of tank top and sweat pants gracing her body. She had one arm slung over Beast Boy's bare chest and was sleeping softly into the night.
The jade skinned prankster opened one eye to make sure she was asleep, before gingerly removing her arm to climb out of bed. He clumsily felt around on the floor for his sweat pants (he had fallen asleep in his Scooby Doo boxers) and upon sliding them on his legs, made his way out into OPs. Once there, he double checked to make sure no one was following him and keeping the main lights in OPs off, turned on the main frame computer and logged on to the Internet.
Beast Boy knew exactly where he wanted to go...to his favorite fan fiction website. Logging to his account, (USERNAME – DaGreenMachine; PASSWORD – tofu4u), to check reviews of his latest story, "TEEN TITANS: BEAST BOY SAVES THE DAY"
Checking and seeing he had gotten some fairly positive remarks, he began to work on Chapter 2.
"HaHAHahAHahAHahAHAH" laughed Slade evily."I am Slade and I have kidnapped you Titans prepare to die!"
'Hmm...' Beast Boy thought to himself. 'What should I add next? Ah, dude! I got it!' Stricken with inspiration, his green fingers flew over the keyboard as he hammered out his masterpiece.
"Oh no! We are all going to die!" Robin cried because he was scared he would die. "iF only somebody would saveus now!" cried Cyborg like a little girl.
"This is good stuff!" the changeling thought out loud.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" came a muscle voice. It was BEAST BOY! Beast Boy ran into battle and started kicking slades stupid but. He then ripped everyones chains off and saved the day. "thank u beast boy" said Robin. "you are the greatest titan evar!" "yeah" cyborg said also. "i only tease you because i am totally jealous of how great you are,"
At this point Beast Boy was hit with a bad case of writer's block. "Something is missing..." he said aloud. "Dude, I got it! Raven needs a line!"
"Oh garfield! you are so strong and so smart and so sexy and so handsome and so funny! i just want to rip off your clothes right now and totally have my way with you and run my hands all over your body! i love you!" Raven gushed cuz she was so in the mood and pratically throwing herself at me.
"Sounds rather out of character don't you think?" came the voice of the real Raven from right behind Beast Boy. Beast Boy squealed with surprise and fell right out of his office chair on the carpeted floor of OPs.
"Raven! How...how long have you been there?" he asked from the floor.
"Long enough to read most of your little adventure there."
"I see...so do you like it so far?"
"Do I really need to say anything, Gar?"
"So that's a no then?"
Raven sighed and sat down on the couch in OPs, sipping a cup of iced tea from the Titans' refrigerator. Beast Boy picked himself up from the carpet, saved his document and sat down next to his dark rose.
"So...what are you doing up?" he asked.
"I woke up to find you missing. I figured you were in the bathroom but when twenty minutes went by and you still weren't there, I became curious." the empath said. "And now I see why."
"Yeah, crazy huh?" he said, scratching the back of his neck out of pure nervousness. "So...uhhh...you're not like, mad at me...are you?"
That little smirk of Raven's spread on the corner of her mouth, which to anybody else would be a half smile, but by Raven's standards would be a full blown grin.
"No Gar. I'm not mad." she said. Beast Boy breathed a deep sigh of relief.
"Awesome."
He rested his head on her shoulder with the pale sorceresses gently stroking her slender fingers through his hair. This went on for several minutes till the Azarathian beauty yawned gently.
"I'm going to bed, Gar. Are you coming?"
Beast Boy gave a slight nod, before scampering over to close out his document.
"Yeah Rae, right behind you."
"And Gar, one last thing...never wear that cowboy hat again."
THE END