Ranma I had to go back and actually correct the pronouns since I was still using the male ones while she was in her female form. Oye...
Sometimes I think it'd be easier to live in Japan where pronouns aren't really used at all...
Spatulas and Bandannas by Shikoku
Chapter Seven: Nihao! I Here!
"Spend some quality time together,' They said. "We just need some male bonding, and we'll be the best of friends in no time. They wish... Ryoga sighed as he leaned against a wall at Nerima's ice cream palace, waiting for Ranma to order. The two of them had been talked into spending a day together by Ukyo and Akane, who had wanted them to be more friendly towards each other... Actually, if you wanted to get technical, Ukyo had talked Ryoga into it, while Akane beat Ranma with a mallet until he finally agreed. So here Ryoga was with Ranma doing 'male bonding', if you could still call it that, seeing how Ranma was in his girl form.
"Now explain to me again why you're in your cursed form?" Ryoga asked, when Ranma finally came back with their ice cream.
"Because as a girl, I can have all the good stuff that I can't order as a guy." Ranma explained, as she dragged the directionally challenged boy to a table in the back.
Ryoga glanced at the pigtailed girl's ice-cream, and sure enough it was a little to girlie for a typical guy to order. I mean 'Tuitie Fruitie Kiwi Banana'? Who on earth names these things?
Ranma dug into his small mountain of multi colored ice-cream with a gusto not usually considered proper female behavior, while Ryoga licked at his simple vanilla cone. They did make an interesting pairing, a lot of nearby people glanced their way thinking they were on a date. Ryoga was glad he couldn't read their minds. He was afraid of what he may find in them.
"Ooh, look at the cute couple" a voice said cheerfully. Both Ryoga and Ranma looked up with murder in their eyes, which lessened so after seeing it had only been Ukyo.
Ukyo grinned mischievously, as she stood before their table.
She was dressed for shopping in an oversized blue long-
sleeved T-shirt over black stretch pants with a black
leather belt around her waist. She had on an obviously new
pair of black ankle boots, and her hair was pulled back in a
high ponytail. She was also surrounded by several other
shopping bags stuffed with clothes.
Akane was right behind her, dressed in one of her simple
jumpers. Unlike her friend, she only had one bag.
Ukyo twirled around, showing her new outfit. "Well, what do you think? Is it me?" She asked Ryoga, teasingly.
Once Ryoga remembered to speak again, he replied: "Wow... You look great, Ucchan." Ukyo beamed with pleasure.
"Geesh, you have enough bags?" Ranma asked, as usual without really thinking.
"Ranma!" Both Ryoga and Akane glared at him.
But Ukyo only laughed. "Yeah, I almost did buy out the store. But I really needed a whole new wardrobe. All of my other clothes were too... too..."
"Manly?" Ranma suggested.
"Yes, manly," Ukyo agreed, in a way that said it was his fault, but of course Ranma didn't notice her subtly.
"So what'cha guys doing?" Akane asked, changing the subject.
Ranma showed his half eaten ice-cream. "Eating."
"Like a pig," Ryoga finished for him. "Don't you ever swallow?"
"You're the pig, Porkchop." Ranma taunted back.
"Care to join us?" Ryoga asked the girls, ignoring Ranma, not asking them if they wanted to join in the argument. They probably would eventually, anyway...
Pretty soon all three of them were sitting around the table eating ice-cream. (Ranma was working on his second. Peanut Buddy Fudgerrific Delight this time)
"So how's business?" Akane asked Ukyo. Ukyo had finally opened Ucchan's about a week earlier. It was now the hottest place to hang out for highschool students during the afternoons and a nice family restaurant during the evenings.
Ukyo grinned. She loved talking about her restaurant and cooking in general. "It's great. Business had been really good so far. I just have trouble keeping all the girl's away from my waiter." She grinned at Ryoga, who was now blushing. Was it his fault a lot of his tips were also girl's phone numbers?
"Actually, I think the business is good because of the cute chef." He replied, blushing redder.
Ukyo gave him another of her dazzling smiles. While Ranma tried not to throw up from all the mushy feelings in the air.
To save his own appetite, he decided to change the subject again. "So how do you keep your waiter from getting lost?" He asked curiously.
"A leash." was the simple reply.
Both Ranma and Akane began to crack up until they saw Ryoga's beet red face. They then realized that Ukyo may not have been joking.
"You're kidding right?" Akane asked, tentatively.
Ukyo just shook her head. "No, I attached a rope to his ankle tied to the counter which keeps him from getting too far..."
Ryoga sighed. Why do they always seem to be picking on him?
Fortunately... Well "Fortunately' may not be the word I'm looking for since what was about to happen isn't necessary a good thing, although it did stop Ryoga's hated conversation. "Unfortunately" wouldn't work either, as it isn't a BAD thing either. Oh, I'll just skip ahead to the point and forget the subtly all together.
A purple haired amazon burst threw the wall, stopping all conversation.
How's that? Too blunt? Oh, it's too late, anyway...
"Sha- Sha- Shampoo!" Both Ranma AND Ryoga yelped. They both simultaneously sunk down lower in their seats hoping the newcomer, who appears to be named after a hair care product wouldn't notice them.
Ukyo scowled. "Ah, great this is all we need!"
Akane was left confused. "What? Who's she? What's going on?" But everybody was too busy to enlighten her.
The purple haired beauty, who was indeed named Shampoo (Well sort of, if you pronounce her name wrong) crouched in the nice rubble that used to be a wall. She was dressed in Chinese Amazon clothing and carried two giant beach balls on sticks, which despite appearance would really hurt if you happened to be hit by one of them. She was also quite a looker, as the male population in the restaurant were noticing. She stood up and, pointed at our favorite martial artists' table with her bombari.
"Ranma. I kill." She said in a high pitched voice. The whole idea that this sweet girl with the purple hair and the squeaky voice could kill anything may seem silly, but she had a look in her eyes which said she had enough power to back up her words, bad grammar and all.
Ranma eeped and ducked further under the table. Ryoga was about to follow, but it was too late. He had been spotted.
A look of pure joy, crossed the Amazon's features. "Ryoga! Airon!" She cried, before glomping on Ryoga like there was no tomorrow. "Wo ai ni!"
Akane watched surprised both by Ranma's behavior and now this strange girl's actions.
Ukyo was to say the least NOT happy. She was in fact looking very unhappy. Her grip on her spatula handle caused her knuckles to turn pure white. "What do you think you're doing, you purple-haired bimbo!" She shouted at the girl, who was hugging her uncomfortable best friend.
Ryoga, looking panicked and trying not to have another nose bleed, tried to pry Shampoo off of him, but her grip on him was too strong for even him to break. "Come on, Shampoo. Let go!" He laughed, nervously hoping that Ukyo wouldn't think that this was his fault.
Finally. Ukyo pried the two apart with her spatula. Shampoo didn't seem to like that. "What you think you doing, Stupid Spatula girl!"
"Keeping you away from him, Bimbo!" Ukyo snapped.
"He my husband!" Shampoo shouted back. "I hug if I want!"
Both Akane and Ranma, and everybody else who happened to be watching this blanked at that last statement. "He's your what?" Akane asked. Ranma didn't say anything, but she did accidentally bonk his head on the table she was still hiding under.
"Over my dead body!" Ukyo growled, ignoring their audience. With that she grabbed a glass of water that was conveniently found at a nearby table and dumped its contents onto the surprised Amazon. To everyone's amazement, except Ranma who couldn't really see anything from where he was hiding, Shampoo's form shrank until a small pinkish white cat was found in her Chinese clothing. The cat wiggled out and yowled at Ukyo, angrily. If looks could kill...
But Ukyo ignored the silent death threat. Instead she pulled out her whopper-sized spatula and whacked the transformed cat much like a golfer would try to whack a golf ball with his club. If Ukyo had been a golfer, she'd have probably gotten a hole in one. The cat sailed out of the building and disappeared over the horizon. That done, Ukyo casually put her spatula away and sat down to continue eating her half melted ice-cream.
"What?" She asked, when she noticed everyone was staring at her.
As the four walked home, (although detouring for a second to stop this crazy ribbon wielding girl from whipping to death a couple of girls in their class who were dressed up like mummies), Ranma explained why she had turned into a coward the moment Shampoo had burst into the room.
"I AM NOT A COWARD!" Ranma screamed for what seemed like the thousandth time at a chuckling Ryoga. "Is it my fault, she wants to kill me?"
"Well, after hearing how you intruded in on her tournament, eaten her prize, then embarrassed her in front of everyone in her village, I'd say it was..." Akane said, thoughtfully.
Ranma glared at her. "Who's side are you on, anyway?""
Ukyo sighed. "What's done is done. You should feel lucky that she's only after your cursed side. Ryochan can't even hide as a pig. She already knows about his curse."
"Why is she after you, anyway?" Ranma asked, "Did you defeat her in combat, too?"
Ryoga sighed, "Yeah... you see, it was back when Ucchan and me were trying to find you...
Oh, my stars it's another flashback! Look out! TOO LATE
P-chan sighed, as he was once again hopelessly lost and in his cursed form. He gazed around at the busy street for any sign of his traveling companion and best friend Ukyo, but not having the best of views and the poor eyesight, which comes with being a pig, he couldn't see her.
He did see, this stunningly beautiful Chinese woman who had happened to notice him and was making 'here piggy piggy' noises at him. Not really thinking about the consequences, he came closer to her. Until she grabbed him by around his bandanna.
"SQUEEEE!" He said. Not sure he liked this girl anymore. She just smiled at him cutely.
Ukyo sighed, as once again Ryoga was hopelessly lost and in his cursed form. She couldn't believe how fast they had been separated. She had only turned her back for one second to ask for directions, to turn around and find that he was gone. She had nothing to do, but to start searching the streets for him, eventually finding his clothes and backpack. Now she was lugging the heavy thing around, and she still couldn't find him.
Just then she heard the tortured squealing of an abused piglet. Knowing Ryoga's luck like she did, Ukyo followed the sound, just knowing it was coming from Ryoga.
She found him in a nearby camp just outside the small country village. But he was not alone. He was in the company of a pretty young lady, which normally would have made Ukyo feel a pang of jealousy. But she happened to be a pretty young lady that was trying to cook Ryoga instead trying to date with him. She had him tied up above a pot of boiling water, as she cheerfully made the preparations for the rest of her meal.
She's gonna cook him! Ukyo gasped. Oh, no, I'm not gonna let THAT happen! "What do you think, you're doing!" Ukyo cried, coming from out of her hiding place near some bushes.
The Chinese girl glanced up at her with a confused expression on her beautiful face. "Cooking Chinese Cantonese style sweet and sour pork." She answered.
"Not with that pig you ain't, sister," Ukyo remarked, coming to untie the poor pig, who was bweeing happily upon seeing her.
"You try steal from Shampoo? Pig mine!" The girl hopped up and took an offensive stance.
Ukyo shook her head. "No, he's not! He's my best friend."
But Shampoo wouldn't be persuaded other wise. "We fight!" And she aimed a kick towards Ukyo's head, which Ukyo could barely dodge.
"Fine then, we fight." Ukyo agreed pulling out her spatula.
P-chan watched, obviously worried as the two girls fought. He could tell that the purple-haired girl was both stronger and a little faster than Ukyo, but Ukyo had a weapon and a reach advantage. Ryoga knew that Ukyo was very skilled in her art, and now that he was teaching her his, she made a worthy opponent. But something about the Chinese girl scared him.
Suddenly, one of Shampoo's kicks breached Ukyo's defense, and Ukyo was down. Panic for his best friend's safety overwhelmed him, and Ryoga struggled out of his bondage, falling down into the boiling water below him. "OOOWWWWWWWW! THAT'S HOTTT!" He cried, jumping up quickly out the hot water, fully human again.
"Aiya!" Pig turned into man!" Shampoo screamed.
But Ryoga didn't notice her. He quickly moved to Ukyo, who was still on the ground feeling that last kick. In his haste, he casually brushed Shampoo aside, not realizing the force he put into the movement. She stumbled towards the ground, hitting a rock and was knocked unconscious. Ryoga still didn't notice this but instead focused his attention on Ukyo.
"Ucchan? Are you all right!" He cried, not realizing that he was crying.
Ukyo looked up at him, crossly. "Of course I am, ya Jackass. I can take care of myself" She shook her head. He was such a moron some times... but a cute one...
Ryoga sighed in relief.
"But I don't think she's all right." Ukyo pointed towards the unconscious girl.
"How did that happen?" Ryoga wondered. He went to her side, just as Shampoo was waking up. What she saw was the cutest guy she had ever seen before in her life... and a naked one at that! And he even defeated her in combat, which means. "Airon!" She glomped him.
"WHAT?" Both Ryoga and Ukyo cried.
"Wo ai ni," Shampoo replied before kissing him full on the lips. Ryoga couldn't tell you what happened after this, for his nose burst out bleeding, and he was driven to unconsciousness. The first thing Ukyo did, when he did finally woke up, was hand him a book Shampoo had given her. It was titled: So You Defeated an Amazon in Combat.
Ryoga sighed. "So I read the book, and it said that when an outsider female defeats an amazon in combat, the amazon must give her the kiss of death."
"Like what happened to Ranma" Akane added, for those not paying attention.
Ryoga nodded. "Like Ranma, BUT if the person who defeated the amazon happened to be a male, she must marry him."
Akane stared in shock at this, but Ranma wasn't surprised. She already knew that the amazon laws were weird.
"It took us about a week to get rid of her, and that involved an impromptu tour across the United States." Ukyo glared at Ryoga, who was looking sheepish. "It figures that she'd find her way here..."
"Airon!" Shampoo popped up out of nowhere to glomp Ryoga again. Again Ukyo seethed.
Ranma watched in fascination. "That doesn't look like it'd be too bad," Ranma observed.
Akane glanced at her in disbelief. "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Ranma shrugged "well, at least she's cute."
Both Akane and Ukyo threw dangerous looks at her, but Shampoo finally noticed her first. She had forgotten that she was still in her female form.
"RANMA, DIE!" Shampoo cried, chasing the red-head away.
"AUGH! WHY ME?" Ranma cried as the two disappeared across the building tops.
The three remaining martial artists just shook their heads and returned to walking home.
So much for a day of male bonding...
Oh, that night Akane got a phone call from Furinkan's Gymnastic team. They wanted her to represent the school at next week's Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics match against St. Hebereke High. Without thinking, Akane accepted the challenge. There was just one problem. She didn't know the first thing about Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics...
Gee, could somebody teach her...
Next time on Spatulas and Bandannas, Have we seen the last of Shampoo? Have we even scratched the surface? And what will Akane do about that challenge?
Find out in Chapter Eight.
I still can't believe I've even made it this far. All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi!