For the first time in my life I was nervous to see my mom. She was so different from the woman I had known for the last fifteen years, and that woman disappeared in one split second. My life crashed around me the day the police officer walked into my classroom.

I smoothed the bottom of my dress; she loved it when I dressed up. I just sat, there was nothing else I could do but sit and wait. Wait for her to step through the door, and give me her signature smile that use to be able to calm all my fears. But it wouldn't work this time, too much had happened. I needed the truth from her, before I could face him. He was the father that walked out on my mother, but worse of all, he walked out of my life. I was left with nothing; he left me with nothing.

Flash Back:

"HELP! HELP!" I yelled out to my mother. She came running through the door frantically and pulled me into her arms. I was crying, I had another bad dream.

"Sweetie, tell me what happened." I was heaving and sobbing, but she knew that the only way I would stop would be to face it head on and talk about my dream. I didn't want to tell her, but I knew she would eventually get it out of me.

"Everything was great at first. I was in the arms of my father and a blonde woman, who loved me more than anything in the world. She held me tight and I felt protected." I stopped to blow my nose. "Momma, I don't want to tell you, it will hurt you." I said and she soothed down my hair.

"Honey, your nine, and had a bad dream, nothing you say will hurt me I promise. Get this off your chest, because then you will be able to fall back asleep."

"I felt like I belonged in her arms and that the man, my father would always fight for me no matter what. But…" I looked at her, she had tears in her eyes.

"But, what sweetie?"

"I was ripped from their arms, by a lady in a very scary mask. I was crying and trying to make it back to the people who loved me, but this woman just held on tighter, and kept taking me farther and farther away. I was scared and I wanted to be in the arms of the blonde woman." I stopped, and waited, not wanting to tell her the last part of the dream.

"There has to be more."

"The lady finally took off the mask, and…"

"And?"

"It was you momma. You ripped me from the place where I felt safe and protected." My tears died up, but she let hers go, she sobbed and cried like I had never seen or ever will see again. "I love you momma, please don't cry."

"I should have never taken you, then you would have had a nice normal child hood." She sobbed.

"Taken me from what?" She looked into my eyes, and then took a deep breath.

"Taken you from the life you could have had with your grandparents."

"Huh?"

"They offered to adopt you."

"No, I'm happy with you. I love you and want to be with you."

"Really?"

"Of course momma, it was just a stupid dream." She and I fell asleep in my bed; I don't know what I would have done without my momma.

I pushed the memory out of my mind. I was about to do the hardest thing I had ever done. I was about to make my mother give me the answers she had been so unwilling to give me in the past. I was driven and determined to find out the truth from her, not from Haley, Nathan, or this father I had yet to meet. I had to, no; I needed to hear my mother tell me why she never told me who he was. Why she never gave me a chance to meet him, and most of all why she let him walk away from us.

"Jenny, baby?" A hand grazed my shoulder and I flinched. I took and deep breath and tuned in my seat to face her. Her long brown hair was pulled up into a bun, and the orange jumpsuit accented her skin tone. She hadn't worn make-up in the last few months she had been in here; her face was clean and clear. She looked stressed and I noticed that she had a few new wrinkles. I was taken back by how sad she looked, like she was lost in a world and had no family or friends. I couldn't speak at first. "You know?" I nodded. "Have you met him." I shook my head no. We sat there in silence for a while, and then the courage hit me.

"Why mom? I asked you so many times to tell me where he is, who he is, any little information about him." I wanted to cry when she began to, but I couldn't. My body was too angry to cry.

"He left us."

"So what? Yeah people make mistakes mom. Look at you."
"Jenny, He left and never looked back. He started another family, and didn't offer to help with you at all." She was desperately trying to get me to understand.

"Mom, I haven't forgiven him for leaving, but what I want to know is why you couldn't even give me a name, what color his hair is, what activities he did in high school. He and I shared the same DNA, yet you refused to tell me a thing about the man."

"Jacob, brown hair, and he was a basketball player."

"It doesn't change anything. I want to know what happened."

"Well…"

"The truth, because if I find out you've lied to me, I will never forgive you mom. Never."

"Your father and I loved one another all through high school. He was a year younger than me, and I got pregnant before I went off to college." She touched her stomach, and looked into my eyes. "He wanted me to get an abortion and I agreed. The day I went, you kicked for the first time. I was in love with you from that day on, but he never really felt that way for you. He never had the connection with you that I had. And in time we lost our connection. He began to act like the typical high school jock, and I was lost. I wanted you to have a father, but knew that he and I would never be the same." Tears fell from her eyes. "After you were born, I left for college, and you stayed with my parents and him. He and I shared joint custody. I dropped out of school to be with you. You needed me around; he knew nothing about you. He didn't even know that you were lactose and tolerant. One time he forgot, and had to take you to the hospital, that was the day I knew that I had to come back to you. On your second birthday, we had a big party set up, and you were so excited to see him, but he never showed. I didn't ever see him after that, and trust me I tried to find him for you. I heard rumors that he got his new girlfriend pregnant." She paused and I just stared at her in disbelief. "He told me one day on the phone, that he had turned over a new leaf. He wanted to be father to you and to his new baby. I believed him, so I got you ready to spend the day with daddy, and he never showed. He had only told me that so his new girlfriend would be happy."

"Mom…" I couldn't get the words out, they were stuck in the back of my throat.

"I couldn't keep getting your hopes up like that Jenny. You were my responsibility and I needed you to be safe and protected."

"From my father?"

"Just because he shares your DNA, doesn't mean he won't hurt you. People hurt each other its human nature and…"

"But you just hurt me. Why did we have to go and move everywhere, that's no way to raise a child, much less two of us."

"My parents passed away, so there was no reason for me to stay there. I had to leave, but I was never able to find a place to call home after that."

"But I've never even had anyplace to call home."

"I know, I was…"

"Selfish." I finished for her. "You were selfish and never cared how I would feel when I realized that I had a father and I needed him."

"I didn't make him…"

"No you didn't make him leave, but you sure as hell pushed him into the arms of another woman. I could have been able to know him, learn things from him. But no…I'm sitting here with a hole in my heart that gets bigger by the day. Nothing can fill the void in my life."

"Look, I'm sorry, but if I could I would have done the same thing."

"I'm sorry means nothing to me right now." I began to stand up, but she grabbed my arm.

"Jen, remember everything I did was for you." I kissed her on the cheek.

"I love you mom, but I hate that you put me in this situation." I didn't find out what I needed to know, but I would meet my father and learn it from him. I realized that my mother couldn't tell me why he left me, that man had to tell me.

I stepped out of the visitation room, and Haley met me with a hug. "How did it go?"

"I have to meet him."

"I know, but are you sure now is a good time?" We walked towards the car and as I got in I answered her question.

"I have to. If I ever want to forgive my mother, I have to see what kind of ass would leave us, and never look back."

"Is that what she told you?"

"Yeah. Look I know your friends with him and all, but he walked out of my life and I can't forgive that. My mother was always there for me. She was the one running to my room when I had a bad dream. She was the one who fought with the kids at school who called me names. She was my mother and father, and no matter how many times, or how screwed up she made me, I love her. I can't throw that away."

"I understand, but don't jump to conclusions."

"She told me the truth, I could see it in her eyes." We pulled into the driveway, and I tried to jump from the car. Haley squeezed my hand and looked directly into my eyes, questioning me. "Tonight Haley. Call him and make him come over tonight."

"In situations like this truths don't always come out as easily as it seems." She said and hopped out of the SUV, leaving me to think of her words. I pushed them from my mind as quickly as I let them seep in; my mom would never lie to me.