He tries, he really does.
Addison wants him to be happy, and he tries. He tries so hard, not wanting to let her down. It takes a full year of her being gone before he can even allow himself to go on a date. All the movies and shows, and all his friends — even his dad — say he needs a distraction, needs a reason to not think about her every second of every day. So he says yes, once, to a zombie girl in his Econ class. He spends the entire night talking about Addison, then rules out dating entirely. He's not ready, he tells himself.
Will I ever be?
Two years pass. A new family lives in her house now, a mom, a dad and a little boy, no older than five. Addison's mother is now a city councilwoman across the state. Aside from the new mayor, the quiet sadness that still looms over Seabrook without Addison there, and a general quiet that comes with Zed and all his friends being gone most of the year, everything in Seabrook is business as usual.
Eliza still works at Z-Corp, although she's broken up with Wyatt ages ago. Zed thinks it's for the best. They're all still friends, though, despite seeing each other only a few times a semester. Zed sees Bonzo the least, most due to his hectic schedule. But, he knows Bree spends a lot of time avoiding him, he does the same. As much as he loves Bree, hanging out with Addison's former bestie would just spark unpleasant, aching feelings in his chest. So he avoids the feeling, avoids her, avoids Bonzo.
Zed spends most of his days and nights studying and working. He's twenty now, paying almost seventy percent of all his bills while his dad helps with the rest. Tuition, meals, school supplies. Being stressed about money is a good enough distraction from the hole in his heart. For now.
Every night, he sits outside and looks out at the stars. He and Addison used to stargaze. Especially when they'd be out until late at night, she'd always pull him to the beach. They'd sit in the sand, saltwater nipping at their toes, and just dream. It was…perfect.
He can't get down to the beach as often as he'd like, but he still goes outside every night. He'll search for the brightest star, every night, and claim it as her. No matter how far she might be, she will always be the brightest, best thing he's ever had.
A few times a year, meteors rain down over Seabrook. Some so bright he can even see them from his dorm room at Mountain College. They last for days, but nothing ever comes of them. Mothership doesn't descend from the sky, Addison Wells doesn't beam back into his life.
He only knew her for four years. Four years, but he can't remember what his life was like before her. The timeline of his life story can be divided into 'Time with Addison,' and 'Time After Addison.' It's sad, he knows, but it's true. He feels like he didn't really exist until she came into his life and saw him, really saw him, for who he was.
He misses her, everyday. Some days, he goes through the box under his bed, and thinks of her. He rereads her final letter, over and over again. He still remembers what her laugh sounds like, how beautiful her smile was, how she always saw the best in everybody, no matter what they did.
It's been four years now. Another graduation without her by his side. He graduates three days before the wolves, his college's ceremony being earlier. They invite him to their ceremony, but he can't go.
Four years spent mourning what could've been.
Four years filled with sorrow, Zed dragging his way through university. The only thing keeping him going throughout it all being the thought of her coming back someday. When she comes home, he needs to be able to show her all the good he's done in her honor, how he's made her proud. He had a job, he got a degree, he thinks she'd be so proud. But now it's all over, and he doesn't know what to do.
He's home now, the box of all things Addison tucked away in his closet. He spends the first four months post-graduation locked in his room. The wolves check on him still, despite them all drifting apart over the past four years. Because of Zed.
Eliza says he's worse than he was when his mother passed. He's a bit of an empath, and spent a full year in the extreme highs and lows of anger and sadness. But this is different. He was seven then. Now he's twenty-two and completely lost in the world. He aches for Addison everyday. No one knows what it feels like, even if they say they understand, say they miss her too. It's different, it's radically different for him. Everyday spent alone, missing her, wishing she could be back and they could conquer the world together.
How he wishes things were different.
One day in late August, Wyatt barges into his room through the window. Zed barely moves from his near-permanent spot on his bed, sparing the wolf s glance before returning his gaze to his laptop.
"Get up," Wyatt demands, "and get dressed. We're going out."
"Not in the mood today," Zed grumbles.
"You don't have a choice, Zed," Wyatt glowers.
Zed looks up, for real. He looks at Wyatt's face for the first time in months, hair pulled back in a bun, snarling through his signature smoulder. He got buff over the past few years, while Zed did not. A few years ago, Zed would have the energy to ignore Wyatt more, maybe even beat him in a fight if it came down to it. But…he doesn't really care anymore.
He gets out of bed with a sigh, putting on his sneakers and following Wyatt out through the normal entrance of his house. They walk in silence, all the way to the wolf den, where all his friends — even Bonzo and Bree — are sitting, waiting for him. Crap.
Eliza stands to greet him, the only one really, pulling him into a tight hug. "Zed," she whispers. He's never seen her like this before, but he hugs her back.
She takes his hand, leading him back to where she was sitting, with an empty chair right beside her. "Hey Zed," Wynter says softly.
He looks around the intimating circle, wanting nothing more to shrink back into his room.
"We've all been really worried about you," Eliza tells him. "You haven't been yourself in years, but now it's like…it's like you've given up a little."
"We get it," Willa interjects. "We're all a little lost without Addison, too."
"We know you're hurting especially hard, but c'mon man, do you really think this is how Addison would want you to be without her around?" Wyatt asks.
Zed holds his gaze for a moment, then looks to the floor. She wants him to be happy, to move on, he knows this. But he doesn't want to do any of those things without her. He doesn't want to move on, he doesn't want to ever stop thinking about her. He misses her so much, it hurts. It hurts everyday, every damn day just sitting and longing for her.
Eliza places a firm hand on his knee. He feels a tear slide down his cheek and doesn't look up. "Zed, you know Addison wouldn't want us to sit around and do nothing but mope all day," she says. "You know what she'd want us to do?"
He sniffs, muttering, "What?"
"Change the world. Just like you guys always dreamed! Just because she's not here doesn't mean we still can't make a difference. In fact, we should be going the extra mile to honor her!"
"It's what she deserves!" Wynter adds.
"Addison would want us to keep fighting for change, not sit back and let life pass us by," Bree says. "You know that more than anybody."
"Come on, Zed. You're the guy who brought werewolves and zombies together," Eliza says.
"Without you we would've never saved our moonstone!" Willa exclaims.
"Without you we never would've gone to college," Wyatt adds.
But he had Addison! Every single time, no matter what went wrong, no matter what happened, Addison always stood by his side. She loved him no matter what!
"You guys don't get it," he whispers. "None of that, I could've done without Addison. All of it, everything, I did for her."
"What! No way!"
Zed jumps, glaring at Eliza. How could she know?! "You got us integrated in human high school. You put your life on the line every game for the sake of all zombies everywhere! That was you! You didn't even know Addison yet!"
"It was you who got us wolves to actually want to be a part of Seabrook," Wyatt says. "You may have been motivated by Prawn, but still. You're the one who came to the wolf den, who apologized, you talked us into breaking the rules for change. That was all you."
From across the room, Bree says, "That's why she loved you, Zed. You're not perfect, but you care so much about everyone. You want everyone to get a fair chance, and you'll always do whatever it takes to give them that opportunity. And I know Addison would be so sad to know you gave up because she's gone."
Zed's eyes burn. He tries, he really, really tries to hold it all in, but the words come tumbling from his lips, a mess of broken sobs and hopelessness. "I can't do this without her. I can't. She was always there for me, every single time. She-she believed in me when no one else would! A-and she's gone. She's gone, and I don't know what to do. I can't…take it anymore. I-I can't do it without her."
He squeezes his eyes shut, covering his face with his hand. His whole body shakes as the tears fall, the sound echoing throughout the empty wolf den.
He misses her, everyday. He's spent four years missing her, but something about today just hurts so much more. He hates it, hates being so vulnerable in front of people who've counted on him every step of the way. But he's just so tired. He's tired of it all, of everything, of pretending he's okay, that everything is normal. It's not.
His feels arms around his shoulders, skinny and cold, with a metal Z-Band on the end. He sniffs, seeing Eliza's face in the crook of her neck.
Willa comes over too, hugging him from the other side. Within seconds, all his friends are holding him, hugging him, someone even just rubbing his back.
He sucks in a deep, shaky breath. They're suffocating him, but he doesn't mind.
"You're not alone, Zed," Eliza tells him softly. "We're all here for you."
"We love you, Zed," Wyatt adds.
"Garziga."
Zed leans into their embrace, letting out a long breath. He hates being vulnerable with his friends, hates showing any amount of weakness because he's the strong one, the one person everyone counts on when it matters. But being hugged again is amazing, it really is.
Once he's calmed down some, they slowly release him, one by one. "You'll be okay," Eliza tells him.
"It's gonna be hard, Zed, trust me," Bree says. "But it'll get better. Especially when you put yourself back in the world."
"Yeah!" Willa nods. "No more hiding in your room all day."
"I hear Coach is looking for an interim manager for the froyo shop," Wynter suggests.
Willa nods again. "That could be fun! You love hanging with Coach."
He thinks about it for a moment. Hanging out at the froyo shop — he and Addison loved froyo dates, they were a once a month event for them, froyo was their thing.
"Just until you find something more permanent to do," Eliza rushes out, as if she can read his mind. "Something that just screams 'Zed!' You said you and Addison were gonna change the world. We'll go change the world, for her."
Zed raises his eyebrows, but everyone around starts nodding his agreement.
"Don't mourn Addison, do something to celebrate the time you had with her!" Bree suggests. "Me and Zoey expanded cheer camp to more ages."
"Us wolves have been going around helping fix things around Zombietown."
"You have?"
"We did your house literally last week," Willa says.
"Fixed your water heater," Wyatt adds.
"We even planted real flowers in your backyard," Wynter adds.
So that's what all the noise was last week.
"Let's get you a job, and then somewhere down the line we'll find your passion, I guarantee it. Let's focus on getting you back out there for now, okay?" Eliza says.
Zed nods slowly. A job, maybe with Coach, would be nice. He should get back into the groove of life, learn to live without Addison, no matter how hard that may be.
He walks home with Eliza, though she lives closer to actual Seabrook than old Zombietown. It's nice having company, though they don't exchange any words.
When he's alone, though, he looks out at the stars. He finds Addison, the biggest, brightest star in the sky. 'I love you. To the end of the universe.'
A bright, red meteor darts across the sky, exploding in the atmosphere. He hears her voice, whispering back, 'I love you too.'