Spatulas and Bandannas by Shikoku
Chapter Eleven: We Know Your Secret!
"SHE IS THE CHAMPION, MY FRIE-END! SHE'S OUT TO FIGHT, TILL THE ENNND! SHE IS THE CHAMPION! OH, WHAT A CHAMPION!" A couple of the other customers at the Uuchans turned to stare at the two boys who were singing, obnoxiously at the top of their lungs. Ryoga and Ranma didn't seem to care, as they burst out laughing and gave each other a high five. Akane laughed with them, although she still wore a slightly wistful look on her face. Ukyo just smiled at them, looking slightly embarrassed from her place from behind the stove. "Come on, guys quit it. You're embarrassing me." She said, laughing.
Ryoga grinned at her his eyes sparkling with mirth, which could be kind of scary if you truly knew Ryoga. "Oh, come on, Uuchan. You deserve this. You did great against Kodachi."
Ranma also laughed. "I especially liked the part when you were explaining to the judge how exactly a spatula could be considered a legal weapon in Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics." He grinned at that particular memory, as the others burst out in a new round of laughter.
"Well, a spatula IS a weapon. It wasn't like I hit her without a weapon, now did I?" Ukyo grinned, mischievously. "And I'd do it again too. She deserved it moving the ring once I threw her out. What a cheater!"
The others nodded as they started to shift their attention back to their okonomiyaki. Ukyo smiled as she watched them eat, enjoying her cooking. It HAD been a good fight, and she was proud of herself. But she'd never have been able to do it without her friends.
She had good friends, liked her school, had a prosperous business, and was able to dress as a girl again. Yep, life's good Ukyo decided.
She wondered if it could get any better than this, as Ryoga and Ranma burst out into another round of song. This time Ukyo and Akane joined in.
Majestically as usual, Kuno stood in his backyard staring at
the stars in the sky. Ah, life is good He decided. For now
another beauteous Goddess had joined his list of loves. As
always he dreamed of the fierce and strong Akane Tendo, the
innocent and pure Mysterious Pigtailed Girl, and also there
was the sweet and lovely Ukyo Kuanji. But now a purple
haired beauty, who was as powerful as she was sexy joined
their ranks. It was too bad Kuno hadn't been able to catch
her name. He mentally labeled her the Mysterious Purple-
haired Girl and was content to leave it at that. Why should
I care about mere names? For a rose by any other name should
smell so sweet.. He noted that was a good one and quickly
wrote it down for use in the future.
After adding the rose comment to his list of quotes, he went
back to dreaming of his latest love. Ah, Mysterious Purple-
haired Girl, He thought, wistfully, as he pictured her as
he had first seen her, pretty much not hiding anything. Ah,
Kuno loved it when they made it so easy for him. It didn't
take much effort to undress her in his mind, she had already
done that for him. Kuno started drooling at the thought, but
quickly pulled himself back together again. She's no doubt
also trapped under the spells of that foul Saotome and
equally foul Hibiki. Oh, I shall surely smite them for this.
Hmmm, I wonder hast Sasuke and that foul lowerclassman
urchin done as I asked yet. He decided to find out.
"SASUKE!" He called.
But he didn't get an answer.
"SASUKE! I'M CALLING YOU!"
Again, he didn't get an answer.
Kuno was starting to get tired of this. "SASUKE! I'm giving you three seconds to get your butt over here!"
You can really tell that Kuno was getting annoyed at his poor ninja servant. The vaguer word 'butt' is not usually found in his dictionary.
"ONE.."
Still no sign of the ninja.
"TWO..."
Boy, Sasuke was really pushing it this time.
"TWO AND A HALF..."
"I'm COMING, MASTER KUNO!" Sasuke cried running up to Kuno from the direction of the house. He was sweating furiously, and was fiddling with his pants for some reason, but Kuno didn't seem to notice. Sasuke quickly bowed to his irritated master. "Please forgive me, Master Kuno."
But Kuno didn't want to waste his precious time to deal with his punctually-challenged servant. "Enough, Sasuke what news hast..." He then noticed something odd about his late servant. "Sasuke... Why is your pants on backwards?"
Sasuke looked at him, blankly. "They are?" He looks down and sees that he is indeed wearing his pants on backwards. He blushed slightly but glanced up back at Kuno. "So sorry, Master Kuno, you called me while I was asleep. I got dressed in a hurry."
During his explanation he continued to fiddle with his pants which appeared to be unfastened, like he had just thrown them on. Doing this, he accidentally dropped his drawers. His pants fell around his ankles. Kuno saw this and his eyes bugged out for a second before he reclaimed his regal pose.
"Uh, Sasuke... Why are you wearing my sister's underwear?"
Sasuke looked down, and his eyes bugged out, too. He glanced back up at his master and just sort of laughed nervously. "Oh, my, how did those get there...? They must have gotten mixed up in my laundry. So sorry." He pulled his pants back on, blushing a deep crimson.
Kuno stared at him in a sick astonishment, having completely forgotten what he had been trying to do...
"Uh, what did you call me for, Master?" Sasuke asked, breaking Kuno from whatever thoughts the kendoist may have been having.
"Oh... right..." He said numbly, without a hint of the pompous attitude generally associated with Kuno. He was that startled by his servant's actions he forgot that he was supposed to be the 'Blue Thunder of Furinkan High'. He shook his head and struck a pose. "Sasuke, I must learn all I can about my NEW new love, the Mysterious Purple-haired Girl.
Sasuke sighed in relief, glad Kuno had seemed to forget about the ur incident, at least for now. "I'll be right on it, Master Kuno," And quickly he moved to start his spying.
But then Kuno reached over and grabbed him on the shoulder before he could leave. "Oh... and Sasuke..."
Sasuke gulped. "Ye... yes, Master Kuno?" He asked nervously.
"How dost it go for your quest to discover Saotome and Hibiki's weakness?"
Sasuke again sighed in relief. "It goes well, Master Kuno. We plan on executing our Grand Plan tomorrow."
"Excellent" Kuno said, doing his best Mr. Burns impression.
Sasuke finally left, and Kuno then went back to his meditating. "Oh, Mysterious Purple-haired Girl..." He breathed, picturing his love in his arms. Then Shampoo turned into a pretty brunette girl. "Oh, Beauteous Ukyo Kuanji." She in turn changed into a redhaired pigtailed girl...
This may take awhile.
"Dear Saotome and Hibiki,
Please come to our rescue. We are being held hostage
in the gym.
Help, help, help, help, help.
Sincerely,
Ukyo and Akane"
PS: Help.
Ranma looked at Ryoga quizzically, after he finished reading outloud the letter he had found at his desk. "What the heck is this?"
Ryoga, equally baffled, merely shook his head. "I have no idea."
"So what else is new?" A feminine voice asked teasingly.
Ryoga glanced up from his seat at his desk to see Ukyo grinning down at him. Seeing her smiling brilliantly at him made him quickly forget to be annoyed by her comment.
"Hey, Akane," Ranma spoke up to the girl behind Ukyo, "I thought you were being held hostage."
"What?" Akane asked. She looked at Ukyo for help, but the okonomiyaki chef also looked confused. "What are you talking about, Ranma?" Akane asked, clearly irritated, having finally given up trying to figure this one out, alone.
"Read for yourself," Ryoga answered handing her the note.
Both girls quickly read the note between them. Akane's eyes narrowed in annoyance, and she didn't look too happy about the whole thing. But Ukyo merely burst out laughing. "Now THIS I gotta see." She said, wiping away a tear, from her laughter.
Managing to get out of class by getting thrown into the hall with buckets... again, the four left their buckets behind and headed into the gym. It was empty and dark, except for one spotlight in the middle. In that spotlight were two figures. On closer look it was Ukyo and Akane... tied up.
Well... Akane's hair was shorter and for some reason she had bags under her eyes. She also looked kind of pale... and sick...
Ukyo wasn't much better off. Her brown locks hung limp down her shoulders, looking like it was about to fall out at any minute. She also had buck teeth and resembled a chipmunk for some reason...
At least they had gotten the school uniforms right...
The minute they saw Ryoga and Ranma enter, 'Ukyo' and 'Akane' started screaming for 'help'. "Oh, help, me... Sao- I mean Ranma!" 'Akane' cried, in a high squeaky voice.
"We're so scared!" 'Ukyo' added, batting her eyes for emphasis.
Upon seeing this display of stupidity, Ukyo burst out laughing again. This time she actually had to lean against the door frame for support or she would have fallen down. "Oh, yeah. Mwa ha ha ha ha... This was snicker snicker worth it..."
Akane, on the other, hand looked even more annoyed and a little bit angry at this mockery. She stormed upon the stage and grabbed the other 'Akane's' dress. "How is THAT supposed to look like me!" She cried almost ripping her dress off.
But Gosunkugi didn't seem to mind. In fact he almost looked blissful. She... spoke to me...! I can now die a happy man!
Sasuke took this a little more seriously. He jumped back and took off the brown-haired wig. "So you saw through our disguises, eh? Well, no matter now. We got you now, Saotome and Hibiki." He chuckled evilly, as he pulled a lever.
Ryoga and Ranma watched, casually, as a trapdoor appeared under Gosunkugi and Akane. Both fell into the room below. "Yeah, we're sure you do, 'Ukyo'" Ryoga remarked dryly. Both he and Ranma shook their heads at how pathetic these guys were. They jumped onto the stage, followed by Ukyo, to check on Akane.
Sasuke just looked at the lever slightly confused, then to the trap door where his partner and innocent bystander once stood. "Drat, that wasn't supposed to happen." He remarked, before trying another lever.
With a yelp, Ukyo fell down the trapdoor she had been standing over. "Ukyo!" Ryoga hurried to the hole and peered down into it. "Are you okay?" A minute passed and he heard her give a muffled affirmative. Satisfied that his best friend was all right, Ryoga turned to Sasuke and glared at him. "What are you trying to pull?"
"The right lever." Sasuke replied. Hey, wasn't it obvious?
Sasuke was about to pull another lever, when he realized that Ryoga and Ranma weren't exactly standing next to each other anymore. "Oh, and can you guys please stand closer together?" He asked rather politely.
pika pika Ranma and Ryoga blinked as one, but they did as he said.
"A little to the right... no, your other right... too much... that's it... now can you take one step backwards... no you went too far... come closer... okay... a little more... and... perfect! Stay right where you are!" Sasuke happily pulled the last lever.
And he fell through the trapdoor he had been standing on.
Ryoga and Ranma sidled over to the trapdoor and peered below.
"Well, that wasn't supposed to happen, either..." They heard Sasuke's muffled sigh.
Ryoga looked at Ranma, and Ranma looked at Ryoga. They then both looked down the hole, before sighing as one.
They then made Sasuke and Gosunkugi's life easier by jumping into the trapdoor for them.
Landing lightly down in the hidden room below, they found that the two girls were already paying Sasuke and Gosunkugi back for this whole mess. Akane was busy kicking Sasuke in the ribs, having him penned down on the floor of the room, while Ukyo was busy banging Gosunkugi's head repeatedly with her spatula.
But Gosunkugi didn't seem to mind. Ah, she noticed me! Now, I know I'm in Heaven
The two boys just shook their heads at this scene. "So, uh, what were ya trying to do, anyway?" Ranma asked almost curious.
"That's what I would like to know," Ryoga added.
The girls were gracious enough to stop their beatings long enough to let the two bad guy-wanna be's have a chance to answer.
"Why don't you see for yourself, Saotome..." Sasuke chuckled, evilly while trying not to cough up blood.
"We know you're weakness... and now we're gonna use it against you..." Gosunkugi declared, while rubbing his aching head.
For the first time since this whole incident started, Ranma actually looked nervous. "My weakness...?" He repeated, trying to keep his nervousness out of his voice. Damn it, they must have seen me running from Shampoo! He thought, picturing the earlier scene of his scared running from Shampoo-cat with P-chan not too far behind. How am I gonna get out of this one? He glanced at Ryoga, who was also looking apprehensive. But all Ryoga could do was shrug, helplessly.
Sasuke and Gosunkugi, sensing the martial artists nervousness, smiled like the cat that had just caught the mouse. "Yes, your secret weakness..." Sasuke began.
"We know what you're afraid of, Saotome," Gosunkugi finished.
"I ain't afraid of nothing," Ranma declared, boldly. But already he could feel their furry bodies, feel their claws scrape against his flesh. He smelled the scent of fish sausage and heard their awful meowing and purring. Fear once again gripped him, as he relived once again the time and time again he had been thrown into a pit of these vile creatures. He remembered their clawing and biting. The feel of his own blood running down his body, and how the cats enjoyed it, even sipping at his own blood. It was all Ranma could do to keep himself from screaming in terror right then... And he knew suddenly that Sasuke and Gosunkugi were about to do this to him again...
"Oh, really?" The two planners said as one, knowing full well the answer. They were really enjoying themselves.
"Hey," Ukyo gasped, peering into the shadows of the darkened room. "What was that? I thought I saw something move..."
Ranma once again kept himself from screaming, but only just barely.
Ryoga squinted into the darkness watching for the first cat to come out and wondering what he could do to help Ranma when it did. He glanced nervously at the pigtailed martial artists and noticed how he was just barely keeping himself together. I have to do something, but what? He decided to venture forth into the darkness and to at least get an idea how many cats they would be dealing with . Grabbing his umbrella, he made his way into the darkness, and gasped. "What the hell, is this!" He shouted, angrily.
A light turned on and the small room was bathed with light. The small group of martial artists blinked, as their eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, then gasped as they realized they were surrounded by...
Pigs. They were trapped in a room full of pigs.
Ranma let loose the breath he didn't know he had been holding, and burst out in hysterical laughing. "You thought... You thought, I was afraid of PIGS? He continued to laugh hysterically, while everyone else looked at him, completely confused. Ryoga just looked at the pigs with disgust and moved away from them, as he turned off his flashlight.
"I... I... don't understand," Gosunkugi gasped. "We saw him running in terror from that black piglet! Why isn't he afraid now?"
Sasuke just sighed. "Well, it looks like it's back to the drawing board. Master Kuno's gonna love this..."
"Well, it's been real fun, but I guess we'd better be going now." Ryoga said, making it clear he had not been having fun. He grabbed the still laughing Ranma and leaped out of the little room. Akane and Ukyo soon followed, leaving Sasuke and Gosunkugi in the room of pigs.
When Kuno finally showed up to witness the defeat of his archenemies, the school janitor made him help the two clean the room up. It had become a pig sty. Kuno of course, wasn't happy about this, and he didn't want to hear another word of Saotome and Hibiki's weaknesses.
This didn't bother Sasuke or Gosunkugi any, but they did make plans to meet for a day of bowling or something in the near future.
The girls still laughed about the pig incident once in awhile, but neither had fully understood what Sasuke and Gosunkugi had been trying to do. They both agreed that it had been one of the more interesting days at Furinkan High.
Meanwhile, Ranma and Ryoga looked back at this day with relief. Ranma's secret weakness was still a secret, and with any luck it would stay that way. If anything this even had made the two become even closer friends. Though neither would admit it if someone should ask them.
So life was good once again... little did they know that a troll was coming to Nerima, and life would never be the same...
Next time on Spatulas and Bandannas, Who is this troll? And
what does it want in Nerima?
Find out in Chapter Twelve..
All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi not me!