A/N: ah, my first post z3 angst fic. I've spent three days crying while writing this, hopefully you guys tear up too.
The night of graduation, Zed sees meteors.
They all do, bright red and blue bursts across the sky. His chest swells for a moment, thinking maybe, just maybe, she's back, she's not gone for good.
But just as quickly as they come, they leave. Another flicker of hope in the neverending darkness of his heart.
They spend the night reminiscing over Addison. She changed their lives, all of them. Her not being there, by Zed's side like always, full of positivity and light, leaves a gaping hole in their friend group.
Zed goes home and stays awake for hours on end, looking out to the stars, wishing he was out there with her, or she was here with him. That night, he dreams of her, the first moment he saw her just outside of Seabrook High four years ago, dancing with her at Prawn every year, even just her leading the cheer team to victory time and time again.
He misses Addison everyday that summer. At every little sound or occurrence in the sky, he looks up, hoping it's her, that she's changed her mind and is coming back to him.
It doesn't sink in that she's gone, that she's really, really gone, until he starts packing his room for college.
He takes down the picture on his walls, packing up the ones on his desk and shelves, even collecting little mementos scattered all around his house. He finds a picture of the two of them at their first Prawn. He holds it in his hand, eyes scanning over her face over and over again until the image is blurry from the impending tears.
They should have another Prawn picture, from senior year, and even a picture from graduation. He should be packing up dozens of pictures from the end of their senior year. He should be bouncing with joy at the thought of spending four more years going to school with Addison, living on campus and meeting up for lunch or study dates, hanging out in her dorm or his. But they took her away. The aliens ripped out his heart and took it with them off to Utopia, and he knows he'll never see her again.
He pushes it down, pushes it all down. After all, Zoey's home, and she can't see him like this, not again. He's her big brother, he needs to be strong for her. He needs to be someone she can look up to, not a broken, blubbering mess of heartache and sorrow. He wipes the tears from his face, taking the picture and taking it upstairs.
Their Prawn picture follows him everywhere in his life, though he can never bring himself to display it. Looking at it just hurts too much. It's too soon, too raw, too real.
He stores it in a box that ends up in the bottom of his dorm room closet, filled with other Addison memories: a collection of love notes she's sent over the years, his freshman yearbook, and her old cheer hoodie she always left at his place. He can never bring himself to go through the box, his chest aching even just looking at it, but feels connected to her knowing it exists.
Two days before he leaves for Mountain College, Chief and Mayor Wells invite him over for dinner. He almost doesn't go, thinking he won't be able to stand in her old house for longer than ten minutes without breaking down.
But Eliza reminds him (gently) that they lost their only daughter, and just want some comfort. So he goes.
They talk to him about school, and his classes, and if he thinks he'll try out for football. He answers quietly, quickly, although he doesn't feel as distraught as he thought he'd be. Instead, it's just…numb.
An empty nothingness that follows him all the way to Mountain College. For two months, he goes through the motions almost robotically: class, studying, lunch with Eliza and Wyatt on Monday and Wednesday and lunch with Bonzo, Bree, and Willa on Tuesday and Thursday. Being away and without Addison feels fundamentally wrong, I'm so many different ways.
On a quiet, warm night in late October, Zed wanders away from campus, exploring the area for the first time. He winds up on a beach, nearly a mile and a half away. Addison used to love the beach, and strolls in the water's edge under the moonlight.
He brings the Prawn picture, and looks at the stars. He stays like that for a long time, eyes focused on the endless depth of outer space, before he finally says, "I miss you, Addy."
When he comes home for the first official break of the year, Seabrook's changed. There are talks of the new interim mayor, and Zed quickly learns that the Wells are moving.
They're moving out of Seabrook, for good.
Addison's been gone for eight months, and they've already given up hope on her ever coming home. Rage swells in his chest. He stomps around his house for about an hour, trying to calm down. But he can't. Addison is gone and she's not coming back, and her parents have every right to try and move on with their lives without their daughter.
Later that same evening, Missy Wells comes by with a large cardboard box packed full. "Hi, Zed. We were just about done packing up, and we found this box in Addison's room, addressed to you."
He looks at it, in her arms, then back to her face. "We didn't go through it, if that's what you're thinking. We already went through all her other things, have some stuff to Bree and Bucky and the-the wolves. And we had some stuff we though you might like, but then we found that she made this just for you so…"
Zed nods slowly. He takes the box from her with a quiet, "Thanks."
"Our, uh, last day in Seabrook is Friday, if you wanna stop by and see if there's anything else you'd like to have."
Zed nods along, his eyes focused on the box in his hands.
"Have a nice night," Missy says, gentle and sweet. He looks up at her, finally, and nods, pushing a smile to his face.
He takes the box up to his room, setting it on the floor in front of his bed. Addison made him a box, he thinks full of her favorite items or just things for him to remember her by. She made this for him, every item hand picked by her, put in with thought and love.
Zed closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. He's okay, he's okay. A box of what ifs won't break him, not today and not ever.
The first thing in the box is a note, written on pink paper with her curly, fun handwriting that makes his heart clench. He hasn't been able to read her old love letters, but seeing her dainty handwriting again instantly draws him in.
Dear Zed,
I wish I knew when you'd got this. I hid this box deep in my room, so if you're reading this, I've been gone a few years by now and my mom is probably turning my room into a shrine, lol.
He can hear her voice, light as she writes the words, picture her sitting on her bed, writing the note out, laughing at her own stupid joke. He smiles at the thought.
I miss you. I miss you now, even though I haven't even left yet. And I know I'll still be missing you, even after all the time that's passed. I wish things could be different. Finding out my true heritage made me feel whole for the first time in my life, but leaving my home is breaking me. I can already feel the Zed-shaped hole in my heart hollowing out.
I wish you could be here with me, or I could be home with you. I wish we could be together right now and forever. We would've been the most obnoxiously annoying power couple at Mountain College. (At least Eliza describes us like that)
I love you, more than you could ever know. More than words could describe. I love you more than there are stars in the sky, or zombie puns your dad can crack, or cheer routine combinations.
I know I never say it out loud, but I've just been scared lately. I'm scared I'll lose you, that you'll realize that there are hundreds of perky cheerleaders you could date. I know it's silly. I know you love me no matter what, no matter who I am inside or out. I just wish I'd realized sooner that you were my forever.
I love you so much. Leaving you is the hardest decision I ever had to make. I wish there was another way, a way I could still be with you and help the aliens. I love you Zed and I always will.
Although we'll be apart, I want to make sure you keep moving forward, and that you find happiness without me there. Grow up, meet new people. Share your love with the world, even someone else. I know I'll always hold a place in your heart, but you should share that big heart of yours with someone right in front of you. Don't spend your whole life waiting for me. Go out and be happy.
I don't know if we'll meet again. I hope we will, someday. Look at the stars and think of me, will you? I know I'll be doing the same.
I love you, gar garziga forever and always,
Addison
He barely makes it to the end, his vision bleary with the tears he can't stop from running down his cheeks.
She's gone. She's really, actually gone. He can't get to space, and she won't be able to get back here until the aliens get to Utopia. That could be tomorrow, that could be thirty years from now, it could be never. Years of his life, without the love of his life, is too painful a concept for him to even consider.
He drops the note back into the box, squeezing his eyes shut, but it's too late. Hot, painful tears fall from his eyes, angry and upset and heartbroken all mixed into one.
He just wants her back. Is that too much to ask? Is it too much for him to be happy for once? He'd give up everything, everything, just to hold her again. And he'd never, ever let her go.
He just wants Addison back.