I did really love how I handled Sasuke in this story, btw.
Also can see my first influence from Steel... :)
And I still love Kuno.:)
Spatulas and Bandannas by Shikoku
Chapter Six: Kuno Being Kuno
"And she plans on opening an okonomiyaki restaurant.."
Kuno nodded, pleased by the information his loyal servant Sasuke was giving him about the woman that he loved. How Sasuke managed to get all these tidbits about Ukyo Kuanji in one night didn't concern him at all.
"She seems to be living alone. There are two bedrooms in the apartment above her restaurant, but only one of them seems to be occupied.
Kuno gasped upon hearing this. "My beloved Ukyo Kuanji living alone? Oh, fear not thy love for I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall fill thine lonely evenings and cold nights!"
"And you'll do that very good, master," Sasuke added, sucking up as good as any lowly servant could do to his master.
"That's right, my dear Sasuke," Kuno nodded, showing how pleased he was with his ninja by patting him on the head. "Fear not, my beloved! The Blue Thunder shall keep you warm!"
"SASUKE!" A loud shrill female voice yelled from the mansion.
"Coming, mistress," Sasuke called before leaving Kuno's side.
Kuno didn't even realize he had left him, for he was too caught up in his own little world. The one where everybody bowed down and worshipped him, and lovely ladies fell at his feet. "Tomorrow! I shall claim you as my own on the morrow my love. Wait for me!" And then he laughed, scaring away all of the nearby birds and stray cats.
Ukyo sighed, as she closed her restaurant to prepare to walk to school. She was again dressed in a girl's school uniform, but she didn't have the joy that she had the day before. Where on earth are you, Ryoga? I miss you, ya Jackass.
"Hey, Ucchan," A voice called out to her.
Ukyo turned joyfully, but was disappointed to see that it was only Akane with Ranma right behind her. "Oh, hey, Kane'chan," She said, friendly, "Hello Ranma," and less so.
Akane didn't seem to notice her sad tone. "We stopped by to see if you wanted to walk to school with us."
Ukyo immediately brightened at that. "Sure."
"Where's pig-boy?" Ranma finally spoke up.
Ukyo sighed again. "Still lost, but he should be back sooner or later. He always does."
As the three neared Furinkan High, they spotted a familiar looking mob crowding around the front lawn. It was familiar to Ranma and Akane, anyway.
Ukyo covered her eyes with her hand to get a better look. "What's with all those guys?" She asked.
Sure enough, the crowd consisted of almost every male at Furinkan High. Half of them were decked out in their best gis and sports uniforms. Some were clutching some kind of weapon or sports equipment or the like. All of them were looking determined and serious about something.
"Not again," Akane sighed.
"I thought they told us that they weren't gonna do this anymore." Ranma complained.
Ukyo just gave them both a curious look. "What are you talking about? What's going on?"
Just then the crowd saw them coming. "There she is!" All at once they rushed towards them.
Akane sighed and tossed her backpack to Ranma. She rushed
out to meet the boys, shouting "I hate boys!" her
favorite battle cry (besides "Ranma no baka!" of course.)
She was ready for the upcoming fight.
So it was really funny when the mob passed her by,
completely ignoring her. I mean really, you should have
seen the look on her face. She was surprised to say the
least, not sure whether to feel overjoyed or insulted.
But if Akane was surprised, it was nothing compared to Ukyo. That was probably because the mob was coming right at her, and she had no idea why. "Ukyo! I love you!" A glasses-wearing martial artist tried to round house kick her.
"Ukyo, You're really pretty," Another complimented her before swinging a baseball bat at her head.
"Will you go out with me?" Yet another asked, as he tried to punch her.
Ukyo, for her part ducked and dodged the boy's attacks still wearing a confused, 'what gives?' look. "What's going on? Why are you guys attacking me for!"
The boy stopped in mid punch. "You don't know?"
Ukyo shook her head.
The whole crowd then stopped their attacks as he explained.
"I have to date whoever beats me in combat?"
The boys nodded. "Yep, that's about it."
Ukyo was burning up with anger. "Okay, who's the Jackass that came up with this lame brained idea?" She shouted.
"Kuno."
"Kuno? Who's he? Which one of you is Kuno?" She growled.
The boys as one stepped back away from her. Boy were they glad that they weren't Kuno. One was brave enough to answer her. "He usually comes in last."
"Speaking of Kuno," Akane spoke up, glancing down at her watch. "He should be arriving right about... now."
The minute she said 'now', a red rose flew through the air towards Ukyo. She caught it and looked at it, curiously. She didn't notice the crowd groan, as they dug out cotton and began to plug their ears.
"Ah, fair maiden, forgive these weaklings. They do not deserve to even gaze upon one as beautiful as yourself." Ukyo looked up to see a tall, regal-looking older boy appear from the crowd. He was wearing a dress and waving a stick around... Oh, excuse me, he was dressed in the traditional uniform of a kendoist and was waving his powerful bokken around. And as an added bonus he spouted bad Shakespeare. "Forgive me. I shall introduce myself. I am the undefeated captain of this school's kendo team, the rising new star of the kendo realm." He paused, as if he was forgetting something. Quickly, he pulled out a crib note and started to read it, until he found what he was looking for. "Ah, yes..." Just as quickly, he put it away. "My voice strikes fear in the hearts of mine enemies. My peers call me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! Tatewaki Kuno, age 17." Thunder crashed in the background.
Ukyo only looked at him with a bored expression on her face. "Yeah, and what does this have to do with all these guys attacking me?"
"They try to defeat you, to prove themselves worthy of your love. Come will thou fight with me. If you win I will allow you to date with me, if you lose... eh, I'll still allow you to date with me."
"Oh, joy," Ukyo muttered, sarcastically. She sighed, and pulled out her battle spatula. "Fine, Mr. Baggy pants. Let's see what you got."
Kuno smiled, before quickly striking. "Strike! strike! strike!" He shouted with each thrust of his mighty bokken. But Ukyo matched him blow for blow. Each time wood met metal with a loud whack/clang.
Ukyo had the advantage of reach, while Kuno had speed, but
they were closely matched. Kuno never fought that hard
against girls, but he found that he had to with Ukyo Kuanji.
She was no push over. Out of her blouse she pulled out
several throwing spatulas and heaved them at him. He managed
to dodge or deflect them with his bokken, but they were
merely a distraction. She nailed him with the flat end of
her spatula into his stomach. The air was knocked out of the
kendoist, but he recovered quickly and pushed his attack.
His strikes became faster, until the force of his attacks
began to bruise and cut through the okonomiyaki chef. She
gritted her teeth and ignored the pain. To counterattack,
she lashed out with what he'd least expect. She ax kicked
him in the chin, knocking him to the ground.
Kuno rubbed his throbbing jaw. "Well played, but that shall be your last hit." He rushed in at her once again, but Ukyo was ready.
Ryoga sighed, wondering where he was now. It seemed he had been gone forever, although in truth it had only been a day. Of course he had crossed so many time zones, it felt like he had been gone for a week. He wished he was back in Nerima. Ukyo was probably worried about him. He also hated being away from her for so long. Still, he thought only of her as he walked mile after mile, and she appeared in his dreams. He also bought her a truck load of cheap souvenirs.
Warily, he glanced around at his surroundings and noticed a crowd of people gathered watching something. Slightly curious and hoping to ask for directions he pushed his way through the crowd, until he saw what they were all gawking at. A boy dressed in traditional kendo attire was facing off against a pretty girl wearing a school dress... and fought using a spatula. Ryoga's eyes bugged out when he realized that the pretty girl was Ukyo. He had never seen her dress up in women's clothing before. The sight almost gave him a nose bleed. He covered his nose, just in case and stared transfixed on her every movement. Then something dawned on him. That boy was attacking his Ucchan.
Kuno was indeed fighting with more vigor now. Ukyo struggled to block each of his blows and sneaked in an offensive move in between. Still, she wasn't worried about losing this fight. She still had a card or two up her sleeve. Unfortunately, she wasn't gonna be able to use them.
"PREPARE TO DIE!" A voice shouted from above. Both Kuno and Ukyo looked up to see Ryoga plunge at Kuno with his umbrella drawn and a kick aimed for Kuno's head.
"And who tries to interrupt a noble fight between the Blue Thunder and his love?" Kuno asked, not moving, being too arrogant (or stupid as the case may be) to get out of the newcomer's way.
Ryoga's kick landed cleanly on Kuno's big head, knocking the irate upperclassman clean into the ground and a little below. The school now had a nice Kuno-shaped hole in its front yard.
Of course, Kuno, abused as he is, managed to survive such an attack, and even remained conscious. He was mad, though. He stood up and glared at Ryoga with righteous hatred. "Insolent one! You dare to attack the personage that is I? I shall gladly smite thee for this!"
"Of course, I attacked you, you idiot! You were trying to hurt Ukyo!" Ryoga shouted back, his fangs bared for all the world to see, which caused some of the other Ukyo- would- be- attackers to look apprehensive, and the girls to sigh blissfully.
"And what is your relationship with the fair Ukyo Kuanji? You're not some vile sorcerer that has enslaved my love so that you can imprison her in unholy bondage like Saotome are you?"
"Ryoga looked confused. "Uh,..no? I'm-"
"Wait, is it not the custom to give one's own name first? Fine, mine I shall give... I-"
The school yard all groaned as one, and pulled out their cotton again. Ranma just shook his head feeling a bit sorry for Ryoga knowing full well what was gonna happen next. Akane wore a similar expression towards Ukyo, although she was still mad about being replaced by the school boys so quickly for a reason she still wasn't able to figure out why.
Wearing a bewildered expression on his face, Ryoga just watched and listened to Kuno give a ten minute speech about his name. He glanced over at Ukyo. "Is this guy for real?"
Ukyo sighed. "I'm afraid so, sugar."
With another crash of thunder in the sky, Kuno finally finished his monologue, dramatically. Too bad nobody had been paying attention.
Ryoga figured he might as well give his name. "I'm Ryoga Hibiki. I'm staying with Ukyo..."
"What? Living under the same roof with Ukyo!"
Ryoga had enough of this. "Enough talking! Let's fight!" Actions speak louder than words anyway, right?
"Gladly will I smite thee, vile one." Kuno laughed long and hard for his upcoming victory...
Kuno groaned long and hard as he hit the dust after Ryoga completely throttled him. Hey, Ryoga had just matched skills with Ranma Saotome. If Ranma could defeat Kuno, it would seem likely that Ryoga would as well. Besides he already did, so there.
Ryoga glared at the other boys gathered around. "If any of you should try to hurt Ukyo. You will answer to me, got it?"
The boys all discretely inched away. They were disappointed that their chances with Ukyo were gone, but none of them wanted to risk dying. Why is it all the cute ones were taken by strong blood-thirsty martial artists, anyway? Some guys had all the luck.
Soon the mob left, and even Kuno was dragged away by Nabiki to the nurse's office. (After she had collected her winnings, of course. She had made a killing, as no one was able to predict that it would be Ryoga that would win the fight.) This left Ranma, Ryoga, Akane, and Ukyo to do the clean up. (Not that there was much to clean up, though. As Nerimian fights go this one had been fairly tame. No property damage at all. How boring can you get?)
Ranma patted Ryoga on the back. "Great fight, man. Ya really showed Kuno who's boss."
Ryoga only eyed Ranma warily, but replied not too friendly but less hostile than usual towards his rival. "Uh, thanks..."
Ukyo sighed, then walloped Ryoga with her mega spatula. Twice. Ryoga was thrown down onto the ground with a giant red spatula marking on his face.
He quickly recovered. "What did you do that for!"
"The first was for getting lost." She grinned. "The second was for interrupting my fight with Kuno. I can take care of myself, ya jackass!"
"Why does this sound so familiar?' Ranma muttered to himself.
Unfortunately, Akane heard him. "What was THAT supposed to mean?" She looked at him, dangerously.
Over the sounds of Ranma putting his foot in his mouth, again, and Akane making him pay for it, Ukyo quickly hugged Ryoga.
Now he was really confused. "What was THAT for?"
She smiled up at him with her sparkling green eyes, which caused Ryoga to cover his nose, just in case, again. "For coming back... I really missed you, Ryo-chan."
"I missed you too, Ucchan.."
The bell picked that moment to ring, announcing the small group's lateness. The four of them ended up standing in the halls holding buckets of water, again.
Once again, Kuno stood in his splendor, though somewhat marred by the mummy like bandages wrapped around him, in his yard. Although this time, his thoughts were on darker images. "So, Saotome. It appears that another evil sorcerer has joined thee in tormenting my loves. But I, Tatewaki Kuno, am up for this challenge. Though two evil sorcerers I face. I shall remain triumphant. Fear not, my beloved Goddesses, your loving knight of all things good shall smite the foul sorcerers. Both of them!"
But first, he needed some more information. "Sasuke!" He called. Again, his loyal servant was late in coming. "Sasuke! I need your services!" He shouted louder this time.
Finally, Sasuke appeared from the direction of the mansion. "Yes, master Kuno." He again took his place kneeling at his master's feet.
"Sasuke..." Kuno began before, a familiar scent caught his nostrils. "is that my twisted sister's perfume I smell?" He asked.
Sasuke looked at him, blankly. "Why, I don't smell anything, master."
"No, mine nose dost not lie. That is Kodachi's perfume I smell." He smelled the air again and found it was strongest near Sasuke. "It is coming from you, Sasuke."
Sasuke sniffed himself. "Why so it is, master."
"Why do you smell like my sister?"
Sasuke laughed. "Oh, silly me. This is how I always smelled."
Kuno looked at him blankly. "You've always smelled like my sister?"
"Why yes, master Kuno. I often buy this scent. It must be a coincidence that it is the same as my mistress'."
Kuno nodded, still looking slightly unsure. Now why did he call Sasuke here...? Oh, yes. "Sasuke, find out all you can about one, Ryoga Hibiki. I wish to smite him."
"Yes, master," and once again the faithful ninja took off to do his master's bidding.
Kuno decided to practice his evil laughing. This time besides the usual cats and birds, he also managed to scare a couple of neighborhood dogs...
Next time: Will Kuno get his revenge?
Will Ryoga care when he has another enemy to worry about?
Find out in the next chapter of Spatulas and Bandannas...as
soon as I write it. G
Oh, and I used the term "Mr. Baggy pants." in honor of my friend Steel, who knows how best to describe the Blue Thunder. I'm still laughing about that one.
All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi!