Spatulas and Bandannas by Shikoku
Chapter Fourteen: The Pig versus The Duck (Kind of)
Ryoga watched still greatly confused as Mousse was all but ready to rip his head off. What did I do? He tried to get Shampoo to loosen her grip on him, but it was no use. Suddenly, Ryoga's brain just made a connection that everybody but him had already noticed. Wait a minute... That's it! He doesn't like the fact that Shampoo is all over me... But why... Hey, didn't he say he was looking for a girl named 'Shan pu' earlier? He stopped, realizing what an idiot he could be sometimes. Shampoo IS Shan pu. Why didn't I see that before? Ryoga now realized how much trouble he really was in.
Mousse was definitely not looking too happy. "Curse you Ryoga Hibiki! You tell me you haven't seen my beautiful Shampoo, but then go with her behind my back! Prepare to fight!" He then lunged at the lost boy , who couldn't dodge very well with a purple-haired amazon on his back. A loud clang could be heard as Ryoga was flung backwards and crashed into the wall. Shampoo had escaped his fate by choosing to let go of her hold on him, a little too late for Ryoga to save himself, but plenty of time for her to escape getting hit. She at least showed some concern for him, as he lay slightly dazed- that was definitely NOT a fist that just hit him. "Ryoga okay?" She asked, which was probably a poor question to ask, since it was quite obvious Ryoga was hurting. "Be careful, Mousse practice dark magic. He have many tricks."
"That is true." Mousse agreed, as he pushed his glasses back up his nose, grinning arrogantly to see Ryoga take his punishment for betraying him. "You have just witnessed my greatest technique. Just as a swan gracefully glides across the waters, it conceals its thrashing legs, so do I conceal my weapons. I am the Master of the Hidden Weapons! Fist of the White Swan!" He cried aiming a punch at Ryoga again, but this time Ryoga was ready. Quickly, he lashed out with a vicious kick that knocked away the hidden swan-shaped training potty from within Mousse's hidden sleeves.
The onlookers stared at the training potty in shock. "Oh, yeah, that was definitely an insult." Daisuke observed. Hiroshi nodded, sagely. "Too true." Like they would know.
Ukyo finally took this time to interrupt her two friends 'discussion'. "Mousse, you don't understand! Ryoga doesn't care about Shampoo!"
Shampoo scowled at her. "What you know, Stupid spatula girl!"
Mousse was too mad to believe her, too. "Oh, what are you trying to say, Ukyo Kuanji? Shampoo's not good enough for him? I will punish you too for this great insult!"
Ryoga was now beginning to get angry. "Now wait a minute, Mousse, if you're going to be fighting anybody here it'll be me! I didn't do nothing to you, but there's no way I'm gonna let you be threatening Uuchan!" The girls in their audience all sighed romantically at this statement, while the boys groaned. Even Ukyo looked touched at what Ryoga had said. Does he really mean that?
However, Mousse looked slightly sick because of Ryoga's statement. (It didn't help that Mousse still thought that Ukyo was a boy. Remember, Ukyo had been dressing like a boy, when she and Ryoga met Mousse. Mousse was probably too blind to notice that Ukyo was now wearing a dress, or he didn't realize that that girl was Ukyo. Who knows?) "You are sick, Hibiki. Fine then, we'll fight! It will be a duel among men, if I win you will give up..."
Cologne managed to butt in before he could make Shampoo the prize of this little competition. "Shampoo's spoken for."
Mousse paused, momentarily stumped. He then shrugged and pointed to the closest woman that looked like she meant something to Ryoga. He was pointing at Ukyo. "Fine then this woman shall be the prize." A spatula clobbered him on the head after this declaration.
"I AIN'T NOBODY'S PRIZE, YOU JACKASS!" Ukyo cried. How dare he even suggest such a thing.
pika pika Mousse blinked, recognizing that voice. "Kuanji! Why are you wearing a dress?"
pika pika Ukyo and even Ryoga blinked at this one. "You mean he doesn't know, yet...?" Ryoga stuttered.
"I am a girl, you moron!" Ukyo yelled, tired of this whole situation.
"Oh," Mousse had to think about that one, but he quickly pulled himself back together, again. "Well, that doesn't matter, what matters is that we fight!"
"Right," Ryoga agreed. "I'm ready anytime and anywhere... Well almost anywhere..." He amended, remembering his sense of direction.
Cologne finally spoke up, again. "Wait, wait, shouldn't a fight between two men be more formal? Why not hold a formal fight noon tomorrow at the school?"
Ryoga cracked his knuckles. "Sounds good to me."
Mousse nodded. "Me too."
"Good, then it's decided," Cologne grinned.
Ukyo noticed the old woman's smile and shuddered. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?
Life can be ironic sometimes, can it? Or maybe a little moronic... shrug Depends on how you look at it...
Anyway, at Uuchan's Okonomiyaki, Ukyo was busy behind the grill trying to keep up with the busy lunch crowd. While she was cooking, Ranma and Akane were trying to help P-chan... Yes, P-chan...
As can be expected, Ryoga couldn't avoid water forever, and he had been nailed finally on his way home to Uuchan's. Stupid old woman who pours water on the street... The pig thought darkly. He had been enraged when he was splashed by her, almost as mad as Ukyo had been. Ukyo might have actually killed the woman if Ranma and Akane hadn't of been there to stop her.
But it was too late. Ryoga was now a pig, and he couldn't change back. He had been burned by the luke warm water and it hadn't even touched him yet. P-chan sighed, as did Ranma and Akane. Ukyo might have sighed, too, but she was busy with the customers.
"Well, it looks like Shampoo's great grandmother wasn't kidding," Akane spoke up, finally breaking the silence.
"Yeah," Ukyo agreed, sadly, but then started fuming in anger, "Oh, when I get my hands on that woman..." (Whether she was talking about Cologne, Shampoo, or the Woman that pours water on the streets is up to you.)
Ranma didn't say anything, but he mentally shuddered at the thought of being stuck in his girl form.
P-chan just sighed, again.
Ranma then thought of something... Relax, he's still Ranma. He just thought of something concerning martial arts and fighting, that's normal for him. If he had of thought of something like quantum physics or maybe even something concerning somebody else's feelings, THEN we should be worried. :) "Hey, what about your fight against Mousse?"
P-chan sighed again, and just shook his head. He couldn't fight in a man to man fight as a pig.
"I guess you'll just have to cancel..." Akane suggested.
That thought killed P-chan more. He began squealing and shaking his head.
"You're crazy," Ukyo commented, momentarily ignoring her frying okonomiyakis and watching P-chan. "You can't fight like that, sugar."
Akane glanced at the okonomiyaki chef. "You could understand him?" she asked, curiously.
Ukyo nodded. "To an extent. You'd be surprised how much 'pig' you'd learn if you hang out with one for a couple of months." She then turned back to P-chan. "I'm sorry, sugar, but you can't possibly fight tomorrow."
P-chan gazed down sadly, but then thought of something. He started squealing frantically at Ukyo, again, clearly telling her something.
Ukyo watched and listened, closely. When he was finished she just shook her head. "You want me to do what!"
Ranma and Akane looked at each other. Just what was Ryoga planning?
Just outside the okonomiyaki restaurant, a purple-haired amazon was watching them. She had seen Ryoga get splashed by the old lady and knew that he now couldn't change back to human. She imagined what he must be going through and shuddered. She would hate to be stuck in her catform longer than a day, let alone live as a cat forever. Guilt was building up inside of her, knowing that she was partially responsible for this whole thing. Great grandmother is going too far. How can she do this to another human being? Strip away his very humanity? Is this whole thing really necessary?
But Shampoo also wanted Ryoga for herself. If this is the way she could win him, shouldn't she take it?
But she also had a feeling that this whole Cat Tongue thing would just drive him away from her further.
"I so confused." Shampoo sighed, before riding away on her bicycle. She had a lot to think about...
The next day, the school was decorated as if it was holding one big birthday party for some unsuspecting rich kid who's parents could afford to shell out enough money to have the whole soccer field decorated with several food and game booths, and even pony rides. It didn't seem like the place to hold a fight, except for the giant fighting ring at the center of the field. Ranma and Akane stared at the festivities in shock.
"Is this supposed to be a fight or a circus?" Akane remarked, gazing at the crowd who where taking advantage of the food booths before the fight.
Ranma shook his head. "Geesh, nobody ever goes to all this trouble for one of MY fights."
Akane looked at him under narrowed eyes. "And when was the last time you had an interesting fight?" she asked.
Ranma paused for a moment to dwell on this question. "Uh..."
"Exactly." Akane nodded, satisfied that she had won this round. Now to gloat. "Isn't that right, P-chan?" She asked, the little black pig that was sitting in her book bag.
P-chan, who couldn't believe he had been talked into being carted around in this fashion looked up at Akane, surprised that she had said anything to him. "Bwee?" he asked, which translated into "What?" In truth, P-chan hadn't been listening to their conversation. He had been too busy worrying about Ukyo and whether their plan would work or not. He wished he could help her get ready, but he would have only gotten in her way in this state. Once again, P-chan sighed. Akane and Ranma hadn't noticed. They had went back to their arguing.
Suddenly, a dried up old monkey on a pogo stick bounced up to the still bickering pair. "So, where's my future son in law?" Cologne asked.
Ranma and Akane stopped in mid insult, then glanced down at the old hag. "HE should be here any minute." Akane answered, blushing for lying. In truth she had no idea what Ryoga and Ukyo had been planning. She was slightly annoyed that they had kept her and Ranma in the dark about this, but there was nothing she could do about it, except perhaps stall for them a little.
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, unless he managed to get lost or something." He was a slightly better liar than Akane was. Hopefully, Cologne didn't hear the indignant bweeing coming from Akane's book bag...
Apparently, Cologne didn't notice or decided to play along. "Well, he had better hurry. The challenger is getting irritated." She indicated off to the side closer to the ring, where an agitated Mousse was harassing a poor innocent boy in the audience.
"Comon, Hibiki, are we going to fight, or what!" The longhaired, blind weirdo shouted, as he pulled the poor boy, who may need therapy after this, by the shirt, in a frightening manner.
The boy just burst out crying. But he was saved, as a staff clobbered Mousse over the head from behind. "Put on your glasses, you blind moron." Cologne sighed. Yep, Mu su hadn't changed a bit She mentally noted.
Mousse did just that, saw that the kid wasn't Ryoga, then promptly dropped him. "Where are you, Hibiki?" He decided to go back to shouting at everyone. "You haven't run away from our fight, have you? You COWARD!"
"Nobody calls Ryoga Hibiki a coward!" A deep, well, a slightly deep, voice shouted from off to the side. The audience turned to see that yes, indeed, Ryoga Hibiki had finally arrived.
Well, he LOOKED like Ryoga. He had the usual yellow peasant shirt and the tied up black pants. The yellow and black bandanna that he always wore was still tied around his head, and he had the red bamboo umbrella.
But something was not quite right about him...
Could it be because he was shorter, slimmer, and he had dyed his hair brown?
Naaaaah, couldn't be.
"Go creme him, Ryoga!" one kid cried from the audience.
"Yeah, fight good! I just bet my lunch money on ya!" another kid cried.
Ryoga just turned to them and sort of saluted them, trying not to blush in embarrassment. I can't believe he talked me into this... But he resigned himself and turned to face his angry opponent.
From the audience, Ranma and Akane blinked upon seeing "Ryoga's" arrival. Akane was the first to speak. "Wasn't that... Ukyo?"
Ranma just shook his head, but P-chan nodded from within Akane's book bag.
Akane looked down at P-chan in shock. "You talked Ukyo into dressing up as you, so she can fight Mousse!"
P-chan gave her a look that said: "Well... yeah."
Akane looked slightly disgusted. "I don't believe this."
"Yeah," Ranma agreed, casually from beside her. "I can't
believe that stupid disguise is working, either"
+
Mousse turned to face his opponent. He didn't seem to notice that Ryoga looked different, but that shouldn't be surprising, now should it? I mean this is Mousse we're talking about.
"So, you've finally decided to show, Hibiki..."
"Yeah," Ukyo nodded, using his best "Ryoga Hibiki" voice. "Couldn't miss this, heh, heh, heh..." But inside she was cringing. Oh, you owe me BIG, sugar... Real big...
"So," Mousse said, as he turned slightly away from her. "Let's fight!" Quickly he turned back, throwing sharp blades from his sleeves.
Ukyo eeped, wondering if she was in over her head... Frantically she started dodging.
Mousse just grinned and began to advance on his opponent. This will be easy...
From the sidelines opposite from Ranma and Akane, Shampoo stood silently watching the fight. She had sweatdropped when the stupid spatula girl had shown up dressed up as Ryoga. "Who she think she fooling?" She had asked herself. But then when everyone had actually believed that she was Ryoga... Shampoo was still spitting out grass from when she had facefaulted. "This is stupid."
Ah, but the fight had just begun Shampoo, You've ain't seen stupid, yet...
Next time on Spatulas and Bandannas: Can this disguise fool Mousse for long? Can Ukyo actually beat him? Find out in Spatulas and Bandannas Fifteen.
A little shorter than usual, but I couldn't come up with a
better stopping point.
Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
Shikoku