Spatulas and Bandannas by Shikoku
Chapter Thirteen: Things Get More Complicated
"So she came to make sure that I would marry her great granddaughter.." Ryoga finished explaining to Ukyo, Akane and Ranma the deal on Nerima's newest trouble maker.
Ukyo slammed her fist down next to her stove. "I can't believe that hussy! Actually dragging her relatives into this! Will she ever quit?"
"I doubt it" Ranma-chan answered between munching on her third helping of okonomiyaki. "From what I've seen of those amazons, they are incredibly stubborn."
Both Ukyo and Ryoga nodded sagely at this, having their own experiences to learn from.
Akane shook her head, her long ponytail swinging with the motion. She still didn't completely understand what was going on. "It all just seems so silly to me. Why have these laws to begin with?"
Ranma shrugged. "All I could think of was that amazons hate losing. Oh, Uuchan, is the hot water ready yet?" She wanted to get out of her girl form before Shampoo decided to drop by.
Ukyo turned from her place behind the grill and lightly touched the heating kettle on her stove. "Hmmm, it seems to only be lukewarm, but I think it's hot enough to change you back." She carefully picked it up and passed it to Ryoga. "Can you pass this to her, sugar?"
Ryoga nodded, absentmindedly. He had been trying to figure out what Cologne had meant by her last statement. Still in thought, he reached for the kettle, and screamed upon grasping it. "AUGH! HOT! HOT! HOT! " He shouted, clutching his hand like he had burned it.
The other people in the restaurant, including his friends, all stared at him, shocked. Ukyo leaped over the stove with a wet cloth and tied it around his hand. "Are you okay, Ryo-chan!" She asked, extremely worried.
"The water was BOILING!" Ryoga gasped out, as he clutched the rag to his throbbing hand. He glanced at it and saw that it was now turning red.
Ranma carefully poked at the fallen kettle. "It feels okay to me." To illustrate her point, she poured the water over her, changing back into a guy. "See, no problem."
Ukyo nodded. "The water HAD been only lukewarm."
Ryoga couldn't believe that. "That was far from Lukewarm, Uuchan." What was going on?
His answer came in the form of an old ghoul.
Hearing raspy chuckling, they turned towards the entrance to Uuchan's to see Cologne standing there, balancing on her staff. "What's the matter Future Son-in-law? Too hot for you?"
"Future son-in-law?" Ukyo snorted. "You wish."
"What did you do to me, Old Woman!" Ryoga shouted at the aged amazon.
"I just hit a certain pressure point located on your body. You are suffering from The Cat Tongue, an ancient amazon secret. You're whole body is now as sensitive as a cat's tongue. This means that even the most tempid of water will feel like it is boiling to you." Cologne grinned, enjoying this explanation a bit too much.
Ryoga paled considerably, as did Ukyo, Ranma, and Akane.
"That means..." Ukyo gasped out.
"He can't..." Ranma attempted to finish her sentence.
"Change back if he turned into a pig!" Akane finished for the both of them.
I wouldn't be able to change back! Ryoga groaned, as he fell to his knees.
I could get stuck as a pig! He gritted his teeth and tried not to cry.
Forever. With that Ryoga broke into a thousand pieces... Well, not really, but that's what it felt like to him.
Cologne continued to laugh. "I would advise you to stay away from cold water for the rest of your life, Son-in-law If you get turned into your cursed form you won't be able to take the hot water needed to change back. Then you will spend the remainder of your life as a farm animal... Unless you agree to marry Shampoo. Think it over." And with that Cologne turned and hopped away, leaving Ryoga to continue staring at the ground with a stunned expression on his face. He didn't even hear Ukyo try to reassure him that everything would be all right.
Ryoga was still out of it, as Dr. Tofu poked and prodded at his body.
"Is he going to be okay, Doctor?" Ukyo asked anxiously. "Can you do anything?"
Dr. Tofu didn't answer her but continued to hmmm to himself.
"Don't worry, Uuchan," Akane said reassuringly. "Dr. Tofu's the best!" She gazed at the young doctor with eyes full of admiration and complete confidence in him. She knew that her small crush on him would never be returned by him, due to his own interest in her sister, but she still thought highly of him.
"Yeah," Ranma agreed. "If there's a problem, Doc, can fix it!"
"I can't fix this." Dr. Tofu finally spoke up.
"What!" Three heads turned to him in disbelief. Ryoga still remained staring at the floor, oblivious to his surroundings.
The doctor sighed. "The Cat's Tongue pressure point is very powerful and not used often. I'm not sure that there even is a known cure for it. Whoever did this must be very good. This pressure point is hard to reach."
"Ryoga's going to have to avoid water forever?" Ukyo asked, sadly.
But Akane's faith in the doctor couldn't be easily shattered. "Oh, Dr. Tofu, are you sure there's nothing you can do?"
Dr. Tofu looked thoughtful. "Well... maybe... there's something I can do... But I'll have to research this further."
"Oh, Dr. Tofu! That'll be great!" Akane cried happily. She knew he could do it. She just knew it.
Just then the phone rang. Dr. Tofu answered it and found that it was Kasumi.
With Ryoga in tow, Ukyo, Ranma, and Akane left Dr. Tofu, who was now babbling nonsense to the confused but still pleasant eldest Tendo daughter. +
Ryoga was a little better by the end of school the next day. Finally, he had snapped out of the shocked state he had been in and was now thinking about his problem. He had managed to avoid water of any kind so far, though he had a good number of close calls. But there is no way I can avoid water for the rest of my life. Besides he'd end up smelling like a...pig. But what can I do? I can't marry Shampoo! Certainly, he had thought about it, but he knew he wouldn't be able to do it. He just couldn't. He glanced at Ukyo as she walked beside him, subtly guiding him home. No, marrying Shampoo is definitely out... Maybe he could beat the cure out of Cologne. He then remembered being repeatedly thrown against a brick wall, and decided that might not be so great an idea.
But it would be better than spending the remainder of his life as a pig.
He sighed. Why me?
Suddenly, the air was filled with bicycle bells, as Shampoo flew into the scene on top of her delivery bike. "Nihao!" She called cheerfully to Ryoga, as she landed gracefully on top of Ranma's head. "Aiya! Airon still man?" She asked.
Ukyo glared at her, and gripped her mega spatula. "No thanks to you and that witch you call a great grandmother."
Shampoo shrugged. "Great grandmother do what's best for Shampoo." The purple-haired beauty then preceded to ignore Ukyo, instead focusing her attention back to her reluctant husband. "Ryoga marry Shampoo, yes?"
Before Ryoga could answer, however, Shampoo was unexpectantly glomped from behind. "Oh, Mysterious Purple haired girl!" Kuno crooned. "How I've longed for your return! Come marry me and we shall dine on each other's affection."
Shampoo saw red, then proceeded to beat the you know what out of Kuno. Shouts of: "What you doing!", "Let go, Pervert boy, "Shampoo kill!", and "No can touch Shampoo there," and screams of pain could be heard coming from the cloud of dust. Some of the onlookers cringed upon hearing certain bones snap and the like.
Even Ryoga cringed at an especially loud crunch. "That one had to hurt."
Ukyo snorted. "Eh, he deserved it. I just wish I had been the one to do it."
Both Ranma and Akane, who had been standing off to the side, nodded in agreement.
"Why Son-in-law," an all too familiar raspy voice piped up from behind the group. They all turned as one surprised (well, maybe they were starting to get used to it by now) at the old lady's arrival. "I can see that you still have managed to avoid cold water. Good for you, but how long will it last?"
Ryoga growled. "That's IT! I'VE HAD ALL THAT I CAN TAKE OF YOU, OLD WOMAN!" Ryoga shouted losing his temper, just as gracefully as he had before finally making friends with Ranma. To show he meant business, Ryoga grabbed the closest heavy object... which happened to be a large telephone pole. Many onlookers gasped in shock at their classmate's great strength, and even Cologne's eyes grew a little bigger, when he threw the thing at her.
She still managed to avoid it, though.
But it was now headed for that strange figure that was flying towards them...
"Hey, WATCH OUT!" Ranma shouted to what he now recognized to be a man.
The strange man didn't appear to hear them as he advanced towards the pole. He was just about to collide when, faster than the crowd could follow he cut the large pole into smaller pieces. The really amazing thing about this fact was that the crowd also didn't see him use a weapon to do this. So without getting smashed after all, the man landed gracefully on his feet. Ranma could now see that he was a tall boy that appeared to be about his age. He was dressed in long robes with a pattern of colorful squares on his chest. The boy also had long black hair and blue eyes.
He stood there silently for a couple of seconds before pieces of the broken pole finally fell on top of him.
"Do you think he's dead?" Hiroshi asked Daisuke, who just shook his head.
But the boy did get up. He then proceeded to glomp Ranma. "Shampoo!" He cried, happily.
"Who you calling Shampoo?" Ranma shouted as he front kicked the strange boy away from him.
The boy, then proceeded to pull out the thickest pair of glasses that Ranma had ever seen and peered at him with them. Then without another word, the boy kneed Ranma in the chin.
"What did you do THAT for?" Ranma shouted, upon recovering.
"You weren't my Shampoo!" The man answered.
Now that one makes sense, don't it?
By this time everyone snapped out of their shock, upon seeing this new interesting person poke his nose into Nerima. Even Ryoga, Ukyo, and Shampoo all finally broke out of their frozen state and all began talking at once. Well, except for Shampoo, who was now slowly backing away before she could be noticed.
"Mousse!" Ryoga cried, wearing a fang toothed grin. "It's great to see you, buddy!"
"What on earth are you doing in Nerima, sugar?" Ukyo looked just as happy to see the boy.
The boy, or Mousse, turned and peered at them through his glasses. He too also broke out into a huge smile. "Ryoga Hibiki! Ukyo Kuanji! It is a pleasure to see you again!" Well, he couldn't really SEE them. He could make out their shapes though blurry they may be, but you know what I mean...
The three began chatting, and teasing each other, basically acting like they just been reunited for the first time in a long time, which I guess they had..
Meanwhile, Ranma and Akane recovered from their newfound shock.
"Ryoga... You actually... know this weirdo?" Ranma stuttered.
"Ukyo... Who's your friend..." Akane asked at about the same time."
"I'm called Mousse," the boy smiled as he folded his hands inside his giant sleeves.
"See, we met him while Ryoga and I were searching for you..."
Yeah, I know, I know, another flashback Ryoga and Ukyo were walking on their way to the next town. Unfortunately a dark cloud was above them, and they didn't think they were going to make it to shelter before the rain would come. Ryoga had already whipped out his umbrella just in case that happened.
Ukyo sighed, as she (Though she still dressed as a boy at the moment) peered ahead in hopes of discovering a house or something. Nothing. "It doesn't look good, sugar."
"There has to be some kind of shelter somewhere." Ryoga muttered. He too glanced around, as if Ukyo might have missed something. Again, nothing.
"Told you," Ukyo smirked, lightly. She grabbed his arm and began pulling him in a general direction. "Come on, there's nothing we can do but keep walking."
They were making pretty good time. (The rain hadn't come yet, but they could see flashes of lightning and hear thunder in the distance.) when one flash of lightning illuminated an old barn in the distance. "The gods must be smiling down upon us!" Ryoga cried with a huge grin on his face.
Ukyo was smiling too, though she hadn't been as desperate as her companion to keep out of the rain. But she good naturedly let Ryoga grab her by the arm and pull her into the barn with great speed. At least faster than Ryoga usually was. Ukyo had vowed to help him with his speed and defensive skills in combat, if he would teach her how to fight without a weapon.
Once inside the barn, the two glanced back to see that the rain burst out all at once in a heavy downpour.
"Made it, just in time..." Ryoga sighed in relief as he closed his umbrella.
"My thoughts, exactly," a voice answered from behind them. Ryoga and Ukyo turned to see a boy sitting in the far corner of the barn eating a bowl of ramen by a lamp.
"So, you're from China?" Ukyo eyed Mousse curiously as she offered him another okonomiyaki.
Mousse grinned, as he accepted the offered food. He had been so tired of instant ramen. He knew how to cook real meals, but he hadn't had access to real cook wear for a long time. "Yes."
"What brings you to Japan, then?" Ryoga asked between slurping up his ramen noodles. Mousse may have been tired of ramen, but Ryoga welcomed the change from okonomiyaki. He was kind of getting tired of having it for every meal. But don't tell Ukyo that.
"I'm looking for this girl I love. Her name is Shan pu, perhaps you have seen her?" He looked at the two, hopefully.
Ryoga and Ukyo looked at each other, but then shook their heads. They hadn't really met any girls on their trip, unless you count that crazy amazon, but Mousse couldn't possibly be referring to her.
Mousse sighed in disappointment, but then tried again. "She came to Japan to find this red-haired girl, perhaps you know her?" It was a longshot, but Mousse was getting desperate. He wanted to catch up as soon as possible with his darling Shan pu.
"Nope, never heard of her either." Ryoga stated.
"Hope you find them, Mousse," Ukyo added.
"Yes, I do, too." the Chinese boy sighed.
"So that's how we met, Mousse," Ukyo finished her tail.
Their audience oohed and ahhed, as if they really cared how their classmates met this strange new guy. Cologne was particularly touched. "What a nice reunion," she said. Whether she actually meant it or not can be anybody's guess.
Surprisingly enough, Mousse recognized her, but it was probably just by her voice. "What? The Old Mummy's here too?" But before Cologne could whap him for that comment, he quickly switched gears. "And that must mean Shampoo is here after all! SHAMPOO!" He cried joyfully as he glomped... Ukyo.
"Uh, Mousse...?" Ukyo stated tapping him on the head. "Your Shampoo's behind you."
Sure outside she was calm, but inside she was truly shocked. Mousse likes the purple-haired bimbo! How can any guy stand her, let alone poor Mousse? She wasn't too thrilled with this develpoment... except... If I can get Mousse matched up with Shampoo, I could... I mean Shampoo will stop bugging my buddy... Ukyo's mind was already turning, as she started coming up with a couple of matchmaking schemes for the future.
Meanwhile, Mousse had let go of her and turned to finally face the girl he had been searching for. "Shampoo! How I've waited to be reunited with you!" He lunged to glomp her but instead he got her foot, as she kicked him away from her. "Stupid Mousse, you only stupid friend from child times!"
Cologne nodded from her place balancing on her staff. "She's right Mousse, didn't Shampoo already reject you?"
"That was only when we were three years old!" Mousse cried. He couldn't believe how stupid the amazon rules were sometimes. He already knew what was coming next.
"You know the rules, " Cologne answered. Mousse just knew she was going to say that. But Cologne continued. "Besides Shampoo has already found her future husband..." Mousse didn't expect to hear that.
"WHAT? WHO IS HE! I'LL KILL HIM!"
Cologne just pointed with her staff. Mousse turned and saw this purple blur all over this yellow one. He put on his glasses and saw HIS Shampoo hanging all over his friend Ryoga. His EX friend Ryoga.
"Ryoga, you lying, woman stealing jerk! I'll never forgive you for this! I thought you were my friend!" A battle aura flickered around the enraged amazon male. If looks could kill...
Ryoga glanced up, as he still tried to push Shampoo off of him. "Huh?"
Ukyo sighed. She might have to come up with a couple of different plans, now...
Next time on Spatulas and Bandannas: Uh, oh, what's Ryoga
going to do now, when Mousse is ready to kill him? Can they
work this out without resorting to violence? (And can pigs
fly?) And what about Ryoga's Cat's Tongue curse?
Find out on Spatulas and Bandannas chapter Fourteen. The
fun's just beginning, trust me. G
All Characters owned by Rumiko Takahashi.