I have reorganized this chapter. It's a bit easier on the eyes now, don't you think? I've tweaked a few things but they're small changes and don't do anything really.
Lily was trying to do her potions essay. Notice the trying. It wasn't going well due to a certain James Potter and his best friend Sirius Black. They were running around the Heads' dorms pretending to be pirates/cowboys/who-knows-whats.
"Bang, Bang!" Sirius was making a gun out of his hand. "Arrr! I've got ya now, matey!"
"Kapwing, kapwing!" James pretended the tip of his finger was the bullet and made the bullet bounce harmlessly off his chest.
"Hey!" Sirius demanded. "How'd you do that?"
"Lils, what are those things that you wear that keeps the bullets off?"
"Bullet proof vests and my name is not Lils."
"Oh yeah? Well take that!" Sirius grabbed a stick and began swishing it dangerously close to James' face. James grabbed a stick and began fighting back.
On guard! Only I shall win the hand of the fair Rose of Hogwarts, Lily!"
Sirius stopped. "Why would I want Lily?"
"Are you insulting the beauty of milady?" Sirius opened his mouth to answer but Lily spoke first.
"James. Shut up. Sirius, rip James' tongue out. James, don't fight Sirius while he's doing that. Sirius. While you're at it, make James sterile."
"How?"
"I don't know! Just make it so he'll never have children again."
"Okay. Touché!"
"Them's fighting words, pardner! The Crane!" James stood on one foot and lifted his arms.
"The Funky Monkey!" Sirius began scratching his arm pits and making monkey noises.
"Arr, matey! Take that and that!" James grabbed a hanger and slashed at Sirius, pretending it was a hook.
"Oh yeah? Well I'm a ninja!" Sirius began throwing random objects as if they were throwing stars when one of them hit Lily's head. Lily snapped.
"That's it! Go play outside!"
Sirius was roaring like a dragon on a grass hill while James was wearing some stolen armor from a corridor and holding a long stick as a sword.
"Don't worry, fair princess Lily! I'll save you from the ugly and smelly dragon!"
Lily was tied to a tree behind Sirius and her face was growing as red as her flaming hair. "THIS WAS NOT WHAT I MEANT!" She screamed.